Weirded out by GF serial liking her Stepsister's Boyfriends FB Posts

[thelonerange]

A little background: My Gf met up her stepsister this past January in NYC and got to hang out for a day with her and her BF.

 

A few days ago, I was just going through facebook bored at work. Checked out the stepsister's FB, she seemed nice and sweet. Saw her BF's FB and clicked on it. When looking through his posts, I couldn't help but notice nearly everything he posts had a "GF likes this post" next to it. For some reason a discussion we had before where she defended the argument sleeping with step siblings was not incest popped up in my head. Her step siblings are pretty attractive, don't know whether she thinks her stepbros are attractive but they are good looking.

 

So when she went to do something and left her laptop open, I checked messenger on it and didn't see any bad messages. I did notice that messages were deleted in the past but whatever not going down that rabbit hole. So pressed for time, the next thing I did was just grab her activity feed of likes from the time my GF and the BF became friends and sent it to myself.

 

​ I figured maybe she just likes everyone's posts? No big deal then. So going through the log I found out she likes his stuff way more than anyone else. Like I observed earlier, it was nearly every post he made. A total of 17 since late January. When compared to her actual stepsister, she only liked 2 of hers. The kinda funny thing is that 1 of the 2 was just a selfie of her BF.

 

So I went to my GF and asked why is she serial liking all his stuff? She says it just pops up on her feed and she likes and thinks nothing of it. Ok fair enough. However she didn't know I had the activity feed. You could clearly see several instances where it said she liked 3-4 of his things at the same time. Meaning she would deliberately go to his page and like multiple posts at the same time. I don't think someone's posts show up on the activity feed 3-4 in a row at a time? Most of the pictures being selfies. So then she started sending me screenshots of her activity log as proof but was being sneaky and cutting off the screenshots at certain parts showing serial likes.

 

So I would ask her to show me the next few lines after what she cut off and she started actually editing her activity log then sending me the screenshot. I called her out on it basically saying "really you're going to start lying to me now about that"? I guess she didn't realize I already had her log. And she double downed and insisted there was no deleting "its called a snapshot".

 

I don't think anythings going on. The BF is pretty active on FB with posts and likes on other's pages. I think maybe the BF either thinks its creepy or 'aww she has a crush on me'. He has liked or commented on exactly 0 of my GF's various posts.

 

Am I in the wrong for pointing out this is weird and to moderate yourself? I think its ok to think someones attractive and to throw them likes. However the serial liking to me is weird. She has turned it around on me as being super insecure and "crazy". At this point won't even address the lying. So she stormed out of the house and is at her friend's place in another town. Pretty much saying its over because I'm too crazy, I'm insecure, and it means "nothing". She says she doesn't think when she does it and is just being supportive. "It just comes up in her feed", but isn't it being deceitful when the activity log proves she actually goes to his page to like multiple posts at the same time? So am I in need of mental help because this bothers me or is this legitimate to be weirded out by?

[ThatwasThen]

I'm sorry but I couldn't read you being so paranoid and invading your g/f's privacy the way you have any longer so I'm just skipping the rest and posing a question or two for you.

 

May I ask why you are so misstrusting, so paranoid, so creeping of who you love? Have you been cheated on in the past and you are jaded because of it or is it something else... like she has been acting shady and giving you reason to not trust her?

[thelonerange]

I'm sorry but I couldn't read you being so paranoid and invading your g/f's privacy the way you have any longer so I'm just skipping the rest and posing a question or two for you.

 

May I ask why you are so misstrusting, so paranoid, so creeping of who you love? Have you been cheated on in the past and you are jaded because of it or is it something else... like she has been acting shady and giving you reason to not trust her?

 

Thanks for your reply. To answer your question, I think it may stem from she not being fully broken up with her ex-BF before she was sleeping with me. I told myself I wouldn't be serious with her but I ended up falling for her. Been a little over 2 years now and in the middle of a huge commitment to the relationship in terms of finances and living situation. It was just a gut feeling that was gnawing at me to make sure everything was on the up and up. I'm not a controlling guy or anything like that, she regularly goes out at night to bars/clubs with her friends without me and I don't mind. I've never asked to see something in her phone except one time to see what a co worker said. More so to see how weird his message was. He had randomly called me giving a bs reason saying he 'accidentally invited her to dinner with a client' which she declined but never told me about. That one time I asked to check she couldn't find the message because she had deleted all her messages a couple weeks back. Her reason was legitimate even though it sounds bad. It was to free up space on her phone. Something was messed up with the phone storage to where she couldn't even have over a certain amount of apps.

