lsubaby21 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Ok I've posted before and have gotten some awesome advice, so I need everyone's help again. I know guys get the label of being insensitive compared to women, and I don't like to believe in labels, but I'm starting to think that there's some truth to this one. My ex-boyfriend and I just ended a 3 year relationship. We have gone through alot..living together etc. And I still have these horrible cravings to call him and to talk to him and i know that is normal. But during the whole break-up, he was completely insensitive to my feelings. I told him all the things I learned from him and how much love I will always have for him. And he has told me nothing. All he does now is go out every night and get drunk with his "new" friends. I'm asking all guys...Does he really not care about anything anymore, or is it just his way of getting over me? How can he be so care-free about suddenly not seeing me everyday or talking to me everyday for 3 years!! Is he pretending to be jerk because it makes him feel better. Is he trying to kick me while I'm down? I'd really like to pick his brain ad find out. What do you guys think?? Please give me a little insight into your world. Link to comment
Lance Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Hey, Sometimes it is hard to tell but I think that 3 years has to mean something to him. Me and my girlfriend just broke up and I did the same thing he is. Its not that we don't care. We just don't know how to react. You have been together for 3 years and now it is over. How do you react to something like that? When I was doing what he was doing I was trying to fill a void. Something to take the place of my girlfriend. I learned rather quick that doesn't work. I spent a while doing that and when I was done I regreted it. My guess is he will to. All I know is I still care about my ex and I think he does to. Link to comment
babycristy456 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 This is how all labeling begins. It begins when something happens to you which proves the labeling right. No, not all guys are insensitive. Is your exboyfriend insensitive? Maybe. Or is he just acting insensitive? That's possible too. He may just be putting up a front to be Mr. Party Boy to hide the fact that he misses you. Same thing happened with me. When me and the ex broke up, I told him how much I loved him, glad that we were together,had our time etc. I just got a nod from him. That's all. Now's he's Mr. Party Boy and Mr. Insensitive. But you gotta do more than put up a front to fool me. He is probably not trying to kick you while your down. Probably just his way to get over you and move on. Men usually have dumb and rational ways to move on...Like getting a new girlfriend in a week, partying every night, getting laid by anyone, the possiblities are endless. (Im not labeling every guy, just saying its a common response from some men). Don't worry too much about it. Just concentrate on your own life and you being happy. Link to comment
Rojas Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I know what u r going through but trust me, the more they say they don't care, the more they do. I'm in ur same shoes. Someone insensitive that says doesn't care about me and actually that says she hates me. But last week was my bday I went to a club with one of my best friends (a girl) and guess who was mad and trying to see who the girl was and actually somehow chasing...yeap u r damn right...the one that hates me, the one that "doesn't" care about me. Link to comment
StillLoveHer Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Did he break up with you or did you break up with him? If you broke up with him then why do you really care about what he thinks? Damn women...... Link to comment
Pine Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 Believe it or not, he cares about you. Like many people have said he is putting up a front, or what I like to call it. A defense line. He doesn't wanna show his weakness, most people don't. So he is doing his best to show that he is "fine" and that he will move on. But believe me hes missing you just as much as you miss him. I'm sure late at night he thinks about you, I did the same thing and have been through this before. Link to comment
autumn Posted August 22, 2003 Share Posted August 22, 2003 You have been following and focusing on how he is dealing with the break up. It seems to me that breaking up for you was just a means of proving something, or a way of dealing with a problem. Some people go through this breakup-then-makeup pattern continually (you've got to break this). You want to get back together. Now the question of whether he wants you back - from a man's point of view. Although you don't provide enough info, there is something that is not letting him communicate. I've done this myself...stopped talking to my woman, because she doesn't seem to see things my way. Is my way right? Is she right? You both probably are to a degree. Can you decide to have a "listening session?" - where you both sit down and let each other talk about what bothers you - WITHOUT bringing any defenses into this (or ammo). Are you both willing to change - HONESTLY? Can you focus and agree on several things you will both work on? Changing and working on a relationship can be hard work, but it can also be exciting, because it's a positive decision. It's like building something and then admiring what you've built. Can you sit down every two weeks and see what you've accomplished, see where you've failed, see what you need to change? If you want to stay together, then plan a life TOGETHER. Don't break up to accomplish togetherness. Focus on togetherness and communication, and listening. Stop judging how he demonstrated his love, and realize that he loves you - (i think he does) - praise him for the little signs of love and stop focusing on what he does not do. This can frustrate men. Instead of focusing on the "unknowns," (such as - is he seeing someone else now; does he love me; etc), focus on what you DO know - and work on this - you've got to BUILD your relationship from there. Link to comment
