Jump to content

How do you survive when your soulmate dies?


sunflower512

Recommended Posts

I never believed in love or soul mates... that is until I met mine. Our relationship wasn't a bed of roses, we had to fight very hard for it. We dated for a year, took a year off and dated other people and finally found our way back to each other. Throughout our relationship and even breakup, he would tell me, his friends, who ever would listen, that it was only a break, and that one day I was going to be his wife. Four days after we were officially back together, I got the worst phone call of my life... its been 7 months and I still cry every night, morning and usually in between. He died of undiagnosed Lukemia, and some days I can't even accept that.

 

I need to know how you survive after this kind of loss. I'm not really alive anymore, I just go through the everyday without feeling what's happening. I'm graduating from college in May and I don't know what I'm going to do. He always talked about getting engaged for graduation.

 

Recently, I found out that someone in my building is interested me. The thought of being with anyone else makes me physically sick.

 

I could really sue the advice of someone who has done this. My friends try to understand, but their advice isn't something I think I can take, because it doesnt stem from experience.

Link to comment

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's the sort of tragedy you really don't expect to be facing until much later in life.

 

I don't know how you handle it. I suspect time will be the only thing that takes the edge off your pain. Otherwise I guess you have to try and find inspiration in his life and young death.

 

I hope others can be of more use.

Link to comment

Hello Sunflower,

 

I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I wish I could take the pain away, but perhaps a few kind and uplifting words can ease some of the sorrow.....

 

I think about the truth of love and soulmates...And everything in my heart, and everything I have read and understood, reveals that soulmates are never separated, not even in death. Once love is created, it is never destroyed. Death and separation are illusions that exist in the physical--they exist for important soul lessons, but they exist as a thin veil over our deep soul-consciousness. We only need to think of a beloved person, and they are there. We only need to call out in our hurt and despair, and we are comforted.

 

Loss in the physical is so painful, because it seem permanent. But death is our passageway into a new life; death is like walking from one room to another room, yet still being in the same house. In the ancient days, fall was considered the beginning of the year. This is because people of yore recognised that death is the beginning, not the end.

 

It is so hard for us here now to accept this, because our pain is real, our pain is immense, and we long to hold the body of our loved one, we long to hear their voice, see their eyes, clasp their hands, walk with them down many paths. It seems impossible that a beautiful life can end so soon. How can this be? How can these alive eyes and this alive voice and this alive soul be subtracted from existence?

 

And yet....he has not.....and yet...he still exists. As surely as you do. A person, whether here for 80 years or 20 years, has lived the life s/he was destined to live. Every experience created and shared was fashioned out of the deepest, most perfect love...even our sorrowful lessons, even our painful lessons.

 

I remember Gibran saying "Your sorrow is no less wondrous than your joy" "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"

 

This beautiful person that you loved with all your heart.....Loved you, and still loves you. The bonds between soulmates are forever....You will be together always, in many lifetimes, in many relationships, always in love. There has not been a time when you have been without, even if one must leave before the other.

 

I found an inspirational song that highlights the idea of twin flame love....And the belief that there is no separation. If you would like, you can listen to the music and watch the touching video. I think this beautiful music will speak to your heart.

 

We follow our loved ones in their journeys, even if they transcend the physical to the spirit realm and beyond. Part of our souls are permanently infused in theirs---indestructible, infinite, glorious. You, the you that you are now, with all of your beauty and spark and deepest thoughts, are contained in the heart of his soul.

 

And so, like a mother carries with her always some of the little cells of each of her children inside her womb, so too, do you carry him, and he carries you...beyond all space and time.

 

In dreams he will come to you......And tell you it is all right. Trust in him, believe in him, bless him on his path. For he will never be far away....not more than a thought, or a tear, or a silent smile, away.

 

Bless you......May you be comforted.....May you be lifted to the heart of God....may you find peace......May your grief be the potion which heals the self......May your sorrow be the winter of your heart that gives way to the delicate birth of spring......

 

May you appreciate and honor your sacred soul....And the pain that cleanses it now.....And not rush the process, but embrace it, as you embrace that which is holy and true........

 

You live now, a part of him.....A soul, carrying the secrets of a life not lived in vain. You will love always. You will find joy again. You will not forget, but you will transcend, and you will live. And you will understand the deepest part of the self that longs to become a part of love's heart.

 

Love never dies.

Link to comment

sunflower I am very sorry to hear of your loss. There are others here who have been through a loss as well and while I don't want to speak for them I think they would be of great help. They will really understand exactly what you are going through.

 

KG is the best person I can think of and I hope he does not mind me pointing him out here.

Link to comment

All I can say is...time does heal.

