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Do dating sites work for shy people who have never dated before?


WorkingInLin

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So, it's getting ridiculous at my age that I haven't even been on a first date. I've always been shy around women, but I'm trying to break out of that now. I'm thinking about joining a dating site, but are dating sites good for people who have no dating experience (especially in their mid to late 20s?)

 

I honestly don't know whether to click the signup button, or declare myself celibate and a bachelor for life. I'm having no luck meeting women in real life, since I'm so shy, and they always turn out to be my friend. The dating sites might be a good avenue for meeting women another way, but do they really work?

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I would say they can work, as it kind of forces others to get to know you a bit before meeting, which as a shy guy too, I can understand is difficult in the social arena.

 

However you do need a thick skin as you can get rejected on there still, or someone who you email back and forth with may suddenly disappear.

 

It's worth a go, just choose a reputable site especially if you want someone serious.

 

Good Luck!

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So, it's getting ridiculous at my age that I haven't even been on a first date. I've always been shy around women, but I'm trying to break out of that now. I'm thinking about joining a dating site, but are dating sites good for people who have no dating experience (especially in their mid to late 20s?)

 

I honestly don't know whether to click the signup button, or declare myself celibate and a bachelor for life. I'm having no luck meeting women in real life, since I'm so shy, and they always turn out to be my friend. The dating sites might be a good avenue for meeting women another way, but do they really work?

 

Perhaps a religious site, if you've put it off for religious reasons, if just shyness, you're going to have an unpleasant experience and face lots of rejection. How you handle it is the real question.

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I was in a similar situation and started with POF. I looked at it as good practice.

 

My advice is that before you start shelling out $20+ a month, sign up with POF and start building a profile. You'll eventually find out what works and what doesn't, and you can get together a good collection of profile pictures to use. Also, you'll get some practice with how to write messages that are more likely to get a response. Finally, you might even get in some practice dates. Once you have a few under your belt and have some idea of what type of person you're looking for (or not looking for), then I would say go ahead give a pay site a chance.

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Perhaps a religious site, if you've put it off for religious reasons, if just shyness, you're going to have an unpleasant experience and face lots of rejection. How you handle it is the real question.

 

The problem is, while I have no problem with religion, I'm not really religious. I wouldn't have any issue with dating a Christian woman, but she's going to wonder why I don't go to church or why I'm disinterested in it.

 

It's shyness that's kept me from dating. And I guess you're right, I'll face lots of rejection. I'm fine with that, as long as I meet someone worth dating and marrying in the end.

 

I've signed up with a free site, and I'm working on a profile. I'll have to see how things go, and whether to stay with this prospect.

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Perhaps a religious site, if you've put it off for religious reasons, if just shyness, you're going to have an unpleasant experience and face lots of rejection. How you handle it is the real question.

Why is he going to face a lot of rejections?Is it because he is shy?Or do most guys get rejected a lot on dating sites? No one really knows anyone on a dating site,what happens in person ultimately will decide how it will turn out.How is any woman on a dating site going to know that he is shy and inexperienced unless he tells them?Most women will look at his pic and decide if they find him cute or not and decide to meet him in person,based on his appearance.

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Why is he going to face a lot of rejections?Is it because he is shy?Or do most guys get rejected a lot on dating sites? No one really knows anyone on a dating site,what happens in person ultimately will decide how it will turn out.How is any woman on a dating site going to know that he is shy and inexperienced unless he tells them?Most women will look at his pic and decide if they find him cute or not and decide to meet him in person,based on his appearance.

 

Dating sites are no different than in person dating. You will face lots of rejection. It's guys that aren't phased by rejection that succeed. You can still meet up and get rejected. It's not all just the picture, but how you connect, and you can only figure that out by meeting. He needs to be prepared to handle rejection. Remember, most relationships, and even more dates, fail. Most dates don't lead to relationships, and the ones that do, most relationships don't last to marriage, and most marriages end in divorce. That's life. Those that handle rejection well win.

