four Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 So I’ve known this guy for 4 months. He’s living in my country for work and we are from totally different cultures and religions. Basically, even if we end up falling for each other it’s impossible for us to get married in the future because of the different religions and he already knows that. Three weeks ago he was in his hometown to visit his family and he told them about me. He was actually convincing me to fly with him to meet his family, but I told him that I can’t. Yesterday, we were hanging out and his mom called so he asked me if it’s okay to start a video call so we both say hi to her. I agreed and we had a nice little conversation. It was the first time she sees me and she asked me if I’m good at cooking haha Anyways his mom doesn’t speak english so he told me, “My mom thinks you’re beautiful and that you seem shy because you’re trying not to make a mistake, which I think makes you even cuter.” Then he hung up and looked at me with relief in his eyes and said, “She liked you. And I’m pretty sure when she meets you in person she will like you even more, and of course she will, because she’s my mom.” And now he’s actually paying for her ticket and arranging everything to bring her here for a visit and he really wants me to meet her in person. I don’t know where we are going with this. I thought we are just friends but my female friends tell me he's interested in me. But why is he doing all of this although we can’t be a thing? I don’t understand. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Is he only in town temporarily or permanently? How far away is his home town? Maybe he wants something more? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 It seems like fun and nice. However meeting his family because they are visiting is simply polite and fun. You both know there is and can never be a future so just enjoy things. His family as well know you do not fit into his future so they too do not care about him hanging around you for now while in your country. Your friends are speculating based on romance novels not facts and that is "oooh meeting family..that means something" but the fact remains that he is merely a transient worker in your area and he will go back to his country and he will marry someone from his own culture religion and language. Have fun but do not get strung along. He can have sex outside his country, culture, religion, etc, so why not be nice to you and see what happens.He’s living in my country for work and we are from totally different cultures and religions. it’s impossible for us to get married in the future because of the different religions and he already knows that. my female friends tell me he's interested in me. Link to comment
four Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Is he only in town temporarily or permanently? How far away is his home town? Maybe he wants something more? He's been living here for 7 months so far and will stay for a minimum of 2-3 years, but he told me he really likes the place so he plans to stay even longer. I'm from Dubai and he's European, so we're basically from different continents. Link to comment
SGH Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 I don't want to encourage anything that's not there or possible, but the way you wrote your original post made it sound like he likes you. I get your concerns about the future. Thinking ahead and not getting involved with people who we know are incompatible is a good strategy. However, just because you come from two different cultures doesn't mean a wedding could never occur. My older brother is white American like me and married an Indian woman. They had a three day traditional Indian wedding and we all participated, despite my parents being Catholic. In a month, I am traveling to Russia to hold witness to my little brother tying the knot, and I'm sure that his wife will wear traditional garb if she pleases, even though they aren't doing an official ceremony. I guess the point I am trying to make is that when love is true, many are willing to make cultural concessions. Are you or him definitely unwilling to compromise on this point? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 Why is there no future? And, if there isn't then why are you dating? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 How much of this clarity about no future together is your own decision? If that's 100%, then his agenda is irrelevant. Decide whether you WANT to meet the woman, or not. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 2, 2019 Share Posted February 2, 2019 He's been living here for 7 months so far and will stay for a minimum of 2-3 years, but he told me he really likes the place so he plans to stay even longer. I'm from Dubai and he's European, so we're basically from different continents. Give it a chance! It sounds like he likes you and he wants you to meet his mom which is sweet. Why do you keep saying there’s no future? If he likes you and you like him and you get along, that’s awesome! Just go with the flow and stop worrying. Link to comment
four Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 Thank you all for your replies :) Most of you are asking why I think there is no future at all, and the answer is not that we come from different cultures, but it's that we have totally different faiths! This is a huge conflict that neither our religions nor our families will accept. It basically cannot happen at all, not in a million years unless we have the same faith only. Why is there no future? And, if there isn't then why are you dating? We are actually not dating. We just hang out as friends. I think even if he wants us to date he wouldn't risk our friendship by asking me out officially due to my conservative family and culture. I guess we hang out and do fun things together but we never label them as 'dates', if that makes sense. How much of this clarity about no future together is your own decision? If that's 100%, then his agenda is irrelevant. Decide whether you WANT to meet the woman, or not. Regardless of everything, I actually want to meet her, she seemed nice and fun. There is no harm in that, right? Link to comment
