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Why do guys say they want to be just friends...after a breakup


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Okay i'm just curious because i've asked some people and their responses were basically they want to keep that contact for "sex" so they can hook up every now and then. My sitiuation: an ex said he "just wants to be friends for right now." If those statements are half true i dont know how that applies to me because we never had sex...so im just curious why do you all think guys OR girls say they just want to be friends after they just broke up with you?

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Okay i'm just curious because i've asked some people and their responses were basically they want to keep that contact for "sex" so they can hook up every now and then. My sitiuation: an ex said he "just wants to be friends for right now." If those statements are half true i dont know how that applies to me because we never had sex...so im just curious why do you all think guys OR girls say they just want to be friends after they just broke up with you?

 

Most cases it is for sex, but again, that's not everybody. In your case considering that you haven't had sex before, maybe he really wants to be friends. Why the breakup?

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There are a fair few reasons.

Guilt would be a number one for me.

I wouldn't want them hurting but in the end....

Regardless if they are your friend or not they are going to hurt once they see you smiling and laughing with another partner.

 

It doesn't soften the blow of the break up but delays the impact of feeling the hurt when they start a new relationship.

 

Another reason could be, they are wanting you there because they know that you are into them still but they have found greener pastures to play in but just in case they find the pasture has poison ivy they can come back to you.

 

The only other reason could be that they really just want to be friends with you.

 

But even then, they should know that would be inconsiderate as they WILL be with someone else.

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He said it wasnt a good time because he just lost someone close and that he wasnt go to be there( in my hometown he was going start living back in his hometown but still going to the same school)

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In my experience it's a consolation prize to attempt to lessen and delay of hurt that he/she is putting on you. In my eyes, if 'we should be friends' is a lie, it just sets the dumpee up for more pain when reality kicks in.

 

Sometimes they actually want to be friends, but that can be difficult depending on the situation.

 

Good Luck

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  • 6 months later...

In a nutshell, before you meet you don’t know each other and don’t have an emotional interest in each other. You meet and have an attraction interest, an emotional interest in getting to know the person, be around the person etc. etc. This is a positive emotional view of the person. If you didn't connect with them you would lose interest and the view would change and you would just be acquaintances. But when you connect you move from acquaintances - to friends -> to lovers... All the while the emotional connection and the value getting stronger... If it works out then marriage. When you end the reverse happens, you move from a strong emotional connection and attachment to a weaker emotional connection and attachment. i.e. Feelings of love --> to feelings of friendship --> to feelings of none interest back to being an acquaintance.

 

So when you end its natural to want to stay friends although this is just a temporary phase of the severing of the emotional attachment with the person..... {Remembering that this is emotional based therefore not rational but an instinctual reaction}

 

I hope this clarifies...... Please let me know if you found this helpful.

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