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I just found out my boyfriend is gay.


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My boyfriend told me a few weeks ago that he was gay, but I had to drag it out of him because he did not want to tell me. He has not told this to anyone else. We are still together and have been for three years. He has been hiding it all his life and supressed it. I became friends with him and was immediately attracted to him. We began to date and fell in love. He fell in love with me and wanted to be with me more than anything, so he planned on never going with his feelings deep inside that he could never be physically attracted to me. We are both hurting beyond words, but still love each other and never want to be parted. We have to deal with never being able to get married, because it just wouldn't be the right thing to do to each other. We are throwing away ours dreams because of this, and we do not blame anything on each other. We love eah other more than we love anyone or anything else, and plan never to be parted. We still feel we belong to each other even though we have this huge bump to get over in our relationship together. We still plan to have children together, because we feel we owe that to each other to procreate and have someone that is both of us to raise as our own. We are kinda like the show "Will and Grace" if you wanted an analogy. Is there anyone out there that knows what I am feeling? If there is please reply.

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i think that what happened to you and your boyfriend is most unfortunate. i cannot relate because i have never been able to make that kind of connection with anyone. but i can tell you this much that i believe- beyond this body there is a soul and that soul is less- with a personality that describes a gender that is not stuck with the simplistic labels of man and woman. you are you and i am me- and that is what makes us unique and sentient. and i do believe in soulmates- two people that are so much alike that there physicality is transcended by there spirituality- now i am not a supernatural nut or anything- i dont believe in ghost or anything- you can call it a spirit, or even your substance- which is deeper than what your composition consists of- it is the inmeasurable essense that make you- you! so i think there is nothing wrong with you and this guy staying together! as far as children- well- you have to think of them- as long as you can love each other i would think that it is okay- but you have to remember that children are fragile and the truth may hurt them. also you need to think of yourself- i dont know how old you are but you you sound young (which is what i am) and youll have to live with the fact that your boyfriend will not be attracted to you when you go about bringing the kids into this world! and my question is this also- suppose a guy comes along that your boyfriend is attracted to- that is he to do??? is he to lose his uality??? maybe you may want to think about that- because is a description of love but love is not a description of love- get it- youll be ual just to be ual. and i personally couldnt be ual with my best friend. you see- this is confusing. you need to do some soul searching- cause it is you that makes the decision- and it sounds like your mind is made up! but i am trying to help. you dont want to invest in something that may hurt in the long run- you know- three years is alot- but 50, 60, ect years is so much more to live that life. what if a guy comes along who is so eager to grow in love with you- and is attracted to you??? do you give up something that could go beyond what you have now??? i dunno what i would do- but i would think about it long and hard- you sound smart and eager to find out what is right- only you can decide that!!!

goodluck- follow your heart- but also listen to your head!!!!

nite-nite

Joe

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There is nothing that can surpass what I have now. And there is probably no person out there that can understand that. We have shared so much together and we have become one in the same person. My delimma is if someone does come along for the both of us they will also never understand that we are soulmates and will mean more to each other than they will ever know. Sex is not an issue here. It never was. I love my boyfriend because of who he is to me, not what he can or can't do for me. God gave us each other and each others undying and unconditional love for a reason. He is my soulmate, and I am his. Thanks for replying I appreciate it.

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I thought i was the only person going through something like you.. i am so depressed. my boyfriend just told me he as gay about 2 weeks ago. he still tells me he loves me more than anyone i the world, but he cant be with me because he is sexually attracted to men. He tells me he sees us together in the future..with children and mariage maybe..I am trying to help him through this the best that i can. for now i am being his friend. he really needs one because nobody but i knws he is gay. but anytime u need to talk about anything..email me or something. i am going through the same as you also so i would love to talk.... 3 yearsand he finally admitted he was gay.. im sorry.. my bf and i were together for two years before he told me and i was and still am very shocked. i am just hoping this is a faze.

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  • 4 weeks later...

i was in the same situation as your boyfriend when i figgured out i was gay. unfortunately the girl was a b@tch and she told everyone i knew. so heres the deal.... your ex-boyfriend is going through a hard time right now and the best thing you can do i be his friend. talk to him. let him tell you stuff no matter how weird it is. you guys must have something in common if you went out in the first place. just be nice you obviously are if your asking all of us. just talk to him!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Right now your boyfriends are going through a very difficult time and what they need most is some sense of familiar structure. While it's possible that he is bisexual and going through a male/male awakening of sorts, it's more likely that this is not a phase and that he's going to be who he is, no matter how much he (or anyone else) might want otherwise. The heart is genderless. Just love.

