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Meeting a girl tomorrow, but unexpected message from her


Braytc

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Me (23 male) her (23 female)

 

There's a girl that I've been talking to for a few weeks on social media and started to text her about a week ago. Just to keep things short, she said what she thought about me and I told her what I thought about her and we're both looking to eventually have a serious committed relationship. Let's just say we both are attracted to eachother and she wants to do something this weekend.

 

 

We have plans meeting tomorrow and she messaged me this tonight: "I just think I should tell you this before anything happens. There's a guy I've been seeing since February kind of as a friends with benefits type of thing and not sure if it's going anywhere but I do see him regularly. I don't know if this changes your opinion of me but I wanted to be out there open about this."

 

 

I said like,... "okay. it really just depends, what were you expecting between us this whole time?"

 

 

She said "i know you were looking for something serious and so am I. Obviously if we meet and hit it off, I would cut off anyone else. I'm just sort of afraid of commitment right now because of my past experiences"

 

 

Recap: Without me really saying much, she's the one telling me how "Good I look" and giving me her number to text her without me even asking for it. I didn't really initiate much at all, she started it all which really has this whole thing feeling weird.

 

 

What the hell is this? I don't even know what to feel, I kind of feel like if I see her I won't even be happy at all after hearing this and kind of pissy inside. To be honest, I'm not even shocked the slightest by these girls anymore. Just not sure If I should even waste my time getting invested in something like this. It just feels weird she'd be doing this with a guy for how many months and seeing him all the time yet wants to basically "Try me out" or something while knowing this the entire time. Idk if that's what you're getting also from this. Thanks!

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How could you even be discussing a serious committed relationship with someone you have yet to meet? You lost me there tho I can see why you think she might be wanting to try you out even tho there's this FWB guy too. Maybe you should skip this one and find another girl who isnt setting off as many warning bells.

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Eh, I wouldn't waste my time. It sounds like she wants attention. She doesn't have to tell you this.

 

What's going to happen if she doesn't hit it off with you? She goes to this other dude? Being casual and going on dates is one thing. But talking about commitment one day and then telling you about some guy she's been keeping warm with is another. I mean, not to mention the fact you two have been only "talking" via social media. Which means you have no idea who this girl is. Social media isn't dating. It's a make believe world where you formulate your ideal woman by making your mind believe what it wants to. Real relationships are formed by interaction. Face to face. Not keyboard to keyboard.

 

I would move on. Find someone who's less high maintenance. And if you want a successful relationship, get off social media. You'll thank me later.

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How could you even be discussing a serious committed relationship with someone you have yet to meet? You lost me there tho I can see why you think she might be wanting to try you out even tho there's this FWB guy too. Maybe you should skip this one and find another girl who isnt setting off as many warning bells.

 

Maybe I typed it strangely or something. I just ment when we were talking at first we were just kind of asking eachother what we are looking for. And we both just said in general, not personally between us, that we are "SEARCHING" for a serious relationship. Idk if i typed that weird or not before

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Eh, I wouldn't waste my time. It sounds like she wants attention. She doesn't have to tell you this.

 

What's going to happen if she doesn't hit it off with you? She goes to this other dude? Being casual and going on dates is one thing. But talking about commitment one day and then telling you about some guy she's been keeping warm with is another. I mean, not to mention the fact you two have been only "talking" via social media. Which means you have no idea who this girl is. Social media isn't dating. It's a make believe world where you formulate your ideal woman by making your mind believe what it wants to. Real relationships are formed by interaction. Face to face. Not keyboard to keyboard.

 

I would move on. Find someone who's less high maintenance. And if you want a successful relationship, get off social media. You'll thank me later.

 

 

Which what you're saying is my first thought process. At the same time it's hard to think that a girl i have never met, is willing to tell me those things, and still willing to see me. Like there has to be a reason, as if she is truthful and ready to actually start something real and new. If she wasnt serious about me or have any interest I would think she would either 1. not talk to me (simple) or 2. not even tell me that because that's easy to do too

 

Why would she be so persistent on meeting me? It just doesnt make sense unless truly interested

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I'll just say that if you're looking for relationship material, you're not likely to find it with her.

 

JMO...

 

Which that's why im here. to get people's points of views and appreciate it! I'm in no way emotionally invested in this, just want to see what she's about instead of typing or talking to her all day through a phone. I want to see it.

 

I see no harm being done in me treating it like any normal date. I'm definitely not thrilled about this at all and probably know the outcome already, but stranger things have happened.

