Keep trying or let go?

[Lily45]

I've been with my boyfriend for about three years now. The first two years were a rollercoaster. When we started dating, I was really into him and he liked me, but he was still in the middle of a breakup with his former girlfriend and that caused a lot of trust issues for us. He never really got over his ex and did not have time to move on - he basically moved on and dealt with it while he was with me. However, the entire time he always chose me and told me I did not have to worry. He never physically cheated but he did reach out to her every now and again, for what he claimed to be "closure." (this was even two years in). Eventually, I broke up with him because of this.

 

A few months later we got back together. Due to distance, we have not really been physically together and I am embarrassed to be seen with him because my family and friends know what he did to me. I do not want to appear weak or foolish for taking him back. Recently, he got a job in my town and has moved here. He wants to be reintegrated into my life and give our relationship another try. I am torn and do not know what to do. A part of me feels like he had two years with me and that should have been enough for him to get it together. At the same time, he never wanted to let me go and was dealing with his feelings for his ex but was afraid of losing me. I've questioned him about his intentions and he claims to be "all in" with me.

 

Also, we are in our mid-20s if that matters. I really do not know what to do. Should I let him go and explore other relationships or should I take a huge risk and let him into my life again?

[melancholy123]

You may not want to appear to be weak and foolish but that is how you look. You are the rebound girl. He sounds terribly mixed up and doesn't really know what he's doing. Let this go, find yourself, move on.

[smackie9]

It all depends on how much you love him. If you see yourself with him 5 years from now, then go for it. BUT if you have so many doubts, and what you once felt for him is gone, then it makes no sense to "try" again. Listen to your gut/your heart, not his words.

 

What you can do is give it 6 months...if you don't see great progression in the most positive way, then end it.

[Wiseman2]

You made the right call breaking up with him. Do not be his welcoming committee. Trust your instincts and friends and family. He cheated on his gf and most likely is still in touch. He's lied to and cheated on her and you for two years. Just start fresh with a decent local man.

he was still in the middle of a breakup with his former girlfriend. I broke up with him because of this.

 

Recently, he got a job in my town and has moved here. He wants to be reintegrated into my life and give our relationship another try.

[MissCanuck]

It was indeed foolish to take him back.

 

I would let him go, so you can someday meet a guy who starts dating because he is crazy about you, and not because he’s trying to fill the void his ex left behind.

[Rose Mosse]

Don't make any decisions at all. You shouldn't be dating either way. Give yourself time to expand and fill your life up with new positive experiences without being in a relationship.

 

Experience your independence again and start engaging in active discussions with yourself - where you see yourself, what you'd like to accomplish, complete all the things you wanted to do in the time you lost in your previous relationship. Get back in touch with yourself.

 

Things appear a bit jumbled right now but give it time. It will smooth out. Let him adjust to living in a new city. It looks like he has a track history of piling on or taking on a lot of things at once. He took on a break up and a new relationship at the same time. Now he wants to experience a move and a new city plus rekindling an old relationship.

 

There is no right and wrong in terms of the relationship. Just do what's right for you. Sometimes you also need to know what's right for someone else (it might sound rude but it doesn't need to be). Just give him a wide berth and let him grow into the new place.

 

You don't have to do a thing. Meet up with him if you want to check in with each other or see how the other is doing but he needs time and so do you.

 

It is ok not to make any moves.

[Hollyj]

Let this go. He showed you over a period of two years that he was not over her. Move on!

[JaimeJam]

I would move on. His actions have showed that he’s not really “all in” with you. I know breakups are difficult but it seems time to let go

[Andrina]

When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.