ShaunW1990 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I'm really concerned about a friend of mine. He met this woman on Bumble 5 weeks ago, they've had a great connection, they are both very intelligent, sex is great... everything sounds solid! But now 5 weeks later he's moved all of his belongings into her place, they've been having sex 4 times a day without a condom, and she may be pregnant. But she wants to be pregnant, and he's totally fine with her wanting to be pregnant. He's decided that she's the one and that's it. When I stopped by to help him move she had quite a bit of baby equipment in storage for the day that her turn came. So clearly a baby is something she wants badly. I believe she's even taking pre-natal pills right now? She is exceptionally wealthy and he doesn't have a bloody penny, so at least she's not after his money. She wants a baby, first and foremost. I've seen text messages between them and that topic seems to make up about 50% of her messages. Up until about 4 months ago he was dating a married woman with 2 kids, and her husband had no clue. They did decide to get a divorce so her and my friend could be together, but then she "flaked out" in his eyes and moved on to the next one... and that's the current woman. So my question... should I be concerned? Should I bother trying to talk some sense into him? I repeatedly BEGGED this man to stop seeing the married woman but he would just say "She's my soul mate man! I love her so muuuuch". He's literally saying the same thing about this new woman, and I point that out to me, yet he ignores me. What are the odds that this is a match made in heaven, and I'm just being ridiculous to worry? Will this blow up? Or will I be at their 30 year wedding anniversary giving a toast to their love and happiness?! Link to comment
Oh me Oh I Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 As his friend, it makes sense that you're worried. It's just that HE isn't listening to you and you can't do anything about that. It's his life; he's going to do what he wants. You tried; that's what matters. If you really are concerned, though, I would tell him one more time, and if he still doesn't listen, then you have to let the situation play out and see. People like that, if not most people, have to see their actions come to a crash and burn in order to learn. I have a family member who does that over and over; never learns. I had a friend also who just did what she wanted, despite my concerns, and kept making her life gradually worse because of it. That just made me stay away from her because people like that can/will rub their energy off on you and make you feel sad or even depressed. I don't know if that's what you might eventually end up doing with him, but for now it seems like he's happy, so I would just go with it since he's not listening to you, and if he continues to make poor choices and makes you feel down about them, you have to consider if this is someone you want to keep being friends with. Another thing you should warn him about is how much she wants a baby! coupled with the fact that she's wealthy - no wonder she's ok with him moving in after only 5 weeks; she can pull this off and get out of it clean. This lady sounds really weird. Another important topic to talk with him about is the fact that he's drawn to unhealthy relationships. A married woman, now a Bumble-5-week, vegas-shot-gun type woman? He got problems. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I'm really concerned about a friend of mine. He met this woman on Bumble 5 weeks ago, they've had a great connection, they are both very intelligent, sex is great... everything sounds solid! But now 5 weeks later he's moved all of his belongings into her place, they've been having sex 4 times a day without a condom, and she may be pregnant. But she wants to be pregnant, and he's totally fine with her wanting to be pregnant. He's decided that she's the one and that's it. When I stopped by to help him move she had quite a bit of baby equipment in storage for the day that her turn came. So clearly a baby is something she wants badly. I believe she's even taking pre-natal pills right now? She is exceptionally wealthy and he doesn't have a bloody penny, so at least she's not after his money. She wants a baby, first and foremost. I've seen text messages between them and that topic seems to make up about 50% of her messages. Up until about 4 months ago he was dating a married woman with 2 kids, and her husband had no clue. They did decide to get a divorce so her and my friend could be together, but then she "flaked out" in his eyes and moved on to the next one... and that's the current woman. So my question... should I be concerned? Should I bother trying to talk some sense into him? I repeatedly BEGGED this man to stop seeing the married woman but he would just say "She's my soul mate man! I love her so muuuuch". He's literally saying the same thing about this new woman, and I point that out to me, yet he ignores me. What are the odds that this is a match made in heaven, and I'm just being ridiculous to worry? Will this blow up? Or will I be at their 30 year wedding anniversary giving a toast to their love and happiness?! First things first She is exceptionally wealthy and he doesn't have a bloody penny, so at least she's not after his money. LMAO! He doesnt have any, sounds like she should be concerned hes after a free ride. Ok got that sexist remark out of the way. Should you butt in, Im assuming youve already given him your opinion, its kinda too late to step in, the time step in would have been after he broke up with the married woman, hes in this now. will it implode? Possibly, but from the sounds of it hes been on the implosion train for a while and no ones stepped in to stop him from dating so hes going to keep going till he hits a wall, from the sounds of it, he could be hitting a worse wall, so I guess just hope for the best, next time, dont wait until the needles in his arm to tell him to stop. It could all work out too, who knows! