Kikala Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 I have been dating him for almost 8 months. He is newly divorced. I am really into him think that he is my soulmate and the best person I have ever met, but at the same time he makes me feel horrible and most of the time I am sad because of him. He cannot make his mind, his mood changes all the time. He runs and than comes back again. We do not have sex, which irritates him. I do not trust him and I think that by having sex I will worsen my situation and get emotionally more attached to him. I tried several times to stop to see him but it does not work. Recently he directly told me that he does not want a serious relationship. I feel like I am trapped. Link to comment
Annia Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 You're not trapped. You need to take control of the situation by getting out of this unhealthy relationship. You do that by breaking up with him a and sticking to full no contact. Link to comment
Knight2001 Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 I agree with Annia. you want different things. you want a serious relationship. it seems like he doesn't. delete, block and move on. you will find happiness elsewhere. Link to comment
Shubham23 Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 If that person doesn't want serious relationship then don't waste your time waiting for him to want a serious relationship. Just move on and stay happy. You will find even a better person in future. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 "Soulmates" do not make you feel like this. Dump him. He sounds like an ahole not a soulmate. he makes me feel horrible and most of the time I am sad because of him. He cannot make his mind, his mood changes all the time. I do not trust him. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 I have been dating him for almost 8 months. He is newly divorced. I am really into him think that he is my soulmate and the best person I have ever met, but at the same time he makes me feel horrible and most of the time I am sad because of him. He cannot make his mind, his mood changes all the time. We do not have sex, which irritates him. I do not trust him. These two statements totally contradict. Can you clarify how a man who makes you feel horrible, runs hot and cold, cannot make up his mind, whose mood changes all the time and you do not trust can be the best person you've ever met and is your soulmate? I'm not understanding. What's the appeal? Does he have any good qualities? What keeps you there? Serious question. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 What everyone else is saying. Get out of this, and take a minute to explore the part of you that is equating "soulmate" with feeling "horrible" and mostly "sad because of him." That's faulty wiring. People who make us feel that way are people we walk away from, not closer toward. No one is trapped here. He's been very clear about his feelings. He does not want a serious relationship. And so you walk away, so you can find someone who does, and who does not make you feel sad and horrible. Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 It does not sound like you have a very good relationship - no sex, trust issues, commitment issues. If it were worthwhile, you two would be in the honeymoon stage of the relationship by now, not having these kinds of problems. It sounds like, at the least, it's not a match. Link to comment
Kikala Posted April 15, 2019 Author Share Posted April 15, 2019 These two statements totally contradict. Can you clarify how a man who makes you feel horrible, runs hot and cold, cannot make up his mind, whose mood changes all the time and you do not trust can be the best person you've ever met and is your soulmate? I'm not understanding. What's the appeal? Does he have any good qualities? What keeps you there? Serious question. Katerina thank you for spending time and asking those questions. I though a lot about them. The thing is that he has all the qualities I look in man: he is bright, open minded, kind to others, with strong spirit. We also have a lot of common interests and I can be freely myself next to him. I do not think that he is bad person, but I have problem with his relationship toward me. I know that I want to be with him and it is painful for me to watch him going and saying to myself that it is a last time I see him and then again he comes back. I never initiate anything, even do not text him. I do not understand him, if he wants short term relationships why he still comes back to me. He knows my position. I tried to ask this question to him but without result.This uncertainty makes me unhappy and does not allow me to move forward. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 Katerina thank you for spending time and asking those questions. I though a lot about them. The thing is that he has all the qualities I look in man: he is bright, open minded, kind to others, with strong spirit. We also have a lot of common interests and I can be freely myself next to him. I do not think that he is bad person, but I have problem with his relationship toward me. I know that I want to be with him and it is painful for me to watch him going and saying to myself that it is a last time I see him and then again he comes back. I never initiate anything, even do not text him. I do not understand him, if he wants short term relationships why he still comes back to me. He knows my position. I tried to ask this question to him but without result.This uncertainty makes me unhappy and does not allow me to move forward. But there's really no uncertainty here, you see? He does not have all of the qualities you look for in a man—not even close. He's bright, open-minded, and so on—great. That's entry level stuff. But he's also wishy-washy, evasive, unreliable, and uninterested in a relationship with you—not great. That's dealbreaker stuff, or should be. Why does he still come back to you? Because you let him. Your "position" is not what you think it is, not in practice, since you keep letting him in. In practice your position is you'll let him back into your life, have sex with him, not push him at all. And, well, he likes that. It works for him. If it doesn't work for you, you move on, and forward. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 I do not understand him, if he wants short term relationships why he still comes back to me. He knows my position. I tried to ask this question to him but without result.This uncertainty makes me unhappy and does not allow me to move forward. He's made himself clear. He doesn't want a serious relationship with you and he keeps coming back hoping you will agree to his terms. His words and his actions are the same. You get to decide whether you'll agree to a casual relationship and if not, then you move forward. You're making this more complicated than necessary. And I think you make it complicated so you won't make the decision to walk away from something that is clearly not right for you. Link to comment
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