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since you love him help him first by satisfying his needs, for him to forget his fantasis about boys or men then if it didnt work out try to talk to him and ask him if he wanted to go on straight or live in gay life its difficult thing to do i know but you cant have a husband by morning and a sister by night or ask yourself if your ready to admit that your boyfriend gay willing to have his children as what you have told us and live a normal life with him

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to the last post what exactly do you mean? i am about ready to just give up on me completely this is the deepest pain ever and I don't know if I can deal anymore. i really do love him more than anything but without him i am lost. and never in my life have i actually felt for anyone. i am about ready to just give up and i don't know what will happen to me when he starts to date in a few years i honestly don't think i can take it. i am not a strong person and i am at my wits end and ready to give up completely and do something. i wish someone understood that i really hurt. to the point where i hurt myself i am scared i will do something to myself.

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  • 3 months later...

JSUMELLOKATIE:

I saw your post when I was seeking an answer to my dilemma. I am a girl going out with a guy who told me he is bi when we first met. We were friends for 4 months, we have EVERYTHING in common, get along great, and really care about each other. I started to fall for him, then he said he felt something more, so he finally asked me if I wanted to try it out, meaning a relationship. Everything's great, but here's the problem: although he doesn't tell me, I am sure that he prefers men. He has had girlfriends in the past, but that doesn't mean anything. A guy can be gay and just not realize, or is denying it. All the signs point to it: he looks at guys more than girls, 99% of his friends are gay, and much to my dismay, he really doesn't jump at the chance (and I've given him lots of chances) to make love to me. We have fooled around, but something told me his heart wasn't in it. And it's not me, because my ex-husband jumped on me every time I so much as gave him a sexy look. For Pete's sake, I undressed in front of him yesterday and he didn't even look up from the computer!!

Also, people that know he's bi tell me it won't work, because bisexual people will always be confused and want both, but never just one gender in a relationship. I am so scared that one day he will decide that he really does prefer men, and leave me, because I know he would never cheat on me.

What to do? I think I'm falling in love with him, but I don't want to let my shields down in case of this happening later. How is your relationship going? How does your boyfriend feel about the whole thing?

Sorry this is so long, but I really needed to pour my heart out to someone. Please email me if you can, and we can commiserate.

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  • 1 month later...

I know you posted this a while ago but I just noticed that by boyfriend has been seeing a bi-male, supposedly his friend. But then I noticed that he was a member of a online bi/gay male group. He denies that his friend is gay but I know better. How did you deal. How did you confront him? We split up once before and I could not handle it. I don't know if I can handle losing him again.

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My boyfriend just accepted that he was gay about two weeks ago. We had been going out for almost two years and our anniversary is coming up on March 3rd. He still loves me and tells me it all the time. He sees how upset I get and it tears him apart inside. However, I just cannot hold back the tears sometimes. And I don't cry because he's gay, I cry because we love so each other so completely but it would be wrong to stay together now. I can't make him deny who he really is. It's easy to start hurting though, because we still spend all our time together. I still spend the night with him in his bed at his apartment. And I'm still so attracted to him. When I'm with him I'm reminded of what our love was like so often, but it hurts even more not to be around him. And another thing that adds to the pain that I'm feeling now is he hasn't told anyone except his best friend. I want him to tell people because I think it would make things easier for him. I know none of his friends would turn him away, but he's afraid that they will. That our friends would always see him and say, "Hey, thats my gay friend Pat!" You know, a permanent lable. He just wants to stay Pat. I don't want him to keep it inside because it could hurt him more. I just want him to be happy and comfortable with who he is. He just told me that even though that he's gay, he considers me his soul mate. I remember when he didn't believe in that sort of thing. I wish I had someone to talk to with whom I could relate to. I feel so alone, because I can't tell anyone I know. Why are the Fates as cruel as they are?

