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I was dating this guy for five months & two months ago all of a sudden when he came back from Columbia he changed and I cut him off because I knew he met someone new there. I saw he was adding multiple women while there, I didn’t bother him while on the trip. I just let him have his fun with his friends. We met in Spain 7 months ago, and had met once a month up until I was finish with school to move over there with him. Which he brought up and I agreed. He always brought up getting married and having kids i met his best friend and his parent already knew about me. Then the Columbia trip came and when he got back, we had a mini argument and from there we just never spoke on the phone everyday anymore. And that’s when the two months came about where I just let the whole thing go. During that period I would see him viewing all of my social media stories, because it’s public however I blocked him and unblocked him so he wouldn’t be able to be friends with me on social media. As immature that sounds, I just didn’t want to see him again, out of sight out of mind type of deal.

Two months later.... we’ll name him good

“ Goob”. “Goob” lives in LA and my friend is dating “goob’s” friend and so she was going to go visit him in LA, and she wanted me to come with. We’re like sisters and we travel everywhere together. His friend insisted and offered all of us staying at his house and then all a sudden, there’s not an extra room at his house and he suggest for us all of us to stay where the beaches are. Aka where “goob” lives. Goob friend lives in the opposite side, so I’m assuming his friend told “goob”. Knowing goob and I are no longer talking. We all met in Spain so we all know of each other. Well, once I figured what he was doing and I decided wth just tell him happy birthday. Which was yesterday, and he immediately told me he missed me and it meant a whole lot to him and he wanted to talk later that day. Usually when we were dating he would call me after work on his way to gym, but instead he calls me after the gym heading home. (Maybe I’m crazy but to me it just meant he called someone else on the way to the gym) he works an hour or two away from home. So we talk and catch up, and immediately asks me about any trips I had planned. I told him I’ll be in LA in two weeks and he had a fake surprise voice. And said we should meet up and he’ll pick me up at the airport. He ask when was the last time I was in LA I told him last month and he said he had no idea and thanks for giving him a call and what was the purpose of that trip. My thing is, why did he lie? I see him watch all of my stories especially when i was in LA. And I ask him about his trip and he said he’ll be going to Columbia next month with his group of friends again. And there that’s when I knew, he really did meet someone there and he’s going back to see them. (Possibility right but I’m sure)

 

Now that I see that he lies more than I know, I just have the intentions of being there because my friend and her guy are going to be together and I’ll be third wheeling. So tagging “goob” along would just be so I wouldn’t be alone and he’ll pay for everything. As crappy as that sounds, he hurt me and he’s a serial liar. I don’t know where he’s been for the past four months we haven’t seen each other and two months that we haven’t spoke. What should I do? I know he’ll try to sleep with me.

 

How do I even bring up the whole two month gap or where he’s been for the past couple of months. Because all though he was watching me from a distance he never said one word to me until I told him happy birthday and on the phone he acted as if nothing happened & just kept it player. I don’t know how to react when it’s face to face.

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Don't sink to his level and use him for his money. Wouldn't you rather chew glass than spend time with someone toxic? And thinking about marrying someone only 3 months in? Never make major decisions until knowing someone a year. As you can see, sometimes skeletons come out of the closet and you've only scratched the surface of who a person is at that point.

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Don't sink to his level and use him for his money. Wouldn't you rather chew glass than spend time with someone toxic? And thinking about marrying someone only 3 months in? Never make major decisions until knowing someone a year. As you can see, sometimes skeletons come out of the closet and you've only scratched the surface of who a person is at that point.

 

Is it wrong that I just would rather hear the truth from him face to face. Rather than assuming even if all that’s happened. I just want to know what the hell happened.

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If you are really a third wheel here, then why are you going at all? Seems like it would be better for you to take a pass and let your friend and her guy enjoy some one on one time.

 

If you can't cancel going at this point, then you need to tell your friends and spell it out that you categorically don't want to see or spend any time with goob. Like if he shows up anywhere where you guy are, you will get up and leave level of extreme don't want to deal with him. Again, spell it out just how strongly you feel about it.

 

Pay for your own hotel, meals, etc. You have no reason to allow yourself to be manipulated into dealing with this guy and had no reason to call him either. You are actually sending some seriously mixed messages about where you really stand and what you want out of this. Also, the moment you let someone pay for you, you owe them. Don't put yourself in that situation ever.

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You said you knew he met someone new in Colombia when you two were supposed to be exclusive. Isn't that all the info you need? He adds all kinds of women to his social media. Sounds like he's having too much fun to be tied down to one woman. Don't waste a second of your time on someone who has different dating goals than you.

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If you are really a third wheel here, then why are you going at all? Seems like it would be better for you to take a pass and let your friend and her guy enjoy some one on one time.

 

If you can't cancel going at this point, then you need to tell your friends and spell it out that you categorically don't want to see or spend any time with goob. Like if he shows up anywhere where you guy are, you will get up and leave level of extreme don't want to deal with him. Again, spell it out just how strongly you feel about it.

