How can I know what's he's really feeling? Should I call this whole thing off

[Mael]

Hi everyone! I wish you're all doing great.

Well, I'd like to have your thoughts and advices on the struggle I'm in. I met this guy couple of years ago, we've had good connection but as friends in the first place. Few weeks ago he'd declared to me that he liked me more than just friends, sth that I reciprocated, and we both felt so great about it. Our conversations got more affectionate and we started talking about a future between us and we were so exited about it. These couple of weeks I've noticed that he wasn't asking about my day as often as he used to, not even asking questions to know more about me, it feels to me like all he does is talking about himself and caring less about knowing about me. I have no clue about how can I get to know about what's really going on with him. I've talked to him about my concern and he just said things are real busy over here, then continued to act as usual: texting, sending funny memes, calling me... He's a great guy tbh, I'm really confused and just don't know if it's in his nature not to share his feelings and tell me sweet things or is it sth else 😕

 

What do you think and how would you react?

 

Thanks a lot for reading me Xoxo

[ironi]

Why don't you try not asking him any questions and see how that goes? Don't ask him how he is, don't ask about his day - it might be the positive nudge he needs to realise what he's doing.

[Mael]

Hi Ironi! Thanks for the reply

 

I already did what you'd suggest few times already and he came back (few days later) asking me what's going on 😩 so I ended up telling him how I felt and he said that I was wrong about it and that he was just busy with work and his new business (this conversation was about a week ago) ... I do respect his professional goals and even support him, thus I need to know where we stand and where we're heading in the future

[katrina1980]

I'm sorry Im confused, you were talking about a future together before actually dating?

 

After he declared to you he had feelings beyond friendship, what happened?

 

Did he ask you on a date? Have sex?

 

Lastly, is this a cyber friendship, have you met in person?

 

Not judging, just asking,

[Mael]

It's okay Katrina I'll explain no prb :) We're on a long distance relationship and as we've been friends before he goes abroad, and adding the feelings that developed we kinda know each other enough to know that this thing can lead somewhere. My concern is his shift of behavior, don't know if it's just a phase or if it's his way of handling getting emotionally involved...

[katrina1980]

Who knows what he's thinking, it doesn't matter.

 

Just follow his lead, don't push for anything.

 

Learn to adapt to the changing nuances and remain open and flexible.

 

Stop asking him questions about his feelings, where is this going, what it means, etc, ugh.

 

In short, just let him "be" and follow his lead.

 

Do not push! Or you'll lose him.

 

You'll get your answer in due course, in the meantime, stay busy and try to not be too attached to the outcome.

[Cope]

I think you're moving too fast. I know it might be hard not to, but lay back and get to know him first, you don't even know if you want this guy to be in your future if you think about it!

[Mael]

I'll do... Even if it's hard not to especially now that we haven't spoken for 2 days

[Mael]

That's too hard not to, those past few weeks have been so intense ( mainly to compensate the distance I suppose) that I got afraid of really falling hard for him and realise that he wasn't on that level