Breaking the silence

[Angel3282]

It is common to discuss physically,emotionally,mentally and financially abusive relationships between partners. There are endless resources on the internet, numbers to call and organizations to contact. The subject that so many people avoid is sexual abuse between partners. It's highly controversial. Many people think it can't exist because if your dating then that's consent right? Wrong. Just because your dating, engaged or married doesn't mean it can't happen or that it isn't a real thing. I have been a victim of partner sexual abuse. I was engaged to a man who used sex as a punishment. Long story short we dated for a long time and I never even saw it coming. It sneaks up on you and you're caught before you know it and you feel like there is no way out. It's awful. I am one of the lucky ones I have gotten out and I am working through things. I recently celebrated one full year of beautiful sweet freedom. I'm writing this for the girl or guy that's in the position that I was a few years back. Don't let anyone tell you it's normal or it's okay because you're a couple. It isn't normal or okay. Please get out. I know it's easier said than done but trust me when I say the road may be hard but it is more than worth it. I still struggle a lot I still have days where I blame myself or question if I did the right thing. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed some days. Sometimes I still wonder if I deserved it. I have ptsd because of what happened to me. Sometimes I still hate myself. It has not been easy not at all but I'm fighting. I'm fighting for the life that I want. In the past year I have found wonderful new friendships and formed stronger relationships with my family. I am dating a wonderful man that treats me right and helps me through my problems one day one step at a time. If someone had told me this would be my life today a few years ago I never would've believed it. It seemed I was destined to be trapped hurt and miserable for the rest of my life. That wasn't the case though and today I am the happiest I have ever been. My life is new and beautiful and waiting for me to embrace every single second. The hard times will come but I won't stop fighting. I sincerely hope someone else will read this see my story and know they are not alone in this it does happen it isn't normal and it isn't at all okay or their fault in any way. I hope someone will see my story and make the decision to fight for their happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy and safe no matter the circumstance. Please do not keep quiet out of fear of not being believed or told that what's happening is alright. If anyone says any of that then they aren't deserving of your presence in their life anyway. I can't say it will be easy it won't but it will be worth it to walk away in the long run. My story may not be pretty but I hope it will help someone somewhere. Looking back on all I've been through it was horrible but if my story can help even one person then the pain was worth it all. If anyone is going through this or a similar situation and needs to talk please message me I'm more than willing to talk with you and help in any way I can. I also hope if anyone else has been through this they would share their story as well in hopes of helping another. I would also like to ask that if anyone has any advice for me on how to improve my feelings towards myself they would be willing to share it. I do pretty good but I want to do better. I know others are farther in this journey of recovery than I am and I appreciate and value any advice anyone may have. Thanks for reading. My apologies for the length. Have a wonderful day.