 

Pay for your own hotel, meals, etc. You have no reason to allow yourself to be manipulated into dealing with this guy and had no reason to call him either. You are actually sending some seriously mixed messages about where you really stand and what you want out of this. Also, the moment you let someone pay for you, you owe them. Don't put yourself in that situation ever.

 

I love this advice best. Thank you.

I honestly know he’s going to show up. It’s differnt when someone is 30 mins away versus me being on the other side of the coast.

 

Especially with his best friend dating mines and him suggesting for us to all stay where goop lives. my initial plan was meeting up with a friend who I met three years ago traveling. Been my friend ever since and I was just going to do that.

 

With the third wheel situation, My best friend didn’t want to do anything without me and I thought If i brought that friend and Goop shows up. It would be an awkward situation, this trip just wasn’t thought out properly.

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I love this advice best. Thank you.

I honestly know he’s going to show up. It’s differnt when someone is 30 mins away versus me being on the other side of the coast.

 

Especially with his best friend dating mines and him suggesting for us to all stay where goop lives. my initial plan was meeting up with a friend who I met three years ago traveling. Been my friend ever since and I was just going to do that.

 

With the third wheel situation, My best friend didn’t want to do anything without me and I thought If i brought that friend and Goop shows up. It would be an awkward situation, this trip just wasn’t thought out properly.

 

Your friend needs to gain a backbone and do stuff independently if being there makes you feel uncomfortable. She should understand that this situation makes you uncomfortable and therefor not insist on this and respect it. Really, you have zero reasons to accept having your hotel payed by him. It makes zero sense. You're your own person and have power of decision here.

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I love this advice best. Thank you.

I honestly know he’s going to show up. It’s differnt when someone is 30 mins away versus me being on the other side of the coast.

 

Especially with his best friend dating mines and him suggesting for us to all stay where goop lives. my initial plan was meeting up with a friend who I met three years ago traveling. Been my friend ever since and I was just going to do that.

 

With the third wheel situation, My best friend didn’t want to do anything without me and I thought If i brought that friend and Goop shows up. It would be an awkward situation, this trip just wasn’t thought out properly.

 

Yeah, it sounds like a set up for all kinds of awkward. However, it's not too late for you to assert some boundaries and change and plan out some things differently to minimize the problems. I still think that you need to talk to both your bestie and her bf very strongly about not wanting to be anywhere near goob and drive that point home for them.

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Do you want to reignite the romance/sex?

 

I'm curious about this, too, and curious if you can provide an honest answer.

 

On one hand, you describe this guy as, well, a goob. As in: the sort of dude you stay away form, now that he's shown his goobiness.

 

On the other, you are clearly excited that he's viewing your social media stories, and rather than see this whole LA trip for what it is—a big ol' recipe for drama—and taking the steps to make it drama-free, you're leaning into all the drama, hard.

 

No judgement, really. But just be honest with yourself about what you're doing, which is engaging with Goob. You're reigniting...something. You're fanning the drama flames—and, hey, that's totally cool if that sounds genuinely fun and frisky. Been there. But just own it. No power comes from playing the damsel who is suddenly in, you know, a totally "weird situation." It's only weird if you choose to make it weird.

 

Reading between the lines, I think you want to have sex with him, or at least want him to try to have sex with you, so you can (a) mess with him; (b) get laid; © feel power/vengeance in making him realize what he missed; or (d) some half-thought combo of all of the above that seems a little dangerous, a little delicious.

 

Thing about goobs and probably this Goob? They're never nearly as invested in these games as you are. He's down to pick you up, hang, maybe get laid, maybe not. Maybe he gets that high of spewing some lofty lovebombing stuff again, maybe not. All good. Ain't none of this twisting him into a knot since, after all, you'll be gone in a flash. He likes that part. He's always liked that part.

 

High road advice: either cancel the trip or find a sure way to avoid Goob. You're an adult—pay your own way. If you want to have some fluttery LA fun with a goob—all good. But make it a new goob, you know, not Old Goob who can twist you into a knot just by calling you after the gym instead of before the gym.

 

Your thirst for some power over this d-bag is at real risk of only disempowering you more.

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I'm curious about this, too, and curious if you can provide an honest answer.

 

On one hand, you describe this guy as, well, a goob. As in: the sort of dude you stay away form, now that he's shown his goobiness.

 

On the other, you are clearly excited that he's viewing your social media stories, and rather than see this whole LA trip for what it is—a big ol' recipe for drama—and taking the steps to make it drama-free, you're leaning into all the drama, hard.

 

No judgement, really. But just be honest with yourself about what you're doing, which is engaging with Goob. You're reigniting...something. You're fanning the drama flames—and, hey, that's totally cool if that sounds genuinely fun and frisky. Been there. But just own it. No power comes from playing the damsel who is suddenly in, you know, a totally "weird situation." It's only weird if you choose to make it weird.

 

Reading between the lines, I think you want to have sex with him, or at least want him to try to have sex with you, so you can (a) mess with him; (b) get laid; © feel power/vengeance in making him realize what he missed; or (d) some half-thought combo of all of the above that seems a little dangerous, a little delicious.