[ThatwasThen]

So she cheated on her boyfriend with you and now you are having a hard time trusting that she won't do on you what she did with you. Any truth to that?

 

Anyway, you aren't doing yourself any favors by creeping her and her friends list like you are. Either talk tell her that her attention to her step sister's boyfriend is freaking you out or let it go, stop snooping and enjoy your relationship. Snooping and not talking about what you found is just a futile exercise that will make you paranoid like you are. So paranoid that you had to start a thread about it.

 

If there is no trust then you might as well break up now and save yourself the exercise in anxiety.

 

Good luck.

[thelonerange]

So she cheated on her boyfriend with you and now you are having a hard time trusting that she won't do on you what she did with you. Any truth to that?.

 

It's not something I obsess over but it's in the back of my mind.

 

I've already did the step of saying it bothered me although she doesn't know I snooped persay (the likes are all publicly viewable). She freaked out and turned it around to me and how insecure I am and a baby etc. She left the house and says its over. So I guess my question to you is should I just apologize for even bringing it up and admit its all my own issues? Or should I dig in and ask for some compromise and understanding?

 

PS thank you so much for taking the time to give your perspective. It's something I could never get from someone I know.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, I wouldn't be happy with her defensiveness. It reeks of a guilty conscience to be honest. However: She has a bit of a point about your insecurity... however again: She has a history or cheating so its understandable.

 

She said it was over and since you don't trust her, then what is the point of going on with someone that makes you do things like snoop and wonder?

 

Or should I dig in and ask for some compromise and understanding?

What would compromise be to you in this kind of situation?

[thelonerange]

Well, I wouldn't be happy with her defensiveness. It reeks of a guilty conscious to be honest. However: She has a bit of a point about your insecurity... however again: She has a history or cheating so its understandable.

 

She said it was over and since you don't trust her, then what is the point of going on with someone that makes you do things like snoop and wonder?

 

What would compromise be to you in this kind of situation?

 

It would be to not favor his profile over others and to just cut down on liking everything that he's posted. I don't care about the random like but going to his page to specifically like multiple posts at a time bothers me. And honestly I wouldn't be bothered with the serial liking if she gave that much attention to everyone or at the very least her stepsister. (its the stepsister's bf). Since end of January shes liked 17 of his posts to 2 of her stepsisters. And of those 2 one was a selfie of the BF.

 

I'm not deluded to think I can change her liking or having a crush. I understand things like that are natural but I thought it would be reasonable to request to be more moderated about it. It hurts my feelings having it in public that shes thinking of another guy. Then again am I just delusional to assume this is a situation of infatuation or crush? Is there a good chance this is just all meaningless and platonic and I'm overreacting?

[ThatwasThen]

She's told you its over so I guess its all moot now. Its up to you if you want to try and get her to change her mind but if I was that worried about someone's actions and when I tried to talk to them about the way those actions made me feel and they dismissed me like that without offering a solution that we both could live with, I'd think twice about dating them further. Up to you what you do though.

[thelonerange]

She's told you its over so I guess its all moot now. Its up to you if you want to try and get her to change her mind but if I was that worried about someone's actions and when I tried to talk to them about the way those actions made me feel and they dismissed me like that without offering a solution that we both could live with, I'd think twice about dating them further. Up to you what you do though.

 

TY that really simplifies things for me.

[smackie9]

I keep thinking, how sick/heart broken I would feel if I found out my BF was monitoring my social media, watching my every move. You have gone way too far...time to breakup with her.

[Billie28]

If you never interact on someone’s FB page , their posts rarely pop up on your newsfeed.

If you interest a few times on someone’s FB page, their posts are bumped up to the top on your newsfeed.

FB has some inbuilt way of seeing patterns and responds accordingly.

 

I think you need to own up to your snooping and suffer the consequence of that.

[Rose Mosse]

Why is she interacting with her stepsister's bf's crap online so much anyway? Most people don't think much of it and use it like a window to voyeur (nothing else better to do probably). I'm more of the mind that everything counts - even stupid things a person does on their free time. If that's the stuff she does to occupy herself, then so be it. She has a right to like whatever she wants to like. It's best for you to really wake up and smell the flowers. This isn't the type of woman for you and you're entitled to that yourself. Neither of you are bad people and she certainly doesn't have to change anything about herself for you and vice versa. Please be more mature about this together and stop playing those blame games. This also means stop being around people who are so off key and whose behaviours are so off-putting to you.

