Boyfriend not accepted in my family

[NovaChihiro]

Dear NotAlone

 

My boyfriend and I are best friends for 5 years. We are very similar in our behaviour and beliefs (except religion).

 

Fight1:Bf disagrees with my parents leaving me alone when they went casino. We live in a very dangerous neighbourhood.

 

Fight2: Bf mentions not greeting on social media to mum which causes a scene on her birthday by crying to provoke him ending with him kneeling and apologising.

 

Recent incident is bro offered bf advice and call back (Bf wanted to find his own job but forced by me). He called my brother a few days ago.My brother calls me telling my bf was rude. My brother`s version he heard bf answer questions bf and question bf degree causing bf questioning bro of qualifications. He said bro not a saint then bro asked repeatedly if he still wants help cutting the call. Bf phoned again bro answered and said do you still want help? bf said yes continued the argument mentioning not screaming at bro for me. Bf`s version questions and argument (same) but bro said bf courses were . Also questioned bro`s qualification. Second call bro asked if he wanted help, cuts the call. Bf wanted to continue with questions and said bro is only helping for me bro said this help is for nothing and best of luck cutting call. to His family taught him to speak for his rights and respect all ages. The problem now is my brother wants revenge by making ensuring bf doesn`t get a job at his company/ field for the above fights. Now bro face-to-face bf and family. My ultimatum to bf was not speak to my family and stop argumentativeness/ leave he accepted saying he can bring his family to apologise,admit wrongness to prove being a better person for me. What should I do and trust?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately your bf is controlling and rude to your family. Why is he this involved with them? Being rude to them is disrespectful to you.

We are very similar in our behaviour and beliefs (except religion).

 

Now bro face-to-face bf and family. My ultimatum to bf was not speak to my family and stop argumentativeness

[Rose Mosse]

Stop with the co-mingling and overlapping between personal and professional. This has gotten so far out of control. It's childish and unprofessional. From my view, I think you should make amends with your family and apologize on behalf of your boyfriend for the trouble this has caused. If your brother was offering to be a reference for a job opportunity, this is absolutely off the table now and keep it that way.

 

Let your family know that you have your personal affairs under control and your boyfriend should be finding his own job if he can't get along with others. You can support your boyfriend and encourage him in his career but don't coddle and hover over him. What he chooses to do next is his decision only. If he lashes out at you or accuses you of taking sides, take a step back. This person is not a good influence and not a positive addition to your life. Don't be a doormat and absolutely do not condone that type of blurriness and overlap in your relationships. Use your gut instincts and have a feel for whether people will get along too.

 

You shouldn't be forcing your boyfriend to do anything.

[abitbroken]

How old are you? You are fine to be home alone by yourself if you are an adult or an older teenager.

 

Honestly, its pretty clear to me. Your boyfriend is very disrespectful of your family. If you are "very similiar in your behavior" then you need to straighten up, because his behavior is lacking.

If your brother was helping him with a job, if the bf decided it is not for him, all he had to do was respectfully listen and then after awhile say "i have decided that the job is not for me". If the job is working at the place your brother does, he is right to make sure your bf doesn't get it -- as in warning the powers that be that he is difficult. Who brings his whole family to apologize?

 

In my experience, people who say "I speak up for my rights" are not talking about freedom of speech - they are usually people who are very argumentative for no reason.

 

I would dump him. You deserve better. Focus on school, don't have a boyfriend and do what you can to get a good career so you don't need to live in a dangerous neighborhood when you move out.

[Cherylyn]

Your boyfriend is a drama king, complicated, belligerent, difficult and not easy to get along with. As for employment, he's responsible for attaining a job; no one else.

 

Don't get your family involved in your boyfriend's livelihood or lack thereof.

 

There needs to be an attitude adjustment and enforced healthy boundaries with others including family.

 

Do a reset, reprogram both of your brains and start over with better, more respectful, calm, peaceful behavior. If not, go your separate ways.

 

Use your brains, be mindful, astute, shrewd and move up on the world by relocating to a safer neighborhood. The choice is yours and his.

[Snny]

Your boyfriend is a controlling a-hole. Leave him while you can.

 

You do NOT need your parents home, even if you live in a dangerous neighborhood.

 

He’s jobless and can’t take care off himself financially.

 

He made your mom cry, fought with your brother, and embarrasses the whole family?

 

He’s a goner. He will eventually end up abusing you.

[Cherylyn]

Your boyfriend is a controlling a-hole. Leave him while you can.

 

You do NOT need your parents home, even if you live in a dangerous neighborhood.

 

He’s jobless and can’t take care off himself financially.

 

He made your mom cry, fought with your brother, and embarrasses the whole family?

 

He’s a goner. He will eventually end up abusing you.

 

Well said, Snny.

[anadybella]

The same problem here with me. We spent 3 years outside the home and after 3 years when my father gets sick then they called me at home with my wife. Now I'm very happy too with my family and my wife.

But, I don't give any worry about my wife's parents.

[Tanzi]

I'm a bit confused as to who said what to who to be honest but one thing I am picking up on VERY CLEARLY is that a relationship between your bf and your family ain't ever gonna work!

 

Your bf doesn't seem too bothered about making a good impression on your family. I don't know why your bro is so involved but, regardless, your bf seems controlling, opinionated and argumentative. Things are unlikely to change for the better.

[catfeeder]

Speaking only for myself, I'd find a better BF.

 

Reasonable intelligence is important to me, so anyone who'd be stupid enough to offend one who's helping him to find work, much less any family member of mine, doesn't appear to have a very bright future.

 

I'd skip that.