Is it wrong to ask bf for half the household expenses?

[Gymgirl71]

My boyfriend has been living with me for over a year. The first 4.5 months he paid nothing because he was looking for a job. Fine. So then he started contributing 600/mo which ends up being 25% of the household expenses. I was ok with it because he didn't make much. 2 or 3 months ago he got a better paying job but continues to pay the same. We spend more on groceries and light bill is more because of the AC. I confronted him and told him he will need to start paying half. He had a fit. Said that he didn't think I was like this, and that he also buys stuff for the house and takes me shopping and buys me things I need. He will buy me things once in a while and as far as the things for the house we both share doing that and lately, I have been buying things to give him a break. He has no expenses other than his 30.00 per month phone bill. He is being selfish and wants all the money to himself while I struggle. He sees I have a child and back to school I had to spend a lot on things and I still need to buy stuff. I never get to do things for myself hardly ever. He took me shopping once in the spring and then once in the summer and it was for my birthday. Now he is telling me off and saying how selfish I am. I told him he should have no issue paying half being he lives in the house with us. I don't think hes being fair. Every time I try to bring up expenses he has a fit, and tells me he will see what he can give extra. Meanwhile. he buys himself 3 pairs of jeans one check. then spends over 80.00 on shirts this check, plus a watch and I don't know what else he spends his money on. AND when he is broke and has no money before pay period I loan him 10-20 or so to buy coffee or whatever.

 

Tell me am I being used or taken advantage of here??

[dias]

Yes! When it comes to money, my opinion is always the same: Show him the door!

[Gymgirl71]

Yes! When it comes to money, my opinion is always the same: Show him the door!

I thought so. He made me feel guilty for asking for his equal share. He pays 600 and I pay almost 1400 not including my cell phone and credit card!

[pippy longstocking]

My god girl ...kick his @rse out or to the cash machine ....you let this happen and now he has got comfy with all his money ...so stick to your guns .

[Gymgirl71]

My god girl ...kick his @rse out or to the cash machine ....you let this happen and now he has got comfy with all his money ...so stick to your guns .

Yeah I was way too nice. He thought he could blind me by taking me shopping every now and then. Now he has to go. Let him find a place paying that little.

[Starlight925]

It doesn't matter what he spends on himself buying clothes, etc. Nor does it matter what you spend on yourself or your daughter.

 

What matters here is that you are sharing a household, and he should pay 50% of the household expenses. Period.

 

Period.

[DanZee]

He thinks he's still living with his parents. And I'm sure his parents would have had him paying more. This is not good for your relationship. He's already sponging off you. You have a child you're raising and it seems like you have a big baby as a bf who wants to be supported himself. Come up with a number that reflects what his half should be (probably minus baby expenses) and present it to him. If he won't pay up, kick him out.

[Gymgirl71]

It doesn't matter what he spends on himself buying clothes, etc. Nor does it matter what you spend on yourself or your daughter.

 

What matters here is that you are sharing a household, and he should pay 50% of the household expenses. Period.

 

Period.

Exactly. He seems to think that what is doing is enough. Bills come first and foremost, then what you have leftover you figure out what you can do. That is what I always learned my whole life. That is what responsible adults do. He is 42 for goodness sakes, I know people who are much younger than him who are more responsible.

 

Heck I was more responsible than him at 16.

[Gymgirl71]

He thinks he's still living with his parents. And I'm sure his parents would have had him paying more. This is not good for your relationship. He's already sponging off you. You have a child you're raising and it seems like you have a big baby as a bf who wants to be supported himself. Come up with a number that reflects what his half should be (probably minus baby expenses) and present it to him. If he won't pay up, kick him out.

I even came up with 40% because I make a bit more than him. Technically, that shouldn't even mater. But he also had a fit over 40% so he can hit the road.

[HeartGoesOn]

Unfortunately this is not only about money, it's about his total lack of respect for you. According to your past threads you've stated that you've contemplated tossing him out, yet he's still there.

 

It's also unfair to allow your child to have to live with this monster. He's a waste of space, and you deserve better for both you and your child.

[j.man]

If you have a child, then no, he I don't think he should pay half. He's sharing space with three people, not two. He should definitely be paying at least a third of the rent / mortgage and bills, though. If it's really an issue over who's spending what on the house (assuming you're both using what's being bought), then just add a set additional amount per month to his rent as a contribution to general household goods. Do your own shopping so he can't hold it over you. If you own the place, write up a rental agreement with him. It's not romantic, but you both should be covered.

 

If that's more than he wants to pay, tough. If it's not enough to make it worth giving up your space, then boot him.

 

I don't know how worth it all of this is, though.

[DanZee]

To j.man: It's a child. You can't split it by thirds. How much electricity is the child using? Does the child has his own room? Probably not. But bf should at least pay half of the rent, utilities and what he eats.

[reinventmyself]

To j.man: It's a child. You can't split it by thirds. How much electricity is the child using? Does the child has his own room? Probably not. But bf should at least pay half of the rent, utilities and what he eats.

 

I'm on j.mans team. (to a point) He moved in with her and prior to his existence I can assume she chose a place that would accommodate her and her son. And until told otherwise I'll assume the son has his own room.

I don't know that he should pay 1/3 but 1/2 may not be fair as well. Needless to say, it's doesn't appear equitable and they've locked horns into `who's right and who's wrong' here.

