Ex told me to move on yet still lives in apt I pay rent and electric on.....

[ninjasmt]

My ex fiance broke up with me a month ago and still lives in the apartment we share and we both signed on the lease. Only, the unique issue is that I am currently 2-3 months into a 9 month deployment for military service. She gave me the ol' break up talk over TEXT. I wasn't even worth a phone call or skype. Sadly I had to make the first call! I foolishly pleaded with her not to do this now. Perfect timing eh? The apartment all to yourself. I know, it could be worse. At least I wasn't married to her or God forbid had kids. I did nothing but cherish that woman. I can honestly say this was a total surprise.

 

Before I left, I did my responsible pre-deployment checks and dues and made sure that she had money for bills. I gave her almost a full years rent, it was just more convenient that way for both of us and I am currently paying the electric bill via auto pay. I'm really just here to vent bc I understand I made these choices and I don't think there is anything I can do about it under the legal sense. It just rustles my jimmies when she tells me that I need to move on, ok sure.

 

I am over here in a hole country surviving and busting my ass when I just want to break down. Oh I'll move on, it's just going to be a little more challenging but I'm a tough SOB. Thanks for that. Move on?? We have 3 solid years of things accumulated at home in our apartment and bills to pay....and there is nothing I can do about it while I am over here. I am forced to suck it up til I'm home. I can get someone to get my things, yes. But I'm still forced to pay while I'm here. It just bothers me that she has the place to herself with the money I gave her for rent and I don't know who she invites over. I don't trust anybody. Is there anyone that can maybe help me see straight bc I'm all over the place going through these 'break up stages' over here all alone. Damn you woman. I told her that I was moving out as soon as the lease it up which is right about the time that I am due back next year. Good riddance.

[ThatwasThen]

First off, thank you for your service... be safe.

Now:

 

(edited) I see that her name is on the lease.

 

Can you have your "boys" go over and have her removed? (half kidding)

 

Have you stopped payment on the prepaid services?

 

Can you transfer funds out of the account you gave her the rent money in?

[RainyCoast]

have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

 

there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

 

there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?

[ninjasmt]

First off, thank you for your service... be safe.

Now:

 

(edited) I see that her name is on the lease.

 

Can you have your "boys" go over and have her removed? (half kidding)

 

Have you stopped payment on the prepaid services?

 

Can you transfer funds out of the account you gave her the rent money in?

 

I thank you. I have not stopped the prepay yet.

 

-Matter of fact another one of our 'pre-deployment check' off the ol list was to put me on her bank account. So yes I think I can do this.

 

-I am contacting the manager at the apartment complex to see what I can do about the lease and exercise any rights if I have any.

 

I am trying my best to remain amicable, fair and legal. I am angry yes but I am also responsible for my actions and I don't play myself to be a victim. The line is drawn between 'amicable' and being taken advantage if that makes any sense. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

[ninjasmt]

have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

 

there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

 

there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?

 

Yes that is correct, text msg breakup.

I do have parents that live within the area back home, I have reached out but they are old fashioned and don't have speedy ways of communication. I have yet to hear from them. I'm still figuring out who else I can talk to.

[ninjasmt]

have you tried what mikey said about the family care center?

 

there's military folks on here who will hopefully have suggestions.

 

there must be someone you can go to with issues like these about something happening back home? alternatively, do you have parents or siblings or someone you could authorize to handle this on your behalf?

 

About the family care center....I am in activated National Guard and might be slightly different than the active duty side but I am going to find someone here that can maybe point me in the right direction.

[tattoobunnie]

I would have her removed by management. Less utilities to worry about, or you can arrange to have a short-term sublet with furniture, and just have friends or family pack up things you don't want out.

 

Sorry she is such a tool. Thank you for your service!

[DancingFool]

Straight up and all emotional stuff aside, you are on the lease and therefore responsible for the lease. That said, does the lease have an early out clause? Like you can pay ex amount, give notice and get out. Since you are both on the lease, that might be more complicated to get out of, but not necessarily impossible. Call the landlord, ask them to e-mail you copy of the lease agreement, read it and see. If nothing there, call again, explain the situation and see if they'll work with you to get you out of the lease. Tell your ex that she needs to start looking into either moving out or taking the lease on by herself because you are not waiting around to get out.

 

As for the electric, time to cut off the gravy train. Tell her that she since you are no longer a couple and just "roommates" for all practical purposes and you aren't even there to use it, she needs to transfer the electric to her name and start paying her bills. You'll be canceling the electric on x date.

 

Finally, you are in the military, so I know you can get free legal help for this sort of stuff from your base at home. Make a skype appointment and see what a lawyer can help you with in terms of getting out of the lease and how, what your practical responsibilities are, etc.

 

If you really want your stuff out, call on some friends to come get your things and put them in storage for you.

 

Personally......I think you need to chill the eff out, focus on what you need to be doing during your deployment, and don't waste head space on bs like she is living in that apartment. It's a freaking leased space - you don't own it and she is not high on the hog. I know, easier said than done and you are hurting and lashing out is easy.....but maybe resist the temptation, OK?

[ninjasmt]

Straight up and all emotional stuff aside, you are on the lease and therefore responsible for the lease. That said, does the lease have an early out clause? Like you can pay ex amount, give notice and get out. Since you are both on the lease, that might be more complicated to get out of, but not necessarily impossible. Call the landlord, ask them to e-mail you copy of the lease agreement, read it and see. If nothing there, call again, explain the situation and see if they'll work with you to get you out of the lease. Tell your ex that she needs to start looking into either moving out or taking the lease on by herself because you are not waiting around to get out.