 

Thing about goobs and probably this Goob? They're never nearly as invested in these games as you are. He's down to pick you up, hang, maybe get laid, maybe not. Maybe he gets that high of spewing some lofty lovebombing stuff again, maybe not. All good. Ain't none of this twisting him into a knot since, after all, you'll be gone in a flash. He likes that part. He's always liked that part.

 

High road advice: either cancel the trip or find a sure way to avoid Goob. You're an adult—pay your own way. If you want to have some fluttery LA fun with a goob—all good. But make it a new goob, you know, not Old Goob who can twist you into a knot just by calling you after the gym instead of before the gym.

 

Your thirst for some power over this d-bag is at real risk of only disempowering you more.[/quote

 

 

 

I’ll just avoid Goob. Reading everything and seeing things from everyone’s perspectives just let’s me see things for what they are rather than being blinded from what I want to believe.

Thank you for this honest comment. Needed it.

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I'm curious about this, too, and curious if you can provide an honest answer.

 

On one hand, you describe this guy as, well, a goob. As in: the sort of dude you stay away form, now that he's shown his goobiness.

 

On the other, you are clearly excited that he's viewing your social media stories, and rather than see this whole LA trip for what it is—a big ol' recipe for drama—and taking the steps to make it drama-free, you're leaning into all the drama, hard.

 

No judgement, really. But just be honest with yourself about what you're doing, which is engaging with Goob. You're reigniting...something. You're fanning the drama flames—and, hey, that's totally cool if that sounds genuinely fun and frisky. Been there. But just own it. No power comes from playing the damsel who is suddenly in, you know, a totally "weird situation." It's only weird if you choose to make it weird.

 

Reading between the lines, I think you want to have sex with him, or at least want him to try to have sex with you, so you can (a) mess with him; (b) get laid; © feel power/vengeance in making him realize what he missed; or (d) some half-thought combo of all of the above that seems a little dangerous, a little delicious.

 

Thing about goobs and probably this Goob? They're never nearly as invested in these games as you are. He's down to pick you up, hang, maybe get laid, maybe not. Maybe he gets that high of spewing some lofty lovebombing stuff again, maybe not. All good. Ain't none of this twisting him into a knot since, after all, you'll be gone in a flash. He likes that part. He's always liked that part.

 

High road advice: either cancel the trip or find a sure way to avoid Goob. You're an adult—pay your own way. If you want to have some fluttery LA fun with a goob—all good. But make it a new goob, you know, not Old Goob who can twist you into a knot just by calling you after the gym instead of before the gym.

 

Your thirst for some power over this d-bag is at real risk of only disempowering you more.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll just avoid Goob. Reading everything and seeing things from everyone’s perspectives just let’s me see things for what they are rather than being blinded from what I want to believe.

Thank you for this honest comment. Needed it. I really didn’t know what to do about the situation.

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I’ll just avoid Goob. Reading everything and seeing things from everyone’s perspectives just let’s me see things for what they are rather than being blinded from what I want to believe.

Thank you for this honest comment. Needed it. I really didn’t know what to do about the situation.

 

No problem.

 

I've tangoed with more than a few Goobettes in my time, and recognize a certain wiring in me that is drawn to Goobettes, so rest assured I'm not preaching from the pulpit.

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Is it wrong that I just would rather hear the truth from him face to face. Rather than assuming even if all that’s happened. I just want to know what the hell happened.

 

He already showed you with his actions. Why would you believe anything he would say.

 

He showed you that he is a player and does not care.

 

You are going to allow him to pay your way? Girl, where is your self respect!

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Is it wrong that I just would rather hear the truth from him face to face. Rather than assuming even if all that’s happened. I just want to know what the hell happened.

 

You cannot assume he'd tell you the truth.

 

Avoid him at all costs and do not accept his money. I don't see why your friend needs you to third-wheel on this trip anyway. It's a couple thing for her and her boyfriend; I would not even want to go.

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Is it wrong that I just would rather hear the truth from him face to face. Rather than assuming even if all that’s happened. I just want to know what the hell happened.

 

You are giving him way too much credit. You're assuming that he's going to be honest with you.

 

But it seems like from what you've told us, that Goob really, truly cares for...Goob. What HE can get and what HE can do. You don't know that he'll tell you the truth; I bet he would tell you whatever will soften you up for a night of sex.

 

Ugh! Sorry this happened but I hope you show this loser the door and look for guys who would treat you right.

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I don't quite understand. Is the issue here that you think he cheated on you because he added women to facebook? If that is considered cheating by your standards then you two should stay broken up. If you are assuming that he slept with those women then instead of asking him for the truth you should contact one of those women and ask them.

 

Some of the assumptions you make are weird. Like he didn't call you after work so he must be cheating. That doesn't make sense. What if he was just driving and listening to music, what if a friend called him? So I can't tell if you're overly cautious or goob is giving you reason to be overly cautious. Does he flirt with women in your presence? Is that why you think he cheats? Or did someone cheat on you before this and you have trouble trusting? I honestly can't tell.

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