Any minute now I’m gonna start freaking out

[smittenkittn]

So I met up with this guy tonight after work,

 

And you know how sometimes people don’t QUITE like look like their photos???

 

Well this was the one time in a million when you meet them and it’s like oh my god they’re sooooooo ridiculously goodlooking, how is this even possible.... he was also really really nice. We talked and laughed and he insisted on paying, though I’ve insisted I’m buying the wine next time (though he insists he is buying the food to cook for me)......... he walked me to my car and I was very good and didn’t lose my inhibitions completely though we did kiss, and kiss and kiss quite a bit more in the grass verge next to where I parked.

 

I feel like it’s too good to be true. Like omg he’s so damn hot, he’s like male model material, truly, and what’s he gonna see in me!!! But also sooooo excited. I already knew he was so nice from talking on the phone - if it possible I thought he was “too nice” at one point - now it’s like omg either this isn’t real, or I just hit the jackpot.

 

How do people keep their cool after meeting someone so incredible?? I feel so shy right now!!

[MissCanuck]

You need to look past appearances. You don't know him well enough to know you've hit the jackpot, or whether it's too good to be true.

 

That's how people keep their cool - they realize that the superficial elements don't tell you who someone truly is. And they can also distinguish lust and hormones from genuine appreciation for the person in front of them.

 

Keep your feet on the ground and see what the next few dates bring. Try not to get carried away just because he looks great.

[SherrySher]

I agree with Miss Canuck.

 

I do want you to find happiness, but you need to slow your roll. Deep breaths and ease into situations instead of thinking "he's perfect and this is perfect etc".

 

Looks don't mean a whole lot. What you want to do is find out for sure if he is genuine and if he is worth it. You will not know that until at least the 6th or 7th date...or around about.

 

The first few dates, everyone is on their best behavior. But he could be telling you anything. You need to be cautious.

 

Concentrate on befriending him and actually getting to know him as a person. Don't throw all the hormones into it as it will only mess with your head.

Take a step back, focus on who he actually is, what he's actually about, how honest he is, if he's a player or if he truly only likes you, how serious he is or if he's just wanting to get you into bed...etc..etc.

 

Give things time, you can't know all those answers this quickly.

[Honeycomb8]

I'm usually impressed by someone's intellect and accomplishments. I focus on the points of their personality that makes me think they're of substance.

 

Good looks are the cherry, they're never the cake.

[Metaltwin70]

OP,

 

I so get you.

 

Oh the 'omg' the second you set your eyes on him. Lord... the 'arrow in the heart' delicious heaven. Happened to me many many years ago. My twin sister and I are walking into this pub. And these two blokes are literally walking out. And I saw one of them and I was a gonner. Looked as though 'designed' for me, height, hair, face, eyes, build, his whole demeanour. We chatted them up on the spot. About 15 mins later and in another pub him and I were snogging each other's faces off. I'd known him for 15 minutes. I didn't care, barely saw what/who was around me. How it ended is beside the point here.

 

You don't know him.. get to know him. DO. NOT. TEXT. HIM. FIRST. Wait for him to lead. He leads, you follow. He texts, you respond. He asks you on a date, you say 'maybe, I will let you know tomorrow'. Re, potentially, sex - make him wait AS LONG AS YOU CAN without loosing your marbles ha ha. But make him wait. I'd say minimum 4 weeks. 1948 or 2018.. man is hunter and pursuer. Woman sits home thinking 'TEXT. ME. B-D. BEFORE I GO INSANE'. And makes him wait. The longer he waits, the better. Trust me on this.

 

For now.. enjoy!! This is so blissful. So amazing. So the reason why all the best songs and novels are about the magical wonder that is falling in love.

 

Let us know how it goes!!

[SherrySher]

falling in love.

 

Except it's not love. It's lust and going on barely information.

 

A person needs to be reasonable and to make sensible decisions. He looks good, does not equal he is good.

 

Remember what happened last time, OP, you don't want a repeat.

[Metaltwin70]

'..He looks good, does not equal he is good'

 

Oh absolutely completely agree. Good looks do not in any way shape or form equal good human being. Don't I know all about it. Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt more times than I care to remember.