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I've been in a relationship with my Boyfriend for three years, but I've always had this nagging suspicion that he's gay. He hasn't done anything specific, but one night we got very intimate...I'll skip to the point where I discovered that he shaves his #$%^ hair. I asked him why, and he said it was for hygenic reasons.

 

Anyway, there are other little things, like the way he behaves when certain male friends come over. I sometimes catch them looking at each other, but as soon as I look at him, he looks away.

 

My first reaction was to be upset, but now I just want him to get it over with so I can move on with my life.

 

My question would be how can he continue having sex with me, and make it seem like he just really wants to satisfy me..and he does. He says he wants to marry me, and have children with me. I'm so confused? I want him to be happy and if it's with a man, so be it.

 

But I want him to stop pretending that sex with me is amazing. I know he loves me, but is he just torturing himself by having sex with me? I don't want to be the wife/girlfriend with a secretly gay husband/boyfriend. I really don't. I think I'm just going to break it off with him and make life easier for us.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When I first met my boyfriend I thought I had met the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life. From the beginning, he pursued me relentlessly, made it VERY clear that he was looking for a relationship, not a friend, and seemed to want to spend all his free time with me. As things progressed, he was the first to say "I love you", to say that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, to talk marriage, and generally move the relationship forward at every step (this all happened rather quickly--over just a few months). I cannot imagine having more in common, or being more well-suited to someone than we are to each other. We have a remarkable connection that seems to have bonded us to one another from the beginning.

The only problem we seem to have, and I mean THE ONLY one, is sex. From the beginning it was never crazy, passionate, lustful sex. He would get somewhat aroused, but oftentimes (usually after he was sure I had been satisfied) he would lose his erection and have to stop and masturbate for awhile in order to get hard again and continue. Other times, he wouldn't be able to get erect at all, and sometimes, even when he was still hard, if I had been satisfied, he would pull out and stop, not wanting to finish (or he would masturbate). Other times he can stay hard, but no matter how long we seem to have sex, he can't orgasm.

Because everything else was so good, I ignored this, and figured it must just be his own sexual issue. But then one day he finally brought it up as bothering him. It has been an extremely difficult few months as we grapple with the fact that EVERYTHING else is so wonderful, and we can't seem to conquer this issue. The anger and frustration is building for both of us, although he has taken it especially hard.

He explains it as me not being the usual "Type" of woman that he is attracted to or has dated in the past. He keeps using phrases like "it's just how I'm wired" and "I'm programmed a certain way" to explain that he doesn't feel he will ever be physically passionate about me. He says he just isn't getting aroused and excited the way he feels he should.

He says he doesn't find me unatrractive, loves me, wants this to work etc. However, I'm beginning to wonder how it's possible--if he's straight--he could be so in love with me as to want to marry me, not find me ugly, and yet not be able to get aroused enough to have sex with me.

Besides the sexual issue, there are numerous other small things...none of them is enough to say "gay" on their own necessarily, but there are so many I feel it's too many to be a conincidence. For example, he shaves his entire body (arms too), works out every single day, lifting weights and chiseling his body to perfection, is a clean/neat freak, meticulously groomed, is constantly straightening and sprucing me/ my clothes up, always adjusting lighting and rearranging furniture to improve the "atmosphere" etc, he has almost never made any comments about my physical appearance specifically--no t&a comments as many straight men would make.

His parents are quite religious (although he is a confirmed atheist) and he does care about them a lot, and feels responsible for their care. Both his siblings (younger) are married and live out of town. He has always been the one child they hoped would settle down and live a happy life (as his siblings do not have great relationships). I'm sure his parents would not accept a gay son. Not to mention we live in a relatively small town, where he has lived his whole life, and knows everyone.

If anyone can help me, please give me some advice. I'm sorry for this long post, but I'm desperate!!!! I have two questions: 1) do you think he sounds gay? and 2) if he does sound gay, what do I do? Do I confront him with my suspicions? I'm quite sure if I did, he'd deny it. I think it's something he's not even fully aware of himself (if it's true). Please help me. Thank you.

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I myself was in a similiar situation. I had been dating/hooking up with my friend for about seven years when he finally broke down and told me he was gay. I had gone through high school hearing from all those around me "why are you dating him, he's gay." I chose to ignore them though. Yeah he had certain mannerisms that seemed "gay" but not extremely. And, hey, we still hooked up. Most the time though we were drunk, but at the time I didnt see anything wrong with that. Over the years we became closer and closer. We would go through phases of hooking up for months on end and then we would skip a few weeks. It was strange but I just let it roll off my back. And we were this great couple who definitely did have the best of times.