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So does this sound normal at all generally speaking. Like has anyone seen anything like this or think this is an okay thing for her to do? It's hard to say, like im talking to her right now as we speak and it feels like she's completely just okay about all of this as if nothing is wrong

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Maybe I typed it strangely or something. I just ment when we were talking at first we were just kind of asking eachother what we are looking for. And we both just said in general, not personally between us, that we are "SEARCHING" for a serious relationship. Idk if i typed that weird or not before

 

You typed it weirdly enough that I didnt get your point. Seriously, find another girl, meet face to face, not online.

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I remember the last time I was single (2006!), this happened to me three times in the span of a month. I messed up the first two times and lost the girl. The last time I handled it right and she became my now ex-wife.

 

Everything about this screams "test". It's pretty rare that she would be telling you this to be upfront with you. She wants to get a reaction out of you. Most guys (and girls, even ones who do tests themselves lol) negatively judge the girl for tests, but not this guy. I know that the reason girls test guys is because they like the guy. So what's going on here?

 

Let me reinterpret these statements:

 

"I just think I should tell you this before anything happens. There's a guy I've been seeing since February kind of as a friends with benefits type of thing and not sure if it's going anywhere but I do see him regularly. I don't know if this changes your opinion of me but I wanted to be out there open about this."

 

What she really means is: "I want to see if you'll get upset/jealous about this because I want to know if you really care about me. I want to see if you'll just use me for sex just like this guy and every other guy out there, or if you're being genuine when you say you care about me. I also want to see if you have a spine and if you'll stick up for yourself."

 

She said "i know you were looking for something serious and so am I. Obviously if we meet and hit it off, I would cut off anyone else. I'm just sort of afraid of commitment right now because of my past experiences"

 

What she means: "I want to know if you're serious about me. I want you to show me that you're a man and won't put up with any BS from me. I am scarred by my past relationships and I want you to help me get over them."

 

Don't be so thrown off by her statements. They are a positive indicator. She likes you.

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So does this sound normal at all generally speaking. Like has anyone seen anything like this or think this is an okay thing for her to do? It's hard to say, like im talking to her right now as we speak and it feels like she's completely just okay about all of this as if nothing is wrong

 

I mean that's a good sign that she's still talking to you. I wouldn't say you passed the test with flying colors, but you did well enough to earn more time. The couple of times that I failed the test, I almost immediately got "It's late I think it's time for me to go to bed", and "I think we're better off just as friends." Looking back it's so funny how immediate their response was.

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I remember the last time I was single (2006!), this happened to me three times in the span of a month. I messed up the first two times and lost the girl. The last time I handled it right and she became my now ex-wife.

 

Everything about this screams "test". It's pretty rare that she would be telling you this to be upfront with you. She wants to get a reaction out of you. Most guys (and girls, even ones who do tests themselves lol) negatively judge the girl for tests, but not this guy. I know that the reason girls test guys is because they like the guy. So what's going on here?

 

Let me reinterpret these statements:

 

 

 

What she really means is: "I want to see if you'll get upset/jealous about this because I want to know if you really care about me. I want to see if you'll just use me for sex just like this guy and every other guy out there, or if you're being genuine when you say you care about me. I also want to see if you have a spine and if you'll stick up for yourself."

 

 

 

What she means: "I want to know if you're serious about me. I want you to show me that you're a man and won't put up with any BS from me. I am scarred by my past relationships and I want you to help me get over them."

 

Don't be so thrown off by her statements. They are a positive indicator. She likes you.

 

Really appreciate that you're the first one to lay it out like that in your words!

 

That's my next thought process. At first sure, i was like upset with it. But then I'm like, maybe she just has a different way of doing this than most girl i've dated in the past and she wants to see how I react to her knowing these circumstances. Will i freak out? Am I really into her or so on the edge about her that I just say "cyah" after knowing something like that. Will i continue to pursue her? That's i guess what she is asking.

 

I think i went about it in a very positive way. I didn't say anything that showed that I am now distant from her and don't like her, because she even said "i hope this doesn't change your opinion of me" after she told me that.

 

 

Also like the first day or two i was talking to her, she mentioned "she's sick of every guy just wanting to hookup. all the guys just want to hookup"

So maybe im the first person to sit there and get to know her and have a conversation about nothing but her and me throughout a couple of weeks

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Also like the first day or two i was talking to her, she mentioned "she's sick of every guy just wanting to hookup. all the guys just want to hookup"

So maybe im the first person to sit there and get to know her and have a conversation about nothing but her and me throughout a couple of weeks

 

 

1.) No healthy girl who is actually looking to get into a happy, successful relationship would tell you something like that, in my opinion you're trying to make sense of this because although you say you haven't caught feelings, you have.

