Is my boyfriend right?

[idky]

hey, so this year I´m going on a senior trip that basically consists on a week of constant party, drinks and friends in Punta, Spain and that has a big weight on every senior´s life.

but I have a problem:

Last year my boyfriend went with his friends and I stayed home, but the problem was that through the week he just wouldn't give a s*it about me and just got in a lot of fights over text being very disrespectful at all times, but I forgave him.

but now, this year I decided to go with my friends as well and I signed up. And he signed up as well for the second time because his friends were going to sign up too but didn't ended up to do so, he was going without his group of friends, just me.

Now, I might seem selfish, but I just wanted a week to have fun with my friends and make friends and of course I wanted to stay in the same room as my girls ( I think thats just part of the experience itself) so we could get ready to go out together and all that girl stuff. but he had no room ( keep in mind that he could cancel the trip and get his money back till a certain day) so I suggested for him to go to a room of a friend ( not a super close friend, but a close friend) and get to know his others friends to be integrated in a group ( since I am in a girls group). He now blames me for not caring about him, and that I am the reason that he is alone and I just don't know what to do.

I just wanted to have a fun trip, but now im just stressed that we will take part of what the trip should be by worrying about where I am at all timer, getting mad at me for not being with me at all times (etc), if that made any sense.

 

am I being too selfish or harsh on him?

 

sorry for my very bad English, any thoughts on this would be great.

 

 

ps: I now just realized that this should be in the relationship advice , im sorry.

[Usa1ah]

You should find a new bf.

 

What did he do on his trip that turned him into Mr Hide

[RedDress]

I’m interested to hear what others have to say - but here are my thoughts.

 

The odds that this guy will be the man you marry and have babies, etc with are statistically very low. This is a once-in-a-lifetime trip with your schoolmates and you will have many memories over the years.

 

I think you should go with your girls and tell your bf he’s on his own.

 

... that’s not the best advice for your relationship (and it could break you guys up)... but I think it’s the best advice for YOU.

 

You are young, you aren’t ready to settle down, and I think it’s ok to be selfish because of it.

 

... but - to be clear - your bf won’t like it.

[Rose Mosse]

Clarify (with yourself) why you're going on that trip and then clarify it with him. Keep it consistent. Do what you need to do to stay true to yourself. He may not accept you for spending more time with your friends during the trip or he may. The problem is that you're not being clear with yourself or him what your expectations of the trip are. If you are clear with yourself, repeat the same thing to him. This way there may be a few pouts along the way but everyone's expectations are clear. After that, let it be and allow him to make his own decisions about you or the trip.

[LC8328]

I agree with RedDress.

 

I'd also like to add, it is selfish of him to not want you to have that experience with your girl friends. Especially after his own partying experience.

[ThatwasThen]

I agree with RedDress.

 

I'd also like to add, it is selfish of him to not want you to have that experience with your girl friends. Especially after his own partying experience.

I suspect his ow partying experience is the reason why he wants to go with her.

 

I suggest you let him know that you consider this is as a girls weekend and that you will be sharing a room with your girls but you and he can get together for lunch (or some other activity) sometime during the trip. Then stick to your girls weekend and have fun.

[MissCanuck]

I suspect his ow partying experience is the reason why he wants to go with her.

 

I suggest you let him know that you consider this is as a girls weekend and that you will be sharing a room with your girls but you and he can get together for lunch (or some other activity) sometime during the trip. Then stick to your girls weekend and have fun.

 

Bingo. My guess is that he's suddenly insecure now that he realizes she's about to experience the same kind of fun he did!

 

OP, this is a trip you'll look back on fondly for years to come. I would be firm that he had his opportunity to enjoy this experience, and now it's your turn. Do not change your room booking for him. It sucks that his buddies bailed on him, but you should not then be expected to rearrange your own plans.

[catfeeder]

Naaah, you are not the reason why he can't find other friends to go with. That's on him.

[RayofLighten]

What he is doing to you is exactly what you did to him when he went away. It sounds like you bombarded him with texts (because you were insecure about his partying) and accused him of not giving a crap about you. While he was away you gave him nothing but grief. Now it is the other way around. You are feeling the way he felt. You are as bad as each other. Time for some good old fashioned communication. Doesn't sound like have any of it between you.

