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Husband’s strange behavior


damnedifido

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This will be long. Yesterday morning, I woke up and my husband wasn’t in the room. I tried looking for my phone to check the time, but couldn’t find it. So I just laid back down. He came back in the room and went back out to find clothes for work, came back in the room to get dressed. Sat on the floor for a sec, then changed and stood up and set my phone on the bed next to me. I was like “oh, where was that?” He said “on the floor.” I knew it wasn’t, but I just said oh okay. He gave me a kiss and left the room. Came back 5-10 mins later and gave me another kiss and left for work. I went back to sleep. He messaged me good morning & when I clicked it, I saw all of our messages were deleted.. I said good morning & commented on how they were all missing. He said it was his fault and he’d explain later. I couldn’t handle not knowing all day, so he told me. So about a year and a half prior, I was in a group chat with a few girls from my high school & we all sent topless pics as like body positive, whatever. My husband knew the chat was on my phone but never knew what was in it.. he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didn’t know why. So he took my phone and looked at everyone’s pics... then he proceeded to send and save the pic of me and one other girl to himself.. then couldn’t figure out how to delete it from my messages, so he just deleted our whole conversation. Then he brought my phone back in the room, went and jacked off to the OTHER girl’s pic (even though he also had mine..) and then came and kissed me and went to work. What would you do if this happened to you? How upset would you be? I feel really upset and unattractive to him right now... I had a c/s with our second baby 4 months ago.. and then for him to do that, I just feel terrible. I don’t know how to feel about this situation. I don’t know if I am overreacting or not in being upset. Please give me opinions 😭

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What I find odd is the fact he felt the urge to get ahold of those photos on your phone. I don’t see why he felt the need to be so sneaky he could have just asked or told you what he wants.

 

With that being said was this done out of malicious intent, no I seriously doubt it. I just think he acted stupidly. I would prod him more and talk about why he did what he did. Communication is key.

 

You won’t get far guessing.

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Seems odd to me that he would go through your phone for one particular photo of a girl to relieve himself to. Does he know her and this was an old throw back feeling? With the prevalence of porn on the web, trawling through your phone for a random set of photos for a sly fap seems strange.

 

As Limichelle suggests, I don't think there was malicious intent. So, talk to him about what happened and the just try to forget it, he will be embarrassed already.

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How long have you been married? Have you considered marriage therapy? How is your romance/sex life? Rifling through your phone for whatever reason is a breach of trust. He story sounds fishy. He can look at any sort of porn to get off. Why rifle through your phone?

I saw all of our messages were deleted... he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didn’t know why. So he took my phone and looked at everyone’s pics... then he proceeded to send and save the pic of me and one other girl to himself.

 

I feel really upset and unattractive to him right now... I had a c/s with our second baby 4 months ago..

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I was in a group chat with a few girls from my high school & we all sent topless pics as like body positive, whatever. My husband knew the chat was on my phone but never knew what was in it.. he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didn’t know why.

 

But we all know why. He probably has the hots for your friend and woke up aroused and went hunting for nude material of her to jerk off to, he knew it was in there. Probably had been fantasizing about it for years.

 

I’m not surprised you feel the way that you do. But I’m also surprised with how forthcoming he was about a lot of that. It’s nasty though, it’s one thing to use pornographic material of strangers, but his own wife’s friend? No class, and disrespectful.

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Why would he delete messages to you if he wanted to look at pics? it sounds like he sent you something in error. His story makes no sense and it sounds like he asked his friends to come up with some excuse. How is the marriage? Are you afraid he's having affairs? There is often a huge uptick in infidelity during pregnancy and in the postnatal period. It's doubtful he deleted your conversations because he had to look at pics.

I saw all of our messages were deleted.
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Gosh. This does not seem normal to me at all. The sneaky-ness if it. Then he couldn't figure iut how to delete the forwarded messages??

 

that is BS. If you own a phone, you know how to delete.

 

I'm so turned off... he forwarded private pics of a friend EW!

 

I know you're married with kids and probally need to figure this all out and go on... but dag, girl.... what is going in with him?

 

I think there is way more to this than his innocent I needed jerk off material.

 

Don't be naive....

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I think you all sharing naked pics of yourselves with each other is quite odd, not to mention then keeping those in your phone. Since your hubby knew all about it, my best guess is he has probably spent the past 1.5 years building up all kinds of fantasies about that chat and those pics and finally acted on it so to speak. I very much doubt that he just woke up and had this idea.

 

Does it make it OK? No. Weird? Very. Lesson in don't share nudes online...yup... Now you have a mess to deal with. All I can say is talk to hubby and try to sort this out. I really hope he didn't send those to any of his buddies. People do some incredibly dumb stuff.

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But we all know why. He probably has the hots for your friend and woke up aroused and went hunting for nude material of her to jerk off to, he knew it was in there. Probably had been fantasizing about it for years.

 

I’m not surprised you feel the way that you do. But I’m also surprised with how forthcoming he was about a lot of that. It’s nasty though, it’s one thing to use pornographic material of strangers, but his own wife’s friend? No class, and disrespectful.