We then both went away to college but remained friends. Later we ended up going to school near eachother so we got an apartment together. This is when I started to notice more things that made me suspicious of his sexuality. But all the while we were still hooking up; although we never had sex. I would get asked constantly too if we did and when I replied "no" the feedback seemed always to be "god, he must be gay if he's living with you and not having sex with you."

Finally I decided to ask him. But he seemed to actually be tellling me at the same time. That night was one of the hardest nights of my life. We sat accross from one another at a restaurant and both started crying. He began to tell me how he's been wanting to tell me but just found it so hard b/c he didnt want to hurt me; how I would be the one he would be with if he could; how he wanted to be the one he ended up w/ in the end but it wouldnt be that way; and how he never would be able to accept me eventually being w/ someone else.

I didnt know what to say or do. I cried alot. I just sat there and told him how much I still loved him and always would.

The days that followed were even harder. We would just lie in his bed and talk about all the times he had lied to me when he was hooking up w/ guys. Sometimes we laughed at how gullible I was, but the fact was I loved him so much I pushed away those feelings of doubt. I then went through a phase of asking him why he had strung me along all these years. Seven years of my life. Yeah I hooked up with other guys but often denied other relationships b/c I had him. Why had I been his so called "beard" for so long? This really hurt him. He had never really realized how he had altered my life.

Today, we are the best of friends. We have something that goes beyond any ordinary friendship or romantic relationship I believe. It's very hard to explain but we have this ethereal connection that will last forever.

It is still hard though and I know it always will be b/c at one time we connected in a different area in our lives. It's hard to have strangers come up to us and say what an amazing couple we are. It's hear his little sister say to me, "you guys are going to get married", b/c his familly doesnt know yet. But most of all its hard to be out with him sometimes and be dancing and then all of a sudden have him pull me close and say "god how I wish I really could just be with you in that way."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wow- Where do I start? This is very complicated. I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years now. We live together and have a wonderful relationship. When I first saw him @ a coffee shop, I knew we were destined to be together. I also suspected that he was gay/bisexual then. As time went on, I inquired if he was gay/bisexual, and he denied it(I still suspected it though). I even told him I have had sexual thoughts, and even sexual encounters with other women. I am a VERY open individual. One day 2 years ago, I found some pictures in a computer file (there were nude male pics), and this confirmed my inquiries. We talked about it, and once again, he denied he was gay/bisexual, he was only confused and curious. Sigh. Well, sadly enough, I kind of swept if under the carpet. We had a decent sex life, and I loved him so very much. Last week, I was a bit nosey and logged into his email account. What I found scared the hell out of me. I found 3 letters to a man in his "SENT" mail folder where he basically admitted he was bisexual, and was interested in seeing this guys "privates". He did not refer to me as his fiance, but as his girlfriend (at least he was honest with this guy). I told him that I found these letters right away. We have talked baout this situation for a lonnnnnnnng time, for hours every day. He answered all of my questions, but I still have a hard time trusting him. At least I got him to admit he was bisexual. He told me he loves me very much and he started crying when he thought i was going to leave him (he even vomited). I believe he loves me. But I don't believe this will stop. In the last letter this man wrote to my fiance(that I read), he asked my fiance to send him money for a stomach sugery. Apparently this guy is from Romania, and from the letters I read "gets paid to show his penis". My fiance knows it was a scam. This is scaring me!!! I really need someone to talk to. My closest friend thinks this realtionship is doomed, so talking to her makes me upset. I need someone who is open.

 

Thank you so much,

Rhiannon[/b]

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  • 2 months later...

Now who knows if and when anyone will be reading this but It at least helped to find some other women who are going through a similar situation.

 

Here's mine.. I met this guy a few months ago off the internet.. honestly every since I first saw his picture I thought he looked like a "pretty boy" just very well manicured.. cute.. I was attracted.... It took sometime to meet.. (he stood me up the first time) and when we did finally meet a few months later.. he was very nervous and soft spoken. Which was crazy when looking at his 6'5" approx. 300 lbs frame. Hmmm.. but all I saw was a lot of good looking man.. mm mm mm.. lol.. but honestly.. I'm not the most out going person and it was a bit odd to meet someone quite and shy.. and intimidated by me. But if I like you.. I'll get pretty talkative.