 

As for the electric, time to cut off the gravy train. Tell her that she since you are no longer a couple and just "roommates" for all practical purposes and you aren't even there to use it, she needs to transfer the electric to her name and start paying her bills. You'll be canceling the electric on x date.

 

Finally, you are in the military, so I know you can get free legal help for this sort of stuff from your base at home. Make a skype appointment and see what a lawyer can help you with in terms of getting out of the lease and how, what your practical responsibilities are, etc.

 

If you really want your stuff out, call on some friends to come get your things and put them in storage for you.

 

Personally......I think you need to chill the eff out, focus on what you need to be doing during your deployment, and don't waste head space on bs like she is living in that apartment. It's a freaking leased space - you don't own it and she is not high on the hog. I know, easier said than done and you are hurting and lashing out is easy.....but maybe resist the temptation, OK?

 

Roger that, chilling the eff out. At least I'm lashing out on here and not texting her. Thanks for the suggestions.

[Mikey383]

I thank you. I have not stopped the prepay yet.

 

-Matter of fact another one of our 'pre-deployment check' off the ol list was to put me on her bank account. So yes I think I can do this.

 

-I am contacting the manager at the apartment complex to see what I can do about the lease and exercise any rights if I have any.

 

I am trying my best to remain amicable, fair and legal. I am angry yes but I am also responsible for my actions and I don't play myself to be a victim. The line is drawn between 'amicable' and being taken advantage if that makes any sense. I don't want to be taken advantage of.

Hey...Its Mikey again....

I know that there is a Sailor/Soldier/Airman/Marine act out there, where you don't have to pay certain bills if you are deployed and are in a situation..... Go see someone in your chain of command...Talk to them...Not sure which service you are in, but I known that senior enlisted folks can move mountains in a situation like this....It would be different if you were married, but this is a GF that has no empathy for you, nor the slight idea that u are under stress as it is...If this is effecting your performance and morale, your senior folks def can get involved.... I suggest you reach out to them for help....

[Mikey383]

About the family care center....I am in activated National Guard and might be slightly different than the active duty side but I am going to find someone here that can maybe point me in the right direction.

The National Guard under full active service over seas has the same right as active duty....Reach out to ur Guard Center, they maybe able to help also....You should have folks in the rear at the center....Still I would engage your 1st SGT and your SMAG.... Those guys are there for you...They are your GO TO guys for this type of help....Trust me...These guys have connections.

[ninjasmt]

Thanks again. I am activated National Guard overseas. I admit I have been avoiding to talk about this to anyone in my chain of command. It's creeping up that way though, effecting my performance. I will reach out. I was hoping to hear from my folks, keep personal matters personal, but I'll have to start here first with my Chain of command.

[Mikey383]

Thanks again. I am activated National Guard overseas. I admit I have been avoiding to talk about this to anyone in my chain of command. It's creeping up that way though, effecting my performance. I will reach out. I was hoping to hear from my folks, keep personal matters personal, but I'll have to start here first with my Chain of command.

 

I would...

Takes a man to tell other men that they are hurting...And we are all brothers.... No one is left behind.... I was a Warrant....Made sure all my folks told me their pains and hurts.... You have a job to do....So I would hit up SMAG and First Daddy...Hooaahh....

[DancingFool]

If you were living with a roommate and got deployed, what would be your share of responsibilities for the apartment? If you frame it that way in your mind, it might help you a lot to see through things and keep your head on straight.

[abitbroken]

If you were living with a roommate and got deployed, what would be your share of responsibilities for the apartment? If you frame it that way in your mind, it might help you a lot to see through things and keep your head on straight.

 

I was going to say arrange to get your name off the lease, but i would assume that she is in the apartment with all of your stuff and you did not store anything because you assumed you would return to the same apartment. Is there a relative who can go retrieve your critical things like photos, etc, personal effects, etc? Or do you think she is amicable and would not just pitch your stuff and allow you to come home and settle things?

[ninjasmt]

I talked to someone today and did some research. Found out under Service Members Civil Relief act I can legally request an early release without penalty but she would have to remain on the lease. Some stipulations apply with dates and copies of orders apply but I am working with the manager at the apartment complex via email and looking over the fine print of my lease obligations.

 

Its a good start and I do feel better now that I know I'm not totally helpless. I can transfer the utilities all to her name, that should be the easiest. First I need to find someone to retrieve my things (Still working on that) I will return home from deployment and pop smoke. The goal is to avoid having to see her upon my return. POPSMOKE

[ninjasmt]

I was going to say arrange to get your name off the lease, but i would assume that she is in the apartment with all of your stuff and you did not store anything because you assumed you would return to the same apartment. Is there a relative who can go retrieve your critical things like photos, etc, personal effects, etc? Or do you think she is amicable and would not just pitch your stuff and allow you to come home and settle things?

 

That is correct. I don't trust her. I'm waiting to get all of my important things out of there before I pull the trigger on my early release ect, If I can do that at all. This folks is why ya shouldn't live together before you get deployed. So many horror stories and this isn't even close to being short of a nightmare. I have heard worse. I thank God daily.