 

^ Agreed. This is ALL kind of disrespectful. Doing that with a spouse's friend? Not cool at ALL. I agree something extra fishy is going on here.

 

IMVHO, it goes beyond what he told you. He lied to you about taking your phone and who knows what else he was looking for. He is majorly violating trust and respectful boundaries.

 

You need to have a conversation beyond what he told you. Ask him how he'd feel if you were doing the same thing with a pic of HIS friend.

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I also think that the oddest thing about any of this is that you and your girlfriends shared boob pics with one another and you actually kept them on your phone for a bloody year in your messages rather then putting them in your photo bucket.

 

Your husband pleasured himself to a set of new boobs which most men would do. Why do it to yours when all he has to do is look at them for real whenever he wants? Men are visual creatures and so there you go. You should be happy he was honest (to a point) with you. What's in his mind is his business.

 

I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill and you didn't actually tell us what has you so upset. Is it because he snooped? Is it because he masturbated to someone other than your body? Is it because he originally lied? Was it because he deleted your friends boobs on you? What?

 

Clearly your hubby didn't think he did anything too off the rails or he wouldn't have told you about pleasuring himself to your friends set. I think you don't think it's all that outrageous either or you wouldn't need strangers to tell you how you should feel about it.

 

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel "unattractive" as you say you feel. This isn't about you and it takes nothing away from you. It was a moment of self pleasure in which all of us have partaken in with the help of someone other than our SO's (either in porn, pics or our imagination).

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Something doesn't make sense to me. You say your husband didn't know what was in your group chat, so he had no idea photos were going to be in there, correct? So for him to wake up, wanting some nudes of your friends, doesn't make sense. He took your phone for a different reason... why do you think he felt the need to spy?

I like Wiseman's idea, maybe he accidentally sent something to you that was meant for someone else, wanted to delete it off your phone real quick and by accident deleted the entire conversation thread. It just doesn't make a lot of sense

to me otherwise.

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Something doesn't make sense to me. You say your husband didn't know what was in your group chat, so he had no idea photos were going to be in there, correct? So for him to wake up, wanting some nudes of your friends, doesn't make sense. He took your phone for a different reason... why do you think he felt the need to spy?

I like Wiseman's idea, maybe he accidentally sent something to you that was meant for someone else, wanted to delete it off your phone real quick and by accident deleted the entire conversation thread. It just doesn't make a lot of sense

to me otherwise.

 

She said her hubby knew about that chat and pics on her phone.

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Something doesn't make sense to me. You say your husband didn't know what was in your group chat, so he had no idea photos were going to be in there, correct? So for him to wake up, wanting some nudes of your friends, doesn't make sense. He took your phone for a different reason... why do you think he felt the need to spy?

I like Wiseman's idea, maybe he accidentally sent something to you that was meant for someone else, wanted to delete it off your phone real quick and by accident deleted the entire conversation thread. It just doesn't make a lot of sense

to me otherwise.

Then why admit to jerking off to one of her friends boobs?

 

With all due respect, I don't think conjecture is going to help the Op to feel any better about this. Just sticking to the facts, I'd say that the Op shouldn't feel unattractive because he did his thing to someone else. It's normal to help get there with a visual.

 

I suspect though that he did know that those pics were in there (that he's snooped on her phone before) and he was just getting rid of what the Op should have gotten rid of a long time ago (on there for over a year for goodness sakes). If Op has no other indication that her husband is being shady then no point putting worse case scenerios in her head IMO.

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I mean this is what she said "My husband knew the chat was on my phone but never knew what was in it.. he said he woke up and randomly thought of it, he said he didn’t know why." That's the only reason I questioned it. Sure, maybe he snooped before and knew, but either way, I'd keep my eyes open for more strange behavior.

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Sure, maybe he snooped before and knew, but either way, I'd keep my eyes open for more strange behavior.

Agree... we should all keep our eyes open for strange behaviour. Key word "strange" I don't think masturbating to other women's boobs as "strange" behaviour though. What I find "strange" in this story is the fact that the women exchanged breast pics and the Op kept the pics in her "messages" rather than transferring them to the photo album in her phone. Hell, why she even exchanged boob pics with her friends in itself is odd to me. :D

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Agree... we should all keep our eyes open for strange behaviour. Key word "strange" I don't think masturbating to other women's boobs as "strange" behaviour though. What I find "strange" in this story is the fact that the women exchanged breast pics and the Op kept the pics in her "messages" rather than transferring them to the photo album in her phone. Hell, why she even exchanged boob pics with her friends in itself is odd to me. :D

 

Honestly, what's weirder to me is that the guy took her phone without her knowing and went into her messages. That would not be ok for me, regardless what's in them. So that in itself is a problem to discuss, and if it's as innocent as jerking off to a boob pic.

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Honestly, what's weirder to me is that the guy took her phone without her knowing and went into her messages. That would not be ok for me, regardless what's in them. So that in itself is a problem to discuss, and if it's as innocent as jerking off to a boob pic.

