rchubn Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 I'm feeling really confused. A recently went through an abusive break up from an abusive relationship. It ended terribly and in an immature manner on his end. He blocked me on everything and I left it alone. I've been working on myself, strengthening myself spiritually and healing. Some days I go and realize I didn't think about my ex once. He put me through tumoil mentally and I've posted about this on here before. Last night he contacts me apologizing about the breakup and how things ended. Said he hopes I'm doing well. Something about the entire interaction seems fake and I called it instantly and wasn't in any hurry to respond. Once I did respond I was polite and played it off and said "hope he was doing well.. Take care" keeping the interaction short But now I can't stop trying to interpret the situation. Wondering WHY he really messaged me. Is it a ploy to get back in my life? Am I missed? Is he back for horrible break up part two? I did feel strong and in control now. I was looking forward to the next person and excited that I'll be an improved version of myself when I finally do meet him. but the whole ex interaction put a sour taste in my mouth but also brought up some good memories and now I'm conflicted feeling like I won't find better and that I should settle. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Him contacting you is manipulation. Abusers know how to play on the heart strings in order to get you talking to them again. You're not missing out on anything except more abuse and more horrible treatment. You know this. It's why you left. He wants to know that he can still pull you back whenever he pleases, but its not about love nor is it about missing you. Don't respond, block and continue moving on with your life. There is nothing left for you there except more pain and heartache. Also, don't confuse loneliness with thinking it's a good idea to get back into an abusers life. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Abusers do not have the emotional capacity to care about anyone besides themselves. (Print this out and stick it on your fridge) He did what he did because he knows how to manipulate you and because YOU didn't block him and therefore subjected yourself to this bs voluntarily. Please for the love of....block this creep. You really shouldn't have even responded to him at all. You basically showed him that you are still weak and still can be manipulated as he wishes. So please block him and understand and listen to what your gut is telling - yes, he is fake. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 I agree he is doing it to manipulate you....this is what abusers do. You were best to never respond. Now that you have, he knows he's under your skin again, with the possibility to hoover you back. They hate losing someone that they have no control over...he did it to get that control back. Never ever respond to him again. Link to comment
maew Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Is it a ploy to get back in my life? Am I missed? Is he back for horrible break up part two? No... and not unless you let him back in. From your previous post: His personality is interesting because he acts using anger and says things he doesn't mean and actually feels guilty about it later on. He is most likely acting out of guilt and trying to smooth things over with you so he doesn't have to feel bad. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 Why didn't you block him if he was abusive? Certainly, do not understand why you would respond. Link to comment
thisisrichey Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 this is what abusers do. it's part of how they "program" a victim's brain. they abuse, apologize. abuse again, apologize. it's a never ending cycle to keep pushin gthe limits of brain programming and control of their victim more and more. don't trust it. dont' play the game any longer. you don't want to be with an abuser. get out now before it becomes way too deep and complicated for you to feel you can have an out anymore. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 You broke up early February, you were trying to rebound like the day after...I really and truly think you have some issues you need to face. But again right no youre manic, you have to slow down, do NOT let him in especially if he is abusive, thats the worst thing you can do. You are on the road to recovery but you are barely scratching the surface weeks out. Recognize your reality and what point you are in post breakup. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Block him: Cold turkey withdrawl while you rehab from your addiction to him. He doesn't love you and frankly, if you think about it, you don't love him either. He's a sociopathic mind eff. Know it and act accordingly. If you're not in therapy then consider getting yourself a good one who can help you though your withdrawl from him and guide you to start loving yourself enough to know your better off without him in your life. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Block him: Cold turkey withdrawl while you rehab from your addiction to him. He doesn't love you and frankly, if you think about it, you don't love him either. He's a sociopathic mind eff. Know it and act accordingly. If you're not in therapy then consider getting yourself a good one who can help you though your withdrawl from him and guide you to start loving yourself enough to know your better off without him in your life. Therapy is a good idea. Link to comment
Annia Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 No... and not unless you let him back in. From your previous post: He is most likely acting out of guilt and trying to smooth things over with you so he doesn't have to feel bad. Or maybe he pretends to feel guilty and that he didn't mean to prevent her from leaving him and luring her back in. Classical abusers technic. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Abusers never feel guilt. They just get annoyed that their toy got taken away and they want it back. OP, he probably hasn't been able to find a new woman who will accept his abuse, so he's circling back to you. Please do not read into his fake apology that he feels true remorse because if he did he would leave you alone. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Yet, you left the door wide open for his return by not blocking him and clearly have not read up on abusive relationships and the cycle of violence nor sought out therapy or any sort of legitimate evidence based help. Had you chosen the path of real therapy, real self education and real boundaries, you would be healing, not reeling from his latest contact. I've been working on myself, strengthening myself spiritually and healing. Link to comment
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