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I find it odd that he's sharing all of these specific details with you... Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 I understand the reasons why you're concerned but given his history, I think the reasonable thing to do would be to step back at this point. Knocking your head against the wall trying to get through to someone who doesn't want to hear you isn't useful to anyone, least of all to you. Your only responsibility should be to yourself and ensuring that you are not affected by the actions of others and that you preserve YOUR mental stability and the stability of your immediate family. It might be more useful to disengage a bit more and try not to be so emotionally tied to your friends' personal lives. It's not much of your business if he doesn't want it to be. Link to comment
purplepaisley Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 This guy is going to keep making poor choices until he implodes. You can't talk reason into him. Who knows if this relationship will work out or not. I think eventually you might find yourself distancing yourself from him because you just can't watch him keep doing this to himself. He causes guilt, anxiety, and anger on you, even helplessness, and he can create a negative energy on you and your life. It's worse when they use you as their personal therapist and complain about the crappy circumstances, repeatedly make these poor choices, and never learn from their mistakes. I wonder which one is the "runner." The married woman decided to divorce her husband to be with him and then she supposedly "flaked" and he moved on to BumbleBaby woman. Did the married woman flake or did your friend run away at the notion of permanency and commitment? How is this going to play out with a baby? Is he going to run as fast as he can the second this woman has a viable pregnancy? Is he going to run when she births this child? That's some serious reality right there! Will this cause him to straighten out his life and step up to the plate and raise a child and make better choices in life and relationships? Will he strive to make his relationship work with the mother? Will he run away, complaining about "flaking" or her demanding some responsibility? Will this GF hire a lawyer and shut him out of the picture after she gets the baby she wants? What a mess. I can't determine if you're a good friend or a punching bag if you stick around for this mess your friend is. My overall opinion is you have spoken your peace. He has made his decisions. Now your only choice is to either support him or walk away. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Maybe you should try bumble. You seem to envy his luck.She is exceptionally wealthy and he doesn't have a bloody penny Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Mixed incomes are not a problem if handled correctly. But some women have an agenda - having a baby is a common one. A good relationship is based on love and compatibility FIRST. I think he's being suckered. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 He's a grown up so I'd stay out of it unless you know for a fact she is physically dangerous or has a criminal background/addicted to drugs, etc. Some people do fall in love that fast and if he's not in love but is on board with baby making that is extremely irresponsible as far as the child is concerned of course but luckily she has the financial wherewithal to provide for a baby sounds like. If he asks you for advice I'd steer clear of emotional advice and make sure that he is not mingling $ with her, what he plans to do to establish paternity, custody, visitation should the relationship end, etc. Link to comment
ShaunW1990 Posted April 9, 2019 Author Share Posted April 9, 2019 I find it odd that he's sharing all of these specific details with you... He's that kind of a guy. He's really open and I think he enjoys the "shock value" he gets from telling people how ridiculous he's living his life. Link to comment
ShaunW1990 Posted April 9, 2019 Author Share Posted April 9, 2019 Mixed incomes are not a problem if handled correctly. But some women have an agenda - having a baby is a common one. A good relationship is based on love and compatibility FIRST. I think he's being suckered. Yes I think so. But oh well, what's done is done! I'm just moving on and leaving it be. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 Yes I think so. But oh well, what's done is done! I'm just moving on and leaving it be. Well you dont really have any other choice... Its his life and his choices. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 What are the odds that this is a match made in heaven, and I'm just being ridiculous to worry? Will this blow up? Or will I be at their 30 year wedding anniversary giving a toast to their love and happiness?! The odds are extremely low, but no one has a crystal ball. It's not ridiculous to worry, it's futile. It will probably blow up. I have a friend who just celebrated her 30th year anniversary. They jumped right in and didn't spend a lot of time dating. Other than that the circumstances were very different. Don't beg or interfere with your friend. There's nothing you can do but sit back, get some popcorn and watch this drama explode. Sorry, I find it hard sometimes to have empathy for tragically stupid people. Link to comment
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