 

That's why I think he has snooped before and he knew they were in her phone so he may have developed a habit of going to them to pleasure himself and may have deleted them so he wouldn't continue the habit. That too is conjecture but I'm thinking this is just the first time Op noticed her phone gone.

 

Yes, they should talk about it but before they do, I think the Op shouldn't be feeling unattractive because he admitted to using someone other than her boobs to do it. Variety is the spice of life and we (IMO) shouldn't expect our other halves to just use our boobs (or whatever) as a visual. She left a quagmire of titillation for him to indulge in afterall. They are deleted and gone now which they should be IMO. I don't think my hubby would want my boobs out there for all to see. If he is looking then chances are the other husbands are as well.

 

Cheers.

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Agree... we should all keep our eyes open for strange behaviour. Key word "strange" I don't think masturbating to other women's boobs as "strange" behaviour though. What I find "strange" in this story is the fact that the women exchanged breast pics and the Op kept the pics in her "messages" rather than transferring them to the photo album in her phone. Hell, why she even exchanged boob pics with her friends in itself is odd to me. :D

 

While I do not disagree... for me the strange parts are:

1. remembering the pics are there.

2. How did he know she didnt delete. Would he have to back to find the pics?

3. And then all the deleting

4. Lying about where the phone was

5. deleting messages

 

Is it too much pre-meditation? Too complicated of an excuse for deleting something in the phone? Or is it more?

 

Was he using her phone to communicate with the girfriend?

 

Cheaters and liars are creative...

 

Maybe I've been reading this forum too long![emoji23][emoji23]

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Anything is possible but as I said, conjecture does nothing to help the Op to process this when that conjecture is so negative and there isno actual proof. Op hasn't even come back to say if she's noticed any other shady behaviour from her husband prior to this episode of espionage. :)

 

I'm still wondering why she feels "unattractive" and why she needed to share boob pics with female friends for "body image" purposes. I think that says a whole lot about the op's self image in itself.

 

Anyway... I guess it doesn't matter what we think. Op just needs to have a nice chat with her hubs or forget about it and keep an eye open for signs (if any) going forth.

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That's why I think he has snooped before and he knew they were in her phone so he may have developed a habit of going to them to pleasure himself and may have deleted them so he wouldn't continue the habit. That too is conjecture but I'm thinking this is just the first time Op noticed her phone gone.

 

Yes, they should talk about it but before they do, I think the Op shouldn't be feeling unattractive because he admitted to using someone other than her boobs to do it. Variety is the spice of life and we (IMO) shouldn't expect our other halves to just use our boobs (or whatever) as a visual. She left a quagmire of titillation for him to indulge in afterall. They are deleted and gone now which they should be IMO. I don't think my hubby would want my boobs out there for all to see. If he is looking then chances are the other husbands are as well.

 

Cheers.

 

Of course she shouldn't be feeling unattractive. It's like saying because my husband watches porn, he finds me unattractive. I just don't think her feeling attractive or unattractive is really the core issue here, because the whole situation doesn't jive well IMO. So, keeping eyes open, conversation about it etc. are important.

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Of course she shouldn't be feeling unattractive. It's like saying because my husband watches porn, he finds me unattractive. I just don't think her feeling attractive or unattractive is really the core issue here, because the whole situation doesn't jive well IMO. So, keeping eyes open, conversation about it etc. are important.

Agree... I'm just talking about the unattractive bit because its the only thing the Op has given us that tells us why she's started this thread. She says: "I feel upset and unattractive to him right now." If she thought he was cheating why not say "I fear he is cheating on me?" (which is the original conjecture I suggested we don't fuel).

 

She also said:

I don’t know if I am overreacting or not in being upset. Please give me opinions
My opinion, is she shouldn't feel upset, she shouldn't worry about her c-section taking away anything from her attractiveness to him and just take the masturbation at face value as it being a visual like any other porn.

 

I had a c/s with our second baby 4 months ago.
What I'm seeing in her Op is that her attractiveness to him IS the point of her thread. At least it is a big part of it anyway.
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He didn’t delete the thread with my friends from my phone. He deleted my message thread with him on my phone. I hadn’t ever deleted it because I just don’t delete my messages. I have messages from 5 years ago in my phone still.. they’re all the way at the bottom so it doesn’t ever get seen. I honestly forgot that was even on there.. I have deleted it now though.. it isn’t the same to me as him watching porn. He watches porn and I know about that. That has never bothered me. This did because it is a real person that I know.. I say I feel unattractive because this girls body is completely opposite of mine. She has huge boobs, thick thighs, and a curvy waist. I am the opposite. Very thin. So I’m thinking in my head that he finds that more attractive. I don’t know. I am not literally asking other people to tell me how to feel. I feel how I feel and that’s that. I have bad anxiety so I just never know if I am overreacting or not. Everything is an internal crisis in my mind. We have been together for 7 years and married for 3. We have two kids together.

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