sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I've been dating this guy on and off for about 5 months now. We get into fights, end things then get back together. ( i know this isnt a healthy relationship already) but for some reason I am obsessed with him.(dont know why lol). We started talking again, but things are very different.... Before he used to talk to me 24/7 every day and would get upset if i didnt respond right away. I enjoyed the attention and could tell he really liked me. He would always ask when he would be seeing me next etc. Anywyas things this time are very different. I keep nagging asking if he really wants to get back into this because it truly feel like he doesnt... Hell msg me every couple of hours, is becoming a bit more distant but promises me he isnt. I even woke up to a txt this morning (after confonting him last night that I felt things were different) along the lines of "night babe, i dont want you to think im being cold because im not, i miss you" ........... I didnt respond, acted like i didnt care and he txted me again this morning wondering why i didnt reply. We talked for a bit and then he said "have a good day at work i have some work to do babe txt me lateR" He would NEVER leave me alone like this before... Do you think hes not interested anymore??? or trying to gain control?? It's just soo not like him. so im confused. its like as soon as I care, he doesnt, as soon as I don't care, he does. do you think maybe cause I keep asking him what's wrong/why hes being different etc that's pulling him away or is he simply not interested? Anwyays just looking for some advice on how to make him want me again and to gain the upper hand.. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 How old are you two? Have you met in person or is this all online? Link to comment
sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 im 23 and hes 26.... no its long distance! we visit eachother back and fourth. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Is this a LDR? How often do you see each other? What are the fights about? So many red flags here and the slow down in texts isn't really one of them. Texting 24/7 sounds exhausting, too much too soon and over-saturated and as if on a text-tether leash. Yes, nagging about 'what's wrong" when the texting isn't excessive and incessant could have been annoying. Just pull back, stop the relationship texts and wait until he texts you. Let things calm down.I've been dating this guy on and off for about 5 months now. We get into fights, end things then get back together. Before he used to talk to me 24/7 every day and would get upset if i didnt respond right away. he said "have a good day at work i have some work to do babe txt me lateR" Link to comment
SherrySher Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Do you think that maybe some of the fighting could be due to the distance? Link to comment
sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 I agree with the texting. It's just weird to me how he was text obsessive with me before ( i was never like that ) and now he has no problem saying "okay txt me later" ... Do you think something is going on? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Often times someone's intensity is not a reflection of how special you are to them. It often has more to do with how insecure they are. It might have nothing to do with you. I know in the past when someone blew up my phone. . I naively thought that they must really like me. It wasn't the case. They just had low self esteem and trust issues. I must have as well or would have thought otherwise. Things that don't start well, don't end well. Do you really think there is a chance things will get better for you two? It looks like you've tied your self worth to whether this guy likes you or not. I'll bet if you had him, you might not actually want him. Link to comment
sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 He is very insecure so I can see that. But what made him get confidence back though to not want to talk to me 24/7 I dont get it........... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 He is very insecure so I can see that. But what made him get confidence back though to not want to talk to me 24/7 I dont get it........... who knows. . maybe he got tired of all the push and pull and decided the drama wasn't worth it. How come you haven't come to this conclusion before him? Link to comment
sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Yes of course thats why. when were together we never fight!!!! It is definitely the long distance Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 You need to take your focus on who wants who more and getting `an upper hand' and take this opportunity to step back reevaluate if you really want this guy in your life. Especially if you can admit it's not healthy. Dating should be fun. This sounds miserable. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Yes of course thats why. when were together we never fight!!!! It is definitely the long distance I have a long distance relationship and we don't fight. Link to comment
sc1234 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 ur so right. when i have him im annoyed lol he was always too much.. I think im just panicking that Now im not sure if I have him...... Do you think its best I pull away from him? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 This is really clear, just send one text later: "have a good day at work i have some work to do babe txt me lateR" Do you think its best I pull away from him? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 ur so right. when i have him im annoyed lol he was always too much.. I think im just panicking that Now im not sure if I have him...... Do you think its best I pull away from him? again. . . Ask yourself - Is this about a fight for a worthy partner that is a good, healthy long term match for you. . or is this about `having him' It really feels like your self worth is attached to whether you have him or not. It's not about how healthy and viable this relationship is . .it feels like it's more about winning. Be careful what you wish for. . Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 It's clear how to handle it. Send him one text later: "have a good day at work i have some work to do babe txt me lateR" Link to comment
sky09 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 100% working advices, just today: Link to comment
missocean Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 He is very insecure so I can see that. But what made him get confidence back though to not want to talk to me 24/7 I dont get it........... I think the change in texting frequency is of concern. I do think that it indicates a lower level of interest. Don't know what you can do though... sorry. Link to comment
Loralora Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 You shouldn't expect anybody's attention 24/7. That is crazy and unhealthy. Don't you have some studying to do or working or something like that? You are the one that is wrong. A real relationship isn't one where people dedicate every single moment of their life to each other, that's a controlling and obsessive relationship with a very short life span! You should work on yourself and on your life goals and in the meantime dedicate a part of a day to the relationship. No guy likes a girl that is always avaliable and has nothing better to do.but chat all day long. You need to have a life of your own if you want your guy to respect you and this relationship to last. This guy seems fine by me. He gave you more attention in the beginning because he knew that's what you wanted in order to begin something with him. So he showed interest and to me seems like he wants to keep the relationship going, but not in a abnormal obssesive way. You should be glad he doesn't have time to talk 27/7 otherwise he would be a loser with nothing else to do but chat. Who has no future or perspective! And don't play games with texts or anything for that matter if you want a healthy relationship... Link to comment
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