I do not want to ruin my relationship

[Carolinee106]

First of all, I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes... English is my second language.

 

I had a lot of past relationships which didn’t end well. Most of them, the guy just “stopped liking me”. My 1st bf (at age 15) broke up with me because of that reason. My 2nd bf went back with his ex. I dated a guy for almost 3 years who never asked me on a serious relationship. I dated a guy for 3 months and then I suddenly found out he already had a gf (and thanks to the advice of my friends and yours, I was able to break up with him - thank you!).

 

Now I’m going on dates with this guy for a month and a half. He’s from my college. He seems to be such a nice guy. He’s single, he’s so nice to me. He texts me everyday, and we go out every weekend. He introduced me to his friends and sister (his parents are from another city...). This week he had Carnival here in Rio de Janeiro, and we spent all the holiday partying together. It looks like he likes me, right?

 

But then I start thinking about my previous relationships. “Will he stop liking me, too?” And I started to get neurotic about the most ridiculous things. Like: “he’s online and he’s not talking to me - did he got tired of me?” (but he already texted me this morning and he always answer my texts in less than one hour).

 

Rationally, I know I’m overreacting. But I can’t help it. I start to feel like “I have to do something”. And I’m afraid I’ll end up ruining this relationship. What should I do?

[Annia]

There's always a risk when we date someone. That risk always exists weather in the beginning of the relationship or 20 years down the road. We can't control how other people feel and most people are not a match, but some will be and it will last. The best thing to do is enjoying on a day by day basis, day by day. He seems interested and it seems like things are going in the right direction. You don't need to do anything for now, just enjoy the ride. (I know it's easier said than done, and believe me, I've had many situations like yours where I couldn't enjoy because I was worried things wouldn't work out, but stressing out and putting pressure on the other person to feel reassured, was never the solution).

[SarahLancaster]

Yes, you'll end up ruining whatever it is that's budding between you if you suddenly start showing insecurity and lack of self-confidence. A month and half isn't very long. Certainly it isn't long enough for you to expect that he's going to make a commitment to you. Just keep seeing him and keep an open mind about him. Don't romanticize him and put him on a pedestal. Down the road something may develop, or it may come to an end. Getting all worked up about him is only going to hasten an ending.

[Wiseman2]

Don't let past immature guys dictate your future happiness. Evaluate this guy for who he is and what he does, not your past.

But then I start thinking about my previous relationships. “Will he stop liking me, too?”