I love her but I cant love myself

[Sebastian]

I really, really, genuinely like someone but every time I get to asking them out or telling them how I feel I feel like im not worth them, I get super anxious start shaking, crying, etc. This person has already shown that they feel the same for me but anytime I think of her I just completely break-down, I want to... I want to kill myself whenever I even think of her wasting her time on me, but then I imagine how destroyed she would be if I did it and then dont want to do it but also dont want her to care for me, but I love her and wouldnt like to do anything outside of being with her.

 

I dont know what to do

[limichelle]

Hi,

 

I think the best advice I can give you is you need to love yourself before you can love anybody else fully.

 

You need to do some self reflection during this time maybe seek therapy to help build up your self esteem. We attract those who our faults find. What I mean by that is if you are feeling low then you attract qualities of someone who has traits not favorable.

 

It’s like a magnet and I’ve been there. I’ve had a lot of unhealthy relationships because I attracted unhealthy guys because I myself was unhealthy in my view I couldn’t do better.

 

This girl shouldn’t be someone to pursue as you aren’t in the right head space.

 

She’s out there!

 

She’ll come when you do love you and the irony will be you won’t need anyone but yourself to complete you by then.

 

 

Lisa

[LC8328]

Hi,

 

I wish we knew a little more about your background. What happened in your life that make you view yourself as essentially worthless?

 

This is heartbreaking, and to me it means you have a lot of issues that need to be addressed, not just for the sake of being with the girl you love, but for your life in general. You deserve to be happy and know your worth.

 

Even though we don't know you I am very confident in saying that you are a great human being. Just look at the intensity with which you love this girl. That alone speaks volumes.

 

I'm really sorry if someone or something made you feel like you were bad, or not special, but that is NOT TRUE. You are amazing. And like Lisa said above you must love yourself before you can offer that love to others. Is therapy possible? If you are a young person, is there a school counselor or a trusted adult you can speak with? Please don't continue hating yourself so much. Come back and write again so we know how you're doing xxx

 

~LC

[Nonexistent]

If you're anything like me and want to sort feeling overly self-critical and even worthless out on your own, even though seeing someone about feeling this low really is advised, if you won't, there's always these few things that I found helpful:

Talking to people you are close friends with - they will always be there for you in those outbursts of feeling inadequate and know just what to say

Listening to music that you like with a healthy message - as a fan of alternative music, startset and get scared were often unhealthy choices, whereas Grandson- 'Apologise' and other songs of a positive message were good to listen to and subconsciously take advice from

 

As with the anxiety you're experiencing, this is very rarely something that will go away on its own, even with time. Even attached to a single situation, you can retreat into yourself and start feeling just as helpless in other situations. It is important that you at least look into this for your own sake and future wellbeing.

 

The phrase 'wasting her time' is also something to think about. If she likes you then she wouldn't be wasting her time on you. This is a strong reflection of how you see yourself and apply it to how you think others must see you. Believe me, this is not the case. One day you will build up your self image and realise that a good person going through a bad time is just that. What you are going through doesn't define you. Once you are out the other side you will be stronger and happier and able to grow into the person you want to be, seeing yourself how others see you.

 

I hope this has been somewhat helpful to you