[katrina1980]

I have nothing to add except this is precisely why my bf and I have deactivated our FBs.

 

You wasting time and energy snooping your gf's FB, her step sister's FB, her step sister's bf's FB?

 

Your gf wasting time and energy searching and liking her step sister's bf's FB posts?

 

You become suspicious, you confront her, she gets defensive, accuses you of being insecure, a baby and breaks up w you!

 

Good lordy, when will this insanity stop?

 

Not just you OP, it's everywhere!

 

It's all kinda nuts don't ya think?

 

Sorry, just my own personal feeling/rant about FB, best of luck moving forward.

[Honeycomb8]

She's never been someone with strong morals or an actual good character so your trust issues stem from that. It won't ever change. No trust no relationship.

[thelonerange]

Lots of good info in here, thanks for telling it straight everyone. I'm starting to feel really silly and immature. This is petty stuff and I should have more important things to do.

 

She left Friday to her friends in another town and we haven't really spoken at all except her saying she was looking for rooms to move into in our city. We currently live together in a two room townhome by rental. So sadly, doesn't seem like there's anything I can propose to figure out a way forward and compromise. This sucks even more because although both our names are on the lease, I will have to pay the whole thing with her moving out. She hasn't paid any rent since Feb because she was waiting for me to make the move to this city and wanted to live together. I finally moved to this city last month and now this stupid issue came up. Since moving to our current city, she was able to get a job only this past Tuesday. I didn't mind paying for everything because I saw that she was genuinely making efforts to clean and find a job etc. However, I was looking forward to finally having some financial help! ughhh

 

Another complication I need to figure out is that I bought us tickets to this dream music festival going on in July. It was planned with two other good friend couples. The festival tickets cost about 1250 each and includes accommodation. We have a big itinerary to hit up mykonos and santorini after the music festival. I don't know whether to try and find someone else to go with or leave some leeway for my gf and I to find a compromise. My friends are booking the airbnbs soon so need to figure this out soon. this sucks

[Billie28]

Lots of good info in here, thanks for telling it straight everyone. I'm starting to feel really silly and immature. This is petty stuff and I should have more important things to do.

 

She left Friday to her friends in another town and we haven't really spoken at all except her saying she was looking for rooms to move into in our city. We currently live together in a two room townhome by rental. So sadly, doesn't seem like there's anything I can propose to figure out a way forward and compromise. This sucks even more because although both our names are on the lease, I will have to pay the whole thing with her moving out. She hasn't paid any rent since Feb because she was waiting for me to make the move to this city and wanted to live together. I finally moved to this city last month and now this stupid issue came up. Since moving to our current city, she was able to get a job only this past Tuesday. I didn't mind paying for everything because I saw that she was genuinely making efforts to clean and find a job etc. However, I was looking forward to finally having some financial help! ughhh

 

Another complication I need to figure out is that I bought us tickets to this dream music festival going on in July. It was planned with two other good friend couples. The festival tickets cost about 1250 each and includes accommodation. We have a big itinerary to hit up mykonos and santorini after the music festival. I don't know whether to try and find someone else to go with or leave some leeway for my gf and I to find a compromise. My friends are booking the airbnbs soon so need to figure this out soon. this sucks

 

You don’t need to figure anything out soon.

Book the airbnbs as planned and suffer the loss financially.

 

That’s tickets i am sure won’t be transferable anyway.

Forget about the festival until a couple weeks prior. You can’t change it anyway!

You are still being silly and immature!

 

As for the rental , she is half responsible for that .

You can always get a roommate.

 

BUT all of this thinking is catastrophic and premature!

I don’t think she has done anything wrong particularly except behave immaturely. As did you!

 

I think you should invite her over to have an honest chat, admit why you feel insecure, admit to snooping and further feeling insecure because of her responses but that you acknowledge what you did was wrong and apologise.

 

Then see what she has to say!?

 

The relationship may end and out of your control but at least have the maturity to have an adult discussion first!

[thelonerange]

You don’t need to figure anything out soon.

Book the airbnbs as planned and suffer the loss financially.

 

That’s tickets i am sure won’t be transferable anyway.

Forget about the festival until a couple weeks prior. You can’t change it anyway!

You are still being silly and immature!