 

2.) in my opinion, she's saying 'she's sick of guys just wanting to hook up' because she's telling the truth, the guy she wants to be with just wants to hook up with her. she is seeing someone else and she seeks you out when she needs an ego boost. If she has feelings for her FWB and he's not reciprocating her feelings that can be a big blow to her, so you're kinda like a safety net. What's ~possibly~ happening is when he rejects her she draws nearer to you. I don't know if you've ever dated multiple people before, but it's kinda like that. If one person you're dating is pulling away, well you're probably going to put more focus on the other one.

 

3.) I can't speak for every woman, but, me personally, if I actually like a guy and want to get to know him and be with him I'm going to avoid saying something off the wall that could chase him away at all costs. Let that sink in. Ask yourself why is she sabotaging? Even if it's to 'test' you, do you want to get on that roller coaster? It's not adding up.

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1.) No healthy girl who is actually looking to get into a happy, successful relationship would tell you something like that, in my opinion you're trying to make sense of this because although you say you haven't caught feelings, you have.

 

2.) in my opinion, she's saying 'she's sick of guys just wanting to hook up' because she's telling the truth, the guy she wants to be with just wants to hook up with her. she is seeing someone else and she seeks you out when she needs an ego boost. If she has feelings for her FWB and he's not reciprocating her feelings that can be a big blow to her, so you're kinda like a safety net. What's ~possibly~ happening is when he rejects her she draws nearer to you. I don't know if you've ever dated multiple people before, but it's kinda like that. If one person you're dating is pulling away, well you're probably going to put more focus on the other one.

 

3.) I can't speak for every woman, but, me personally, if I actually like a guy and want to get to know him and be with him I'm going to avoid saying something off the wall that could chase him away at all costs. Let that sink in. Ask yourself why is she sabotaging? Even if it's to 'test' you, do you want to get on that roller coaster? It's not adding up.

 

 

I have 3 other dates lined up, and this is simply for knowledge and future experience purposes. I have never met her, and she has never met me. Technically speaking, I am a random guy about 20 mins away from her that she has never seen. She has wasted countless hours conversing with me, telling me how "Good" i look, and adamantly wanting a date. I'm just a random guy. And before our first ever date, she's laying this on me the night before. Maybe to see how i react? Why even waste your time messaging me?

 

Am i wondering about this because I like her. Sure. Am i head over heels for her? No, i have not even seen her standing infront of me yet lol

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another response i got on this topic was

 

"She's not playing games, and I highly doubt she's trying to keep you as a backup. If she was playing games or trying to keep you on the back burner she would not have been honest/open with you. She can't benefit at all from telling you except in perhaps gaining some trust. If she were playing games she would not have been so blunt and up front about it, she would've been really wishy-washy or passive aggressive.

What it comes down to is can you deal with this information for possibly a few dates? Given that she was up front with you about what she does, I would be in a position to believe her if she says she will stop if you two click. "

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another response i got on this topic was

 

"She's not playing games, and I highly doubt she's trying to keep you as a backup. If she was playing games or trying to keep you on the back burner she would not have been honest/open with you. She can't benefit at all from telling you except in perhaps gaining some trust. If she were playing games she would not have been so blunt and up front about it, she would've been really wishy-washy or passive aggressive.

What it comes down to is can you deal with this information for possibly a few dates? Given that she was up front with you about what she does, I would be in a position to believe her if she says she will stop if you two click. "

 

I find it interesting this is 'simply for knowledge' yet you're latching onto posts that seem to give you hope.

 

At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want and you know your life better than anyone here, so you should always take advise with a grain of salt, imo.

 

With that being said, again, as a woman, it seems like red flags. Why as you say compliment you so much if she's actively sleeping with someone else, why seek you out? Could it be because she's 'testing you' sure, why not, could you guys hit it off? Absolutely, but guess what else could happen, you meet, date, you fall for her and she drops you because her FWB found out about you got jealous and decided he wanted to be with her. OR she yo-yo's between the both of you and you're in pain because of it. OR you get into a committed relationship and she admits she's still sleeping with this guy. As long as there's someone else in the picture, point blank period, you are putting yourself at a greater risk of getting hurt. Is it guarenteed? No, of course not, but it's a risk none the less.

