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Social media competition?


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My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for months and I eventually moved away because it was a very bad breakup and he got into a new relationship immediately with a coworker. He continues to post things on social media aimed at me (passive aggressive, negative quotes about relationships etc) or things directly in competition to the things I post. He was the one who left and has been in a relationship since 2 weeks after we broke up and is "in love and happy". What could this mean?

To clarify, by negative things I mean things about previous relationships (I was his only other relationship) and by competition I mean if I take a picture of a flower he will view my story then immediately post something with a flower. If I post a picture of me out with a friend (not male) or family member at dinner he will post a picture of his girlfriend at dinner etc.

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I'm not sure where's the competition. Take the time to grow away from this presence. It should be about you and your forward growth. Negative influences are just that: negative. Dwelling on these and spending long periods in these moments inhibit us from focusing on other areas. You're worrying over things that should have no bearing on you and that's holding you back from living your life.

 

Go out and do other things with your life.

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By negative things I mean things about previous relationships (I was his only other relationship) and by competition I mean if I take a picture of a flower he will view my story then immediately post something with a flower. If I post a picture of me out with a friend (not male) or family member at dinner he will post a picture of his girlfriend at dinner etc.

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I get that social media is a big part, and big influence, in people’s lives. But what you just described is only a competition, and only about you, if you make it that. Zoom out a bit and it’s just two people posting stuff on their feeds.

 

This is why blocking is good for some people. If you’re prone to this kind of thinking, it cuts out the source that feeds these thoughts. You just post flowers, pics with family, and that’s that. He’ll post what he posts. Same thing, just without the mental layer that makes it a game and keeps you focused on the past instead of the present.

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Are you a masochist? Why do you put yourself through this daily torture? If you've never heard of closure, it means that you no longer think about an ex who dumped you on a daily basis, because you've deleted him from social media long ago and are busy getting on with your present, new life.

 

It no longer matters what he does or why he's doing it. You shouldn't be making space in your brain for someone who deleted you from his life. Time to delete him from yours.

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And having each other on social media won’t achieve that . Just delete block and live your life . I understand it must be difficult but you are daily kicking yourself in the head.

I know I should. We were engaged and living together for over 12 years. I guess it's just hard because I still hope he will come back.
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By negative things I mean things about previous relationships (I was his only other relationship) and by competition I mean if I take a picture of a flower he will view my story then immediately post something with a flower. If I post a picture of me out with a friend (not male) or family member at dinner he will post a picture of his girlfriend at dinner etc.

 

Yes, you said all that already. Just block and delete him. What you don't know won't hurt you. What he can't see, he can't compete against. Make sense?

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It confuses me and hurts. I'm not sure if he hates me, or is not happy in his new relationship, or if he is bitter. He insisted on staying friends and staying on social media so it's definitely confusing.

 

I’m sure it is confusing and hurtful which is why his insistence can and should be ignored until you are ready to engage with him, which may be never, plenty of exes cut all ties after a breakup.

 

I realize him insisting on keeping you in his life seems like a bright spot like hope but look how much it’s hurting you. It’s not worth it, if he wants you back he can be a grown man and say so, he wouldn’t have to play games, if this is some sick twisted game you seriously shouldn’t be with him to begin with, he clearly isn’t taking your feelings into account if that’s the case.

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It confuses me and hurts. I'm not sure if he hates me, or is not happy in his new relationship, or if he is bitter. He insisted on staying friends and staying on social media so it's definitely confusing.

 

My guess is this translates to your refusal to let go, (no offense intended). I'm sure it's easier said than done, but it's time to decide what's best for you, while working on your need to move on.

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You need to move forward and start dating again. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media.

I am very dependent on him to live. He always told me the best thing to do and what was best for me. We literally did everything together except for work. Also I have never spoken to another man in my life except for it being a family member or work/school related so I don't have any dating or friend experience with anyone else.
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Not yet I'm still deciding if I want to go there for sure. It's a big move and I'm having a hard time making the decision.

 

If you're putting your life on hold hoping he comes back, please don't.

 

He wasn't very nice to you. Bringing his girlfriend home to parade her in front of you, insisting you spend time with him even though he was involved with someone else...this is not a guy worth waiting the rest of your life for.

 

Go have an adventure!

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I had a ‘lol’ at Bataya’s post. Pretty straight to the point but da truth*

 

Gemini* , in the aftermath of my divorce it got to the point where I knew I had to get out of town.

 

I was quite anxious leaving behind the place I’d lived for 20 years and everybody and everything I knew and that was dear to me....and yes I also hoped she would come back and I knew moving away would be a nail in that coffin...

 

But once I’d made the move, and here 6 months later I can tell you, I don’t regret it one bit*

 

Look at it as a 6-12 month plan. If it doesn’t work out you can always come back :)

 

Carus*

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