been a long road

[Matthuffy]

Hi, I am new to hear but i would like to share my story and to see if anyone may have any advice out there.

 

So, I was divorced in 2012, I left my ex wife because of her infidelity, it was hard because we have two children together but I simply could not stay in that household any longer.

 

A few weeks after I left I met someone and we started a casual relationship which then turned into a serious relationship which then turned into living with each other, getting engaged and spending 6 years together.

 

However, even though I was divorced in 2012, my ex wife has taken us through hell and back and in those 6 years has abused my children, filed 39 cases against me covering everything imaginable. had police come to our home on multiple occasions dragging me off to the police statin for statements. My children running away from home to come to me, social services visits none stop... it goes on.

 

Thought that time my wonderful woman stayed by my side even when I was going through one hell of an emotional state and she was a fantastic person to my children.

 

However, she told me that she simply cannot handle anymore of the stuff that we were being put through and each time I had said "do not worry it will be over soon" but it never was and eventually she simply had enough and left me simply saying "it is over".

 

Ironically, a month before she sent a message I was informed that my ex and I am being taken to court and that my ex is going to be given an order to stop filing cases and also that I will be given complete sole custody of my children. However, I did not tell her this as I again did not want it to be yet another false promise. I was actually sat in the court lobby when she contacted me via hangouts (we use that as we never have credit) to tell me it is over. if she had literally waited a couple of hours I would have been able to tell her the news that my ex wife has been forced to literally leave us alone and that the 6 years of hell with courts is finally over.

 

It broke me up those words "it's over" as she is a wonderful woman and truly the love of my life. She changed her phone number and blocked me on all social media and also had my phone number deactivated (as was on her name). So I did not bother her and left it as that accepting that I had lost the one true love of my life.

 

Few weeks went by and out of the blue she sent me a message ob hangouts again asking if we can meet at her work, I agreed hoping that all she needed was a few weeks to calm and all will be OK. I met her and all was good, we had a long hug and talked about how we were doing and I told her about the court case and how it was done. She then started to cry, i thought out of relief and as I got up to go and give her a hug because she was crying she shouted out "I have a new boyfriend". I literally collapsed, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I was lucky that I could grab hold of a chair in time before I hit the floor. I put my head in my hands and had a cry, I could not help it. she was just saying "I am so sorry, I am so sorry". I then gathered my composure and told her that it was ok and that I understand and that I truly wish them both well and that I hope she can have a much better relationship then the one she had gone through with me due to all that had gone on and I left.

 

I realized them that it was truly over.

 

I decided to try dating again and I met a really nice girl who also was divorced and with children and we hit it off. we were going out and doing the usual selfies and stupidly posting them while little drunk on facebook etc with the cheesy I love you captions (we were not in love but you know how it goes).

 

Then one day, out of the blue I got a PM on facebook from the love of my life, she had unblocked me from Facebook and was asking "who is this, you have a girlfriend now?", to which I replied, well yes I have started seeing someone, how are you doing ?

 

We then had some nice conversations and she asked me to come to her work again (she works alone in a shop and that why simple there as quiet to talk) but this time I was reluctant, I was reluctant because I knew it would bring everything back again as I truly do still love her and seeing her again would bring everything flooding back. So I politely declined by saying that I was really busy over the next few days with work, which I actually was too as opening a new company. She then asked to meet the following Saturday to which I told her that I have a huge function on Saturday and I simply cannot, to which she replied "I know you are getting married on Saturday (no I was not god knows where that came from) I need to see you before that".

 

Eventually my feelings got the better of me and I decided to see her on the Friday and we had a nice talk but about nothing special, she asked me to accompany her to her bus and waiting for the bus she started to cuddle me, I ended up getting on the bus with her as it heads almost to my place and on the bus she was again cuddling me. as we parted ways she went to give me a kiss on the side of my cheek but i could not resist and planted a big smacker on her lips and said goodbye to which she laughed at nicely.

