Please advice what to do in this situation. Any suggestions will be helpful.

[PJM]

I currently started a new job as health care provider. The place I work with has a deputy to accompany me when I go to see patients. I am currently going through a bad time and separated from my husband. The place I work , I happened to glance at this handsome deputy ( sheriff) who looked like Dwane Johnson ( ROCK) . He looked at me too and there was a exchange of looks and I left it right there. I thought he might be having some hot girl friend or something.Then I received a message on my messenger where he wished me "Merry Christmas" and I said thank you. He would always message me , be safe while traveling, be safe while driving today is a bad weather etc.. I would say Thank you and leave it like that. Then I slowly started asking about him and he was very transparent from the beginning about his marriages, his relationships . I started to know about him more and he would answer every question and I thought was very transparent. He would hit and flirt with me in the cafeteria , and I would smile and walk away, I blocked him a lot, then while seeing one day while seeing patients , he gave his card and said I can contact him if I needed any thing I took the card but ignored it . This happened for some time and he started coming out and saying bye to me etc...basically he was hitting on me badly and I ignored it. Finally we started messaging each other and I opened to him about me life , my separation etc and we started chatting a lot on daily basis...went on couple of dates ... and then finally we made out .We both are very much physically attracted to each other , talk a lot on every aspect of life , have very deep conversations bottom line we both connected at physical and emotional level deeply and would talk text every day, bottomline he became my best friend , this has been happening since 3 months . He expressed his need to be in a serious committed relationship, he said he had his fun when was young and wants to settle down, had 2 bad marriages and looking for the right person to spend time with. He is very serious , replies every question I ask him, is very transparent ( at lest I thought) and seriously expressed to have a committed relationship in the long run, Often talks than we may buy a house in future so we talk about out future , but there is one big hurdle I am going though , when I expressed that I am seeing this man to a nurse at my work place, she takes crap about him that he sleeps around and has kids with other nurses and went on very negatively on him . When I asked his does she know , she said I heard some nurses talking ....This is a woman who never has any thing positive for any one ( Complains about almost every body and non of the other nurses like her) . When asked what evidence she had to talk crap about him like that she did not reply, after that I stayed away from her . I confronted this information with my BF and he said he dated a nurse when he was going through divorce but other wise he is friendly to most nurses and nice to them but has not slept or had kids with them. So he said what ever the information that nurse is giving you is baseless and not true as I don't have kids from other nurses. He also said he was not an womanizer , had couple of dates after his second divorce, which did not work for him and currently is looking foe companionship and a long term relationship with right person. He is very intrested in me in every regard, helps me , empowers me and also we have great sex , It was wonderful because I had not had love from my previous husband since 5 years , so I am in in heaven with this guy with every thing positive, except that the girl I talked to has been talking about me to other people ( rumors ) that we are seeing each other. She only hangs out with male nurses and I think she gossips about me to them . One week ago my BF got a text from one of the male nurses as " Who is smashing the female doctor" for which he just remained silent and cautioned me that staff is knowing and talking about us . Yesterday I happened to ask another male nurse who also hangs with her but also talked my BF before I knew him , and he said Mr. X( Mt present BF) is well known in this facility and has goofed around with some co workers..( Indicating he has fun with other co workers ) and talked in the same lines as the other female nurse talked when I asked him how did he know, he also said he heard people talking. Again I confronted with my BF and he is like you are questioning me again based on what that nurse is saying rather than believing and trusting me . He said I trust you even though you are separated and share the same house with your ex husband ... but you are questioning me even though I hate been transparent about all my relationships ... at this point I am in deliema wether he is really a womanizer ( From his reputation at work ) or should I trust him? Its only been 3 months and i feel great with him and we talk about future often and I know he cares about me ., I am gone through a lot in life and always attracted wrong people in my life , does this man sound like a womanizer to you ? What are your suggestions ? Should I pursue further or should be cautious that he is going to hurt me in future ? Should I go by what these other nurse /male nurses are saying or should I believe my BF ( again this is very new relationship ) . Please advice

[katrina1980]

Deleted........

