Should I breakup or what else can I do?

[Yolofish]

I'm not sure what to do with my boyfriend and am considering breaking up. I don't want to consider it but I am. Basically he is really clingy- I talked to him about it and he's much better now but still he needs me to call him whenever I have a spare moment and he wants me to take work off to see him and stuff like that and it's a little too much! Plus I have no sexual desire anymore and he said it needs to change. He says we need to be doing sexual things once a week and it's so normal so he doesn't see why it's an issue for me. But that's just me? And I've found myslef being super attracted to other guys recently as well I haven't acted on it tho don't worry!

I do will love him and he means a lot to me but everything he does frustrates me and we have been fighting a lot about every little thing!

Also I've not been single since I was 16 I'm only 18 now yeah, but he keeps tlaking about getting married and moving in together and and I'm like man I'm not sure I can live with this kid my whole life

ANY ADVICE? Would be greatly appreciated xx

[Hollyj]

Break up!

 

Your relationship sounds suffocating. Why is this guy so insecure? Has he always been like this? Does he have any life outside of you?

 

You should not be taking off work to see him. Doesn't he work? How many times do you speak on a day?

[Yolofish]

He's quite suffocating yes, but it's only because he cares so much about me I guess. I think he is insecure like he is because he has witnessed his parents divorce quite recently. And that's the issue he doesn't have much of a life, I mean he does go to uni and he works 4 days a week but I work at nights

We speak everyday a fair bit, we always know where the other one is and who with etc.

[Hollyj]

NO!!!!!!! His behavior is unhealthy, and has NOTHING to do with how much he cares for you!

 

The guy is insecure, and as you can see, you cannot continue to put up with this behavior. This is who he is.

[Yolofish]

Hmm I guess so

You don't reckon he'll be able to snap out of it or anything? The thing is I love the guy and since I'm all he has it would literally crush him like you have no idea

[Hollyj]

You're going to stay with this guy forever, because he doesn't have any friends. Don't you see that as being way off. You're not his keeper, or parent.

 

Why doesn't he have any friends?

[Yolofish]

Not just because he doesn't but have any friends like I do genuinely love him. All his friends form school turned into druggos and he doesn't have any interests that have allowed him to gain friends. He has probably 5 or so proper friends but like they're not that close if you know what I mean

[Hollyj]

Why doesn't he make any effort, or find new interests?

 

What does he do in his free time? Do you respect him?

[Yolofish]

He sort of does try and get friends and he talks to some but they're not close, he's struggled with making close friends

He plays soccer but none of his team are his age they're all older so eh

He plays soccer, and he's studying engineering so he is always thinking of new inventions or designing apps and

[Hollyj]

He should have a life outside of you. This is not healthy.

[Yolofish]

Do you have May advice as to how I may tackle the break up situation then? Especially with his level of clingy

[Hollyj]

I think that you should be honest, as you would with any other break up.

[pippy longstocking]

I think that you should be honest, as you would with any other break up.

 

And be strong and determined ... you just know if he is this clingy then trying to end it will not be easy and he will promise to change and put his side across with much emotion and you will feel bad and say yes and then it will be back to square one in a month .

[MissCanuck]

The clingy behaviour is not because he cares about you so much. It's because he is extremely insecure and wants to control your time.

 

You break up with him by realizing that he won't just snap out of it. He has a lot of inner work to do. And given that you're so young, I wouldn't waste any more of your time waiting around and hoping he will change. The dynamic you two have isn't healthy and it's not what you want to be tied down to. It's not good that you are all he has. Guys with no life are best avoided, for this very reason. They smother the life right out of a relationship. These issues aside for a moment, it's very likely you'd have stayed together forever anyway. Most of us eventually part ways with our first loves. Your time for that has arrived.

 

Tell him what you told us. That you feel suffocated and your feelings have changed and you wish him well but the relationship has reached its end.

[AtitAgain]

Speaking from experience here. When I was younger (18 - early 20's), I used to be the clingy/insecure type. It still flares up a bit from time to time. The best thing that happened to me was a girlfriend at the time break up with me, and me realize how insecure and clingy I was. It was very hard to deal with, but it forced me to face who I was / how I dealt with relationships. It was very hard... but I am a much better and happier person now because of it. Much more confident, etc.

 

I went back to the gym, got in amazing shape, read a lot about personal development/confidence. Started having much more luck with girls and knowing how to be confident around them, etc. Attracting and keeping a girl hasn't been a problem since. I ended up getting married a few years later (which failed... not due to me being clingy....), and am on another relationship now.

 

Back to your relationship. It is obvious that you are not happy. And trust me, he is not happy in it either. It is awful to feel insecure all the time. To feel like you want to be with the person you love/obsess over, and they don't do the same for you. It becomes an obsession, and it is not healthy. He can't break away from this cycle... sorry, but in this case it will be up to you to break up with him and make his world crash'n burn so that he can get the opportunity to work on himself and build fresh.