 

So.. we started hanging out.. he seemed like a cool guy.. was open to try new things. He wasn't origionally from Sacramento, Ca and is from the Bay area.. not far from San Francisco.. anyways.. after a little while it got the point where he was back at my house and we were getting petty intimate and he stopped because he didn't want to get hurt. I dont know.. but I respected that.. I mean.. I'm not going to pressue a dude to have sex w/ me but that was different. Anyways.. at one point he asked me how many people I had been with and I didn't want to tell him.. my numbers are pretty high... (most people would never guess) we also were having a convo about different things we've tried before.. which he doesn't have much experience.. he's only 20 years old. Well I wasn't very decriptive but I did tell him that I had tried anal before.. and he dissappeared on me for almost a month. So.. in this time I was dating this other guy.. .who wasn't good for me.

 

Almost a month later my current guy... I call him Kid.. since he's 3 years younger than me.. came back in the picture. We met again and hung out.. I ended up breaking it off w/ the other guy for kid. Kid and I finally had sex.. not at the most conventional location. The next day he called me and asked if I wanted to be more than just friends. Again.. not a typical guy move.. I felt that I didnt' know him enough.. and I'm at a point in my life where I'm not looking for anything casual.. and if I'm going to be with only one person I want someone willing to work at a relationship... Well even though I felt it was soon.. I decided to try it out. And now we are a couple...

 

We have problems on a weekly basis.. I feel hes pretty childish in a lot of ways.. he pouts.. doesn't feel comfortable communicating. He rather not say anything at all just to avoid any type of conflict or misunderstanding. So he basically will sacrifice he's happiness to keep the waters calm.

 

Now for the gay issue: Hes sooooo feminine... I mean.. hes 6'5" big dude.. hes black.. young.. and hes cried because I said maybe we aren't right for each other. He has had me wax and pluck his eye brows.. which isnt all bad. The way he talks is so soft spoken. Early on he told me that he gets hit on by men all the time and he doesn't know why? I mean.. I tried to be understanding and said.. well your such a big guy.. and you are so soft spoken.. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. But it doesn't stop there.. The way he expresses himself.. hes broke down balling twice.. the second time saying to me that he "hates himself" for a while.. I would joke about him being feminine.. then he finally got up enough nerve to tell me that he didnt' like it and he was tired of it.. because he gets it w/ his family. He told me that his uncle took him aside and started explaining why being gay is wrong.. and gave supportive information from the bible. I mean.. if the people who have seen him growing up can see it.. ??? just maybe... its true.

 

Lets see.. he likes to comb my hair. When we were in the shower he started playing w/ my hair like he was a gay hairstylist.. I joke with him.. but I was just thinking.. dude.. thats not cute. He loves my dog.. which is okay.. most people like her because shes a little chihuahua.. but he picks her up and kisses her.. Hell.. he doesnt' even kiss me that much. He told me that the dog he wanted was a yorkshire terrier.. and the reason was so he could put bows in her hair. He was SERIOUS!!! another incident was when we were laying in my bed.. after a sex session.. and we started talking about my clothes.. and he asked me.. What size in females clothing do I think he'd wear? Ummmm.. yeah.. I just joked with him and said.. probably my size.. and offered my clothes so he could try them on. He ws like .. no

 

But!.. was guys asks that.. the lastest.. was yesterday.. after yet another sex session He gets up and picks up a pair of brown flair leg pants I have.. I thought he was just picking them up because they fell. Well I say to him.. (just testing) Why dont you try them on... by dayum.. if he did.. !!!! he put them on. I'm a plus size girl and the pants pretty much fit.. except for being a little short. He went over to the mirror and looked at them.. he even looked at his but.. You know.. how we do ladies.. when you turn around and check over your sholder. He says.. I have no ass.. and that he needs a belt.. !!! FOR WHAT! I'm thinking. But I play along.. and say.. why dont you try on my man shirt. ( a shirt that black spandex w/ XXX in pink huge letters on front that I bought in the mens department) I think it looks gay!... but anywyas.. he went to my closest and put it on. Then he posed slightly turning his head and said.. he looked gay.. . I agreed but told him he looked cute.. (just playing along) and he said THANK YOU! (by the way.. he always says thank you when I say hes cute.) So.. he goes back over the the mirror and says do you have another mirror.. he wanted to look at his azz in the pants. This all probably went on for 5010 minutes. I didnt' say anything.. but I really just think hes gay.. between the eyebrow waxing.. the clothes fetish he has.. he loves shopping..

