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I could just be scared?


Pancake1234

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So.. Ive been seeing this guy for about 8 months.

 

Recently I've started to notice I've been a bit unhappy.. His communication is terrible. I asked if he could see a future with me.. And if he wants to go into a long distance relationship when he leaves for work. He said "We'll have to see." And he leaves soon.

 

The other day I went over to his house.. And he barely acknowledged my existence and just kept playing video games.

 

Just things are lacking. I always feel unimportant to him. I always feel like a second thought.

 

I know I should leave.. I don't need to be wasting time like this.

 

But I find myself scared. I'm scared I'll regret it. I'm scared I'll miss him. I'm just terrified.

 

Pretty normal I'm assuming? I feel like he isn't even too into the relationship anyway.

 

Advice?

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Fear is a normal and possibly effective emotion to have when ending a relationship. Often times, we are more comfortable with accepting a known disappointing situation than facing a new and frightening (but possibly improved) situation.

 

You acknowledged in your post that he's treating you badly and refusing to make plans for the future. He's a coward who is not genuinely invested in continuing the relationship when he leaves, but too scared of being alone through the transition or feeling like he's "made a mistake" to be honest with you.

 

Don't wait around thinking the two of you are going to work it out when he leaves. End it now and empower yourself by recognizing that regardless of the situation or the feelings you have for this man that you deserve more than what he's providing.

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You're scared you will continue to be ignored and fell unimportant? If you think its bad now, wait until he moves.

 

You need to address your fear of being without a man. You cannot be happy until you are content with yourself. You can do better than this clown.

 

What are you "terrified" of? Do you have a life outside of this guy?

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You're scared you will continue to be ignored and fell unimportant? If you think its bad now, wait until he moves.

 

You need to address your fear of being without a man. You cannot be happy until you are content with yourself. You can do better than this clown.

 

What are you "terrified" of? Do you have a life outside of this guy?

I do have a life outside of him. But honestly probably not much of a life. I recently got offered a job in a new town and state which I'm taking. I know the new scenery will be a good new beginning.

 

I honestly think I was just way too wrapped up in him.

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I do have a life outside of him. But honestly probably not much of a life. I recently got offered a job in a new town and state which I'm taking. I know the new scenery will be a good new beginning.

 

I honestly think I was just way too wrapped up in him.

 

Yes you sound way too wrapped up in a guy who has little interest in you and is moving away. Let this go, there is nothing to be scared about. You moving to a new place sounds like a good idea. I assume you are young and just not all that familiar with dating and learning to make mature decisions. It will be good for you to move on.

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Yes you sound way too wrapped up in a guy who has little interest in you and is moving away. Let this go, there is nothing to be scared about. You moving to a new place sounds like a good idea. I assume you are young and just not all that familiar with dating and learning to make mature decisions. It will be good for you to move on.
I'm 26, but didn't have many relationships. I also have a hard time realizing when it's time to let relationships go.

 

And yeah.. I just fell too hard for the super wrong guy.

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I do have a life outside of him. But honestly probably not much of a life. I recently got offered a job in a new town and state which I'm taking. I know the new scenery will be a good new beginning.

 

I honestly think I was just way too wrapped up in him.

 

This is a repeating problem on this site. People tolerating sh*t partners because they have no social life or friends outside of their partner. If you had a life outside of him, you would have dumped him long ago.

 

It is good that you are moving and exploring a new life.

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This is a repeating problem on this site. People tolerating sh*t partners because they have no social life or friends outside of their partner. If you had a life outside of him, you would have dumped him long ago.
Yeah you're definitely right. We have a lot of the same friends and hang with the exact same crowd.

 

I think that freaks me out too.. Thinking I'll lose friends too.

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I find it helpful to keep my focus on what I'm moving toward rather than away from. If I encounter any pangs of missing an ex, I remind myself that I'm grieving the loss of my fantasy 'about' the person rather than the guy he actually is.

 

Even if you believe that you love him, you can take comfort in the fact that some people are best loved from far away.

 

If you want to experience the great simpatico of being with someone who's crazy about you and 'gets you,' then let wrong matches pass early and keep your focus on your goal.

 

Head high, and never allow the limits of someone else's vision to devalue your vision of your Self.

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What I've learned is that its OK to be scared. To feel afraid. To miss an ex and second guess. These are very natural human emotions to feel after break up.

 

It's OK!

 

What's not ok is allowing your fear to control you. Whether that means remaining in a dysfunctional relationship that's making you unhappy or taking a better job out of state or anything else.

 

Embrace the fear, again it's a normal human emotion. The key is -- you control it, rather than allowing it to control you.

 

Life is challenging and presents us with many opportunities for growth and change.

 

There is a saying, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

 

So true!!

 

Don't run from your fear or deny it's existence. Embrace fear, embrace mistakes, take risks and learn from them.

 

The ability to be resilient is a beautiful thing!

 

It's having the confidence knowing that no matter what happens, positive or negative, you will be OK. Stronger for having experienced it. This attitude will take you far in life. It has me!!

 

Eventually, your fears will lessen replaced with strength, confidence, resilience, flexibility.

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But I find myself scared. I'm scared I'll regret it. I'm scared I'll miss him. I'm just terrified.

 

It's "normal" to be scared of letting go of something when you know the process is gonna be painful. Think of it this way though... you are already in pain at how he is treating you, and if you let it go at least you will feel the freedom of not being in a relationship with someone that doesn't show you appreciation.

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I read this once and it came to mind here -

 

If you were to watch a small animal, let's say a squirrel cross the highway. The squirrel will get almost all the way across and when a car is approaching it will return to the side it came from, even at it's own peril. (I watch for it now and it's true!)

 

It goes back to same side it came from because that's what's familiar. Even if it's bad for you, there is some comfort in knowing it's familiar.

But that's it's only value.

 

Cross the road, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Being brave sometimes means you challenge yourself to do things out of your comfort zone.

 

Staying where you are at is not an option. Believe you deserve better.

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Of course he's not into you, he's leaving for work - did you get that? I'll say it again - the key words are, HE'S LEAVING YOU.

 

People who love you don't want to leave you. Period.

 

Date other people as quickly as possible, it's good therapy - plus, you might get a real boyfriend.

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