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Should I pursue this guy further, or not?


milly007

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We were matched online on August 1 and I initiated contact. I told him I liked his profile and asked how he was doing.

 

The next day we exchanged messages online and numbers. He texted me right away just to say that he would like to meet-up as soon as possible, as opposed to relying on texting.

 

He asked if I was interested in meeting at a pub near me. He would drive to my area. We only live about 20 minutes apart in a very large city.

 

I arrived at the bar first and earlier than I thought I would. It was a Thursday night. He made reservations. When he arrived, we had great conversation and a few laughs. I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him at first, but found that my attraction was growing as the night went on.

 

When we parted ways, he seemed concerned that I would be walking home alone at 10:30 at night. He asked if I was okay on my own. I told him I was fine. We hugged and he said that "we would be talking soon".

 

When I got home, he sent me text asking if I got home safely and said he really enjoyed meeting me. Also mentioned that he wanted to get together soon. I told him I had a great time, thanked him for the good company, and said we would chat soon.

 

On Monday he texted me asking if was available later in the week. I replied the same night morning advising him that I was. Tuesday night he sent me a text saying that he found a great pizza place (second best in the city - he knew I loved pizza) and asked if I approved. I was sleeping at this point, but messaged him Wednesday morning to say it would work.

 

Thursday rolled around and he texted me around 9 pm to say that he ended up working late and had to attend a client dinner, and that although he initially mentioned that we could meet later in the week, asked to reschedule for the following Monday or Tuesday.

 

I was a bit disappointed, and wish that he let me know sooner. I told him that I had to work late on Monday and Tuesday, so asked him if we could touch base the following week or reschedule for another time. He said, "Sure. I wish you luck!".

 

On Sunday I messaged him to see if he was available Wednesday, as I was out with friends on Thursday. He said he was busy but asked if I could on Friday night. I said I could.

 

While I was out with my friends on Thursday, he messages to see if I was still available on Friday. Although, my phone died and I couldn't get back to him until later that night when I returned home to charge my phone.

 

Friday morning he messaged to say that he was available too and I asked him if 830 was okay for a meeting time. I jokingly mentioned that I needed vegetables since my night out with friends the evening prior was full of poutine and burgers. He then kindly asked if I'd prefer to go to a salad bar instead (as opposed to pizza place). I thanked him, but mentioned that I was good with original plan.

 

At about 5 pm, he texted me to say that he was officially on vacation until the day after labour day. I didn't respond because I didn't see a need. We were meeting in a few hours.

 

Just before I arrived at the pizza place, he texted me to say that he was "sitting at a table for two on the right", with some pizza emojis. The resto was super packed! We talked and laughed once again and seemed to have a good time, but man was I tired.

 

Since he was on vacation, he was travelling out of town the next day to visit his sister, nephew and bro in law to go camping for the week. He had to get home and pack, as he had to be on the road for 8 am.

 

By the time we left the resto, it was around 11 pm.

 

When we said goodbye, he said it wa good to see me and we gave each other a hug. I told him to have a safe trip and to enjoy his week off.

 

He knew I had to work on the weekend, so he told me to not work too hard, and then said "Byyyyyyye Milly" with a smile as we were walking away from each other. Then says, "we'll speak soon".

 

This was two weeks ago, and he just would have returned to work last Tuesday after his vacation, which was over one week of camping.

 

I haven't heard a word and am a bit disappointed. I was really hoping to hear from him again. He seemed interested and I sensed chemistry/connection. He was a good guy.

 

I just need some advice here.

 

Would you bother reaching out to him, or should I let sleeping dogs lie.

 

Not sure what to do, but trust that if he was interested, he would reach out.

 

He's still a match online and hasn't closed me as a match yet - on eharmony). Although I would like him to if he's moving on.

 

I'm reluctant to reach out. My friends and mom say they wouldn't.

 

I hate this siutuation, as I end up wondering if I did something wrong when we met.

 

I'm also wondering if he got frustrated because he was initiating contact more than me?

 

I just need advice. Not sure if I should just let it go.

 

Any input would be great. Thanks!

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I would drop him a quick line "welcome back -hope you had a great vacation -look forward to seeing you soon!"