 

But there is nothing in the world, no drug, no drink, no food, no substance in your bloodstream that feels better than when you wake up in the morning (alone!), remember the kisses the night before, think 'Oh my god. I want him so bad', and get a text from him saying he had a fantastic time and wants to see you again. NO-THING better.

[Wiseman2]

Is this a second date with this guy or is this a new guy?

09-25-2018

 

OMG I haven't felt chemistry like that in sooooooo long!! I normally don't even kiss on a first date, but, I couldn't stop kissing him, and then of course kissing led to more, and OMG OMG OMG!

 

Part of me is really aware that half of what I'm feeling right now is probably oxytocin, it had been a long time since I had sex, let alone GOOD sex, but regardless..... omg how can I ensure that he asks me out again?

[SweetGirl28]

Yay for you! Lol I love that type of attraction! Were you lying in the grass? Just curious. That intensity can be hot and fizzle, enjoy it but be careful. And it sounds like the next date is at his house? I'd exercise some caution there.

 

But.......what is it about you that you are feeling shy and wondering what it is he'll see in you? You need to dig to get your confidence out and know you're good enough. What's the self doubt about?

 

Get to know him , outside of the intense physical chemistry you feel. Don't let it cloud your judgement.

[SweetGirl28]

Is this a second date with this guy or is this a new guy?

 

Oh boy! Lol she's in lust

[Wiseman2]

After these last 2 omg omg omg dates, you don't sound that shy. 😋 Just relax and be prepared for the same results as last time, since you have the same feelings.

I feel so shy right now

[BeenThereB4]

Hot models guys are still just normal people. They also have tons of girls just dropping their panties for them like fools, so if you want something more than one night, you’ve got to hold off on the sex. It will make a huge difference. Any woman can get a handsome guy. It’s getting a handsome guy that you also really like in other ways that is the jackpot.

 

The fact that you’re excited that he paid and walked you to your car is kind of interesting. Don’t all of your dates do that for you? That shouldn’t be seen as exceptional behavior. Also, it’s not a good sign that he wants to cook dinner for you as a second date. That just means he wants to get you in his bed by the end of the night. You should still be meeting in a public place for the second date. You don’t know this guy at all. It is dangerous to go to his place alone this soon. I’d actually be turned off about the dinner at his place plan. It’d make me think that he often has sex with strangers, which is not the wisest behavior. But, I’m old and I know that a lot of people are settling for hookups these days. Just be careful and chill out a bit.

[Metaltwin70]

'I'm usually impressed by someone's intellect and accomplishments. I focus on the points of their personality that makes me think they're of substance.

 

Good looks are the cherry, they're never the cake.'

 

I don't disagree, in principle. Intellect, substance, yes. Yet.. without the cherry, so to speak, I ain't going for the cake. No matter how good the cake may be.

[SweetGirl28]

Is this a second date with this guy or is this a new guy?

 

Wait, no. This must be a different guy. I think she's letting hormones take over .

[Hollyj]

I'm usually impressed by someone's intellect and accomplishments. I focus on the points of their personality that makes me think they're of substance.

 

Good looks are the cherry, they're never the cake.

 

Toatasly agree.

[Metaltwin70]

'After these last 2 omg omg omg dates, you don't sound that shy. 😋 Just relax and be prepared for the same results as last time, since you have the same feelings.'

 

Oh come on man. She's met someone else she's madly in lust with. By 'shy' she means insecure, questioning herself, overthinking - don't we all do this when we've met someone we're really really into? Why would you assume that the result will be the same because she has the same feelings? I hope for the OP that she has learned her lesson and this time she'll take things very very slow, be cautious, not rush into having sex etc etc and that her lust is reciprocated.

[Metaltwin70]

OP,

 

Forgot to put into my response to you: DON'T go to his place for date 2!! Don't don't don't!! You fancy him like crazy, you won't be able to resist if he tries it on and he sure will try it on if you end up at his! How about you sweetly say/text, whatever: 'would love to have dinner at yours...some time soon! How about we meet at 'insert name of a place you like' this time'?

