Girlfriend with mental health issues suddenly leaves!

[BOo533842]

Hi Everyone! I met my girlfriend 6 months ago. She was just out of hospital for mental health issues and liked my company. So I visited her regularly and a relationship blossomed. She progressed in her recovery, went back to college to study, she was staying over with me quite a lot also. Everything was bliss! We were madly in love (or so I thought!). She met my parents, friends and was bonding with my Mother. We even discussed moving in after Christmas. She has a son, I have a son and we mixed and the boys loved it! Last week we had a disagreement about money but we patched it up and she thought we were moving too fast and to slow down. I admit we got a little carried away. Her birthday was also last week and we had a lovely time! We agreed to slow down a little and on Monday night we went to the cinema for a date. Had a good time but became tearful, then we went home and we lay in bed in pyjamas. At this time she said she had no romantic feelings for me anymore and her mental health has deteriorated etc. I told her that if she was deciding to leave I wanted her to block me on social media and remove her belongings from my house. She slept on the sofa and when I got home from work the following day all her things were taken. We also had a holiday planned which she emailed me the details for! It’s just so sudden as she told my mum last week she loved me and wanted to marry me/help decorate for my sisters surprise birthday party! I’m completely lost! Should I give her time to come back? Say 2 weeks and if she doesn’t approach me move on? Or reach out to her? Help! We’re all gobsmacked she’s gone!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? What was the disagreement about? It sounds like she has the insight not only to realize she is in a fragile state but also that it was moving way too fast. Even talking about moving in. You are both single parents. She needs to focus on getting healthy and stable for her son, not whirlwind romances.

 

It seems she warned you that things were going too fast for her. She most likely felt overwhelmed. She did what you told her to and took all her things from your house, when you threatened her with your ultimatum. Now leave her be. She has your contact info so wait until she reaches out.

She was just out of hospital for mental health issues and liked my company. So I visited her regularly and a relationship blossomed.

 

Last week we had a disagreement about money but we patched it up and she thought we were moving too fast and to slow down. I admit we got a little carried away.

 

I told her that if she was deciding to leave I wanted her to block me on social media and remove her belongings from my house.when I got home from work the following day all her things were taken.

[BOo533842]

Thanks for your reply. We actually met 2 years ago and went on a series of dates but life got in the way for both f us. We reconnected after all that time. We both have to take responsibility for it moving quick. She had moved so much stuff into my place and made one of my spare rooms a study room! I borrowed money from her as I had an expensive car repair and a bit of financial bad luck with bills and couldn’t pay her back as quick as she liked! We actually smoothed that over, agreed to move a bit slower but then she suddenly vanished! Said she had been feeling it for a while but she broke up with me while we were in pyjamas in bed! I admit I was hurt and told her to take me from social media and remove her things

[Wiseman2]

Have you paid her back?

[bluecastle]

Sorry about all this.

 

Right now just take a big, deep breath. Seriously. Take a few.

 

Things are very fragile right now and she is very fragile. What happens when we add weight to something fragile? It cracks. Moving fast, the money: too much weight, too soon. And now contact will just be weight, compounding those cracks, so give it some space to breathe.

 

Time is on your side here, not your enemy.

 

You feel awful about the social media stuff, I get it. But that's not going to be the dealbreaker here, the thing that eclipses the connection you guys have. Right now an hour will feel like a day, a day like a week, but that's just emotion playing games. So just allow for a little time and space to let the dust settle, and see what's what when it does.

[BOo533842]

Yes I did! Paid her back in full. With no issue.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Ok then just give her space until she's ready to reach out.

Yes I did! Paid her back in full. With no issue.

[BOo533842]

I think that is probably the right thing to do. Although she did say that she doesn’t love me anymore in the same way as I love her. That the spark for me was gone etc. She text me yesterday and said she felt like it a while despite bonding with my mother, sister, friends and so on! Although she seemed so smitten Up to the weekend before she dumped me. So I’m confused. She basically said goodbye in her message and to take care of myself. I didn’t send any form of reply to her message though!

[DanZee]

Well, I think this is par for the course when you're dealing with someone with mental issues. Strong emotions can actually trigger an event like this. Also medication levels can vary in someone's blood. Yeah, give her some time to think about things and let her settle down.

