From confident to anxious. What's going on with me?

[Sarah1231]

What's going on with me?

I'm having a very tough time lately. My confidence is at its lowest and my selfesteem doesn't even exist anymore.

I'm becoming more and more socially anxious lately and it's getting out if control. I used to be very confident, i felt beautiful and smart and badass. And although I went through alot in 2016/2017 but I always managed to pick myself up and grow stronger and better after every break down.

This time it doesn't seem to be going to stop. I feel very anxious. Depressed. Lazy. Weak. And I could swear my IQ dropped. I feel ugly and stupid and I'm developing so much self hate.

 

I think it all began when this new group of friends joined my own group. And I had a crush on one of them only to find him falling for my friend. I gradually began losing confidence and feeling less. Trust me, am not the kind to determine her worth based on how other people see her, but i don't know what's going on this time. The last couple of months I have been ar my lowest. It's not the crush thing, this was like a trigger for all my past anxieties abd insecurities to rise up and attack me all at once.

Am a senior medical student and I'm losing my academic confidence as well amongst this tough competition am surrounded with.

I even found out i spent my entire life being a book worm that I had no social intelligence enough to keep my going.

I feel so stupid, ugly, lazy and completely worthless. And I get severly anxious in social situations.

 

What's going on? How did i turn from that confident happy girl to this? I even stopped hitting the gym (i used to go there religiously) and also stopped practicing the piano. I always feel lazy and out of energy and I don't feel like interacting with anyone. The feeling that am stupid and socially awkward is killing me.

 

I hate this and I truly want to re gain my confidence again.

 

Today I slapped myself really hard. And I thought about cutting.

[vesper]

Do you have anyone in your life that you could depend on to help you get through like family or friends?

[johnnydanger]

You are not awkward, I wish I could have a gf who was a doctor or studying to be one!

 

It sounds like you have become depressed through all of this. Which would explain lack of energy and motivation for things you once did so enthusiastically.

 

Go to your doctor and talk about it.