 

Oh.. one more thing.. one day.. I was trying to go the bathroom to put a tampon in.. and he was like.. what are you doing.. so I told him.. when I came out of the bathroom .. he asked me how does that work.. so I told him.. he then asked if I was worried about getting TSS! now.. how many MEN.. boys.. old ass men.. know the abrieviation for Toxic Shock Syndrom and what it even is... He claims its because he's live w/ women all his life.. which is possible but I feel like I keep making excuses..

 

My best friend is calling me a FAG hag.. and says I should leave him alone.. and that I'm cheating myself. I really think he has issues and that hes gay or at least bi.. because we do have sex.. but just like some of the other post.. he doesn't always finish.. and sometimes has to masturbate to orgasm. I dunno.. but I just want to find a good man.. hes sweet.. but I fear he just isn't comfortable being who he is.. did I also mention that hes gained like 80lbs in the past year.. (he was thinner before) and doesn't like seeing himself in pictures unless they are professional.

 

I dont know what to do.. I know if I accuse him of being gay again.. or even joke about it.. it will cause problems.. and we wont stay together.. but I really dont feel like hes masculine.

 

I'm just so frustrated

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  • 1 month later...

I am 37 yrs old and am in the same boat as many of you, I have noticed the same "gay "" traits in my man ( 30 yrs old). Like most of you I ignored it too. I use the past tense because we have only just broken up. I would consider him my soulmate and he has set the benchmark in terms of any future b/f I may have. I love him dearly and I know it wouldn't take much for me to entertain the thought of getting back together. But i feel it will only delay the inevitable heartache later. I am still hurting but i want to get strong so that if or when he decides to admit it to himself i can be a true friend and suppport to him. By the way, it was my b/f who called it quits on our relationship. It is only my believe that he his gay that has stopped me from spinning out bigtime. I can at least take comfort in the fact that I know he truly does love me and that what we had emotionally was not all a lie.I still have no real proof except that many of your stories are almost identical to mine.

I think we should take strength in knowing that these men really do appear to love us. We must b strong enough to let them be who they really are.

I am so glad I found this forum!!

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  • 1 month later...

A week ago my boyfriend of 2 and a half years split up with me because he's sexually confused.

I cried for three days solid and thought that the pain would never end. I had begged him for hours to try and make it work before I managed to drag the truth out of him.

It's just sad.

The thing is that I feel guilty for feeling relieved in a way. I'm lucky that this didn't happen 20 years down the line.

 

I'm totally in love with him & he says he still is with me and that he never stopped finding me attractive, but fees so guilty when he has these feelings that he can't go on being with me.

Despite all of this pain - I agree. He has to work it out on his own.

I feel like my other half has been ripped away though, he's my best friend - I want than more that but I just can't have it.

 

What disturbs me is that some of the girls here intend to stay with these guys, although I want him back I know that it will eat away at me and leave me with nothing if we stay together.

It is important to have your own life and know that you will eventually be happy again. This is'nt a rehearsal.

 

Another cliche' springs to mind. 'If you love someone, set them free'. I think this is more relevant than ever for us girls here.

 

I'd love to hear how any of you are getting on, I desperately need the support myself. So please email me or set up a chat if you want.

 

Good luck to all of you. It's good to know I'm not the only one.

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  • 2 years later...

