mjctraider

I don't think there is any way to tell. In regards to my comment, she did respond to my email about a month later. I think what happened or what does happen is that when you are online even if you are not logged onto myspace, myspace shows that you are online, but, I could be wrong. Either way I don't think you can know if someone deletes your message, just if they read and replied to it. Sorry I can't be of any help.

Wow funny reading this. The interesting thing is that the female in question I was talking about is now again working at the same place I am at. It is hard to say if this is fate giving me another chance or just coincidence. I mean we have talked a few times, but I don't know if she remembers me or not. And it's never anything really special, jsut small talk or what she did over the weekend, etc.All I can say is those old feelings I had for her are starting to come back, but like the last time she has a boyfriend and again things don't seem to be going so well. When we both work on the same day and have break about the same time, she tends to sit at the same table I am at. Means nothing, I know that, but I cannot help wonder what I should do exactly.

Yes I've always been the good guy and always hung out with the good crowd and now it seems I'm friends with more of the wild bunch. I knew basically what you meant about the drinking thing. One beer and no more. My problem again is that being around the alcoholics for as long as I was, just made me dis;like beer some much and as I said I cannot in anyway tolerate the smell of alcohol. Besides that I do have a dark side to me and a very bad dark side at that. It's very rare that it rears it's ugly head, but it does come out now and then. I'm most afraid that if I do drink even just one drinl that I might like it too much and it develops into a problem and my dark side finds an easy way to rear it's ugly head. I appreciate any advice you have given me and I think really my main problem isn't so much the shyness, because I know there is an outgoing guy just waiting to get out and he does now and then. I think I just lack confidence in myself and don't have enough of the "I don't care what others think of me." I think if I could have that mentallity more often, then I'd me more outgoing and find it much easier to talk to girls and other people in general. So I just need to work on gettng my confidence up and have the attitude that I don't care what others think about what I say or do.

Another thing is with kidney stones at least for me is that when I have the pain it's starts out pretty low on the scale and then intensifies to an 8 or 9 and then drops back to a 1 or 2. If it is a kidney stone drink plenty of water. Other fluids help, but water is always best and I believe you should avoid alcohol. It doesn't help to push the stone out as well as water does, but from the sounds of it I'm not sure if it's a kidney stone or not. Have you tried going to webmd. It might be a good site to go to and check your symptoms out.

Yeah in thinking about it, it could be hernia. I have one of those too and of course I can't afford surgery so I just have to live with it for now. For me the pain is centered around the lower abdomen and goes all the way down to my groin. There is a noticible bump there too. If it is a kidney stone though I think you'd probably feel pain near your lower back where your kidney would be and eventually that pain would be felt from there all the way to your groin.

I've had kidney stones since 1999. The doctor told me that I had 7 small stones and one he described as a boulder. Needless to say I think I pasted three stones in 1999, then 1 stone in 2002, and 1 stone this year. The first four stones passed within a week and the range of pain was 1 to 10. They hurt like hell. I'd never wish them on my worst enemy. The one I had back in 2002 was different. It didn't seem like it was a kidney stone. I went 5 days without taking any pain medication or going to the hospital. It's kind of hard when you don't make a whole lot of money and don't have insurance. Needless to say I did finally pass that one a few days after caving and taking myself to the emergency room. By far the worst one was the one that I past this year. It started two weeks before xmas 2005. Yes that's right 2005. I had no insurance and only a little bit of pain medication left from the last time I had a stone. Maybe enough to last a week at most. I knew right away what it was and was expecting it to pass within a week. It didn't. Two weeks later it still had not passed. A month later and still nothing, but then the pain was gone, just disappeared. Then a month later it came back, then it stopped again. Another month later it was back. Another month and the pain came back and then again. I was at the point where I had to do something, but in the 5 months that I had been in pain. I was only in pain for maybe a total of 7 to 14 days the rest I was pain free. I managed to make the pain medication last for 5 months and still have enough left over for one more day. I basically caved and was ready to accept the fact that I was going to have to have surgery to remove the stone. Let's face it, it was stuck and not going anywhere. I did some researched and found out that it would cost about $8,000 to $10,000 to remove the stone. I had no idea what to do and was deeply depressed. This was going to crush me finacially. I figured screw it I'll just be paying off the bill for the rest of my life and even after I'm dead and buried. I planned on calling to make an appointment about what my options were. I was tired of the pain when I went to the bathroom. Which had not started until two weeks earlier. The night before I was going to make the appointment I started to feel the pain again and it was starting to get really bad. I tried drinking fluids, but I knew it wasn't going to do anything. Three hours later i had to go really bad. I went to the bathroom and as i was going I saw something dark go flying into the toilet. I was in shock. I could not believe it. I ran around my apartment trying to find something to dig it out to see if in fact it was a stone. I found something rinsed it off and was in disbelief. The **** finally passed. I even measured the sucker and was shocked to see that it was around 5mm, which from my research I had a 50% chance of passing, 80% to 90% I believe of stones pass on their own. I hope that this was the boulder the doctor informed me about years ago and I can only hope that the next one will pass much quicker. I'm just glad that I avoided those huge medical bills and I know I risked my life by not going sooner, but emotionally I was drained and just didn't really care anymore and I always hoped that when the pain came back from that one stone that this time it would pass. It only took 5 months, but the stone did pass and now I'm back to my normal self again, until the next stone rears it's ugly head.

