20Whattodo17 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 My grandmother is 94 years old and we know that it's not long now till she passes, I am organising a family BBQ over the weekend and I am not sure whether I should invite my boyfriend of 3 years. He has only met my family once and very briefly so is this an appropriate circumstance to invite him over to my family's place or should I rather not invite him? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Invite him. 3 years is a serious relationship. It's not like your family doesn't know about him. Have fun. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 A casual BBQ is a great way to have a boyfriend and family interact. its not a formal sit down. But why has your family only met your boyfriend once in all this time? Also, whose place is the BBQ at -- if its not your home, and at your family's i would say "hey, i am going to invite my boyfriend if that is okay with you" since you are not in charge of who comes to another person's house. btw, what does the BBQ have to do with grandma being 94? Link to comment
j.man Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Jesus. Should I make it to 94, I pray my grandkid isn't excluding her boyfriend of 3 years on my behalf because I might croak soon. I'd be like, "Don't put that **** on me." It's a barbecue, not her deathbed. Don't think so much into it. Link to comment
20Whattodo17 Posted August 10, 2017 Author Share Posted August 10, 2017 Thanks for all the advice I will go ahead and invite him Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 My grandmother is 94 years old and we know that it's not long now till she passes, I am organising a family BBQ over the weekend and I am not sure whether I should invite my boyfriend of 3 years. He has only met my family once and very briefly so is this an appropriate circumstance to invite him over to my family's place or should I rather not invite him? What does grandma being 94 have to do with you inviting your bf to a bbq? Of course invite him, grandma would probably like to meet him plus your family already knows he exists. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Why has he only met your family once? Link to comment
20Whattodo17 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 That's a good question, We live in a different city that is 5hrs away by train or car so he has only come here once. It's slowly almost becoming a deal breaker for me because I have asked him to come but he always says it's too far so now that my grandmother is in her death bed I would appreciate him coming and if he decides to use the distance as an excuse I think I will call it quits. I want a boyfriend who invests as much time into getting to know my family and spend time with them as I have with his and after 3 years if he can't do that for me this is it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 That's a good question, We live in a different city that is 5hrs away by train or car so he has only come here once. It's slowly almost becoming a deal breaker for me because I have asked him to come but he always says it's too far so now that my grandmother is in her death bed I would appreciate him coming and if he decides to use the distance as an excuse I think I will call it quits. I want a boyfriend who invests as much time into getting to know my family and spend time with them as I have with his and after 3 years if he can't do that for me this is it. Hold it --- so you made us think that you didn't know if it would be appropriate to invite him because of your grandma and now you are actually using this event as a test to see if he will show. If he lives a 5 hour train ride away - yes, its way too far to come to a 3 hour family BBQ at your parents' house. On the other hand, if you planned a weekend together and he had a place to stay and the BBQ was part of it --- then okay AS LONG AS you are not inviting him on a time period where you know he can't get away. Also, i think you should be honest with him and tell him that you really would like him to meet your grandma (is she actually dying or is she simply old and you never know how much time she has) and find out when he can best do that --- he can come to the BBQ or he can come when a better time for him is and you can go see Grandma together. Link to comment
20Whattodo17 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 I didn't want to put it so direct but she is dying and these are the last few weeks or days that we have with her so just want to make them count. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 That's a good question, We live in a different city that is 5hrs away by train or car so he has only come here once. It's slowly almost becoming a deal breaker for me because I have asked him to come but he always says it's too far so now that my grandmother is in her death bed I would appreciate him coming and if he decides to use the distance as an excuse I think I will call it quits. I want a boyfriend who invests as much time into getting to know my family and spend time with them as I have with his and after 3 years if he can't do that for me this is it. Then why don't you plan a trip TOGETHER from your town to your home town and make it a getaway vs planning a BBQ and seeing if he shows. Center it around seeing Grandma - whether that is at the BBQ or a more convenient time and then visiting some local sites and having dinner with friends he hasn't met as well? That sounds more like what a couple would do vs making it a test for the other. Link to comment
20Whattodo17 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 I am not testing him I would really appreciate it if he would come, of course he would have a place to stay i wouldn't invite him for a day trip, my family would be very happy to see again too. I have already been honest with him and I invited him already but he said no so I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 I am not testing him I would really appreciate it if he would come, of course he would have a place to stay i wouldn't invite him for a day trip, my family would be very happy to see again too. I have already been honest with him and I invited him already but he said no so I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. Instead of inviting him to the BBQ as a litmus test, why not tell him you would really like him to meet your Grandma -- independent of the BBQ - "When would be a good time for me to introduce you to her? when would it work out best?" Link to comment
20Whattodo17 Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 He met her once before in the first year of our relationship, I would like him to meet her once more before she passes away. I have invited him to come here many times before but he always said no it's too far. I have invited him and his sister last month as she has never met my family and been to this side of the country, I suggested we can go to the lake together and all of that but he still said no. Last winter when his sister still had a boyfriend I suggested we do a double date and drive here together as we have a cabin in the woods with a sauna I suggested we can spend the night there but he still said no. I was initially just curious whether it would be inappropriate to invite him at this specific moment in time since we are all expecting her to die. Link to comment
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