 

This weekend my new GF came round and was the first time we would spend a night together, I simply could not. All I was thinking about again was how much I love the woman of my dreams and as we sat there talking knowing that I had no connection with her whatsoever compared to the woman of my dreams. I eventually told her that we simply do not click and that I am sorry but she must lave and it was over.

 

Monday Morning and I receive a message from the woman of my dreams asking how I was doing. I asked her if she was working late tonight and if so would she like to meet up and go out somewhere. She said yes :)

 

I picked her up at 7pm and we decided to go to a nice restaurant that we had been to before, we had a great time chatting and laughing with no a mention of past, it was almost like a first date but with knowing everything about them already. It was so nice. We then left and she wanted to check out the late shops with me, she took me to the mens section and started picking out clothes for me like she used to, ought some clothes and headed off.

 

It was all just so wonderful, just like it was before. but..

We get to the tram stop waiting for the tram and I automatically went to put my arms around her as it was cold and it was just something that I always used to do and even through she accepted it, she was a little stand-off-ish we had a hug and she was patting my back and eventually pulled away.

 

We got on the tram and was standing room only and after a short time I again could not resist and gave her another cuddle, she then pulled back and asked "and what about your girlfriend" To which I felt awkward at that moment speaking about that I said "I ended it the other day, we are no longer together" she tried her hardest to look away and hide it but I saw her smile.

 

We got off the tram and she wanted to buy some food from the grocery store, in the queue there I again could not resist her and gave her another cuddle to which she said "you need to behave yourself" (she actually said "Budi Dobro" which is a cute way of saying behave yourself) while wagging her finger. I replied "I simply cannot, you know I adore you" and I held her again but from behind with her leaning onto my chest and we stayed like that for some time, she id not even move forward in line till the last minute.

 

I walked her home and we said goodbye, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and we parted ways.

 

The next day I sent her a message saying "I had a really nice evening last night, I hope that we can do it again soon, Thank you" .... Nothing.. Nada, zip no reply :(

 

My question is. what do I do, what is my next move do I just not say anything again or do I pursue her?

 

I have bought her a christmas star plant as the last one died on us and I know how much she loves that plant but I have not given it to her as I am a little scared to, in case it is a little pushy or anything, I wrote a card too but from the plant :) old plant was called BOB, this one I have called Bob 2 :).

 

Oh I am all confused but what I do know is how much I love her.

[Matthuffy]

The message from the plant :)

 

Dear Teodora, my name is Bob 2. I am a new Bob and different from before but still as handsome as you remember me.

Cherish me and I will cherish you back while blooming my wonderful colours knowing that we are together working in harmony.

Water me and I will in return show you my love by growing strong while presenting you with wonderful flowers every day.

Life is a journey and I look forward to you looking at my beauty while I can look at your beauty every day of our lives together.

 

Yours Bob 2 xxxx

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she has a new bf. She also is burned out from the drama with your wife. Leave her alone.

filed 39 cases against me covering everything imaginable. had police come to our home on multiple occasions dragging me off to the police statin for statements. My children running away from home to come to me, social services visits none stop.

 

she told me that she simply cannot handle anymore of the stuff. I was actually sat in the court lobby when she contacted me via hangouts to tell me it is over. She changed her phone number and blocked me on all social media and also had my phone number deactivated as was on her name. she shouted out "I have a new boyfriend".

 

i could not resist and planted a big smacker on her lips and said goodbye to which she laughed at nicely.

 

This weekend my new GF came round. she then pulled back and asked "and what about your girlfriend" To which I felt awkward at that moment speaking about that I said "I ended it the other day, we are no longer together" she tried her hardest to look away and hide it but I saw her smile.

[Carus]

Well look, I usually would never like to give false hope, but I do think she still feels something for you. You spent 6 years together. She can't erase those memories just as you can't...

 

HOWEVER: You are in a dangerous zone as it could still go either way....

 

As Wiseman* said, what about her boyfriend..?

 

The dangerous part is, this is what ex's will do to wean off you whilst you hang on to that rope of Hope.