 

Thank you, Batya. I always appreciate your advice. I'm definitely tempted to text, but feel as though I'd be compromising my integrity in the process. This is tough...at least for me.

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Thank you, Batya. I always appreciate your advice. I'm definitely tempted to text, but feel as though I'd be compromising my integrity in the process. This is tough...at least for me.

 

I get it -and you have a good excuse simply to inquire about his trip which he told you all about -yes he will also know that you're doing it because you haven't heard from him but that's ok. My sense is that he met someone else -maybe even on his trip. Sorry!

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I'd send a brief message asking how his vacation was. This, more or less leaves the ball in his court where he'll either sink or swim, yet you'll have your answer.

 

JMO...

 

Thank you, HeartGoesOn. I'm trying to get up the nerve to do it.

 

Out of curiosity, would you contact if in my shoes?

 

Swallowing pride is a difficult task. Actually it feels like more than pride. I feel like I may be compromising my dignity.

 

Or maybe I'm over-thinking.

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He may still be settling in from vacation but i agree with the others, I would still drop a line and say something along the lines of ' hope the vacation was good etc'.

I'm reluctant to reach out. My friends and mom say they wouldn't. i don't think you need to be reluctant to reach out based on what you have mentioned.

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He may still be settling in from vacation but i agree with the others, I would still drop a line and say something along the lines of ' hope the vacation was good etc'.

I'm reluctant to reach out. My friends and mom say they wouldn't. i don't think you need to be reluctant to reach out based on what you have mentioned.

 

Thank you, MrFister. Your thought that he's still settling in crossed my mind, too. But at the same time, we haven't communicated in two weeks. I didn't want to message him while he was on vacation and with family. It didn't seem right, considering how we only went out twice.

 

I guesss my thought is, if a guy is truly into someone, they'll make an effort to at least communicate and confirm another date.

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I get it -and you have a good excuse simply to inquire about his trip which he told you all about -yes he will also know that you're doing it because you haven't heard from him but that's ok. My sense is that he met someone else -maybe even on his trip. Sorry!

 

 

This thought crossed my mind, but it would definitely surprise me. When we met the first time, we discussed that neither of us had any other dates lined up and how we couldn't go out on many dates like the one we were on throughout the week, as it would be too tiring.

 

He was also with only his family and 11 year old nephew when he was on vacation, but anything's possible, I guess.

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I guesss my thought is, if a guy is truly into someone, they'll make an effort - this is true for anybody - I would still personally pop a hello message and to say heya/how was vacation etc and base your next step on his (or lack thereof) response. I just dont think there is a justification for him to blow you off unless something happened between your last meeting and his vacation.

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True, but he may have just changed his mind or lost interest.

 

Might be best to play it safe and leave it NC for a few days..see if he makes contact. I do not believe he lost interest based on your previous meeting and the fact he was on vacation. 'speak soon' can be interpreted in many different ways so i would take that with a pinch of salt too.

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If he closed our match on eH, it would make it so much easier.

 

Not closing it and the lack of contact is causing me to feel conflicted/confused.

 

You both have busy schedules and seemed to have had a small issue getting together for your first two dates... He was on vacation. I know when i go on vacation it is HELL when I get back to work playing catch up. Maybe he's just busy... He should have at least said hi or something in my opinion but I think it's totally fine in this case to just say hey hope you had a good trip. See where it goes from there. I don't think you're losing any pride or face by doing this... It's not like he's really someone to you anyway or anyone else around you to judge if it backfires on you.. go for it

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Might be best to play it safe and leave it NC for a few days..see if he makes contact. I do not believe he lost interest based on your previous meeting and the fact he was on vacation. 'speak soon' can be interpreted in many different ways so i would take that with a pinch of salt too.

 

You give good advice, MrFister. Thank you.

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He should have at least said hi or something in my opinion but I think it's totally fine in this case to just say hey hope you had a good trip. See where it goes from there. I don't think you're losing any pride or face by doing this... It's not like he's really someone to you anyway or anyone else around you to judge if it backfires on you.. go for it

 

I was thinking the same. A 'hi' would have been great. However, he may be thinking the same thing about me - "she could've at least said 'hi'"; especially since he sent those last two texts and I didn't respond (mainly because I didn't think there was a need since we were meeting face-to face soon).

