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So, my child’s father and i split in November. I have a restraining order against him, but he is able to have contact with my daughter. His sister is the designated mediator between us two and whatever communication he needs to have with me has to go through his sister. So since we split, he barely sees her or communicates with her. So tonight he called our daughter to tell her he wants to take her to the beach on Tuesday. My main thing is feeling uneasy about her going anywhere with him and his girlfriend, the girlfriend who decided to take to Instagram and give him a Fathers Day shout-out and in the same post call me a bitter baby mama. (Never had an encounter with her or even met her and because i don’t speak to him AT ALL or have him on child support or prevent him from seeing his kid.) then my next thing is “if” i allow her to go, then he needs to go through the proper channel which is his sister. This whole thing seems childish but i know him and he is a manipulator and a joke. However i don’t want to deny my daughter the opportunity to build a relationship with her father. Help me, plz.

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Why don't you "have him on child support"?

 

Why does he have to have supervised visits?

 

Is he allowed to take the child on a journey unsupervised or will his sister have to go with?

 

He HAS to communicate to his sister his plans for our daughter because that’s where i will drop my daughter off. My daughter is 8, and she is not the messenger. He is not suppose to ask me anything directly via the restraining order. The visit is not supervised or has to be, it just has to be arranged properly and through his sister who is the designated contact amongst us per the restraining order.

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If you're worried, why not reach out to his sister to inquire about details of the upcoming visit? That may put your mind at ease.

 

Don't worry about the girlfriend - she's powerless here. No doubt that he's spun some story about how meeeaan you are and how the judge is against him, blah blah. She doesn't know the whole story so pay her no mind.

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If you're worried, why not reach out to his sister to inquire about details of the upcoming visit? That may put your mind at ease.

 

Don't worry about the girlfriend - she's powerless here. No doubt that he's spun some story about how meeeaan you are and how the judge is against him, blah blah. She doesn't know the whole story so pay her no mind.

 

That was my next option. Thank you so much!

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Child support is for your child and as the parent/adult it's your job to procure it and petition for it. If you feel "uneasy", revise the visitation situation to ensure supervised visits. Make someone not related to him and more neutral the designated mediator. You can also choose neutral exchange areas such as libraries, schools, police stations, etc to facilitate scheduled and supervised visits. You are not legally able to 'deny my daughter the opportunity to build a relationship with her father'. It's not even your call. Legally he has the right to visitation.

 

Make sure everything is in writing and there is adherence to the visitation schedule. Do not confuse your child with ad hoc visitation or deprive your child of her right to child support. Stand up for your child. This is all in your control and things you should do for your child and your peace of mind. Do not get wrapped up in petty nonsense such as his gf's social media.

 

Immediately block and him and all his people from all your social media. Reset all your privacy settings. There is a lot more you can do to improve this situation besides just getting a restraining order and getting upset about his gf's social media posts. Focus on more positive and constructive actions. Stop winging it and stick to the law. Make the laws work for you and your child.

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Child support is for your child and as the parent/adult it's your job to procure it and petition for it. If you feel "uneasy", revise the visitation situation to ensure supervised visits. Make someone not related to him and more neutral the designated mediator. You can also choose neutral exchange areas such as libraries, schools, police stations, etc to facilitate scheduled and supervised visits. You are not legally able to 'deny my daughter the opportunity to build a relationship with her father'. It's not even your call. Legally he has the right to visitation.

 

Make sure everything is in writing and there is adherence to the visitation schedule. Do not confuse your child with ad hoc visitation or deprive your child of her right to child support. Stand up for your child. This is all in your control and things you should do for your child and your peace of mind. Do not get wrapped up in petty nonsense such as his gf's social media.

 

Immediately block and him and all his people from all your social media. Reset all your privacy settings. There is a lot more you can do to improve this situation besides just getting a restraining order and getting upset about his gf's social media posts. Focus on more positive and constructive actions. Stop winging it and stick to the law. Make the laws work for you and your child.

