Why can't my boyfriend ejaculate/when will sex feel "good?"

[Allisonhendry]

I recently just had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I am 27 and I was a virgin until we finally did it. He's 37 and has been married in the past so not his first time at all.

 

Before you say did we rush into the sex, no we didn't. We have been together for 2 years and I kept pushing it off because I was a scared virgin.

 

Anyway, we finally did it. We both wanted to, especially him since I made him wait and gave him blue balls for 2 whole years. It hurt a bit but not as much as I was expecting and I did not bleed like I had expected to.

 

The first time we actually did the actual penetration for about 10 mins with a break in between. He kept asking if I was ok and was worried about hurting me. He couldn't go very deep as I felt a lot of "pressure" down there and he kept slipping out because I get very wet.. after that he just kind of stopped and rolled over and said we'd try again later and he didn't come. The second time we tried he was able to get a bit deeper. We tried about 5

Minutes and it was kind of the same deal. Then last night we tried a third time. I am getting a bit more used to it now and he is able to go a bit deeper. He asked if he could go inside me and I said yes because we use birth control regularly. Then a few mins went by. There was a bit of heavy breathing and then he stopped. I'm not sure if he came or not and I didn't want to ask. Wouldn't I have felt or saw it if he did? Why doesn't he ejaculate every time we have sex? Am I doing something wrong? I also didn't expect it to last 5-10 mins, I thought guys only lasted a couple minutes lol

 

Also, I don't feel any actual pleasure on penetration. It just kind of feels like pressure

Down there, not pleasurable. I can get off if he rubs me down there but not on penetration. Does it get better? And when...

[rosephase]

Do you enjoy being sexual with him? Do you come on your own? Do you do you play together orally or digitally?

 

Sex doesn't magically "get good" there has to be a draw there in the first place.

[Allisonhendry]

Yes I enjoy it. I feel really close to him and he says the same. And obviously he enjoys it if he keeps initiating it lol

[Allisonhendry]

We haven't done oral yet but yes we do "play" with eachother using our hands. I get pleasure that way just not penetration

[j.man]

Forgive me if I'm off, but by your details and tone, not to mention your outright admission of not getting any pleasure out of it, I get this image of him just kinda hammering away while you lie there for his benefit. Are you showing any sort of enthusiasm or reciprocation while he's hammering away? If not, it's generally not terribly enthralling for men to sit there and drill a board. It could be he's been repeatedly initiating because he thinks you'll enjoy it more once you've physically gotten used to it and not necessarily because he's having the time of his life.

[Allisonhendry]

I don't really know how. I'm very inexperienced lol. We kiss and touch during but I'm not gonna scream and moan when I'm not feeling anything. It would be faking it wouldn't it lol

[tiredofvampires]

It's okay to moan, if you're not feeling it -- just don't scream, that's over the top. lol, just kidding. sorta

 

Early sexual experiences (whatever your age) don't follow any particular rule. It's a unique story for everyone. Some women don't find penetration very pleasurable no matter how many times they've done it; some find it pleasurable, but it is not enough to bring them to orgasm; some can reach orgasm that way if there is also clitoral stimulation at the same time; and for some, it is pleasurable enough on its own to reach orgasm. So, you could be anywhere along that spectrum. But it is too soon to know, and it may be for some time. How long? Again, that's just very individual so there's no right answer.

 

For some women, it can take many years to really get to know how their own bodies tick, and also, to reach their sexual prime. I was well into my 30's before I started to feel less mechanical and more intuitive with my body, even though I've always been a sensual person. I remember for a long time, it felt mostly like pressure to me, too. On some subtle level, I, and I think many, women hold back in the act of penetration because it's such a vulnerable feeling, not just physically but emotionally. Add to that, that the inside of the vagina has very few nerve endings, and it can feel strange and like you're going through motions for a while, until you start to try variations of the motions and start noticing subtle sensations that work more for you and trigger more pleasure.

 

One thing you might try is for him to experiment with gently inserting a finger (when you are on your back and relaxed) and stroking the upper wall of your vagina, only about a half inch to an inch in. This is the area of your "G-Spot", the only area of densely packed nerves in the vagina (some women have more of it, some have less). If you can become familiar with the feelings that spot generates, which are pleasurable, you may start to become more aware of the same feelings during intercourse. Also, if you start to experiment with him performing oral sex on you while stimulating the G-Spot, your brain will come to associate penetration with orgasm, if he can get you off that way. You don't say if he's used his fingers inside, but if you can get pleasure from that, eventually, penetration pleasure with his penis is possible.

 

Honestly, he sounds a bit hesitant because you are. I would suggest you really work up the non-intercourse menu so that you are more used to each other's bodies. If you haven't done oral in 2 years, you are still BOTH inexperienced with EACHother. Use mouths and fingers in a variety of positions, using different kinds of movements. Get to know what it looks and sounds like for him to orgasm, and ejaculate, stimulating him with your hands and mouth, or let him finish it off while you hold him. That way, you are learning how his body responds, instead of trying at guesswork about what's going on with his body (and during sex if he is not wearing a condom, usually you can feel ejaculate because it eventually runs out of you). Again, there's no playbook to this. Some men can go on for hours, and some orgasm in a few minutes; a lot depends on techniques used, how aroused they are, how long since their last ejaculation, how tired they are, or stressed and many other factors.

 

The only way to really enjoy penetration is to not be too much in your head. If you are trying to figure out if you're enjoying it, by definition, you're not, lol. When he is going down on you and you get lost in the moment, and feel a strong urge to be penetrated, and you ask him to, so he knows you really do want it, and those good feelings start to crest, you are in your body, not your head anymore, and that'll be when you start to see what the fuss is about. But don't rush it, take your time naturally getting there -- sounds like you guys have a ways to go to explore each other.

[tiredofvampires]

Oh, and be open about telling him what feels good when he's doing it, or indicating non-verbally; and ask/be sensitive to doing the same for him.

[itsallgrand]

It does sound to me like you have a very passive attitude towards your own sexuality. It also sounds like you have very little curiosity about it, I'm just going by your posts here. Perhaps too a lack of basic education of sex or a miseducation. I'm trying to wrap my head around a woman of your age not knowing that a mans ejaculation and time to get there will vary. Even a simple google search , if you were curious, would reveal a wealth of information about that.

 

So maybe you could start there. Being curious and initiating towards exploring your own and your partners sexuality. Reading and learning about human sexuality in general, how it works, as well.

 

And don't be afraid to talk to and engage your partner. Show him what you like. Tell him things you'd like to try.

 

This idea of him hammering away for a few minutes, he ejaculates, and that's sex and expecting that to be great... that's one tiny little version of what sex can be.

[poorlittlefish]

Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation too. To be honest, whether you can feel the man's contractions when he cums can vary quite a bit in my experience, but whether you guys are using condoms or other birth control you would expect to see/feel the ejaculate coming out of you afterwards or in the end of the condom.

[thealchemist]

Don't feel bad for him ejaculating either.

 

Both myself and my wife were virgins when we had sex and it took like a dozen attempts before I could ejaculate. It was very difficult for me to get into it enough for that with it being so awkward\uncomfortable for her. It also took like 20 mins of actual intercourse, so don't think anything is wrong with him.

 

It also took about 2 years of very regular sex before she could orgasm with penetration. Before that we would finish her up with foreplay and stuff.

 

It sounds pretty normal.

 

I would just be very open about what you do or don't like. Promote the same from him. Sex is like anything else, it takes work to get good at.

 

I think a lot of people's issues with sex comes from their assumption that it should just spontaneously improve without any direction or attempt at improving.