I'm lost and confused

[Jadzia]

This is my first time on here. I am at a loss and need help. I met a man on Facebook from a group. I wasn't looking to meet anyone long distance at all for a relationship. Just chit chat and making online friends is fun since I don't go out a lot. I am 45 with 3 kids.

We ended up hitting it off and unexpectedly fell for one another. It lead to talking on the phone and video chat daily. He lives 3k miles away.

It's been 3 months and the things we've talked and shared are pretty deep. He's been hurt in the past as I have too, both been divorced for years so in which we were surprised to have broken down walls and opened up to each other so deeply. We have even gotten to committing to each other and putting our relationship open on Facebook. We've talked about plans for our future together and him moving here next year when his daughter graduates and goes off to college.

We have expressed mutual that we in love and must be soul mates. ( Is this possible) I've never felt this comfortable with anyone other than him. We planned for him to spend a week with me in April. He's already bought the plane ticket.

All of a sudden, I got a message that his family is stressing him and made him feel like sh*t. He needs time to sort this out on his own. I tried to give him space and only messaged here and there that I am here for him and love him. He message me he loved me too than nothing for a week. Then a week ago he message me that he can't be with me, I don't deserve to be treated with silence. He is not worthy of my love. One day he will ask for my forgiveness but not anytime soon.

He also blocked me on Facebook and his phone. No contact. I haven't heard anything for two weeks now.

Idk what happened and I am beside myself. I cry everyday. I feel broken. I used to be a confident woman. Now I walk with my head down so no other man with try to me. I can't barely eat. I put a fake smile in front of my kids so they don't see me sad. When they go to sleep all I do is break down into tears.

I thought of mailing him a card to let him know I'll be waiting at the airport as planned. In hopes he will come. Do you think I am wasting my time? I truly feel in my soul that he is my soul mate. Please help. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[SherrySher]

How old is he? Are you sure he's not married? Seeing as you've not met in person you can't say for sure that he isn't married or doesn't have a girlfriend. people online can catfish very easily if for nothing else, out of boredom.

 

It's very difficult to know for sure what or whom you're dealing with if you've only ever spoke to them from a distance.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this happened. Perhaps he wasn't ready to meet in person or married or lying or faking it? No, do not send a letter or go to the airport. Stay no contact and delete and block him. Where was he from and why did he want to move to you?

 

However this indicates that you are ready to start dating again. Start getting involved in your local life again. Your kids, family, friends, work, interests,etc. Start working out, get a new hairstyle and clothes.

 

Get a nice profile and pics up on some dating apps and begin messaging and meeting men for a low key coffee. It's better to find someone locally. There's more than one 'soulmate' for you out there but this person was not it.

I don't go out a lot. I am 45 with 3 kids. We planned for him to spend a week with me in April. Then a week ago he message me that he can't be with me, I don't deserve to be treated with silence.He also blocked me on Facebook and his phone. No contact. I thought of mailing him a card to let him know I'll be waiting at the airport as planned.

[Jadzia]

Thank you. He is on the other coast. 3 hour time difference. He was going to move to me due to it would be easier to move here.

I am not ready to date again. I can't even look at men or talk to another man with fear I'll start crying. Which would make me look crazy. I don't want that. I am just not myself anymore. I used to laugh and smile and all I do now is cry.

[Jadzia]

How old is he? Are you sure he's not married? Seeing as you've not met in person you can't say for sure that he isn't married or doesn't have a girlfriend. people online can catfish very easily if for nothing else, out of boredom.

 

It's very difficult to know for sure what or whom you're dealing with if you've only ever spoke to them from a distance.

He is 36 and no he is not married. I am 100% confident of that. He has joint custody of his daughter. I understand the cat fishing. I've dealt with it with previous men in my dating last 3 years being single. In which I stopped dating and enjoying life prior to meeting this man.

[SherrySher]

I am sincerely sorry then that he did not at least have the decency to give you closure, it was very unfair of him.

I hope you can find a way to heal from this and to realise that not all men will treat you this badly. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.

 

I am assuming you mean the United States, so because you live far from each other, neither of you ever met in person? (you probably already answered this) but if there was three hours difference than is was not possible to just drive to the other one? (again assuming).

I just wonder why he spent so much time if he had no intentions of following through with anything.

I am frustrated for you.

[Jadzia]

I am sincerely sorry then that he did not at least have the decency to give you closure, it was very unfair of him.

I hope you can find a way to heal from this and to realise that not all men will treat you this badly. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.

Thank you. This was definitely unexpected and a slap in the face. I never thought he would hurt me so deeply and without an explanation.

[Matt3939]

I'm sorry this has happened it's 3 months and you guys never met. He unfortunately could be anyone.

 

At least I'm getting close to why woman cry when they see me. I was getting self conscience.

[melancholy123]

My guess is this guy is married and his wife found out. Chalk this up to a bad experience and once you've recovered from it, look for someone local that you can actually see and get to know face to face. You did what a lot of people do, you fell for someone you dont really know, never met, and could be a liar or who knows what.

[Wiseman2]

Agree, especially with this somewhat cryptic message. "his family is stressing him and made him feel like sh*t. He needs time to sort this out on his own"

My guess is this guy is married and his wife found out.

[Jadzia]

I'm sorry this has happened it's 3 months and you guys never met. He unfortunately could be anyone.

 

At least I'm getting close to why woman cry when they see me. I was getting self conscience.

