" babymother drama"

[Coleworldx]

So my partner split from a longish relationship with the mother of his child well over a year ago. She left him. For him to see his child he collects her from her daughters grandma, not the mom. She's now in a new relationship but still seems to phone his phone. Starting by saying " can you talk" to which he answered no..

Why?? Because I'm there? What can't you discuss with me there! Am I wrong for feeling angry about this? He himself admitted she would not be calling to discuss their child and if that's the case why is she calling?! Previously she has asked questions about us and I feel it is irrelevant when you are in a new relationship. What hurts me is that he says he's with me or can't talk when he's around me and I can't grasp why, the secretiveness behind it actually hurts me more than anything.

[Wiseman2]

Agree they should limit their conversations to things about their child. How long have you been dating? It seems he is not ready to introduce a lot about his child/her mother.

 

Can you talk may mean are you free to talk and not in the middle of something, such as entertaining guests, eating,etc. Perhaps they need to talk about money/visitation or whatever and they want privacy for that.

What hurts me is that he says he's with me or can't talk when he's around me and I can't grasp why, the secretiveness behind it actually hurts me more than anything.

[Coleworldx]

Been together a year next week. It's not about the child he admitted himself she never calls to talk about their daughter and mainly seems to call when she's had an argument with her man.. Which makes me feel even more unsettled! I don't want to know the conversation I just don't understand how the conversation can't take place with me around. When we were at a hotel she called around 10:30pm and seemed peed off that we were at a hotel? Abruptly hanging up the phone? Why? I can't understand

It makes me feel like if I'm not around their conversations could be deep and I'd have no idea.

[Wiseman2]

That is weird..it sounds like he's encouraging some clingy/needy behaviors from her so you and he need to speak about boundaries with exes.

When we were at a hotel she called around 10:30pm and seemed peed off that we were at a hotel? Abruptly hanging up the phone?

[Ksol9]

Tell him that it bothers you that he doesn't speak with her in front of you and that it looks like he is hiding something. It might not be that he is hiding anything...it may just be that he knows you are uneasy about them speaking and he would rather not speak to her in front of you out of respect. Tell him that you would feel more comfortable if he would be open and honest about everything. Help him to feel comfortable telling you everything..that way in future, if she ever does anything out of context, he will be comfortable in telling you. He's sort of in the middle when you think about it. He has to co-parent...they have a child together and you should support them co-parenting, but he probably wishes he didn't have to deal with her at all, but he doesn't have a choice at this point.

 

Don't take it personal...only when/if you see either of them doing anything directly and straightforward inappropriate should you become angry. They should only be speaking about the child nothing more. Other than that, be supportive and communicate ALOT with him. You guys are a team and he needs you to stand beside him. Don't treat him poorly because his hands are tied.

[Coleworldx]

I agree. I'm insecure but in also not stupid and I could never be so comfortable to phone an ex knowing they're in a relationship to discuss things other than our child. Thank you wiseman

[Coleworldx]

Apparently she calls to talk about her boyfriend? But her boyfriend is the same guy she left him for. Which leaves me even more confused !

I always pushed for him to talk on the basis of their child as he always refused to do it. They don't even meet to co-parent. He picks her up from her grandma's? None of it makes sense to me

[moodindigo91]

This sounds weird as heck. How long has this been going on? Does he ever see her? If my boyfriend's ex was calling his cell phone at 10:30 pm just to chat, I'd be a bit worried. The fact that he is being withholding about why this is happening is also alarming. It might not be anything, but you definitely need to bring up the issue with him. You can't set limitations for him, but you can let him know that to you, it seems like he is hiding something and that it upsets you/makes you feel uncomfortable that he takes calls from his ex late at night, etc. Especially if it's not about the kid.

 

Seems like a weird situation all around, and I'd consider leaving it before it gets weirder.

[moodindigo91]

Also, have you met his kid?

[Coleworldx]

This sounds weird as heck. How long has this been going on? Does he ever see her? If my boyfriend's ex was calling his cell phone at 10:30 pm just to chat, I'd be a bit worried. The fact that he is being withholding about why this is happening is also alarming. It might not be anything, but you definitely need to bring up the issue with him. You can't set limitations for him, but you can let him know that to you, it seems like he is hiding something and that it upsets you/makes you feel uncomfortable that he takes calls from his ex late at night, etc. Especially if it's not about the kid.

 

Seems like a weird situation all around, and I'd consider leaving it before it gets weirder.

 

 

On and off for around 8 months. Let's also take into account the fact I don't know if she calls when I'm not around as he doesn't tell me. All I know is when she does call and I'm around they can't talk.

[Coleworldx]

Yeah we get along and i get she'd want to know who's around her daughter but it's never the baby she's calling about.. My bf told me himself this is what frustrates me

[Ksol9]

Apparently she calls to talk about her boyfriend? But her boyfriend is the same guy she left him for. Which leaves me even more confused !

