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My step kids mom is trying to get pregnant...


sunflower987

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Where do I start lol. My husband’s crazy ex just had her tubes untied after 12 years and is now trying to get pregnant by this new guy. The problem is she can’t even care for her own kids now. She has (my step kids) a 16 and 12 year old that she neglects to spend time with, doesn’t get them their needs, and lives off disability. My step kids have expressed many times that they don’t get why she is trying for a baby with this new guy. My poor step kids feel so neglected by her and now they fee like if she does get pregnant they will be even more neglected. It breaks my heart so bad. Is it mean to say that I hope she doesn’t have success with getting pregnant? My step kids have even said the same thing. They both are on edge recently because they knew the surgery was coming up. Sorry if this sounds a bit petty of me but my heart is there for the kids...

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We have tried. The courts said since she hasn't hurt them physically that they can't do anything about it. It breaks our hearts because the 16 year old has told us since they were 11 that they want to live with us full time. She has even said she sees me as her mother and not her real mother. The 12 year old is still in limbo because he doesn't really understand everything that his mom has done.

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My brother’s eldest daughter chose to leave her mom and go live with my brother. Zip mom can say about it . My niece was 16 when she did so. Many places in North America in between 12 and 14 kids can decide which parent they want to live with . This 16-year-old can definitely pick up and leave anytime she pleases .

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Look into the laws where are you are . I am in Ontario, Canada. My niece told her dad pick me up he did and that’s it . She never went back to her mother’s and it’s been almost a year . Absolutely zero Mom can do about it and here the police can’t even bring you home at 16 . I had a different niece leave home at 16 because she was pregnant. She went and lived at the boyfriend’s mother’s house. My step sister tried to bring her home and the police told her nope too bad she is 16 she can do what she likes .

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Yes, I suspect you will have to get any child support payments reversed. If the 16 year old just walks out, the question is, will your ex still be on court order to pay that child support? Same thing for the 12 year old. That would be a mess if you two had the kids living there with you and their dad was still obligated through court order to continue paying child support payments to the ex.

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Children cannot choose which parent to live with. Children not emancipated are considered legally incompetent and thus are not considered capable nor responsible to make legally binding decisions. That includes custody orders. A judge worth his or her salt will of course consider an older child's preference, but it's still a matter of paying with your time and money to contest a custody order and have the judge rule in favor of the alternative parent. If someone's kid packs up and stays with the other parent without proper procedures having been followed without consequence, the unofficial custodial parent should consider themselves lucky either the custodial parent is legally ignorant or the court is incredibly forgiving.

 

But, yes, I ultimately do concur that if you know the 16-year old would overwhelmingly prefer to reside with her father, it may well be worth it to contest the custody order. The older the child is, the more heavily their preference is considered, especially if their siblings (if they have any) share the preference.

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3 years ago my kids (16,14&11) told our court appointed counsellor that they wanted to live with me and the judge awarded me full custody due to their wishes.

 

It doesn't matter that there isn't physical abuse, if they feel emotionally neglected and they explain this to the court, you have a good chance at getting full custody, like I did.

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My brother's teenage children expreseed to the court that they wished to live with my brother. They even submitted written statements. The judge denied their request and ordered my brother and his ex wife to attend coparenting classes. For the third time.

 

There are no guarantees. Judges can rule however they see fit.

 

OP, it's likely their mom is looking for a guaranteed meal ticket.

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My brother's teenage children expreseed to the court that they wished to live with my brother. They even submitted written statements. The judge denied their request and ordered my brother and his ex wife to attend coparenting classes. For the third time.

 

There are no guarantees. Judges can rule however they see fit.

 

OP, it's likely their mom is looking for a guaranteed meal ticket.

 

Omg yes! She even said to us “well if I get pregnant with him at least that will be 18 years of child support” we were floored when she said that.

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How often do you have your husbands kids with you? What is the custody and visitation schedule? How much child support is he obligated to pay? Try not to echo his disdain and disrespect for his kids' mother. That is very very damaging to them. She is half of who they are. Or take his kids side against her when they do the typical divide and conquer whining about each of their divorced parents.

 

It would be best to be as neutral and positive as possible for the children's sake. Never, ever badmouth their mother no matter how much your husband does or they whine about "unfair", etc. Just stay out of it, stop judging and stop trying to usurp their mother. Don't let those kids be in the crossfire in some competition between you and his ex or some war he is still waging with his ex. So sad. Stop.

My husband’s crazy ex...
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I have been down this road and Jman is correct that the children can ONLY tell the court where they want to live, the court takes it into consideration but many times denies the request. This is due to parents brainwashing children, buying their love or simply bad mouthing the other parent.

If the 16 yr old walks away from the mother it is considered a run away and the sheriff will just come fetch her back from the dad.

 

Pray the ex doesn't get pregnant, love those kids with all your heart and be there for them the best you can no matter how many times their birth mother bails on them. This is all you can do.

 

If she does get pregnant then you may be able to offer to have the 2 kids more so she can focus on the baby. Of course she will still want child support...

 

Lost

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is it petty? no. not with the demonstrated historical pattern of behavior the ex- has shown.

should you wish bad things on another? yo know the answer to that.

what can you do about it? not much. her life, her relationship, her thing. (i'm pretty sure the baby has somethign to do with his demands about the relationship... or some dynamic between them like she feels she has a better chance to keep him if they have a baby?) dunno. weird.

 

be there for your step-kids.. maybe this will help you guys have a stronger case of full custody (and that's a good outcome).. i dunno.

 

good luck.

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