 

That's what my exwife did for around 6 months whilst she slept with other guys. I held onto that Hope. It caused me a lot of trauma and psychological damage as she eventually weaned off me and I went down with the ship.

 

To be honest, from reading your post you handled the breakup very well which has set the scene for what is happening now...

 

I guess I would suggest just doing your best to move forward with your own life and see what she does. Don't go buying her anymore plants or gifts. You are not at that stage yet....

 

Let her initiate contact for a bit*

 

I've never had an ex come back but from what I've heard, they will definitely start to make it obvious if that's what they really want..

 

Otherwise you are in for a world of extended hurt!

 

Best of Luck. Would be nice to see a reconciliation for a change. They're pretty rare....

 

Carus*

[electricorchid]

The "woman of your dreams" is a little manipulative.

She loves your attention and she knows how you much you love her.

So it's time to start playing a little game back with her. Be very caring in person, same way your acting

but don't sned her too may texts, like "hello? why haven't you answered" leave it at that. Let her come to you

because shes the one who chose to leave, shes also very knowing of what shes getting herself into if she comes back into your life.

Give her space

 

I truly think shes just playing games to see how

much you're still into her and willing to take her back.

And if you suspect the same too, talk to her one last time and be like...

"Listen, you're everything to me. But I can't let my heart go back and forth anymore. Either you

want me back or you dont, but please respect my time because this is the last chance you'll ever have with me again

otherwise I'm moving on with my life and I wish you the best."

[Matthuffy]

Thank you for the comments, sorry I have not replied back, I was knocked over by a hit and run. Mates have joked that maybe it was the ex hahaha. (it wasn't)

 

The only contact I have had with her is over Messenger now, as she beeps occasionally. Strangely every Tuesday morning at 10:00 ??

 

I had written a letter, a proper letter to her but was not able to deliver it due to accident. I am fine by the way, just was so badly bruised I could hardly walk but only scrapes and bruises.

 

The letter tells her all, I have not begged, never would I, but I have laid all of my cards on the table.

 

I have a date tomorrow, and have had two short relationships which lasted days until they bored me as connection was not there. I have two dates tomorrow, well if the first goes well then will be only 1 lol)

 

I am moving on but I truly would be back with the ex if she clicked her fingers.

 

I will give it a while to see if any response, if not then I will have to block her which I so do not want to do but would be for the best.

 

I am guilty of one more present but it is a funny one :) With the letter included a pack of skittles because where we live they did not exist till recently. The person who delivered the letter for me told me that she was really happy to receive it, but obviously she did not read it there and then so I presume only happy about the skittles for now :)

 

So, let's see...

[Matthuffy]

Oh the plant I gave to her the next day BTW, I took it to her work and we had another chat about nothing, she was really happy to receive the plant and I had added a few other goodies in the bag too that I know she needs.

 

As we parted ways we had a hug and I told her that I still love her and how beautiful she was. she replied "I am not beautiful and you do not truly love me".

 

I replied that of course she is extremely beautiful and that I do truly love her. a few days later she contacted me on Messenger again but just general cha of how I was doing etc and what was going on with children and courts etc..

 

So baffling. anyhow, will see how the letter goes as I put my heart into the letter, I wrote it in one go with no edits just straight from the heart, so I have nothing left to give after that.

[Matthuffy]

What about her new BF? he is nothing, a few weeks old BF, who cares about that?

[Matthuffy]

And if you suspect the same too, talk to her one last time and be like...

"Listen, you're everything to me. But I can't let my heart go back and forth anymore. Either you

want me back or you dont, but please respect my time because this is the last chance you'll ever have with me again

otherwise I'm moving on with my life and I wish you the best."

 

This is a Serbian girl :) One thing I know very well here is never give an ultimatum as will never work. You can say "you love chocolate, take it.. but of you do not you will never get a chocolate again in your life" They will choose to never have one in life because you gave an ultimatum and they will always bite their nose to spite their face. I have seen this over and over here :)

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately all the gifts and letters don't seem to be changing her mind and you are squarely in the friendzone.

