How do I shelve my feelings about not being integrated into the team at work?

[1a1a]

I landed a short job that I think will be a really good opportunity to do more of the work I want to do, if I make a good impression. We’re two days in and I feel like it’s going bad. Today I did a loooot of standing around and not knowing what to do. The boss even mentioned that he hates that and if I can’t find a thing to do ask him but most of the time when I asked he couldn’t or didn’t give me a task. And I’m feeling increasingly like I’m not part of the team. There are two guys who come with the venue, two days in a row they have gone off for lunch together, and they don’t really include me in the work. And there’s the boss (who’s been eating lunch alone to catch up on emails. It might seem like I’m hung up on how the lunch hour goes but I’m used to crews who eat together. Sure you don’t go to work to make friends but shared lunch definitely helps with social cohesion). There’s another guy on the team now who’s employed by the boss and they’re mates from way back and I heard the boss asking him what he was doing for dinner at the end of the shift and getting the same kind of turn down that I’ve been getting around lunch invites. That guy knows heaps of people on site so he used his lunch break to catch up with them.

 

Tail end of the day I’m trying to get some help with a two second job and the newest addition effectively tells me off for asking for his help, can’t I see he’s deep in concentration (he was positioning a speaker, no it was not obvious he was deep in conversation and two minutes previous when I’d asked he’d been available to help but I realised I should run a second speaker line first so we only would have to do the process once and asked him to hang on a minute. The boss when standing right by the spot where all he’d need to do is hold a cable in place when asks won’t help either and then all of a sudden it’s the end of the day and I’m told we’re to down tools and leave things where they lay (but not before a shameful bit of passive aggressiveness escapes me with me asking the team, most of who are standing around ‘so, can anyone help me with this or so I have to do alone’ oh god earth swallow me whole)

 

There was another regrettable moment that happened where I said we should do a thing one way, and the guy I was helping said we should do it the other, and the other way was the wrong way and we both got told off and I reacted defensively instead of just saying ok boss. My need to impress is getting in the way of me just being a good worker.

 

I can see how my responses are detrimental after the fact but I need to do better, I need to not respond like that in the first place. How do I tamp down my feeling of being ignored/excluded/under-utilised and just be a good worker?

 

Edit to add: the hours are long and out of sync with my sleep cycle and I’m heading into a couple of days of working my other job as well which means my emotional regulation is going to be

[Jibralta]

How do I tamp down my feeling of being ignored/excluded/under-utilised and just be a good worker?

 

Your answer is really in your question: stop focusing on socializing and focus on the task at hand

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[Annia]

If you're not sure of your functions at work I'd ask your boss exactly what are the functions they expect of you. Also as hard as it is, I'd avoid passive aggressive comments. Also some teams are not that opened and warm with new members so it's best to just focus on your work and don't think about socialization.

[Batya33]

If you're not sure of your functions at work I'd ask your boss exactly what are the functions they expect of you. Also as hard as it is, I'd avoid passive aggressive comments. Also some teams are not that opened and warm with new members so it's best to just focus on your work and don't think about socialization.

 

Yes, all of this. Understand they may now be turned off from assigning tasks to you given your attitude. You can turn this around. Also make yourself busy -can you tidy up your office/work space? Ask someone else not on your team if they need help? Hard to know without knowing your working environment.

 

Also you integrate yourself by showing you are a team player -by looking approachable, raring to go. Twice this week I was called out of traditional work hours-one time around 7:30am while I was on the treadmill. I started looking into the task while on the treadmill as my supervisor wanted to talk within the hour, also before working hours. And I am only part time. Find ways to integrate yourself by contributing.

[maew]

My need to impress is getting in the way of me just being a good worker.

 

Fortunately for you, you seem to have a level of self-awareness that you can use to alter your path before it's too late.

 

Think back to why they hired you in the first place. What were the specifics of the role? What are the skills they thought you could contribute? Go back to that and do the things they hired you to do... clearly they thought you would be a good fit so don't worry so much about trying to impress and just be your authentic self... you will generate more respect that way.

 

And yes what Batya says is very important... keep an approachable look on your face and in your body language, and be eager to assist and to learn from your boss and your colleagues. This will help you gain credibility with the team.

 

And last but not least... I don't know how long you were at your last job but it's possible that the socialization is just part of the culture of your previous workplace. That isn't the case in every workplace, and sometimes it takes time to build trust and for people to let you in. Don't worry too much about it and just focus on doing what you were hired to do.