Love wife

[Naamwork88]

I love my wife and I cheated on her. However I cut all contacts with my mistress I am looking to rebuild my life with my wife. My wife does not know about all of this. But I am suffering without my mistress. Please no hate. I am looking to repent and go back to being normal with my wife. How long will I take before I stop missing my mistress ? Is it possible to not tell your wife about your infidelity and still have a good relationship ? Please please help me

[SherrySher]

Love and cheat do not go in the same sentence.

 

If you cheated on her, you did not love her and you don't now.

[MirrorKnight]

I'm not sure if I agree with @SherrySher ... I guess it depends on the definition of love.

 

What concerns me more is that from your post alone, I am not detecting much real remorse about your infidelity. Instead it comes across very self-centered and selfish, more concerned about how you feel bad about losing your fun times on the side than the implications of your infidelity. I hope my impression is wrong and you just did not communicate very well.

 

Remember that you are dealing with two other human beings with their own feelings, dreams, ambitions, insecurities, needs and wants. If you loved either women, hell if you cared about either of them, you should try to bear that in mind in how you treat them. Anyhow...

 

1) Did the mistress know she was a mistress? If so, then she made her own bed, so to speak. If not, then you have basically cheated on both women, and her welfare should be considered too. Regardless if you do not intend to be with her properly, then give her a clean break. You owe her that at least.

 

2) I am going to give the unpopular answer here. If there is no way the wife will ever find out about the affair and she loves you a great deal, and you are absolutely certain that you will never mistreat her again, then I would suggest that you do not tell her and spare her the heartbreak. Then you treat her the way you should have for the rest of your life. With love, compassion and respect.

 

3) You feel bad cos you miss the mistress? Boohoo! Get over it, be a man! Seriously grow up and take responsibility! You got a wife for god's sake, marriage vows should mean something more than advisory instructions to be followed or discarded at your own whims!

[Wiseman2]

Go to a therapist and confess there.

I love my wife and I cheated on her. However I cut all contacts with my mistress I am looking to rebuild my life with my wife. My wife does not know about all of this. But I am suffering without my mistress. Please no hate. I am looking to repent and go back to being normal with my wife. How long will I take before I stop missing my mistress ? Is it possible to not tell your wife about your infidelity and still have a good relationship ? Please please help me

[Tinydance]

Could you provide more information....How long did you have the affair for? How long since you dumped the mistress? My main advice is if you honestly want to rebuild your marriage, you really need to block and delete your mistress on everything and never speak to her or see her ever again. It's difficult to know how long you'll take to stop missing her, we can't actually tell you that. When you say you're missing her, is that because you actually love her/have feelings for her? If it was just sex then why do you miss her? If you had feelings for her too then I'm not sure that you 100% love your wife. You might be losing feelings for your wife.

[Hollyj]

Your wife deserves better. You sound very selfish!

 

Why did you think that you needed to cheat? Why didn't you go to therapy before cheating? Do you have kids?