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Dating sites are no different than in person dating. You will face lots of rejection. It's guys that aren't phased by rejection that succeed. You can still meet up and get rejected. It's not all just the picture, but how you connect, and you can only figure that out by meeting. He needs to be prepared to handle rejection. Remember, most relationships, and even more dates, fail. Most dates don't lead to relationships, and the ones that do, most relationships don't last to marriage, and most marriages end in divorce. That's life. Those that handle rejection well win.

Yes,you are right.Handling rejection is a part of dating.I was recently rejected but it doesn't bother me now.We were totally incompatible,she likes to drink,smoke and party and that's not me.Perhaps with every rejection one gets closer to meeting the right person for them.

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Society seems to have made rejection a part of life.Men and women don't seem to get a lot of time to interact these days.I don't think our Grandfathers and Great grandfathers experienced as much rejection as men have to experience these days.

 

Well, our grandparents also didn't have so much dating or experiences prior to marriage. Remember, they didn't really have birthcontrol back then, so if you had sex, pregnancy was pretty likely.... Now that things are changed, people can wait longer, and be with more people, thus being more picky, hence more rejection. Though in all honesty, it's usually the women doing the rejecting, though some men have the ability to be so desirable, they do the picking and choosing as well. Rejection pretty much is only for men.

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Dating site can work for anyone. It's a matter of "getting lucky" and finding someone who doesn't mind the fact that you are shy and have never dated.

 

Most women prefer a man with confidence(a guy who takes initiative and gets things done). The sometimes see shyness as lack of confidence. I suggest you work stretching your comfort zone. If you are an introvert there is no need to change that because you may find someone who accepts you just as you are.

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...Remember, most relationships, and even more dates, fail. Most dates don't lead to relationships, and the ones that do, most relationships don't last to marriage, and most marriages end in divorce. That's life. Those that handle rejection well win.

 

Those words belong on a wall plaque. I don't think they're cynical. Success is actually the exception in life, not the rule. In America anyway, we're all indoctrinated from the time we're old enough to handle a TV remote to believe that failure is the most terrible thing in the world. If we're not successful, we usually think it's our fault. We must be lazy, stupid, ugly or overly left-leaning, goes the conventional wisdom (witness how badly a lot of people treat people who lose their jobs). Is it any wonder then that people avoid the dating circuit for fear of failure. After all, who wants to experience the most terrible thing in the world? Hard work and solid knowledge can maximize one's chance of success. And that's exactly what we're dealing with here, chance, which plays a much bigger role in deciding success or failure than many success-manual authors would have us believe.

 

BTW, I understand that statistically, roughly half of all marriages end in divorce.

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Dating sites are no different than in person dating. You will face lots of rejection. It's guys that aren't phased by rejection that succeed. You can still meet up and get rejected. It's not all just the picture, but how you connect, and you can only figure that out by meeting. He needs to be prepared to handle rejection. Remember, most relationships, and even more dates, fail. Most dates don't lead to relationships, and the ones that do, most relationships don't last to marriage, and most marriages end in divorce. That's life. Those that handle rejection well win.

 

that's a very good point.

very nihilstic view, but still keeps you in reality in that it is very hard. if u start putting some numbers and stats with it, it can become very scary. i still think why we keep trying is the hope that we learn and we're getting closer.

 

as for the subject of this thread, i personally have begun doing it, and while i am not presently in a relationship, it is good practice and you will learn a lot. as well, your confidence will grow and asking a person out outside in a normal everyday environment becomes easier.

 

and yes, there is rejection, but there are different types of rejection: from not hearing back anything at all, to emailing then rejection, to not eventually meeting up, to meeting up and not what they were expecting, to them the usual meeting up and just not quite clicking. and of course it works vice versa.

 

at the end of the day, you can only learn by making mistakes and this is one avenue that can initaite the process a little less harshly.

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It's nice (in that unfortunate way) that you can find so many similar people on eNA. Same position as OP where stuff like online dating is coming into consideration given the pathetic situation we are finding ourselves in.

 

Thanks everyone for the early pointers.

 

Though personally I still might hold off online dating for a while (foolish pride + stigma). The mood people have in their lonely depression will probably vary but even though you might cop rejections, I think if you are able to get those first few dates (even if they're with all different people) you can at least say to yourself you aren't some dateless-wonder. It may just be a placebo, but who cares - it gives you confidence, it gives you a much needed morale.

