Baby mum drama!!

[Jadee]

Hey guys!

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this one.

So me and my now boyfriend have been seeing each other acouple of months now. I knew he had three children from a previous relationship, they was together around 9 years.

Broke up 2 and a half years ago but slept together once acouple of months after they split and the ex got pregnant with there third child, he didn’t find out until she was 5 months pregnant.. so he isn’t allowed to see the children on his own so the children go to the his mums house and he will see them there. As he wasn’t seeing them enough he moved back to his mums for now with intentions of moving somewhere closer.

We started seeing each other at first I didn’t know how the relationship with the ex was but slowly but surely it’s coming out of the woodwork.

 

Basically he and his mum will look after the children whilst the kids mum is at work.. she will finish work around 1 in the morning and go back to his mums house go to sleep and take the kids to school (the school is across the road from the mums house). So she will get up take the kids to school go home then pick them up wait around then depending if she is working will either stay or go home.

 

I have questioned the set up saying it seems abit odd wouldn’t the kids want there own bed etc.. but he has said that it’s the set up that was happening before he moved back to his mums and he can’t really go back and start changing things.. I understand to some degree.

 

So the family know we are together.. I have met acouple family members and friends but when his mum asked about me he told her to not mention anything to the ex because she will kick off.. BUT she has seen me before,

She knows what car I drive, I have seen messages about me slagging me off saying how I will never have anything to do with the kids etc.. but for him to say to his mum don’t mention me has really got me thinking..

 

I have never been with anyone with children before and I don’t really know how to approach this.

He has mentioned to her that maybe she should go out and maybe meet someone in which she replied ‘you know I still love you a little’.. today she messaged him asking to look after the kids if she goes on a date but I just seem to think it’s a game.

 

I love this guy honestly really do, it felt so much different to anything I have had with anyone before but I don’t want to be a massive secret!

 

What should I do??

[melancholy123]

Prepare for this to fail. Baby mama will always be in his life due to the kids and the close proximity mama is in with his mother and the kids being at her house a lot of the time. So she's still a bit in love with him, he may well be a bit in love with her, you never know. If you cant handle this set up and feel reasonably comfortable with it, you may want to move on. The kids will keep them in contact with each other for the rest of their lives.

[Hollyj]

Why would you sign up for any of this? Are your relationships usually filled with drama? I see after your last relationship there was a lot of arguing.

 

Does this guy have a job?

 

You love him after two months?

[Annia]

Too much drama for a new relationship in my opinion. Things will only get worst and the baby momma will always be there.

[Wiseman2]

So many red flags. 🚩🚩🚩 Run. 👟👟👟👟 Cut your losses after only 8 weeks of dating. Nothing about this is normal. He's unemployed? He lives with his mother? And has to have supervised visitation? His gf/baby mama lives with him and his mother? Run Run Run.

-seeing each other acouple of months now.

-he isn’t allowed to see the children on his own

-he moved back to his mums for now with intentions of moving somewhere closer.

-he and his mum will look after the children whilst the kids mum is at work..

-she will go back to his mums house go to sleep

-he told her to not mention anything to the ex because she will kick off.

[Jadee]

I’m not sure why everyone is thinking he is unemployed lol.. he works 48hrs a week..

But thank you everyone I appreciate the replies

[nutbrownhare]

It's only been two months. You are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, where the hormone-driven, rose-tinted spectacles are glowing brightly and you imagine you've never felt like this about anyone before.

 

Though I get that it will hurt if you end things now, believe me - that will be NOTHING compared to the cheap drama and heartache you will face if you stick around with this guy and his family. This is the stuff of total nightmare.

 

Having a partner with children from a previous relationship has its challenges, sure, but it can all be dealt with graciously. This is nothing like the scenario you describe.

 

And... as a general point... a relationship which needs to be kept secret is a relationship you shouldn't be in.

[thisisrichey]

well.. the choice is really yours. can you accept and deal with this siatuion with the kids and their mother being intertwined with his and his mum?

You can't assume it will change much (he's readily admitted he's not one to really make major changes like that... so taht should signal to you, "you either can accept this or you can't"...)

 

So.. the question is NO LONGER about him and his family and his ex- any longer - that's set in stone.

the question is ABOUT YOU now. Is this a situation you can accept and continue as part of the deal with your relationship with him? or no?

 

Yes= stick with him. accept this. dont' complain. you know what you're getting into

No= break up and look for a more amicable situation for you where you can feel happier about thigns.

[MissCanuck]

Why was he forbidden from seeing the children without supervision, OP? Was that a court order?

 

This whole arrangment is a mess. His ex has sleepovers under his roof. She doesn't want you around her kids. He's already appeasing her and that's more than likely going to continue. My guess is that they will soon "try again" and reconcile.

 

I agree with the others; this is far too complicated. I would wish him well and move on. The chances of a happy and long-lasting relationship with him are slim-to-none.

[FlashEng1]

"Love after only a few months" feels so judgmental about someone, but is "oh-so-true." In this stage, we love various qualities of a person, and the many potentials and ideas that go through out heads, putting that person on a pedestal essentially... that's why it's the honeymoon phase, so little can go wrong with those rose-colored glasses on...

 

Realistically? Run.. Fast. Far. Away. That's an environment, an atmosphere you want, and deserve, nothing to do with. Plan and simple. Your boyfriend is setting himself up to prove unfaithful to be in a relationship with someone who still has feelings for him, and stays over at different times. It's amazing what family/people do when kids are involved, and the amount of secrets kept because of that. Let them continue to live in their mess, and wallow around with each other while they work out whatever life they've created for themselves. *Meant with the highest sincerity* I greatly doubt whatever conviction you have for him, to be in love with him, will trump the simple fact that they have a living, breathing bond between the two of them, that will last their entire life times... making it close to impossible for you to match up, or ever feel like you're on the same playing field as the Ex.

[purplepaisley]

The fact he has to have supervised visits is a real problem and one I wouldn't stick around for. We either have a guy whose past behaviors have created a situation where he cannot be trusted to care for the children unsupervised, or we have a wretched situation with the ex is vindictive and nasty and throws out accusations and lies....neither situation is good and it won't get better...and don't think for a second this won't overflow into your personal and professional life. You're really only seeing the surface of what's going on. You have no idea how deep this goes or any of the details. Walk away from this.

[ThatwasThen]

Clearly you are not secure enough within or with your own value to handle someone who is still so involved with his ex so please do yourself the kindness and get rid of him now before you are feeling you are unable to give him up even though his actions with her get you crazy thinking. No one, and I mean no one should be falling for someone who still lives with their ex and who only sees their children when their ex is to be present. Getting into that kind of dynamic is like being in a relationship with two people and you're the third.

[Jewels465]

You will never be his number 1. End it now before it gets worse. She’s at the moms house way too much. If she didn’t still love him, she would be long gone!