 

As for the rental , she is half responsible for that .

You can always get a roommate.

 

BUT all of this thinking is catastrophic and premature!

I don’t think she has done anything wrong particularly except behave immaturely. As did you!

 

I think you should invite her over to have an honest chat, admit why you feel insecure, admit to snooping and further feeling insecure because of her responses but that you acknowledge what you did was wrong and apologise.

 

Then see what she has to say!?

 

The relationship may end and out of your control but at least have the maturity to have an adult discussion first!

 

Thanks I'm going to take your advice on the sit down. Hopefully will get that opportunity. Before leaving Friday, she was asking her friends if she can stay with them for a few weeks until she finds her own place. She also took virtually all her stuff and clothes with her. Later that night she also let me know she was looking for roomshares throughout the night. I'm sure she was spending most of the day today and tomorrow looking for rooms to rent as she has to come back into current city on Sunday (today) for work at the job she recently started on Monday. To me, that seems like a lot of effort to go through if still very angry. I think I have to just prepare myself for the fact that there's no interest in the sit down.

[Billie28]

Thanks I'm going to take your advice on the sit down. Hopefully will get that opportunity. Before leaving Friday, she was asking her friends if she can stay with them for a few weeks until she finds her own place. She also took virtually all her stuff and clothes with her. Later that night she also let me know she was looking for roomshares throughout the night. I'm sure she was spending most of the day today and tomorrow looking for rooms to rent as she has to come back into current city on Sunday (today) for work at the job she recently started on Monday. To me, that seems like a lot of effort to go through if still very angry. I think I have to just prepare myself for the fact that there's no interest in the sit down.

 

Yes she’s behaving immaturely and not facing up to her responsibility that she has a lease on a house.

She is being dramatic and probably only to provoke you to fight for her rather than her face up to her doings.

 

How have you responded so far?

[thelonerange]

Yes she’s behaving immaturely and not facing up to her responsibility that she has a lease on a house.

She is being dramatic and probably only to provoke you to fight for her rather than her face up to her doings.

 

How have you responded so far?

 

Oh on friday night she sent me a text that says "need space to figure out what I am going to do. will be coming back Sunday night to work towards putting the townhome on the market and moving on".

I replied to that saying I already told the landlord I would take full responsibility since I 'honor my obligations' (was still angry myself). I then said she can pick up the rest of her stuff whenever shes able to and asked whats the point in even coming back Sunday then.

 

I will say that I was annoyed that she was spending money to go to the other city when rent was due that day and I was again paying the full amount myself. I mean I wish I could just be the one to leave the place and be free of the responsibility. I got a nice place in the middle of a lot of nightlife/restaurants partly for her to be happy. However, I also understand that's not realistic as I make a lot more than her and the rent payment would be nearly her monthly salary. Without her, it's going to be nearly half my salary which is doable but a little outside my comfort.

 

After that, no contact between us. I believe shes just been hanging out with friends and looking for a bedroom to rent in my city.

[Billie28]

Oh on friday night she sent me a text that says "need space to figure out what I am going to do. will be coming back Sunday night to work towards putting the townhome on the market and moving on".

I replied to that saying I already told the landlord I would take full responsibility since I 'honor my obligations' (was still angry myself). I then said she can pick up the rest of her stuff whenever shes able to and asked whats the point in even coming back Sunday then.

 

I will say that I was annoyed that she was spending money to go to the other city when rent was due that day and I was again paying the full amount myself. I mean I wish I could just be the one to leave the place and be free of the responsibility. I got a nice place in the middle of a lot of nightlife/restaurants partly for her to be happy. However, I also understand that's not realistic as I make a lot more than her and the rent payment would be nearly her monthly salary. Without her, it's going to be nearly half my salary which is doable but a little outside my comfort.

 

After that, no contact between us. I believe shes just been hanging out with friends and looking for a bedroom to rent in my city.

 

Wow! You were THAT impulsive to contact the landlord?

While I believe she is pulling some dramatics , she basically said she would see you Sunday.

She may have been bluffing. But now she needs to proceed with her plans because you have already put her plans in motion.

 

You are both so immature and impulsive that this actually can’t work.

I thought for a minute it could but you are both against it.

[thelonerange]

Wow! You were THAT impulsive to contact the landlord?

While I believe she is pulling some dramatics , she basically said she would see you Sunday.

She may have been bluffing. But now she needs to proceed with her plans because you have already put her plans in motion.