 

Legally he has no rights, I have the right to make any decision, considering there is no visitation schedule or anything that pertains to him having rights. We were never married nor has he established legitimation. So basically it’s whatever I agree to, not what has been designated. The restraining order only specified him seeing his child because i asked the judge to make it clear that he should and could continue the relationship with daughter aside from our differences as long as it’s properly arranged. The decision of child support is ultimately mine and not what the main topic of this thread was,nor asked to be addressed. The restraining order came amongst us splitting because he threatened my life and my job with a gun, another “non main” issue or point of this thread being posted. I do agree a lot more can be done going forward to avoid ad hoc situations etc. I have been winging it, thinking it’s best for my daughter as long as she has any opportunity to see him. Thank you for your advice. I’ll do my best to focus on more positive and meaningful things to help this situation.

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Child support is for your child and as the parent/adult it's your job to procure it and petition for it. If you feel "uneasy", revise the visitation situation to ensure supervised visits. Make someone not related to him and more neutral the designated mediator. You can also choose neutral exchange areas such as libraries, schools, police stations, etc to facilitate scheduled and supervised visits. You are not legally able to 'deny my daughter the opportunity to build a relationship with her father'. It's not even your call. Legally he has the right to visitation.

 

Make sure everything is in writing and there is adherence to the visitation schedule. Do not confuse your child with ad hoc visitation or deprive your child of her right to child support. Stand up for your child. This is all in your control and things you should do for your child and your peace of mind. Do not get wrapped up in petty nonsense such as his gf's social media.

 

Immediately block and him and all his people from all your social media. Reset all your privacy settings. There is a lot more you can do to improve this situation besides just getting a restraining order and getting upset about his gf's social media posts. Focus on more positive and constructive actions. Stop winging it and stick to the law. Make the laws work for you and your child.

 

Totally agree with all of this.

 

You are not serving your child's best interests.

 

This guy sounds like a lunatic. Was he arrested?

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It's your call to ask the court for a paternity test and to get child support. It's a disservice to your child to do everything randomly off the cuff. Why not give your child the gift of structure and stability you never had growing up? Why perpetuate chaos into the next generation?

Legally he has no rights. nor has he established legitimation.
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It's your call to ask the court for a paternity test and to get child support. It's a disservice to your child to do everything randomly off the cuff. Why not give your child the gift of structure and stability you never had growing up? Why perpetuate chaos into the next generation?

 

I said that i didn’t have him on child support, i didn’t confirm or deny if he was giving money for her. I asked a question that has nothing to do with the direction the conversation is going in. I didn’t ask for support on the issue of child support.

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Why is he not paying support? This is very relevant to your child's well being.

 

You should be going through the court for visitation and support. The child needs more stability.

 

I said that i didn’t have him on child support, i didn’t confirm or deny if he was giving money for her. I asked a question that has nothing to do with the direction the conversation is going in. I didn’t ask for support on the issue of child support.

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I'm not sure if this is an option but if the restraining order is lifted in the future and is no longer needed then, have you considered using a coparenting app to talk to him? These apps exist and allow two parents to talk to each other about the kid. There are tools specifically for coparents and you can monitor and save all conversations. Just an idea. Seems like going through the sister is burdensome but if he's under a restraining order, well...

 

Why does he have one anyway?

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I said that i didn’t have him on child support, i didn’t confirm or deny if he was giving money for her. I asked a question that has nothing to do with the direction the conversation is going in. I didn’t ask for support on the issue of child support.

 

Why not?

 

Why haven't you gone through the court?

 

Why won't you answer our questions?

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I'm not sure if this is an option but if the restraining order is lifted in the future and is no longer needed then, have you considered using a coparenting app to talk to him? These apps exist and allow two parents to talk to each other about the kid. There are tools specifically for coparents and you can monitor and save all conversations. Just an idea. Seems like going through the sister is burdensome but if he's under a restraining order, well...

 

Why does he have one anyway?

 

He threatened her with a gun. All the more reason for her to go through the courts. I don't get her thinking.