Yeah I'd have to say you could just be lusting after her. I tend to do the same thing with this one girl at work that doesn't say one word to me, but yet I find myself saying I love her. I don't know why. I don't know anything about her at all or what kind of person she is. I know that it is just lust, but I say love. Stupid me, lol. Anyways once I see another girl I like I forget about the other girl. I'm sure in time you will forget about this girl and find someone else you are interested in.

As much as I would have to agree with having a beer to calm me down and be able to relax, I jsut would never do it. For one thing I was the desinated driver and probably would if I do this again. However the bigger reason why I would never have an alcoholic beverage is that I cannot in any way tolerate the smell of alcohol. It smells horrible, plus it reminds me of the days when I had to deal with my mom's alcoholic boyfriends everyday. I just choose to not be a drinker, I don't want to lose control and become one of the mean drunks and then it develope into me becoming an alcoholic. As far as having something else to drink might work, but I don't know. I think the problem lies elswhere. I mean at work I can be more relaxed and be talkative around the people I hung out with Saturday, but I'm not overally outgoing all the time, maybe 50/50. I think also since it was a new experience for me I just didn't know what to do and I don't hang out with them that often. It's quite rare. I've really never had friends inviting me to hang out with them at least not since high school. However the bigger thing I think is that I was always the straight A student, focusing on my studies and getting good grades and the people I hang out with now seem like the type that focused more on having fun then their studies. They like to drink and smoke the occasionaly "joint". Where I steer clear of that. I like them and have nothing bad to say about them, but it's like two different worlds slamming into each other and I'm the only one that realizes that we are complete different.

Well I survived the night, wait hold on I need to check for a second.... yup I'm not missing anything that I shouldn't be missing, lol. Once again my aniexty got me all hopped up for nothing. The one attack I had before I left should not have happened, but yet it did again. I showed up at my friends house we all drove down to the club and I had a good time, I was quiet, but i had a good time. I wanted to talk, but didn't know what to say and of course it was too loud to really hear anybody, so my voice would have been drowned out by all the noise. It was like a sensory overload, my mind didn't know what to do between the music, everybody dancing, all the attractive females walking by. Needless to say I did have fun, even though I was quiet and not smiling. I need to work on the smiling I guess, my one friend thought I wasn't having fun even though I was, but my smiles always come out like I'm forcing it and not natural. I didn't get any numbers or talk to any girls, but I could care less really. I still had fun. I did get a bit of confidence with the outfit I was wearing. My friend thought it was good on me and she liked it, she thought I looked cute. I even liked it, and thought I looked good in it and could feel the confidence coming off it, but my shyness got in the way. Either way I had a good time, even if I didn't talk to anyone.

I appreciate the advice, but it's not as bad as it seems I guess. I have been able to ask girls out before in the past and for the most part once I'm in a social setting for a while I do begin to calm down and relax, just not all the time. I'd say it's about 50/50. Although I do become quieter regardless. And seeing how I've never been to a club, I guess I don't know what to expect. It's not like I'm looking to find my future wife or girlfriend tonight, but it would be nice to get a number and have a conversation with a girl even if it doesn't go anywhere. It's been a while since I've been on a date. I just want to go and have a good time and maybe have a short conversation with a girl, not ask her to be my girlfriend. As I stated earlier I am much more outgoing than I was last year, it's just that there are times where I can be talkative and other times that I just shut down and I don't want to do that tonight.