 

I was 22 when my boyfriend died two weeks before his 26th birthday. We had been together five years, survived a year of long distance, many changes together and in our lives, and were planning on being married in the next couple years. While he had been diagnosed with an illness a few months earlier, he was being treated and it was actually a sudden side effect of the medication that caused his death, not the illness. It was unexpected - and extremely tragic.

 

I can say it was incredibly hard; I had been with him for so long and we really were best friends and wonderful partners.

 

I was also of an age where none of my peers had gone through that.

 

You need to realize though, life will go on; and he would want you to go on too and find love again. There is more than one love for us in this world and in our lifetimes in the case that things like this DO happen or it does not work out for some reason. I know that at times you may feel a sense of guilt - but don't. You are doing nothing wrong by moving forward and if he loved you, he would want the same.

 

I have never forgotten him - and never will - but I have loved again and am in a wonderful relationship and am exactly where I SHOULD be. I love my partner greatly, and cannot imagine HIM not being in my life and so I have to say things really do work out, even if it is not always as you THOUGHT it should. It is a strange thing as I still think of him and what would of been, more sadness he is not here to live the wonderful life he was living - but I cannot be sad about how my life has turned out or how that experience in my life has made me who I am - I just wish it had not taken him losing his life for that! People whom have been there know what I am saying....even though it is confusing at times to explain it!

 

It is SO important to live your life with joy and not in constant sorrow. My late boyfriend he LOVED life - truly loved it. What a dishonour it would be to him and his memory for me not to take every day as a wonderful gift and seize every opportunity to love, laugh and cry and explore who I am. That is how I remember him - by living to the fullest every day.

Link to comment

Sunflower,

I know where you are. I'm 9 months since my wife died, with 3 months notice, during the holidays. Yesterday was my birthday, I cried all night because she wasn't here to help celebrate with me. We had 25 years together.

What I've learned in 9 months...You are going to cry, the gut wrenching, fetal position, on the floor crying that no one knows about but you. Until you feel like throwing up. You are going to cry when a song comes on. Or when you fold and put away a certain shirt/skirt.

But that is grief coming OUT of you. It HAS to come out of you. Grief bottled up is counterproductive. LET IT OUT. It's your RIGHT to grieve, on your own terms, no one elses. And NO ONE has the right to say "you should be...". It is your private time. With him. And his memory.

About seeing anyone....you will know, when the tears have kinda subsided, like only every 6 weeks or so ( LOL! ). When you can even think about someone else being around you. When you are ready. YOU YOU YOU. It is all about you. Not anyone elses preconceived notion of what's right for you.

But for right now, hold on to your feelings, cry your heart out, don't hurt youself, and let yourself grieve. It's your love coming to the top! It's what he deserves. It is also your tribute to how much you miss him!

Finally, I give you ***HUGS***, 'cause I know you need them.

PM me anytime. OK? OK!

KG

Link to comment

What beautiful posts. I don't have anything so wonderful to give you, sunflower, but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for reaching out ~ ENA is full of wonderful people who can give you love and support, and you are very welcome here. Big hug.

Link to comment
Sunflower,

I know where you are. I'm 9 months since my wife died, with 3 months notice, during the holidays. Yesterday was my birthday, I cried all night because she wasn't here to help celebrate with me. We had 25 years together.

 

Happy birthday, KG. Your post made me cry.

 

I bet your wife would have been so proud of you for making this far and for reaching out to others in such a kind way. You're inspiring. Hug.

Link to comment

sunflower - I have never been in this position before, so I can't offer you any advice I'm sorry, but I just had to say something after reading that. I am thinking of you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. The advice you've received so far is great. I hope you're doing ok.

Link to comment

Sunflower...I know the pain you're going through. My partner and soul mate was killed in a car accident in Sept. I would be in a straight jacket if it weren't for the simple fact that he was killed instantly. I don't know what I would do if he had physically suffered. I haven't posted on here in a while because I've been a zombie emotionally. I am still in shock that he is gone.

 

Thanksgiving came and went and until 3pm on the Wed. before I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be for the holiday. I knew I didn't want to be alone, yet I also did not want to be around a bunch of 'normal' people celebrating. My family wanted me around and since I was in the car at the time of the accident and survived I understand how important that was to them. I ended up spending it in a city that meant a lot to my partner (god I hate that word) with a couple of very close friends...it was very quiet, calm and relaxing. I felt his presense often over those few days...really for the first time since his death. I knew I was in the right place and it was as peaceful as it could have been.

 

His birthday was last week...that was really difficult. It also happened to be my first week back to work (which included a business trip accross the country). The saving grace was that my partner had a very close cousin who happens to live there. She and I spent the evening together sharing stories of my soul mate. As painful and depressing as it was, we knew it was the only way to truly honor him on 'his' day. He would have been 40.