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He threatened her with a gun. All the more reason for her to go through the courts. I don't get her thinking.

 

You want me to go through the courts for what specifically? You’re asking about child support an my question was pertaining to letting my daughter go to the beach with him and his girlfriend and whether i need to reiterate how he is supposed to use the proper channel. I don’t understand your thinking as you aren’t focused on the matter but more focused on analyzing child support. I appreciate your answer, it’s just not one i think answers my question/questions.

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I'm not sure if this is an option but if the restraining order is lifted in the future and is no longer needed then, have you considered using a coparenting app to talk to him? These apps exist and allow two parents to talk to each other about the kid. There are tools specifically for coparents and you can monitor and save all conversations. Just an idea. Seems like going through the sister is burdensome but if he's under a restraining order, well...

 

Why does he have one anyway?

 

I think that could work if he’s willing to use it as well. And i took the restraining order out when he pulled a gun on me and threatened my life, my brother’s, my job, and also had his a relative come to my house where we were living to fight me. This was all over the fact that i didn’t tell him my brother came to “our” house. I didn’t understand how it was an issue, but that’s what led to us arguing about it and him pulling the gun. He didn’t see or speak to my daughter for a month until our court day which is when i decided he should stay away from me, but i was willing to make arrangements for him to continue his relationship with our daughter. Granted I’ve only gone through this once, this being the first time, so i don’t know all of the answers, but i definitely want to do what’s best

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You want me to go through the courts for what specifically? You’re asking about child support an my question was pertaining to letting my daughter go to the beach with him and his girlfriend and whether i need to reiterate how he is supposed to use the proper channel. I don’t understand your thinking as you aren’t focused on the matter but more focused on analyzing child support. I appreciate your answer, it’s just not one i think answers my question/questions.

 

You are focused on the gf and a beach date, not more important issues. The court should be determining the visitation through someone who is not a relative. You should also be receiving support for your child. Why aren't you doing these things? Why won't you answer the questions?

 

Was he arrested???

 

Who cares about the gf, you should be looking at the big picture.

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You are focused on the gf and a beach date, not more important issues. The court should be determining the visitation through someone who is not a relative. You should also be receiving support for your child. Why aren't you doing these things? Why won't you answer the questions?

 

Was he arrested???

 

Who cares about the gf, you should be looking at the big picture.

 

You’re right. Thank you.

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Hey. I think all you can really do in terms of beach day is contact his sister and ask about it 'mick has told Laura he's wanting to take her to the beach Tuesday, can you find out more details please' and for future visitation you really ought to go through court to get a schedule so he has set days etc. Honestly I think he went through your daughter so that if it doesn't happen you're the bad guy and not him.

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Hey. I think all you can really do in terms of beach day is contact his sister and ask about it 'mick has told Laura he's wanting to take her to the beach Tuesday, can you find out more details please' and for future visitation you really ought to go through court to get a schedule so he has set days etc. Honestly I think he went through your daughter so that if it doesn't happen you're the bad guy and not him.

 

 

 

 

You hit the nail on the head with the last sentence. These were my exact thoughts because he does it all of the time! And yes i agree I need to get a schedule through the courts.

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You suggested to the courts that a gun loose guy with a bad temper should continue to see your daughter.

That’s fine.

 

At the time he didn’t have a girlfriend.

But suddenly you worry about your daughter being in his company NOT because of his temper or gun wielding but because he has a GIRLFRIEND?

That does not make sense to me.

 

Of course his gf thinks you are crazy. She wouldn’t be dating your ex if she actually knew the truth , clearly he has concocted lies about you to make him appear like the victim so his gf will continue to date him.

 

Or perhaps you did get bitter about something and in an emotionally charged moment exaggerated your statement to the police and a had a slight change of heart at the court hearing???

 

It sounds like you did have the option of supervised visits? And now regret not taking that option because you never foresaw that the unsupervised visits would have a gf in tow?

 

Regardless of the question asked, you should absolutely be seeking child support.

That IS in the best interest for your child.

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