Ok today is the day that I hang out with a bunch of people, some of them are my friends and others I've either never meet before or only meet once. We are all suppose to be going to various clubs and sports bars before finally getting breakfast and going home. I expect to be home probably around 6am Sunday morning. I really don't have a problem with this and would like to have fun and possibly meet a girl and exchange phone numbers. There are a few problems: As I said my nervousness and aniexty are taking over right now and I'm not even out with my friends. I really would like to be able to calm down so I can have fun too night. I really do not want to have an anxiety or panic attack. I have been diganosed with an anxiety disorder so this is somewhat of a concern. I've never really had friends that invited me to hang out with them and I really have no idea what to expect. Especially since I've neer gone to a club or bar before. This is mainly because I do not drink. There is also my shyness that I know is going to get in the way. While I can be outgoing around my friends, I do still tend to be shy now and then and even if I'm with my friends and there are people around me I don't know I tend to become even more shy. I don't want to be like this. Somewhat related to the above I guess I'm considered a love-shy. While I have made great progress over the last year in trying to be more outgoing. I'm afraid that I may become a mute tonight and not be able to say a whole lot and not even get the nerve to approach any females. One minor thing and it's not really big is that I may feel a little awkward and uncomfortable seeing how most of the people I will be hanging out with will be drinking. I know this is all in my head, but I can't shake this nervousness I am getting and I just want to be able to have a good time and if there is the off chance that I can get a girl's number it would be even better. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to calm my nerves and keep them down tonight so that I may enjoy myself?

Sounds just like me. It's sad that I'm approaching 29 and never experienced it and wonder too if I was born to be single. I've tried the online thing too. I send emails and they respond back saying they are interested and I respond back and never hear from them again. I've gone out on dates, but never a second date, they seem to have a good time, but as always I end up in the dreaded "friends zone." Oh the horror. I've tried to make eye contact with females at the mall, work when I went to college and almost every single one of them looks the other way as soon as they see me looking at them, like I am some hideous freak. Yet I think I'm not that bad looking, average at best. Yet I still try. I have no idea why and now I am presented with an opportunity and sadly as it is my hopes are somewhat up that I know iIm gonna be disappointed. In three days I'll be hanging out with a bunch of people at a club and the hopes are that I can get at least one phone number, even if it's a fake number. I know the odds are against me and I have a better chance of regrowing my hair naturally, but my hopes are that there will be at least one female interested enough in me to make eye contact and we can chat, even if it's just a few words exchanged. I've had so many opportunites and it never turns into anything, so while I have my hopes up a little bit I know I'll go home accomplishing nothing. I guess I'm more likely doomed to just having female friends and nothing more. All I'd like is at least one relationship with a female, even if it doesn't last. At least I can die knowing I had a girlfriend.