herve Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Hi, Maybe you should post a little bit more infos about his personnality b4 you broke up , was he the kind of guy who talked about couple issues, about his personnal issues... Who initiated the separation ? Link to comment
prplefairy1992 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 well i had the same situation, i was in a relationship for 4 years, and we broke it off about 8 months ago and i still love him, i broke up with him because i was moving to college and he was younger than me, i felt as if i was holding him back from having a life Link to comment
PurplePerson Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 prplefairy1992 : That's exactly what I'm going through, and I'm devastated. However, he was the one younger and broke it off with me because he was going off to college. It's been 2 weeks though, and I get more and more depressed. I just wonder if he's off living some fun college life, while I have to cry myself to sleep. I've never missed a guy so much - this break up just feels SO wrong. You know the kind of breakups that feel mutual, or just feel like they've reached the end? This one feels completely the opposite - I truly felt like I could've married the guy, and I'm so heartbroken when I think about how he's not in my life anymore. How are you coping now, and do you still remain in contact? Link to comment
lukeb Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 If he was the one breaking up with you, he'd already went through the whole process of letting go and breaking up with you when you guys were still together, so he is a lot farther ahead than you. So for you this only just happened, chances are he's already moved on. He is doing exactly what he should be doing and not throwing false hope your way. I am really sorry to hear you are going through this, and right now it does feel like the end of the world, but like your bf has already done you will get through this and things will get a lot better in time. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Hes thinking logically and you are thinking emotionally. Logically, after a break up there is no point in prolonging it in anyway shape or form this includes talking to each other about the past. idk about your ex but as a guy I can tell you that some of us get over things very quickly because life is unforgiving and whether we like it or not we need to get over it quickly and continue with making a living. Link to comment
diiyoung Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 So what if i you havent been together years say 5 months things get serious talk bout moving in together then he finds out about lil petty lies like not having a car and being homeless then he breaks up with you then yall talk it out get back together spend the holiday together then we get into anothrr argument then thats it officially over but we still see each other frequently and his car is still under my name snd i still have the cell phone he still paying on to when people break up dont they cut all ties . I guess i just miss him thats all sorry for the bad typing trying not to write long note Link to comment
iwouldawaited Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Going through something similar my boyfriend and I just broke up. He is going away in 2 months for 5 to 7 years. I had planned to wait on him. But he decided to cut ties now so it would soften the blow for both of us when he does go. He doesnt want to have to worry about a cheating girlfriend. Never cheated on him and I fully intended to be 100 percent faithful to him. Completely cut off all contact with me. I miss him very much and I love him with all my heart. I wonder if this is killing him as much as it is me...... any suggestions on anything I can do???? Link to comment
Fiorella78 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I am in the same situation. I still have strong feelings for my ex boyfriend even if he seems to have moved on. He doesn't want to talk about the past. He says that we have to focus on the future. He is very cold and he doesn't care about me as he did before. This is breaking my heart completely as he was a great boyfriend. He was very thoughtful towards me and very supportive in every thing I did. I just know I won't find someone else with the same qualities. He wants to keep in touch though. He said we can be friends and that I can always count on him, now and in the future because I occupy a big place in his heart. He calls me from time to time to ask about my life. I know, though, that he will end up by meeting a new girl which will take my place soon or later..I don't like this! What can I do to win him back? Do you think I still have a chance? Help please!!! Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 19, 2013 Share Posted April 19, 2013 Fiorella78: It would be a good idea to start your own thread so as to get replies to your questions, as this thread is 10 years old. Thread Closed. Link to comment
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