Stepping away from the ledge

[CharmedphoenixRising]

How do i start.

A friend passed away about a month ago now, some say he committed suicide, some say it’s suspicious. Who knows. And it was hard to accept because life was just starting to look up for him and all... so you know, like why do it right?

 

And that’s when it started. My own attempts were about 20+ years ago. And i guess ever since then it’s been about really trying to move forward and making life better and blah blah blah. And then it hit me. What’s the point? It seems like i fell into a hole of everything is meaningless. All i want is love. People are horrid to each other. Nobody is interested (hole of self- pity as well it appears).

 

The thing that scares me the most is - it’s so easy. It’s so easy to just do something anything to end it all. I don’t want to. But i don’t know what i could do. Crying all over the place, it’s affecting work. Relationships.

 

How have any of you pulled yourself away from that ledge?

[DanZee]

I think the most important thing to realize is that life has its ups and downs and things change. No matter how bad things are, there is always happiness ahead. And if you check out early, then you miss the happy parts. And also think about the people you will hurt just like you're hurting over your friend. It's not fair to them. You owe it to your friend to remember him and look for future happiness and experience it for him.

[CharmedphoenixRising]

Thanks much DanZee.

Maybe i should’ve been a little clearer (and can’t remember how to edit these things).....

I don’t logically think i would do it. It just scared me how the wave of “gee this is easy” could sweep over.

 

And its more.... maybe how who meaning in life.

[greendots]

You are not alone CharmedphoenixRising. There are others who are hurting too who need help. We can only help them by running away from that ledge. (I'm not saying that you would.) What you've been through, your experiences can help someone else.

[Carus]

It just scared me how the wave of “gee this is easy” could sweep over.

It's actually not that easy....it's just been romanticized and simplified by the movies.

 

We have an innate sense of survival and preservation and to override those to the end is quite a task.

 

For every person who completes suicide, there are around another 20 unsuccessful attempts...some which leave the person with ongoing complications.

 

Shoot yourself? - You may miss and end up disfigured.

Hang yourself? - You may end just breaking your back or neck and end up in a wheelchair.....etc

 

Those who have survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge ALL say that as soon as they let go of the railing have an overwhelming sense of NOT wanting to do it.

 

Noone really knows for certain what happens when we cross over, so what happens if your still there in thought form stuck with the same depression that led you to do it in the first place??

 

I understand why people die from suicide. The overwhelming pain and the exhaustion from dealing with it for however long they can stand it.

 

I hope this helps and I do hope you can continue on.

 

Sorry for the loss of your friend*

 

Carus*

[musicman777]

How do i start.

A friend passed away about a month ago now, some say he committed suicide, some say it’s suspicious. Who knows. And it was hard to accept because life was just starting to look up for him and all... so you know, like why do it right?

 

And that’s when it started. My own attempts were about 20+ years ago. And i guess ever since then it’s been about really trying to move forward and making life better and blah blah blah. And then it hit me. What’s the point? It seems like i fell into a hole of everything is meaningless. All i want is love. People are horrid to each other. Nobody is interested (hole of self- pity as well it appears).

 

The thing that scares me the most is - it’s so easy. It’s so easy to just do something anything to end it all. I don’t want to. But i don’t know what i could do. Crying all over the place, it’s affecting work. Relationships.

 

How have any of you pulled yourself away from that ledge?

 

Yes, I been there. I never attempted it but think about it from time to time. I started seeing a therapist over it. I can relate to how you feel... I also lost a very close friend, to suicide, back in October 2016. It's been almost two years now. And, my mother died back in June from sepsis. The person I was closest to and always tried to do things for, she was a motivation for me to push forward with life and not she's gone, her voice isn't there anymore.

 

It's just hard for me to find the light in things anymore. My work... it feels like I'm stuck in a rut for years now. Career in IT not moving forward no matter how hard I push or try. And I need the extra money. Two of my cars are illegal now, need windshields, a muffler, etc. The roof on my house is leaking horrendously, I can't afford a $7,000 new roof right now. Startup businesses aren't picking up. I love music, got back into that a few months ago, started a YouTube channel. My most viewed video has a measly 50 views. It's like it's not even worth the hard work of putting together songs/videos no one listens to.

 

And yes, worst of all, the dating life. I am utterly 100% convinced that, this part of my life is over. I am 100% convinced there is NO one out there for me. I'll never amount up to what other men can offer someone. There's always someone taller, richer, better looking, not depressed like me, no unmotivated to even date them to begin with. You know, you just have a feeling about certain things in life. Like, I knew when my mother was going to die, you just have that gut feeling about it. Well, I have that same feeling towards my romantic life, or lack thereof. I just think, this is is over.

 

And my therapy, it almost feels like torture at this point sometimes. It constantly goes back to the dating, "you have to keep trying, blah blah blah, you're not that bad looking, you're a nice person", lol, that's not enough anymore. Making me try to be more social; I go to social events in town, they make me feel worse than I did before going. I actually went to an event at an amusement part last week and came home feeling miserable and depressed more than I was before I left. It's like, I don't even feel like going to these things to begin with because they feel pointless. Why am I spending time going to things to meet women when I feel like that is a hopeless and pointless endeavor?

 

I feel like there's something really wrong, some days I just want to die anymore. So yeah, pulling yourself from the ledge. You're right, it does feel easy to end it. And, what's scarier than that, for me, its how bad things for that to happen. A neighbor/friends house caught fire last month. And I thought, wow. You know, if this happened to me, this would make it enough for me to just kill myself. I don't have insurance anymore because the roof went bad. Or my dog dying. You take away too many things from a man and there's just not enough motivation to life anymore. I feel like I'm suffering enough.

[greendots]

musicman777 I am aware that life for you seems extraordinarily tough at the moment. But you know what - despite everything you've been through, you're still fighting which shows me how persistent you are. That is the attitude of a conqueror! And whilst you may have only gotten 50 views on your music YouTube channel, be certain that you may have helped at least one viewer.

 

In fact, your story is the fuel others need to run away from that ledge.

[courtney06]

I feel you, I get those thoughts too. Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother?

 

What helps is having a cat, keeping in touch with people who really believe in me, my spirituality (I am not religious), keeping busy 80% of the time, and staying off of sites like Facebook and Instagram. Those sites trigger my depression too heavily especially if I am not doing a lot of things that I feel proud of. If there is someone famous you really admire maybe spend a few hours looking up videos, photos, articles about them. Maybe help people too? I started keeping a bag of stuff in my car that I no longer use so I can give it to the homeless next time I see them.

 

I am sorry to hear about your friend.