This could be long so try not to beat me into a bloody pulp, I'd like to live long enough to find a girlfriend. I'd hate to show up at her door all bloody and bruised. I do have to say that some of the answers to the questions I gave on my myspace page are from the guy in me trying to get out. These answers of course are the humorous ones. That guy does come out and I'd have to pat myself on the back a little bit, has been coming out more and more and the shy depressed guy is going into hiding. The problem is that shy depressed guy has a lot of power and is very strong. One little thing goes wrong and blam he's back and stronger than ever. That outgoing guy is weak, but seems to get stronger and stronger everyday, but he's got a long long way to go. As far a seeing a shirk, I've done that and even took medication since I was diagnosed with an anixety disorder. Needless to say I've stopped seeing the shrink and no longer on medication. The medication didn't do much to help and I don't have health insurance so finding a shrink that will do it for free or very cheap and offer very very cheap medication is next to impossible. So maybe I can fix myself. Here is the short version of why I am so messed up or at least why I feel messed up. And this is very short. I went to the same school for ten years, had all sorts of friends, was funny, somewhat outgoing, wasn't so self-cofident about my looks. Then my world got turned upside down, something that I thought would never happen. We moved and moved to an area that whites were the minority and for some reason I have no idea why, I was targeted for ten months straight. It will always be the worst part of my life ever. I wanted to die and almost did, but that little voice in the back of my head said it would get better in a year and it did. The problem was that I was behind the bottom of the pit. They picked me apart so much at that school that I basically became a mute. It took over five years just to get me to lift my head up and look straight when I walk. 13 years later I'm finally becoming the person that I once was before that terrible event took place in my life. The problem is that that event is still back there in my mind and that is why that shy depressed guy is so strong. I basically had no self-esteem or self-confidence. It was completely gone. My self confidence and self-esteem is much better than it was way back then. It's funny that I can come home and look in the mirror and be like, "I'm that bad looking" or "I'm pretty good looking". Then I go out to a mall or somewhere else and see myself in a mirror and I'm like "Oh God I'm so unattractive". I know that there are different mirrors out there that will make you look diffferent, but in the back of my mind it doesn't know that. But yet I have this one friend and she has to be one of the hottest chicks I have ever meet and I can go up to her and talk to her, flirt with her, tickle her, etc and have so much confidence and self-esteem that I'm not worried about my looks and yet I can't even go up to someone I don't know and say "Hi" Then again I did once ask out this girl that was a former model. So it's like, why can't that confident guy remain at the surface? I mean I would love to go out to a crowded place and be all smiling and stuff, but I really haven't smiled in a public place in over 14 years. It's sad, but true. It's kind of like when your Mom told you not to make those strange faces or it will be permanent and you look silly, well not smiling for so many years makes it kind of hard to get myself to smile. I've tried and it only lasts a few mintues at most and then I'm back to the I'm a miserable f*** . It sometimes annoys me when people are like, "You should smile more" or "Why aren't you smiling", or "why are you in a bad mood." And it's like I'm not in a bad mood really I just don't smile. Even if I could get a smile I don't think a crowded place would be the best really, I've already had one panic attack and don't feel like having them anymore besides I'm more of a hang out with a few friends kind of person. And the gym is out, if only I didn't have that hernia. Besides that a lot of girls don't seem to care about the muscles and I've tried before in the past before I had the hernia and could only tone what little muscle mass I had. I know you are probably like, "He's just making excuse after excuse." Maybe it is true. I have made great strides over the last few years and I am getting out of the house more and more and hanging out with friends, but I still have that urge to just stay home and be in my comfort zone. And I know that if I do this I'll never meet anyone, but like I said that shy depressed guy has a lot of power over me and it's not like I can topple him overnight, it's gonna take a long long time. And as much as I lift myself out of that hole and feel good about myself, something bad happens and I slip and fall back into the hole. I wanna be able to figure out why I can be so outgoing and confident one day and the next day I'm depressed and quiet as (well you know). I really apprecaite people's advice here. Well I think I rambled on enough here.

Yes I know it is conflicting, but it just seems like I'll never find anyone so I just want to give up and stop looking, but I can't. This is the one and only thing that has eluded me. I'm going to be 29 soon and I just can't seem to find a girl that wants to get to know me long enough to see if it works out. I think my mind is too stressed out to keep looking, but my heart aches for love and compassion from some one other than family and friends. I don't neccessairly find myself to be unattractive, but just average. It just seems like no one will even give me a second look. It might be every two years or so that I meet a girl that likes me and filrts with me. Here's the problem though, they are already taken and I would never try and mess with another guy's girlfriend because I believe that karma would come back on me and the same would happen to me. The way I look at it is that if it is meant to be it will be and if it is not it was never meant to be. I know that I have conflicting issues. I'm just frustrated and alone. I have some self confidence, much more than I did a few years ago, but I just get down when I see all these guys around me getting hit on and getting dates and I'm standing there like what the **** am I chop liver. I know that I need to go out and go to the bars, clubs, etc blah blah blah, but I'm not into that stuff. I've tried looking for groups that are into the same stuff that I am into, but no such luck. I've tried the online dating and they don't even give me a chance. I know girls get tons and tons of emails all the time, but it's like I don't exist. I try to be funny, etc it still gets me nowhere.

I have to totally agree with that. I don't know a whole lot of girls that have checked me out, most of the time they are checking out other guys around me. Case in point one of my friends at work is fairly good looking doesn't have to say a thing and girls are asking him out all the time and what about me. They see the pale faced bald guy and don't even give a second look. Yes how one presents oneself is important and might determine how many girls might hit on them, flirt with them, check them out etc, but from what I've seen if you don't have the looks they don't look at you. They look away. Especially if you try and look at them. It's rather frusrtating. I just want to stop and give up on looking for a relationship, but I see it everywhere and I want it.