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So, it's getting ridiculous at my age that I haven't even been on a first date. I've always been shy around women, but I'm trying to break out of that now. I'm thinking about joining a dating site, but are dating sites good for people who have no dating experience (especially in their mid to late 20s?)

 

I honestly don't know whether to click the signup button, or declare myself celibate and a bachelor for life. I'm having no luck meeting women in real life, since I'm so shy, and they always turn out to be my friend. The dating sites might be a good avenue for meeting women another way, but do they really work?

 

For years I've tried dating sites and nothing good has ever come out of it for me. But that doesn't mean it can't work for you. Good luck.

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So, it's getting ridiculous at my age that I haven't even been on a first date. I've always been shy around women, but I'm trying to break out of that now. I'm thinking about joining a dating site, but are dating sites good for people who have no dating experience (especially in their mid to late 20s?)

 

 

Look I haven't read others posts, but I gotta tell you as bluntly as possible....NO, NO, NO, no dating websites do not work for shy people who don't open up easily. I get dates from these sites, and I am happy that I get them, but when I first started out in it I was really disappointed because it took forever just to find someone who would talk to me. But lately I have found the formula for getting dates. IT'S CALLED BEING OPEN, and there is absolutely no way ever whats so all of getting around it. I tell you this now because in you I see you can get that first date, and all you really have to do is just dive in. I do want you to join the dating website, "Don't go for eharmony" because it just isn't right for you. link removed or link removed are more what you need. I like match, because my area actually has more women on match than perfectmatch, and frankly because I was able to browse before giving out any information on match.

 

What you really need to do is focus on your profile, make it fun and be honest, and I bet you could even put that you are looking for your very first official date and it would work like a charm. For me I had to learn how to make my profile informational, have no negative marks, and the stuff others might see as negative in my life, I put a positive spin on it so it sounds like I like it that way. I learned how to do cold calls better. Those sites are really for learning how to do cold calls. You should open up all you searches to the whole world and cold call people not in your area, and once you get decent enough to hold a conversation with girls, start searching girls in your area. I wasn't lying when I said you can't be shy on these things, you can say shy in your profile, but really you need to step outside of your shell in order to succeed on these things. Best of luck to you, I really do hope you follow my advice.

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What you really need to do is focus on your profile, make it fun and be honest, and I bet you could even put that you are looking for your very first official date and it would work like a charm.

 

This one is interesting. I never would've thought of putting that one down as it seems more like a red flag than interesting. Or at least the overriding feeling. That or gets you sorts that might just want to toy with you. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic lol

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This one is interesting. I never would've thought of putting that one down as it seems more like a red flag than interesting. Or at least the overriding feeling. That or gets you sorts that might just want to toy with you. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic lol

Don't put that in your profile!It's one thing to be honest but you don't want to reveal more than you really have to,at least initially.I think dating sites can be the perfect vehicle for shy people to get the ball rolling.However you want to swing the situation to reality as quick as you can.That is you will want to find someone who will want to meet you in public very quickly.You don't want a computer buddy.If a computer chick doesn't turn into a real chick fast,she doesn't want your hard drive.

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Don't put that in your profile!It's one thing to be honest but you don't want to reveal more than you really have to,at least initially.I think dating sites can be the perfect vehicle for shy people to get the ball rolling.However you want to swing the situation to reality as quick as you can.That is you will want to find someone who will want to meet you in public very quickly.You don't want a computer buddy.If a computer chick doesn't turn into a real chick fast,she doesn't want your hard drive.

 

 

Meh, it's all about charisma, you could put almost anything on a profile if you are positive about it you could make it work. But I will agree, that if it takes more than a few chats for her to want to meet you, then it's a no go. Of course wanting to meet and actually meeting are two different things. If you guys make plans to meet early on, but the plans are for later on cause of time constraints, then that works too.

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I don't think it's a good idea for me to put it in my profile. I wouldn't feel comfortable confessing that with my picture (it's okay here, because none of you know what I look like.)

 

The internet isn't very private. And I would only feel comfortable saying that if I knew the person well and we were already in a relationship. Not just casually dating.

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