 

Well, I do really like him, so although we don't really know each other, that is something.

 

I don't meet many men that I'm genuinely interested in, which makes this particularly tough. I just hope/wish that he likes me back.

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I guesss my thought is, if a guy is truly into someone, they'll make an effort - this is true for anybody

 

I don't really agree with this....I mean, the same could be said about you, yes? Have you shown any more interest in him than he has you? Unless he's quite old fashioned, he may be speculating upon your level of interest. Regardless, the possibilities will be endless until you find out for yourself. If you really want to continue exploring this, call him!

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I don't really agree with this....I mean, the same could be said about you, yes? Have you shown any more interest in him than he has you? Unless he's quite old fashioned, he may be speculating upon your level of interest. Regardless, the possibilities will be endless until you find out for yourself. If you really want to continue exploring this, call him!

 

Well, that's what I'm questioning. I think I've shown interest. I initiated contact with him on the dating site and also reached out to schedule our second date when I couldn't make it on the Monday or Tuesday (which is what he suggested). Although he reached out to me the day before our second meet to confirm it was still on.

 

I'm reluctant to contact him because I've only had mainly negative experiences reaching out to men.

 

Also, the advice from friends and family isn't encouraging either, and they're pretty reasonable I find when it comes to giving advice. They think me reaching out is a big no-no. However, my mom admits that dating may have changed a fair amount since she met my dad many moons ago, so her giving me advice on dating may not be very "up to date".

 

I love helping friends and giving advice on dating when it comes to their love lives, but I'm really lacking in judgment when it comes to my own. Odd, but true. It's as if my judgment becomes clouded when I like someone.

 

Thank you for the advice, Indea. I'm really trying to keep an open mind about this, where I'm being fair to both him and myself.

 

He seems like such a sweet, kind soul. Not many like him around these days. He makes my heart skip a beat.

 

I think I may give it some time, like MrFister above suggested. He might still be recovering from his vacation and a stressful return to his office this past week following the vacay.

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Thank you, Batya. I always appreciate your advice. I'm definitely tempted to text, but feel as though I'd be compromising my integrity in the process. This is tough...at least for me.

 

How would sending a man you like a quick txt asking how his vacay was be "compromising your integrity"?

 

Not quite understanding that one.

 

That said, I do get it, many years ago I used to be like you. I never contacted guys, ever. And actually lost a couple of guys in the process believe it or not.

 

I found out later through the friend who set me up with them, that they became incredibly frustrated as they felt they were doing all the work, which they were!. It turned them off.

 

So, forget any of these "rules" that say never contact guys, let them chase you or whatever they say, they're stupid, imo.

 

And re him saying, "we'll speak soon," that could easily mean you reaching out also.

 

If he had said "I will be in touch when I return," that would be different but that is not what he said.

 

So, stop being silly and send a quick text. Believe it or not, he may be feeling insecure too, who knows.

 

Take a chance. If he shoots you down at least you have your answer instead of creating threads on advice forums and stressing about it.

 

Good luck!!

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Take a chance. If he shoots you down at least you have your answer instead of creating threads on advice forums and stressing about it.

 

Good luck!!

 

Hah, yes, I hear you. Thanks, Katrina. I luv coming here to ENA because it's a great way to get feedback and I find writing out my thoughts to be therapeutic in a situation like this.

 

Definitely glad I came here for advice (especially since you're all basically encouraging me to contact him, which is what I want to hear).

 

I needed others opinions because good friends and family were telling me not to reach out and that he didn't deserve a text from me.

 

Although I appreciate their perspective, I know they're coming from a protective place, and I luv them for this.

 

I'm still getting used to reaching out to guys because, like I mentioned before, it just never worked out when I reached out to them.

 

But I know I may regret not reaching out. I'll let sleeping dogs lie for the next couple of days and maybe reach out on Monday.

 

Ugh, I'm kinda scared though (because I don't know what the reply will be and I cringe at the thought). It is, what it is.

 

If he is ready to move on, I need to hear it from him. I can't let this seemingly good guy slip through my fingers.

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