I always pushed for him to talk on the basis of their child as he always refused to do it. They don't even meet to co-parent. He picks her up from her grandma's? None of it makes sense to me

 

Well this makes a big difference. I would not tolerate this. She doesn't need to be calling him for anything other than the child. It sounds like he needs to set up some boundaries. If he doesn't, then I would make a big deal about it.

[Ksol9]

On and off for around 8 months. Let's also take into account the fact I don't know if she calls when I'm not around as he doesn't tell me. All I know is when she does call and I'm around they can't talk.

 

 

I completely understand how you're feeling about not knowing what they talk about and if they talk when youre not around. He needs to establish boundaries and he needs to be open and honest with you anytime they communicate. And if he thinks you're being unreasonable, then you need to rethink the relationship. He should be extremely understanding because this involves the child. Life will be extremely difficult if you guys are fighting over this...even worse if it creates a problem with her. He needs to handle this before it becomes a huge thorn in his side.

[moodindigo91]

Yeah what does he say about it besides admitting that she calls to chat and it has nothing to do with the kid? Does he like chatting with her? Does he seem peeved by it? Is he just unable to establish firm boundaries with this woman? Or is there something going on there? Like I said, it sounds weird as heck. Like a pretty big mess if you ask me. She's got a guy that she left him for, he's got you, they have a baby together, and they have each other, too. Sounds like you and her guy are the losing parties in this situation.

[Wiseman2]

After being together a year it must concern you why they need to carry on as much as they do. Particularly since there is this element of feeling excluded from this.

I agree. I'm insecure but in also not stupid and I could never be so comfortable to phone an ex knowing they're in a relationship to discuss things other than our child. Thank you wiseman

[Coleworldx]

Yeah what does he say about it besides admitting that she calls to chat and it has nothing to do with the kid? Does he like chatting with her? Does he seem peeved by it? Is he just unable to establish firm boundaries with this woman? Or is there something going on there? Like I said, it sounds weird as heck. Like a pretty big mess if you ask me. She's got a guy that she left him for, he's got you, they have a baby together, and they have each other, too. Sounds like you and her guy are the losing parties in this situation.

He says he doesn't talk to her infront of me cause it's disrespectful and because she started the convo with " can u talk" he knew it wouldn't b about the child and that's why he said no. It's not valid at all, he says she calls him he doesn't call her and he doesn't kno what she wants and it's probably that she's split with her bf he doesn't want to hear it. Ok if u don't want to hear it why say u can't talk? Why haven't you set boundaries from the beginning that it's not a conversation that needs to be had. He said when she mentions us he comes off the phone cause it's not about the baby.. None of the convos are about the baby so it shouldn't b happening! Then says it's the first time she's called in ages. I'd never kno anyway as she must call when I'm not around too! I'm so angry about it all I feel like the third wheel in my own damn relationship

[Coleworldx]

Am I wrong for being as angry as I am?

[Ksol9]

Nope, I'd be pretty upset about this. Don't doubt yourself. I think it's unacceptable if she's calling to talk about anything other than the child. He doesn't need to maintain any other relationship with her other than to co-parent. This can lead to emotional affairs and even physical affairs. You have every right to be uneasy.

[Olibaba]

Hi Coleworldx, you doubt maybe your significant is still having an affair with his ex girlfriend who happens to be his babymama. Are you feeling insecure for your own relationship with him. I see it as a 50/50 you either win him over or she wins him back. The child in between them is a bond meaning there can never be a total separation between them. They still need to talk about the welfare of their daughter. Put yourself in her condition if it happened to you will you forget your daughter? Allow him to talk to her freely in your present, dont't feel jeaolous from their conversations you will know if your spouse still loves her. Another thing is that if you don't want him to continuing talking to her frequently maybe he should give the child to his parent or the baby mother parent and be sending her upkeeping allowance.

 

Coleworldx, see his daughter as your own daughter, treat her as your own daughter with this your spouse will know he is with the right partner. As you do this you never can tell you are doing yourself favour.

 

I wanna ask are you married to him legally? Has he shown up to your people, made himself known to them and his intention so that you don't become a second babymama this is very very important this is one of your security in his life. And how much is his love for you?

 

Coleworldx, i wish a happy relationship.

[Coleworldx]

I have a great relationship with his daughter and love her like my own, she knows that and loves me she always says it.

She doesn't phone about his daughter, ever

She phones when her relationship is in turmoil as if she wants a rebound. He doesn't like her calling and it is only when her own relationship isn't working out.

 

We're not married but live together. He's known to my family and I am with his. Me and his mother talk everyday ..

 

The arrangements for his child is he collects his daughter from her grandmas house once a week and this is also when he gives weekly maintenance for his daughter.. he can't even drop his daughter off to her mothers house! I genuinely do not have any issue with communication regarding their daughter, I'm not a jealous type in that way at all. But there are boundaries if you're not calling in regards to their daughter