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Am I doing something wrong by chatting with my ex’s friend on an app?


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Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex of over a year because we really didn’t have anything in common and I just wanted to be single. He was upset about it because he felt that it came out of nowhere(which it didn’t) and that we had things in common(and we don’t). He became very emotional and talked to some friends about buying a ring to propose(thankfully he did not)He made a post on FB about how I was a great girlfriend and how it has gutted him to lose me. He’s been texting me and drinking a lot. Just being a general mess. :(

 

 

His friend had also just broken up with his gf of a year and he told me he was commiserating with his friend. According to what I heard, his friends break up was a long time coming and the break up was mutual

 

His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. We had a couple hang outs with his gf,

 

 

Before we broke up, my bf knew I wanted someone to talk about certain topics, because my bf doesn’t know much about my favorite topic. This friend had written books on the topic that are used at an Ivy League school, So my bf at the time said he’d talk to his friend about talking to me about it. Never happened.

 

Anyway, so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app. He sent me a message so I am responding and vice versa. Nothing inappropriate yet. I’m just wondering if there is an elephant in the room for him too or am I just overthinking it. We are both single after all

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Thanks much... but I’m ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I don’t have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I don’t know if I’m interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks

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Thanks much... but I’m ready to date again..This was not a quick decision for me. I had been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t think I ever really had feelings for my ex in a romantic way just in a platonic way so I don’t have any kind of issue with rebounding or whatever because those feelings were never there for me. I don’t know if I’m interested in his friend. My interactions with him are limited. but I feel like I Am at least more compatible than I was with ex so I was wondering if it was ok to explore it . Thanks

 

Back when you had the chance, you went for your boyfriend instead of this guy, so there must have been some reason you didn't choose him, you just aren't remembering now. But either way, i will tell you if this guy is a loyal friend, he is not going to date you or if he does, he is going to go to your ex and ask for his blessing. It may or may not go well.

 

I still would just for the sake of everything, stay off the dating apps. if you meet someone naturally in person, great, but maybe take a month to reconnect with friends you didn't have time for during the relationship, try new things. there are other guys out there besides people close to your ex. If you connect in another way - end up attending the same events and you didn't preplan to, that's a different story

 

That's just my two cents being an old lady.

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Yes. To be truthful, I started dating my ex purely on him being my type physically. That was all he had and I’ve learned a lot the hard way since then - that there’s much, much more to it for me to be in love with someone. Thank you again for your advice. I will take it to heart,

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I'd enjoy the company via the app but let it fade out naturally. This means letting the conversation fade out and not continue any regular contact. I'd also limit the amount of visibility present on social media that your boyfriend or your mutual friends may see. You should feel a bit less limited in your growth and freedom to grow. Don't be afraid to step out of that old comfort zone and seek new (positive) influences and new people in your life. Enjoy your newfound freedom and play safe.

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If the tables were turned, how would you like it if a guy who broke up with you started dating your friend?

 

True friends don't do this to each other. And if he was willing to date you, it says a lot about his lack of boundaries and ethics. And your ex is a nice person who doesn't deserve this slap in the face from you and his supposed friend.

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It sounds you've always sort of had a thing for him and now that he's on the rebound and you are as well, you see this as your chance ... And you are going to take it no matter what anyone says/thinks.

Two weeks ago, I broke up with my ex

His friend and I were talking on an app before I met my bf, but I went for my bf , so we never met in person until I was with my boyfriend. so this friend and I are both single now and we matched again on the same app.

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I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year.

 

You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels.

 

And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is.

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I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year.

 

You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels.

 

And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is.

 

Agree.

 

My answer to your original question? Do what you are gonna do, just know that if you decide to date his friend you will likely hurt him deeply and he may never forgive you. If that’s something you care about then I suggest not dating this guy.

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I agree with honeycomb. If you were any sort of decent person, you wouldn’t do this to someone you dated for over a year.

 

You seem to completely lack empathy all together. You dated your ex because he was good looking. He dated you because he really liked you, maybe even loved you. He told you the break up came out of nowhere for him and he’s obviously hurt. You just completely dismiss all of that because YOU don’t think it came out of nowhere and YOU weren’t happy with the relationship. You give no consideration to how he feels.

 

And now two weeks later you want to start chatting up his friend on a dating app? That’s pretty cold. All of this is.

Yes!!!!!

 

Dating, your thread makes you come across as very selfish and shallow. Maybe, you should address this. If you care.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand what everyone else is saying here, but I'm not so sure they're right. I get it, "the bro code" and all that nonsense. We aren't in high school here, we're adults. The heart wants what the heart wants. I personally have never done this, but I have plenty of friends that have and they ended up with their spouses, very happily married.

 

It's possible that a year ago it wasn't the right time for either of you and you both had some growing and self discovery to do. Or maybe you were meant to be in those relationships to either learn something for yourselves or for your partners to learn. Either way it wasn't the right time for you two to be together. It did however give you time to meet and get to know one another better. You obviously both feel that you are ready to date again or you wouldn't be on the app again and it matched you again! You didn't search each other out. The conversation is flowing and the feelings are still there. I don't see a problem with it. If you both feel the same way I say go for it. No one else has to live your life and if he makes you happy, who cares what anyone else thinks???

 

No judgment here! You do you!

Wishing you all the happiness in the world!

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