We made plans to meet. Had to get vacation days approved with our jobs to work with the time we planned to meet.

Don't be self conscious. It's not you I can say from personal experience. Someone broke their heart. We try to keep it together but emotions take over.

[Jadzia]

My guess is this guy is married and his wife found out. Chalk this up to a bad experience and once you've recovered from it, look for someone local that you can actually see and get to know face to face. You did what a lot of people do, you fell for someone you dont really know, never met, and could be a liar or who knows what.

Y'all could be right that he was married. I just didn't see it through rose colored glasses. I guess. This is a hard pill to swallow this time.

[SherrySher]

You're from the States, correct? You never thought to just drive to where he is?

[Jadzia]

You're from the States, correct? You never thought to just drive to where he is?

I am in the US. I am 3k miles away from him. Driving to him would be too far

[SherrySher]

Oh..I am sorry, I thought you meant 3 hours. I just finished a night shift and am getting tired.

Again, I hope that you can find a way to get closure from all of this. You deserve better than this and someone who treats you better. I know it's a difficult to hear, but he could very well be married.

I do hope your heart heals and that someone else comes along that makes you realise that there are still good people out there.

I hope anytime you need to talk that you come here..you are always welcomed and we will try to help you best we can.

[surfdiva]

I'm really, really sorry to hear this and SO sorry that you have your heart broken. It takes me a while to trust people...did you see pictures of any evidence of a plain ticket? I do believe you were catfished and I'm so sorry.

 

In the future, don't invest yourself to anyone that you haven't met in *person*. This man could be anybody and it sounds to me like he is married but enjoyed the thrill of having you around. You deserve better!

[Jadzia]

Oh..I am sorry, I thought you meant 3 hours. I just finished a night shift and am getting tired.

Again, I hope that you can find a way to get closure from all of this. You deserve better than this and someone who treats you better. I know it's a difficult to hear, but he could very well be married.

I do hope your heart heals and that someone else comes along that makes you realise that there are still good people out there.

I hope anytime you need to talk that you come here..you are always welcomed and we will try to help you best we can.

Thank you so very much. So kind of you and everyone to help

[Wiseman2]

Agree. If you were ready to date long distance just 3 mos ago, you are ready to date locally now.

did you see pictures of any evidence of a plain ticket? I do believe you were catfished and I'm so sorry.In the future, don't invest yourself to anyone that you haven't met in *person*. This man could be anybody and it sounds to me like he is married but enjoyed the thrill of having you around.

[Matt3939]

Hay sorry for the joke about woman crying at the sight of me. That isn't a reality yet. I'm guessing you are on the other side of the country considering the 3k number. Now I'm curious as I travel and buy airline tickets daily. So I'm thinking at the absolute cheapest he was looking at a 600 to easily double or triple that for round trip. Did you see these tickets? When you feel better change your profile pic things will get better smile.

[Jadzia]

I'm really, really sorry to hear this and SO sorry that you have your heart broken. It takes me a while to trust people...did you see pictures of any evidence of a plain ticket? I do believe you were catfished and I'm so sorry.

 

In the future, don't invest yourself to anyone that you haven't met in *person*. This man could be anybody and it sounds to me like he is married but enjoyed the thrill of having you around. You deserve better!

Yes I did see the confirmation email of his plane ticket to florida to see me. It is hard for me to trust too. That's why I believed him when he said he was going to come see me so we can meet for the first time.

[Jadzia]

Agree. If you were ready to date long distance just 3 mos ago, you are ready to date locally now.

I'm sorry I think my message was confusing. We have been talking to each other the last 3 months. He just recently blocked me and no contact the last two weeks now. So this is all fresh. We were supposed to meet beginning of next month. That is what his flight Iternary said

[Jadzia]

Hay sorry for the joke about woman crying at the sight of me. That isn't a reality yet. I'm guessing you are on the other side of the country considering the 3k number. Now I'm curious as I travel and buy airline tickets daily. So I'm thinking at the absolute cheapest he was looking at a 600 to easily double or triple that for round trip. Did you see these tickets? When you feel better change your profile pic things will get better smile.

Thanks. I'm in Florida and he is in California. He bought the tickets for about $400 to see me beginning of next month. I saw proof. We had been planning this meet since Feb 4th this year. That is why I'm so confused by being blocked. Why he would pay this much and then block me. I haven't done anything wrong. I've always been caring not needy or drama.

[Matt3939]

This is his issue you said it best(I haven't done anything wrong) keep your head high. Take it slower and meet faster with your next relationship.

[boltnrun]

I can say with a lot of confidence that he is probably married. And his wife caught on that he was planning to fly across the country to meet his "other woman".

 

Something kind of similar actually happened at my workplace. A married couple works there and the husband told the wife that he was being sent across the country for training. Turns out he was actually meeting up with a woman he met THROUGH HIS WIFE who lived there. He ended up starting an affair, then leaving his wife for this other woman. Of course, the difference in this case is he DID leave his wife and the affair woman knew he was married.

 

It's really awful that this man took advantage of your good nature to hurt you this way. But lesson learned for the future...never allow a man to string you along for that long without meeting in person within the first week or two. For ANY reason.

[Jadzia]

This is his issue you said it best(I haven't done anything wrong) keep your head high. Take it slower and meet faster with your next relationship.

I definitely will take things slower next time and be more cautious. I don't think I'll do the ldr again. Thank you for the advice and encouragement