[boltnrun]

You posted this on 8/1/17:

 

"I am trying to get him out of my apartment asap. He seems to think he is allowed a 30 day notice even though he isn't on the lease or gets any mail. He did pay rent but it was in cash. I am just sick thinking what he did last night behind my back."

 

Did you give him the 30 day notice? If so, why are you still trying to decide if he should pay half? Isn't he moved out already?

[AtitAgain]

Well, let me give you the other side of the coin..... oh wait... there is no other side of this coin... BOOT!

[j.man]

To j.man: It's a child. You can't split it by thirds. How much electricity is the child using? Does the child has his own room? Probably not. But bf should at least pay half of the rent, utilities and what he eats.

If the son doesn't even have his own room, that's a stronger argument for 1/3. You could argue splitting the living space in three and private quarters in half otherwise. Her kid, her responsibility, she provides for the space the kid occupies / runs around in and his consumption. I've seen enough kids binge watch Cars and Frozen on the TV to assume they use less electricity, but for the sake of argument and given it's probably by far the lesser expense, sure, the utilities get split in half. But charging half rent would be very unreasonable, though I suppose OP is free to try to charge it.

 

However, again, given the history, I doubt any of this navigation is worth it. In the OP shoes, I'd give the guy his due 30 - 60 day notice and get him out.

[pippy longstocking]

Do you know what ...don't laugh ..but I saw this on judge judy and jman is right , I didn't think of it like that ..if you move in with someone who already has a dependent you should not be expected to pay half !

 

However after everything else in your past posts and how you feel , it looks like you should have shown him the door a long time ago .

[SherrySher]

He's an a$$hole.

Tell him there is no free rides for anyone and half is fair. He'd be paying a lot more if he had to foot the bill on his own.

[SherrySher]

Read jman and the lovely Pippy and you two are correct. If you have a dependent, you are receiving money for them. So it's not entirely fair to go halfers.

 

Truth be told though, this "man" of yours sounds like a free loader and will be no good for a partner.

[Starlight925]

OK, I do see the point about having a dependent, and thus your boyfriend not owing half, but some other percentage.

 

Still, his attitude about this is disconcerting. I'd bet he's not factoring in the amount of space/rent the child is taking, but rather his own lack of desire to contribute as much as he could.

[ASmash]

From a legal standpoint he is just a roommate and I think you have a right to negotiate those expectations of how the bills are split. Until your married, you're roommates working out how to split things evenly or fairly. I would feel that is not fair if my roommates we're doing that. Admittedly, I have an old school view on this.

[yatsue]

The dependent is a child, not a roommate. The mother and child should be treated as an item when it comes to housing. Now, if they were both biological parents to the child I would bet both of them would each be paying half of the expenses. Neither one would be treating the child as a roommate in this case and no one parent would be paying more than the other. When you enter into a relationship, you have to expect to take the mother and child in as family.

 

I am sure if the OP and her SO actually signed a lease, the landlord would treat the mother and child as one, instead of the boyfriend paying the mother cash. Or, in a different light, the landlord wouldn't care how the dependent was related to each parent and just make both adults in the household sign the lease which means they both pay half. He is cheating the system by giving the OP cash instead of legally signing a lease. He should pay half of the rent, not a third. Either officially add him to the lease, in which the landlord will make him responsible for contributing to half of the rent, or kick him out.

 

Now, if the boyfriend is being a real stickler about not accepting the child as their own, then sure let him pay a third for utilities and groceries. This would be equivalent to moving in a roommate instead of a significant other and having them sign on to the lease. I guesstimate this will make him contribute to about 40% of the expenses, but he has been clear he will not agree to this. In addition to all the other issues that seem to be going on, I would just kick him out. Not worth it. Just know you were fair enough and keep your head held high.

 

In the future, don't move in with a SO until they're financially stable and on the lease. It could avoid all these issues and feelings of being taken advantage of the next time around.

[Helpmesavethis]

Wow... I cannot believe the people who think things should be divided by 1/3... My daughter is 7. Yes, I get child support but it's no where near enough to cover bills. It covers her daycare. I foot everything else. You would think someone who loves and cares about you would be more than willing to help you out with the expenses, regardless. I would be bending over backwards to do my part if I were him. I personally just think it's morally right for him to pay half... But maybe 60/40 to accommodate for you having a child... ?!?!

[mustlovedogs]

Wow... I cannot believe the people who think things should be divided by 1/3... My daughter is 7. Yes, I get child support but it's no where near enough to cover bills. It covers her daycare. I foot everything else. You would think someone who loves and cares about you would be more than willing to help you out with the expenses, regardless. I would be bending over backwards to do my part if I were him. I personally just think it's morally right for him to pay half... But maybe 60/40 to accommodate for you having a child... ?!?!

 

Nope, he shouldn't be helping her with expenses. The question is on equality. She thinks he's underpaying. He should pay HIS share, not his plus some of hers to be nice.

 

I'm with split utilities and slightly less than half on food and rent. The kid takes up space. As a dependent, the child depends on HER for support, not him.

[Gymgirl71]

Let me clarify something for those of you thinking that a child is a roommate.

 

First, me and my son shared a room. He is with me half time and his father the other half.

 

Before my bf moved in I didn't use as much on electricity or food, etc. He has the AC on when he gets home yet doesn't pay extra and has taken over my household. You don't split rent with a child that is ludicrous