[Batya33]

So you focused quite a bit on this guy's looks and the other guy's looks/physique. Looks matter in dating because you have to be attracted to the person's looks. But whether the person is model material is kind of irrelevant to chemistry. That has to do with arm candy/trophy - do you feel better about yourself if your date is objectively model material? Or do you think you only feel chemistry with people who also would be considered model material? It's almost like you consider someone's physical features to be one of their good qualities (that the other guy was big enough to carry you around, that this guy was model material) rather than considering whether you are attracted to the person including his looks? Sure, if you are only attracted to men who look like models, that is fine, that will limit your dating pool, and you are entitled to have this requirement -nothing wrong with it.

 

I agree with everyone else -feet on the ground - do you have another date planned?

[DancingFool]

Ha, sounds like you hit the jackpot for chemistry, BUT....that's all so far.

 

Don't tell yourself how he is nice. Nothing that you've said about him stands out as anything but most ordinary basic manners. That's neither nice nor not nice. It's just neutral. I would really really avoid telling yourself that he has all these great qualities as a human being because you have absolutely no idea who he really is. That's where you need to ground yourself and slow your brain way down.

 

Truly, the only thing you know is that he is hot and you are totally into him physically. That's it.

[Coolstorybro]

You don't know him.. get to know him. DO. NOT. TEXT. HIM. FIRST. Wait for him to lead. He leads, you follow. He texts, you respond. He asks you on a date, you say 'maybe, I will let you know tomorrow'.

If it was me I'd stand you up for pulling that sort of crap. You're just playing games.

[bluecastle]

Agree with everything written here.

 

As your internet friend, here's what I'd love to see your response to this be—a simple, subtle, but delicious reminder that YOU are awesome and hot. Nothing to blow up your own head about, but just a delightful piece of evidence of what you already know, regardless of whatever hot guy wants to kiss you. When that's what get triggers by a very fun collision like this, you're able to enjoy the high with your feet still on the ground.

 

As your internet friend, I can't help but be a little sad and concerned by the question of "what's he gonna see in me?" Because what's ultimately important is what you see and value in yourself, and then hoping to meet someone who also sees and values that. Which, of course, takes time. Lots.

 

Anything we like about someone on date one, to say nothing of month one, is superficial. It can be their abs, their hips, their mastery of thermodynamics, their Nobel Prize. Still, all surface. A fine portal to entry and exploration—that's chemistry, and we all find it from different angles—but what you're ultimately exploring is whether you can feel seen and valued by seeing and valuing another human being.

 

So, yeah, deep breaths. And, yeah, some carnal and romantic thoughts to be giddy about. It's the space between those two where you get to see where this goes, knowing wherever it goes you'll be fine, because you are awesome and hot regardless of what anyone thinks.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. No "I'll get back to you" games. No playing hard to get games. Plus it sounds like you've already agreed to a second date "We talked and laughed and he insisted on paying, though I’ve insisted I’m buying the wine next time though he insists he is buying the food to cook for me". Enjoy the date and don't shoot yourself in the foot by playing games.

If it was me I'd stand you up for pulling that sort of crap. You're just playing games.

[Batya33]

Agree. No "I'll get back to you" games. No playing hard to get games. Plus it sounds like you've already agreed to a second date "We talked and laughed and he insisted on paying, though I’ve insisted I’m buying the wine next time though he insists he is buying the food to cook for me". Enjoy the date and don't shoot yourself in the foot by playing games.

 

I think it's a wait and see if there is another confirmed date and it sounds like he wants to have her for dessert at his place. To me personally it would be far too soon to got to his home but they are consenting adults and she sounds very into taking things further physically.

[Hollyj]

Do not go to his home of dinner, until you are ready to sleep with him.

 

I would not be so hung up on looks. it means little. You should be focusing on character and values.

[SweetGirl28]

If it was me I'd stand you up for pulling that sort of crap. You're just playing games.

 

I'd stand her up too lol, and I'm straight

Don't ever play those mind games. If you're into someone, matters not who's texting whom first. Unless they are silent and you keep it up. That's bunny boiler material right there .