 

Out of everyone in his family, his cousin was one of only a few that I believe really 'got it'. She understood that just because we weren't married that we were meant for each other...and she shared with me things my partner had told her about me and our relationship that reinforce that. I know that regardless of what happens in my life, that no one will ever be able to take away the memories and love we shared. I absolutely cannot imagine being with anyone else...it took me 31 years to find him and I had the best 8 yrs of my life when I was with him. I know a couple of people who lost their spouse at a young age and they're each in new relationships and encourage me not to deny myself that when I'm ready, but 3 months into my loss I'm shocked at how many people seem to think I should be well on my way to 'moving on'. I have barely begun to feel what this all means and comprehend what it means for my future life.

 

I'm incredibly depressed right now and barely functioning ...I sit around and watch a lot of movies (it seems to be all I can do and an easy escape from reality) when I'm not trying to get some work done. Fortunately I work from home so I don't have to be around people all day.

 

I feel so sad that I am 'nauseous'--it's like an emotional pit in my stomach...not a physical one. If it was a physical feeling of nausea I think it would be easier to deal with, but I just feel like my soul is tied up in knots and completely cramped up all the time.

 

Although I feel alone no matter how many people are around me, when I think about it I know that he will live on through me to a certain extent. I am not the same person as when I first met him...he changed my life...he SAVED me from myself on many levels. At both the funeral and memorial service a number of people spoke of how we were each other's yin and yang. People didn't mention one of us without mentioning the other. He truly was my soul mate and I hope...I hope...I hope...that our souls will one day be reunited. I live in hell every day that passes without him. Trust me ...although I have no answers...I do know what you're going through.

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

sorry to hear about your lost sunflower... grief is a process, it doesnt matter how long you take... you may take a year or 2.. it doesnt matter... the fact that losing someone you care about is one of the most dreadful thing that can happen. but know that you deserve a good life and you have a beautiful future ahead of you.. take your time to cry your heart out... meanwhile dont negelect making new friends that can give you support... maybe one day soon, you will be able to lift you your eyes and say.. he is looking down at me from heaven... and i will live well and take good care of myself... when the day i leave earth in 70 yrs time... i will be able to see him again...

 

take care sunflower...

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

dear KG

I read what your wrote to Sunflower and it touched me so much, my loved one passed away 4mths ago and i miss him like i cant find the words, i tried to be strong and hold my tears inside after reading your post i broke down like a baby and let it all out.

since the death of my beautiful christopher i feel weird like i dont belong here, nothing matters to me like it use to. my heart has gone with him and there is not a day, hour, or minute he is not on my mind.

at times I feel like im really losing my mind, the only thing that gets me through is that im so grateful to have met such a beautiful person even though it was only for a short time, he touched my heart more than some people i have know a lifetime,

your post gave me strength

 

thankyou

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

I can completely understand what your saying . my loved one passed awa amost 2 months ago and between what you and KG wrote is exactly true. he was my other half and i only realized it right before he died so there was so many things left unsaid but imlearning to move on slowly, and i agree with what u said 100% there are times when i feel like im loossing my mind or our song will come on or i smell or feel him and i cry all over again.One say i know it will get easier but for now im happy to be mby myself and with my memories.

Link to comment
I can completely understand what your saying . my loved one passed awa amost 2 months ago and between what you and KG wrote is exactly true. he was my other half and i only realized it right before he died so there was so many things left unsaid but imlearning to move on slowly, and i agree with what u said 100% there are times when i feel like im loossing my mind or our song will come on or i smell or feel him and i cry all over again.One say i know it will get easier but for now im happy to be mby myself and with my memories.

 

It will get easier, you will get stronger, and you will always have the memories to cherish.

Link to comment

my mom is going through this right now, and honestly i dont know how she is doing it. the 24th will be the one year anniversary of my dads passing, and its still so hard for her. i think time heals all things. but there will always be a place in your heart for him.

Link to comment
my mom is going through this right now, and honestly i dont know how she is doing it. the 24th will be the one year anniversary of my dads passing, and its still so hard for her. i think time heals all things. but there will always be a place in your heart for him.

 

The end of the first year was tough for me...I was reliving all the evnts in my head. But it's natural, you can't ignore the date you S/O passes away, you simply can't.

 

So we chose to honor her with pictures, stories of her...it hurt, but felt good also. Very bittersweet.

 

Is this 3rd time any easier? Yes. Does it still hurt? Yes. Will it always? But that's part of living.

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
  • 2 weeks later...

thankyou enas...my grief gets words here ,that is ven i realise vot i am feeling,,,,,i do not want to not grieve i so much want to but am told that if i cry too much or if i try to do autowriting through a medium i will harm him i so want to hear from him...the life we had is gone and i feel cheated

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...