 

Sadly these "get your ex back" sites recommend sending these type of pathetic letters. After she and her new bf have sex, they will read it together and have a good laugh.

she replied "I am not beautiful and you do not truly love me". will see how the letter goes as I put my heart into the letter, I wrote it in one go with no edits just straight from the heart, so I have nothing left to give after that.

[DanZee]

My view is that you keep blowing chances to get back with her. You meet her and you don't tell her the big news that you got custody of the kids! That would be a front-page story on anybody's newspaper of their life! You buried it on the last page by waiting until almost the end of the date to tell her. You could have been celebrating.

Likewise, you got run over and you didn't tell her about it! Again, this would have been front-page news, not buried in the back. You would have gotten a lot of sympathy out of her. She might have even run over to your place to nurse you back to health.

 

Do you have problems communicating your feelings, or are you trying to distance yourself from a relationship? And if you're trying to distance yourself, why did you send her a plant and a letter when you could have just texted her? Are you trying to say goodbye with this sort of one-way communication? If I were her I would be confused with all of this.

 

You've got to decide whether you want her or not. Since she just started a relationship, it seems like you could win her back by reaching out to her, giving her a little honesty, revealing your inner feelings, and going after her. Either go after her or cut her off completely and go full No Contact forever. Those are your only options.

[Matthuffy]

 

Do you have problems communicating your feelings, or are you trying to distance yourself from a relationship? And if you're trying to distance yourself, why did you send her a plant and a letter when you could have just texted her? Are you trying to say goodbye with this sort of one-way communication? If I were her I would be confused with all of this.

 

It was front page news as was plastered all over my facebook. I cannot text her as I do not have her number and she does not have mine, we changed them. We just have contact over Messenger now. She knows that I got run over, but that caused her to get more angry because I had not gone to hospital, but I was OK. however, she hates that I do not go to doctors when most people would.

 

I must go to the dentist, I have not been in 25 years as I have a pathological fear of them, she has said that she will come with me in a few hours to the dentist as I have badly smashed a tooth and impacted another, no avoiding it this time.

 

She contacted me, I told her that I must go to the dentist (Dentist is a mutual friend, actually my mates EX also), she has said that she will come with me to the appointment to make sure that I actually enter the dentists (I have ran from a dentist before), But in the same moment, she was deleting all of our pictures together hahaha.

 

Well will see in a few hours, after the dentist. It is a long tri to the dentist so after it I will ask her to stop off in a cafe to have a chat and see what on earth is going on and then that is that whichever way it goes.

 

As you can tell, I do adore her, 6 years and we did not break up because of what either she or I did but because of what was going on around us. I have been in many relationships, I left my ex wife and cut her out of my life. Never have I bothered before, I move on and I am lucky enough that I can attract girls very easily so it is not an issue of being alone or anything or wanting love again, I can go out tonight and meet someone really cute and I have done a few times but it is not what I want. I truly do miss what we had together. We had a big connection and it was broken by a load of **** around us.

 

I don't know. I do not want to flog a dead horse. as for the other comment, I do not care if she is sleeping with new boyfriend I would be more shocked if she wasn't, I have slept with 2 girls since too. I told her in the letter I do not care about any relationship we have while not together. I did it to try and get over her, it did not work.

[Matthuffy]

Before you say anything about Dentist and her not seeing as man, she knows why I have such a fear as something in past that caused it. hence why she wants to come with me to make sure I enter this time. I have no choice though to enter as not slept for days due to the pain I am in with tooth. 05:42 now and been 4 days no sleep so far....

[Wiseman2]

It would be better to overcome your fear of medical/dental help. She's not your mother and she can't hold your hand all the time.

I do not go to doctors when most people would.

I must go to the dentist, I have not been in 25 years

[Matthuffy]

Well I did it, went to the bloody dentist and managed to allow her to do work. the morning of teh Dentist, I blocked my ex from everything and will be doing things without her again. Am done. It is sad but hey, no point flogging a dead horse.