I need help and fast...ive been with my partner for 3 years now...ive got 5 kids to my previous marriage. When i met my partner i found out after a month he had slept with a man previous to us meeting and although this shocked me i got over it and put it down to experimenting...we have mentioned it a few times now and on one drunken night we got a bloke to come round so rich could do it again but involve me..i agreed as i was very curious as to why and if he wanted to do this...needless to say he did it and we talked about it and that was that, until now....i found a text on is phone so i rang thenumber to find out it was a man he had been talking to on a gay chat room, it was quite explicit saying he was going to meet and bring condoms with him...My partner said while i was at work he went on the chat room .. not to do anything but to find out if he was bi or not and had no plans of meeting anyone.. what am i meaant to do??? hes telling me he is definitely not bi or gay yet im left here on my own not knowing what to do... PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME

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Wow.. there are some heavy posts in here.. but I can kind of relate to one guy I dated.

He was very very attractive, clean, and had a nice physique.

We met and he was very courteous at first. But.. when he invited me to his place, it was sort of like, all he wanted to do was hang out, literally. I had gotten dressed up in something sort of sexy, and he didn't make one move, or even a glance that would indicate he wanted to make a move!

I'm not saying that i'm the greatest looking gal (although some guys do tell me i'm attractive), but if a guy invites a girl over, it's not usually to just watch tv!

But he didn't seem that interested. I came over another time and after SEVERAL hours, he finally started flirting with me. I don't know, maybe he was just shy, but he never came accross as shy. But, he just wasn't very aggressive that way. I just put it down to well, maybe he's not that interested in me, although evidentally we did have sex, which he iniated.

The sex could be dicey at times too... but again I just put it down to his being tired. I remember the first time we were together I was going down on him, and even though he was enjoying it... it seemed every few minutes he'd lose his erection! That's kind of odd to happen if it's the first time you have oral sex with a guy! Another time, we were having sex for like hours, and he never ended up climaxing. I didn't ask him, cause, occasionally I cannot climax either, and didn't want to make it that big a thing. But he was pretty distant to me after that session for awhile. I thought maybe he was embarrassed.

But there were like other things too. He would get dressed like right away after sex, even though he had a really nice body. Most guys are pretty relaxed after sex and lay around in their boxers at least. And he went and cut his pubic hair too, I noticed, the next time we had sex. I never asked him to do it.. so i'm not sure why he did!

Another time I had to take a shower and so did he. Well, he must have taken like a 2 minutes shower at tops. He sure didn't want to stay there in there long with me.. and we'd just had sex. That's kind of odd for a str8 guy, not to want †o be with a naked woman.

He also was never interested in giving oral sex, although, he sure liked getting it.

He wasn't too affectionate either... unless we were having sex. I don't remember him ever holding my hand, either on the coach or in public!

He was very neat in housekeeping, not that str8 guys cannot keep a clean house, but really I was impressed! I wanted him to come over and do my housework! LOL...

He also seemed to be into really rough kind of sex... and all i could think of was...either he really liked rough sex... or he was used to being with men who liked it this rough.

I have a feeling that he's might of experimented with sex with other men.

What would some other signs be?

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  • 3 months later...

[ SIZE=3]My ex-fiance is gay..at first he claimed bi-sexaul and seemed to have lust and passion for me, but after awhile things became stale. He never seemed to wantto have sex with me anymore. I would try so hard to, giving him a sexy gaze, touching him, parading my busty self in silky little things without so much as a blush and smirk on his part. He didn't want me. This caused a lot of strain in our relationship. He made me feel so unattractive, it was horrible and caused me depression. He loved me but that wasn't enough. I was sick of feeling so desirable around other men in my life like those I work with but not feeling that way around him. Turns out he is gay and I wish I would I left him early on...Ladies if this is happening with you leave the guy. It's so not worth all the heartache and hurt feelings...I am now angry and bitter with and feel so used...so leave while you can before he ruins you.

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I am sorry that you have experienced this and to all of the other posters.

 

I would like to know if anyone has a satisfying relationship when their partner is either bi or gay.

 

I do not see it working well if all parties are not aware and consenting to everything. Of course, I know that there are people that stay together for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with love, sex, or anything like that!

 

I can completely relate to the feeling used part and do not have any good advice!

 

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk further about it or just need to vent.

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Wow. I thought i was alone in this.

 

My bi gf, my soulmate, love of my life, who told me she wanted to marry me and have my children, realised she's gay. It still hurts like hell. I love her so much.

 

Up until that our relationship was wonderful, and her being bi made no difference at all.

 

The story is here if you're interested

 

Anyone here want to talk to someone about their own situation, feel free to pm.

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