SGH Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 If you're both on the same page about being friends, of course there's no harm. Your post leads me to believe you're not and that meeting her will cause issues in your relationship. Only you know if it's okay or not. Be honest with yourself about how he feels and what his expectations are. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 If you are just friends, then I do not understand the problem? Has he ever expressed more interest? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Most of you are asking why I think there is no future at all, and the answer is not that we come from different cultures, but it's that we have totally different faiths! This is a huge conflict that neither our religions nor our families will accept. It basically cannot happen at all, not in a million years unless we have the same faith only. We are actually not dating. We just hang out as friends. I think even if he wants us to date he wouldn't risk our friendship by asking me out officially due to my conservative family and culture. I guess we hang out and do fun things together but we never label them as 'dates', if that makes sense. Regardless of everything, I actually want to meet her, she seemed nice and fun. There is no harm in that, right? You're stating that you can't be a thing as though it's factual from some law book, but this doesn't answer the question of what you want. If you could wave a magic wand and have all religious or family opinions neutralized, would you want a relationship with this guy? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Ok nothing wrong with hanging out as friends and knowing that's all it is or will ever be. Meeting his family means nothing in his culture, certainly not as much as in your culture where dating is for marriage and families meet to arrange or approve of the marriage. This is a case of you misinterpreting European dating and relationship and cultural styles.I'm from Dubai and he's European. Link to comment
jerbare1959 Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 So I’ve known this guy for 4 months. He’s living in my country for work and we are from totally different cultures and religions. Basically, even if we end up falling for each other it’s impossible for us to get married in the future because of the different religions and he already knows that. Three weeks ago he was in his hometown to visit his family and he told them about me. He was actually convincing me to fly with him to meet his family, but I told him that I can’t. Yesterday, we were hanging out and his mom called so he asked me if it’s okay to start a video call so we both say hi to her. I agreed and we had a nice little conversation. It was the first time she sees me and she asked me if I’m good at cooking haha Anyways his mom doesn’t speak english so he told me, “My mom thinks you’re beautiful and that you seem shy because you’re trying not to make a mistake, which I think makes you even cuter.” Then he hung up and looked at me with relief in his eyes and said, “She liked you. And I’m pretty sure when she meets you in person she will like you even more, and of course she will, because she’s my mom.” And now he’s actually paying for her ticket and arranging everything to bring her here for a visit and he really wants me to meet her in person. I don’t know where we are going with this. I thought we are just friends but my female friends tell me he's interested in me. But why is he doing all of this although we can’t be a thing? I don’t understand. Listen to me and listen to me well I am a man in my 50s and I made the mistake of marrying outside of my religion and it was a huge disaster. Please listen to me. There is nothing that will fix that. In my case she was a Mormon and I am a Christian. They are as different as mayonnaise and mustard. I wish you luck and while you may truly love each other the basic things such as religion do not change and it will be conflict after conflict. In my case we have no children but imagine the conflict of how your children could be raised. Good luck to you Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 3, 2019 Share Posted February 3, 2019 Listen to me and listen to me well I am a man in my 50s and I made the mistake of marrying outside of my religion and it was a huge disaster. Please listen to me. There is nothing that will fix that. In my case she was a Mormon and I am a Christian. They are as different as mayonnaise and mustard. I wish you luck and while you may truly love each other the basic things such as religion do not change and it will be conflict after conflict. In my case we have no children but imagine the conflict of how your children could be raised. Good luck to you I think she is being level headed - but she also needs to make sure HE is on the same page and knows that they are just friends and nothing more. She should also make sure that she spends time with lots of other friends as well. If she says "we could never end up together" then she has to not lead him on - no kissing, etc. and she has to be equal time with other friends Link to comment
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