[SarahLancaster]

I think you should be very cautious.

 

You are still married, and you're not in a healthy emotional place to begin a relationship with someone. You're just dizzy because he's paying attention to you. The 'honeymoon phase' of any new relationship is exhilarating. I would advise you to settle your life with your husband before you engage in any connections with another man, especially one who has a 'reputation.'

 

Now it may be all gossip, but just keep it in the back of your head that it may be true.

[Hollyj]

You are still married.

 

I agree with Sarah. I also think that you need to speak to more people at work. This guy sounds like a player. I also think it is strange that he is talking about sharing a home, a couple of months in. Big red flag! This is moving way too fast!

[Gary Snyder]

She may be married but not for long! She's separated and has another man.

 

I think all the talk is from other nurses who are just jelous. It sounds like gossip to me.

[ThatwasThen]

He has a terrible track record as far as his romantic relationships go. He's been in two failed marriages and if he REALLY wanted to be in something real and committed, he would have never got with you who is a woman who is still married and far from "separated" if she is still living in the same home as her husband.

 

I'm sorry but you are not finished with one relationship and that is why you got so involved with a man with his track record. If you were actually free of your husband and living on your own while divorced, this guy would be the last person you would be taking seriously. Your gut is telling you something. I suggest you listen to it and distance yourself emotionally from this man. Neither of you are in a position to be talking "marriage" or anything of the like.

[purplepaisley]

Pay attention to his behaviors with other women at work. Surely there are times he is not aware you're near and if he's a flirt or a womanizer, you'll see.

 

He's had two failed marriages. He has a reputation at work. It's questionable how truthful this coworker is, but it's out there just the same. I would pay attention to this. The work gossip is not a good thing. You should be more discrete and so should he. "Who's smashing the female doctor?" Yeah, perhaps someone has loose lips.

 

You're living with your husband, you are not divorced, and you're in the honeymoon phase of this relationship where everything is hot and exciting. Only time will tell if he has behaviors you have been warned about. You need to concentrate on resolving your divorce issues and living apart from your husband before building a new relationship. Maybe this guy will stick, maybe not. There are a lot of red flags, you still being married as one of them, the rumors and the gossip on his character (and apparently yours too) is another. Wanting to move too fast into playing house, yet another. Slow down and watch his behavior. His true colors will start to emerge if he's truly a womanizer and player.

[PJM]

Hello Every one , Thank you for your time for reading me post and answering all the questions . Yes I agree I am not In a healthy place to start any thing right now . I was very vulnerable to start with and obviously was an easy target . I have been talking other people at work . There is a nurse who is there for the longest time ( oldest one ) she adores him and loves him as his son . She said she has nothing against him . She said all the deputies who are single do date around and see if the other person in compatible or not. And said it s very normal to do that . I also happened to talk to another girl who he was associated with in the past , he claimed her as a good friend , but when I talked to her ( she is 14 yrs younger than him ) she said that when he was divorced years ago ( 3-4 ) yrs ago she dated him for 6-7 months the hung out and watched movies and apparently used each other for sex , then later he moved on with another date and just remained as good friends . She seemed still having crush on him and said goes to him for advice , when I confronted him that why he blew this relationship with this girl as mere good friends .. he said currently they are good friends and he did not think it was a as serious as even dating ... he just got of divorce and they hung around and he said it mounted to nothing and that was years ago and he moved on ... Any ways he started explaining me that I was never his game he had invested lot of time and money I. Me and really cared . Also said that it was my time to focus on my stuff and he would give me that space . I have decided to take a break from him . I know it’s not easy but I feel that is the best thing to do right now .if he really cares and wants to stick and wait for me it will be evident in the meantime I will have more time to know about him deeper and also to work on my present situation . I know he is looking for a serious committed relationship but there needs to be more transparency in his reputation . I don’t think he dated any body else except these 2 but definitely talks to lot of people as friends . I want to observe his character if it’s worth my time and effort . Thank you again for the deed back . Helped me a lot to decide 🙏