 

You are both so immature and impulsive that this actually can’t work.

I thought for a minute it could but you are both against it.

 

No, during our fight Friday I kept telling her she needs to stay and we need to figure it out/talk. Saying we/she needs to talk to the landlord and see if we can get out of the lease. During the height of it, she sent a group text message which included myself and the landlord basically saying 'we need to break the lease'. The landlord responded saying only option is to put place back on market and there's no telling when that would be completed. I just responded by text saying no its ok, I'll go ahead and take full responsibility for it.

 

The landlord called me right after that text and said that's fine. He asked me if I wanted to officially remove my GF from the lease and I said no that isn't necessary. I didn't tell my GF this part though. (site note: so embarrassing looking back on this now. involving the landlord in our domestic drama)

 

Either way, I agree it was some passive aggressiveness from me on the last reply by me. I was obviously still a little heated.

[Billie28]

No, during our fight Friday I kept telling her she needs to stay and we need to figure it out/talk. Saying we/she needs to talk to the landlord and see if we can get out of the lease. During the height of it, she sent a group text message which included myself and the landlord basically saying 'we need to break the lease'. The landlord responded saying only option is to put place back on market and there's no telling when that would be completed. I just responded by text saying no its ok, I'll go ahead and take full responsibility for it.

 

The landlord called me right after that text and said that's fine. He asked me if I wanted to officially remove my GF from the lease and I said no that isn't necessary. I didn't tell my GF this part though.

 

Either way, I agree it was some passive aggressiveness from me on the last reply by me. I was obviously still a little heated.

 

Why did you tell her she needed to stay? She didn’t! She just wanted time out!

You escalated things to push her to do something about the lease. Which was basically you opting out of the relationship and involving others.

The more you add to the story the more manipulative you sound? Sorry!

 

Anyone truly invested in their partner and wanting to commit to their partner does not play these games that jeopardise where you live. She went to stay at a friends and that’s fine. Let things cool. But you insisted she stay to sort out the break up bitty gritty. She was likely not breaking up with you at that point.

[thelonerange]

Why did you tell her she needed to stay? She didn’t! She just wanted time out!

You escalated things to push her to do something about the lease. Which was basically you opting out of the relationship and involving others.

The more you add to the story the more manipulative you sound? Sorry!

 

Anyone truly invested in their partner and wanting to commit to their partner does not play these games that jeopardise where you live. She went to stay at a friends and that’s fine. Let things cool. But you insisted she stay to sort out the break up bitty gritty. She was likely not breaking up with you at that point.

 

You're right about the manipulation but from my viewpoint she was leaving me to deal with all the consequences and responsibilities. Rent was due that day on the 3rd and instead of using her money to help and pay anything on her share, she uses it to drive 100 miles to a friends place and do activities over the weekend. I ended up doing the electronic payment for the whole amount that night like I have been since January. At the time I felt it was unfair - i was mad at the situation too obviously. Would have been nice to just get out of town to clear my head and not worry about using any money on rent. Also it's not like she made it clear that it was to just blow off steam. I thought it could just be over at that point and again I'm stuck with all the consequences.

[Wiseman2]

How comfortable are you with this impending "huge commitment to the relationship in terms of finances and living situation"? It seems like you are hunting for any excuse to not continue with that and be able to pin it on her. Why not be honest with yourself and reflect on how ready, willing and able you are to proceed.

I told myself I wouldn't be serious with her but I ended up falling for her. Been a little over 2 years now

[Billie28]

You're right about the manipulation but from my viewpoint she was leaving me to deal with all the consequences and responsibilities. Rent was due that day on the 3rd and instead of using her money to help and pay anything on her share, she uses it to drive 100 miles to a friends place and do activities over the weekend. I ended up doing the electronic payment for the whole amount that night like I have been since January. At the time I felt it was unfair - i was mad at the situation too obviously. Would have been nice to just get out of town to clear my head and not worry about using any money on rent. Also it's not like she made it clear that it was to just blow off steam. I thought it could just be over at that point and again I'm stuck with all the consequences.

 

You were ok and allowed her not to pay rent , but the day you have an argument , suddenly your not ok with it? Why?

 

She didn’t use rent money to drive and do activities. She used her money that didn’t include rent payments at your agreement . All of a sudden you want her to pay rent so she can’t leave?

 

Of course she didn’t make it out that she left to blow off steam , she is dramatic just like you.