[Rose Mosse]

I agree with Ray^.

Work on the communication between the both of you. He accused you of not caring about him. You may think his whining is a load of bs but if you do care about each other, it's worth asking more about and letting him speak. Yeah, you may be the bigger person because he didn't give you the time of day the other way around when he was away but you get to make the decision about whether the relationship is worth working through.

 

OP, you also assumed what your bf's behaviour would be like if you were on the trip together. Why make all those assumptions about him getting mad at you? I'm not saying it's not valid to be irritated at the thought of it but it's a good indicator that both of you should talk with each other and get rid of any preconceived notions about how either of you will behave and come to some sort of mutual agreement for the period when you're both traveling. Some boundaries would be helpful. It's good practice for the both of you if you'd like to make this work.

[idky]

What he is doing to you is exactly what you did to him when he went away. It sounds like you bombarded him with texts (because you were insecure about his partying) and accused him of not giving a crap about you. While he was away you gave him nothing but grief. Now it is the other way around. You are feeling the way he felt. You are as bad as each other. Time for some good old fashioned communication. Doesn't sound like have any of it between you.

 

I understand that you might view it that way, but actually we didn't even talk that much while he was away because everytime we talked he was always mad at me and disrespectful (mostly because he was drunk) in a way that had me thinking that just by talking to him normally from time to time or just asking how is day went that I was annoying him by just remembering that he has a girlfriend. Now I just wanna enjoy this trip the way I said before and I think that he is being kinda selfish because he had his trip and while he was on it he made me feel very bad.

[idky]

I agree with Ray^.

Work on the communication between the both of you. He accused you of not caring about him. You may think his whining is a load of bs but if you do care about each other, it's worth asking more about and letting him speak. Yeah, you may be the bigger person because he didn't give you the time of day the other way around when he was away but you get to make the decision about whether the relationship is worth working through.

 

OP, you also assumed what your bf's behaviour would be like if you were on the trip together. Why make all those assumptions about him getting mad at you? I'm not saying it's not valid to be irritated at the thought of it but it's a good indicator that both of you should talk with each other and get rid of any preconceived notions about how either of you will behave and come to some sort of mutual agreement for the period when you're both traveling. Some boundaries would be helpful. It's good practice for the both of you if you'd like to make this work.

 

 

I knowww, and its because how much we talked about this subject that I think its going to be like that, I already said what my expectations were towards this trip and he was not happy with it and said that what I want its the fault that he is going to be alone and that I don't care about him. thats why I don't know if I am being so unreasonable

[RayofLighten]

I understand that you might view it that way, but actually we didn't even talk that much while he was away because everytime we talked he was always mad at me and disrespectful (mostly because he was drunk) in a way that had me thinking that just by talking to him normally from time to time or just asking how is day went that I was annoying him by just remembering that he has a girlfriend. Now I just wanna enjoy this trip the way I said before and I think that he is being kinda selfish because he had his trip and while he was on it he made me feel very bad.

 

Still communicate with each other better. You are both probably fretting about things when there is no need to. Sit down with a glass of wine and talk it out together. Good luck :)

[idky]

Still communicate with each other better. You are both probably fretting about things when there is no need to. Sit down with a glass of wine and talk it out together. Good luck :)

 

thankkks for your time :))

[Rose Mosse]

I knowww, and its because how much we talked about this subject that I think its going to be like that, I already said what my expectations were towards this trip and he was not happy with it and said that what I want its the fault that he is going to be alone and that I don't care about him. thats why I don't know if I am being so unreasonable

 

Sometimes people need to get things out and ruminate a little on them before they realize how unreasonable they sound to themselves. Invite him to speak his mind and open up a little more and just listen to him. That saying comes to mind.... you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. In other words, you can't make him be anything else than what he is. He has to come to his own conclusions and figure out what's right or wrong/good or bad. Talking with each other helps with that a lot of the time.

 

I don't suggest you stick around for any emotionally abusive behaviour either and if continues to blame you or burden you without taking some responsibility for the past or present or future, know when not to go any further.