[MissCanuck]

What kind of mental health issues does she suffer from, OP?

[thisisrichey]

you think it's "sudden" - but it's not. there were signs.

here is a truth most people won't tell you. when females decide it's over, it is never sudden. it only seems sudden because they never let onto it for a while. Females tend to mull things over and give it many chances before callng it quits. By the time they tell you its over - it's final. They've been thinking it was over for a while by that time but kept giving it a chance.

 

Guys are totally opposite - we tend to jump too quickly at ending it, then regretting it, and wanting to try again.

 

there were signs things were deteriorating to me (starting with wanting to "slow down" even though you'd been together 6 mos already.. there's nothing slow about 6 mos!).

 

its time to move on. she isn't coming back.

[BOo533842]

Well she did say “I’m sorry for the sudden way things ended”. She said she had been thinking about it for a while - so in that way I do agree with you. The problem is, she ended it when we were in our nightwear in bed! She had been texting my mother 48h beforehand to discuss planning for my sister’s surprise birthday party. We actually had a trip to Poland planned for 3 weeks time - which was discussed during our date. So her actions weren’t aligned to her thoughts. I genuinely hope she does come back as I feel she was the one for me - although I’m not getting my hopes too high just yet. She suffers from depression and anxiety due to a tough childhood. She didn’t deal with her issues properly and the beginning of this year saw a hospital stay for her.

[Capricorn3]

Is this the "stoner" you mention in a previous thread?

[BOo533842]

No. Different girl

[DanZee]

She suffers from depression and anxiety due to a tough childhood.

 

Has she been diagnosed as bipolar too? That would explain everything.

[BOo533842]

Funny her sister has bipolar but not her - that I know of! Most of my friends and family feel this is the strangest breakup. As do I!

[DanZee]

Funny her sister has bipolar but not her - that I know of! Most of my friends and family feel this is the strangest breakup. As do I!

 

It would be strange only if you were dealing with a mentally stable person. With depression and anxiety, they can hit at any time. Also, I think she had too much on her plate. You were planning a big trip to Poland and your sister's birthday party, and anything else she was dealing with may have overwhelmed her.

[BOo533842]

Yeah she did say that! When I met her I thought I was encouraging her, giving her direction and being there for her. In the cold light of day I may have pushed a bit too hard as opposed to letting her recover under her own steam. As I said, my plan is to give her 10 days space or so. If she offers to reconcile within that time I will certainly take it but if she doesn’t then I’m 2 weeks into my journey of moving on. I know it will be hard to resist the urge to reach out to her though!

[No1]

Its hard being with someone who has a garden of mental issues. You do realize that her issues are bigger than you and they are not going to go away right? If you want to be with her, episodes like this are going to be common, you will argue then things will be okay, then another argument, then okay, then break ups, arguments, and do you want to put your children thru that?

[Capricorn3]

Its hard being with someone who has a garden of mental issues. You do realize that her issues are bigger than you and they are not going to go away right? If you want to be with her, episodes like this are going to be common, you will argue then things will be okay, then another argument, then okay, then break ups, arguments, and do you want to put your children thru that?

 

I second this post. OP, it seems between this relationship and the previous "stoner", your picker in women is way way off. You seem to be attracted to broken women. Why is that?

[BOo533842]

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing but I always see the best in people and caring by nature. I bit the bullet and reached out to her sister to check if she was ok. Her sister said she didn’t want to get involved with anything between us. I didn’t message her directly as she blocked me on all social media’s. Suppose I have to wait and see. As she does have issues with her mind and mood, I thought I ought to try something as opposed to waiting too long!

[No1]

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing but I always see the best in people and caring by nature. I bit the bullet and reached out to her sister to check if she was ok. Her sister said she didn’t want to get involved with anything between us. I didn’t message her directly as she blocked me on all social media’s. Suppose I have to wait and see. As she does have issues with her mind and mood, I thought I ought to try something as opposed to waiting too long!

 

You don't have to date them to care for them.

[Wiseman2]

At this time it would be best to leave her and her people alone without doing end-runs around her blocking you.

I bit the bullet and reached out to her sister to check if she was ok. Her sister said she didn’t want to get involved with anything between us. I didn’t message her directly as she blocked me on all social media’s.