Virgin at 26 - Ask Anything - Please Advise!

[DazzaHatty92]

Right where to begin... I’m a 26 year old virgin who hasn’t ever come close to having a relationship, let alone sex.

 

Since my friends drifted from me I’ve always felt alone.

 

I started university in September, this at first brought me hope! I’d make new friends, meet people (not just new, literally people) hopefully some of them girls as they’re many on campus. I mean I have made study “pals” but, outside of studying I’m still just me on my own.

 

I have tried going to nightclubs, pubs and other social activities but, I still just find myself awkwardly sat alone... I don’t know if it’s a fear of rejection or what it is but, I cannot for the life of me pick up the courage to just talk to a random stranger. I don’t know how people do it?

You’ll just see a constant stream of people walking up to any random person and just hitting it off straight away.

 

If you have any advice for any of this then please feel free to respond.

 

I know this is a message board so the odd troll response of “loser” is expected, just please refrain from it! I genuinely need advice to beat this troublesome crap!

 

Thanks for reading 🙂

[Wiseman2]

Dating apps. It can break the ice and you can message women to meet for a low key coffee, see how that goes and take things from there.

[DazzaHatty92]

I do have POF and Tinder. Never had a match... I don’t know if I’m ugly? It’s not something I want to admit but, only people who look like Brad Pitt or some other generic celebrity women love, have any success with Dating apps.

[DazzaHatty92]

I thought i’d have a look at my tinder for the first time in ever. Liked a few girls and then a match showed! I was taken a back! Sent her a message pointing out two of her photos show her in the same outfit, she must really like it and she looks stunning in it. No response yet hopefully she does. (Hopefully she’s not a catfish either)

[whitesand3]

I believe the best way to get out there and meet people who you can feel yourself with, is to do activities you enjoy. By this I mean, since you are at university, you have so many different societies you could join. This would help you meet freshers who are like-minded as you!

 

I feel like friendships should be natural, and if you feel you are forcing a conversation that means that you are surrounding yourself with the wrong crowd.

[LikeWater]

First of all, just accept that you're gonna get rejected. It's part of the process. You can't expect that every person you try and get to know will be interested in doing the same, but you still have to at least try. However, you gotta crawl before you can walk. Right now you have no confidence and no practice at talking to people so focus on these building blocks to begin, because a severe lack of confidence will always be repulsive to people.

 

I'd advise that you forget girls for now and just work on getting used to talking to people. To any new person at all. Whatever your interests are, find a place where those interests tend to be shared and go there regularly. It's much easier to break the ice when there's established common ground. Use your surroundings and bring up something interesting or funny that happened. Smile and introduce yourself, and continue from there.

 

Once you've built your confidence and general social skills, then you can try and get to know a girl you like. The secret is to talk to them the same way you would anyone else. They're just people.

[monkey4kitten]

It's not easy for most people, well unless your well built with a high confident level. Me myself am not one to go up and talk to random strangers either. I'm female not male not like that makes a difference these days.

 

I'm same as you, I dont fit in well and have always been a loner, I'm 29 and not have 1 Friend since I left school at 18.

 

I can't give you advice on how to pick up girls for a one night stand or a commited relationship other than your perfect the way you are and that your find the right person one day

[Gary Snyder]

Learn how to socialize. Get a part time sales job - you'll be forced to approach people, and get paid for it too.

[figureitout23]

Look I'm just going to be brutally honest with you here...

 

You aren't an 18 year old entering a bright new world.

 

You're an older college student, nothing wrong with that, but you're expecting a life life experience that has already passed.

 

Of course 18 year olds are going to naturally gravitate towards one another, not only are you a bit inexperienced with making friends but you have age working against you. Don't get me wrong, I was friends with plenty of older college students but I saw them as different from my same age peers, they felt more 'advanced' to me, so we didnt have much in common. Its an uphill battle that is not anyones fault, you certainly cant feel shunned by people who are in a different head space from you.

 

You have to be the one to take the leap here, that's reality.

 

People may approach you, but your best bet is to make yourself open to meeting people.

 

I am actually very self conscious, years of physical abuse from childhood to adulthood did a number on me emotionally, and there are days I have to just cocoon myself away to get the anxiety in control, because I am also a highly social person, I like people, it brings me joy to make people laugh to help people to brighten peoples day, and I often have to push through my own discomfort, to take that risk, to put myself on the line so I can have people, because well...honestly...I dont want to be alone in this world...

 

You are going to have to push through the discomfort. Will it be easy? No, but its doable.

 

And dont worry, I get it, Im not you, I realize I have...advantages...Im a woman, Im a relatively decent looking woman, people find me funny, it helps, find your strengths, use your strengths, being 'ugly' isnt an excuse. You have to do the work. You arent owed friendship in this world.

[emoblitz00]

Find Dating Sites or Go socialize with others

[Betterwithout]

I was a bit of a late bloomer myself.

Like most endeavors, Practice, practice, practice is what helps.

 

Never let rejection be a reason not to start a conversation.

 

FWIW, Brad Pitt isn't for everyone. Some women don't like white guys, or blond guys, or perhaps like taller men.

There is someone for everyone. If you are a little more introverted, that's ok too.

 

Be yourself, don't worry about what everyone else is doing or how many people are having sex all around you.

 

Just be you, and do you. ...and practice your conversation skills with everyone. That includes the little old lady in the grocery store.

[abitbroken]

I thought i’d have a look at my tinder for the first time in ever. Liked a few girls and then a match showed! I was taken a back! Sent her a message pointing out two of her photos show her in the same outfit, she must really like it and she looks stunning in it. No response yet hopefully she does. (Hopefully she’s not a catfish either)

 

Don't approach women online with something about their physical appearance. Go with something else to lead -- like a common interest. If someone told me "hmm...you must really like that outfit" i would think they were being snarky/poking fun at me. This is why you won't be successful -- you are assuming she is a catfish.

 

For apps like that to work, you have to be on often - don't just swipe two people and leave the app for 6 weeks. Also, have you gotten an honest assessment of yourself as far as are you dressing in a way that compliments you, is your hair something that looks like a dirty mess or compliments you? If you wear glasses, is it a style that looks dated or works with your face shape? Its using what you have to the best of your ability. And are you interesting? Do you have any interests other people might share?

 

and its not true that brad pitt is the only one with luck. Women have different "types" they like. Honestly, its a numbers game.

[shellyf62]

What about joining a local Meet Up Group? There must be some that cater to your interests? Then you can meet like minded people, make friends, and hopefully meet some nice ladies in the process.

Good Luck