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I find it interesting this is 'simply for knowledge' yet you're latching onto posts that seem to give you hope.

 

At the end of the day, you're going to do what you want and you know your life better than anyone here, so you should always take advise with a grain of salt, imo.

 

With that being said, again, as a woman, it seems like red flags. Why as you say compliment you so much if she's actively sleeping with someone else, why seek you out? Could it be because she's 'testing you' sure, why not, could you guys hit it off? Absolutely, but guess what else could happen, you meet, date, you fall for her and she drops you because her FWB found out about you got jealous and decided he wanted to be with her. OR she yo-yo's between the both of you and you're in pain because of it. OR you get into a committed relationship and she admits she's still sleeping with this guy. As long as there's someone else in the picture, point blank period, you are putting yourself at a greater risk of getting hurt. Is it guarenteed? No, of course not, but it's a risk none the less.

 

It's called debating, every debate has 1 side to argue and im just arguing on the other side to see what you're going to say in response. Everyone on the side of "she isn't playing games and really wants to see you" i give arguments on the complete opposite side as well. Idk how you failed to see that im sorry haha

 

But anyways. Do you think I'm not fully aware of everything you just listed? 2 minutes after she typed that to me those things were already going through my head. Am I a little thrown off...sure. who wouldnt be? We've been talking every single day for weeks and the night before our first date, she hits me with this. This isn't something that happened a day after we started talking.

 

This isn't the first time, this isn't the second time, this isn't the third time a girl has shown interest and got flaky and we just broke apart. Trust me, it really isn't. But again after talking to her for so long, it seems like she just couldn't find a guy that she likes enough to stay with, and just has someone that she's seeing. And guess what, I've slept with a few girls here and there between my last "relationship" that ended until now, because everyone does that. Not everyone you sleep with means that they are your partner for life. To be seeing someone for that long and not being in a relationship (HER FACEBOOK SAYS SINGLE) etc, what makes me think that she's not just there to be physical with that guy AND NOTHING ELSE, just to fill that empty space until someone with a life, a degree, a job, a good personality, someone who shares interests etc comes along, and is looking for someone to be BOTH physical AND life/emotionally connected with her. Every girl I sleep with I got into a relationship with? Nope, not even a slim 1% chance of that happening and we both know it.

There just has to be a stranger, deeper meaning to the first girl in the history of earth coming out before a first date and saying this stuff, and still wanting the date lol. They don't just do this.

 

These are things im saying in argument to your statements to see if im in the wrong or your point of view. Not because i truly think of those things, FYI

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Don't ever lower yourself to date someone who's screwing someone else. Especially if they tell you they'll keep doing it if you don't make the grade. I agree with above. Not relationship material.

 

Thank you! Appreciate it

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Which what you're saying is my first thought process. At the same time it's hard to think that a girl i have never met, is willing to tell me those things, and still willing to see me. Like there has to be a reason, as if she is truthful and ready to actually start something real and new. If she wasnt serious about me or have any interest I would think she would either 1. not talk to me (simple) or 2. not even tell me that because that's easy to do too

 

Why would she be so persistent on meeting me? It just doesnt make sense unless truly interested

 

The reason is she's an attention ****. I think she put that out there as a disclaimer to assuage any guilt that she might have for not disclosing it if she happens to like you or it could be a **** test to see how you react. Hard to say the exact intentions, but this one sounds like trouble, a monkey brancher.

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The reason is she's an attention ****. I think she put that out there as a disclaimer to assuage any guilt that she might have for not disclosing it if she happens to like you or it could be a **** test to see how you react. Hard to say the exact intentions, but this one sounds like trouble, a monkey brancher.

 

It's weird, different, and have never seen it before in my life. lol. It's one thing that she's doing that. Sure, do i sleep with people and have a 1% or basically no chance of having something serious with them? Sure. Does everybody else on the world do the exact same thing? Sure. I just dont know what she was trying to get across to me by telling me is all lol

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It's weird, different, and have never seen it before in my life. lol. It's one thing that she's doing that. Sure, do i sleep with people and have a 1% or basically no chance of having something serious with them? Sure. Does everybody else on the world do the exact same thing? Sure. I just dont know what she was trying to get across to me by telling me is all lol

 

Well, the only person who can answer that is her. A few have given you their perspective, but at the end of the day, only she knows why she did it.

 

Wasn't your meet supposed to happen? How did it go?

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