Broken2009

Hi Nancy, It’s me again. I really don’t know why I am writing you this because I know where you stand. It’s been a very long time. I still have very strong feelings for you, I just know I will never find anyone like you. I am in an extremely toxic / unhealthy relationship right now and have been for about 4 months. I have seen what’s out there these past 3 years and I want nothing of it. I’ve met so many people as I’m sure you have as well and it’s just like no one is out there that is like you or who I am attracted to as much as I am attracted to you. Just makes me realize what I had with you, I was so confident in you and so content. We had so much fun and never fought. I just think about you and like what your up to and just wish I could be a part of your life again, it would just make me so happy. I am still the same old me but I have matured in a lot of ways and learnt a lot from you. You are not that complicated of a girl or at least 3 years ago you weren’t. I am really just asking for another chance to get to know you again, there is just such a void when I think about you but I am living my life as I pretty much planned it. I am living in ______ now. Please be my friend again, I promise it won’t be weird or awkward when we see eachother, well I can’t promise that but we can treat it like a first meeting between potential friends. The last time I saw you I talked to you about the last thing I wanted to talk about it (losing my Mom) was really weird because I didn’t want to tell anyone about what had happened. I really need to see your face again soon. Kevin.

Day 2 . I have a feeling this will last longer than my previous 1 week NC periods. I had no reason to not contact her before bc she wasnt shutting me down. I feel as though recently I have been shut down and she has shut me out as hard as that is to realize right now as she called me Halloween but wasnt ready for a phone call soo tried to recover from the bad convo desperately of course and now NC for 2 days. my short story is : She doesnt know what I expect from her or want

Touche Icyness. Couldn't describe people that post on here or in general better. Day 3 Playas!!! After 10 days NC and rec'ving an email from her (work email - had to respond bc she knows I opened it) I feel stronger today, more like myself again. I don't know whats happened in my mind/brain right now but I feel ok. Im sure things will change over time and I will have low points this weekend. I wish all of you intelligent people the absolute best. We will be strong and find better fits for us or we will fall back into place with our former best fits.

Keep in mind however, as more and more posts go to remind us that going No Contact is not a pancea? or a way of getting someone back. It is for your own benefit and healing. No contact, and trying to get someone back are two entirely different things. yes, NC may be the best thing to do in some circumstances when trying to get someone back. However you need to make decisions for yourself, and like someone mentioned before NC should not be looked at a way of trying to get someone back, that only adds to the torment of going NC. Its better to think of it as a way (which is extreme) however of saying "im never talking to this person again, I don't want them in my life" that is a reason to go NC. I went 10 days of not contacting that person, and she emailed me. It meant nothing so for me it is best to Not Contact her instead of msging her and remaining in a state of limbo and becoming automatically in the friend zone. Some books would probably advise you to be their chum, pal or buddy in order as a means of getting someone back. For me, that is wayyyyyy too risky for me emotionally in case that never happens and they run off someone else as I have been hurt so badly already. Just my two sense.

Back to Day 1 - Formerly on DAY 10 Was going through the toughest part of the healing process,been about a month and than 10 days NC. Rec'd an email through work yesterday and had a chit chat about whats going on in our lives such as travel plans etc. I think she is on my floor today at work. Perfect. I felt like myself during and after the email convo again....for about 4-6 hours. Now back to the same old feelings. I feel like I have to start healing all over again when I hear from her. She spoke about the dentist at the end of the email, and how her mouth would be frozen and she hoped it thawed bc she was going out for drinks later and I almost texted her last nite asking how the dentist was. But I thought it would create unrealistic expectations in my head and would still remain in the friend zone. God knows who she was out for drinks with. Want to email her today asking her about the dentist. But am going to remain NC to help healing. She responded to one of my emails saying you have a lot going on which is nice" I was like..thanks.

Day 10 - Rec'd contact from the person I guess its back to square one. Its work email though so they obviously know I have rec'd it and am just ignoring them. I know it means obviously nothing. She just said hey you how are you, havent talked to you in forever your done work soon which is super exciting. Back to square one. I was in rough rough shape on this day though. Than rec'd an email from her. I'm very anxious now to see what she has to say. If she mentions anything about someone else I will never talk to her again.

I am on Day 10 I can't believe a month already since the break up. Time flies. I just feel like I am watching her walk out the door. Mixed feelings of love, hope, anger and hate.

I think it would actually hurt me to kiss someone else right now. one minute I think I don't want her back at all, the next I am sobbing for my loss. I think I am for the most part over it for a 12 hours than I am just a hurting mess. I don't know how it comes back, no matter how hard you try it just comes back. I don't think I will ever be truly completely over this. I love her to death. Those bad bad thoughts are making their way back after being ok for a couple days. I really do wish I never met her at all... I just have to keep thinking anyone who doesn't want to be with me isn't worth my pain/thoughts anyway I just can't stop thinking about her, like even for a second it never leaves me and plagues me anywhere I go. I hate this.

Day 7. Definitely hasn't ever been this long not speaking to her at all. It feels like it sucks but then I try to remind myself about how bad she treated me. If I see her am I obligated to say Hi if she says hi first. Or maybe I say hi first so it doesn't seem like I'm bitter. does that break NC???

So just had a co-worker ask me about her. I said no. We both had busy lives. It was the first time I had to give like a one line explanation about what happened. I didn't have one at all....bc I don't really know what went wrong except her not living up to my expectations and her freaking out once she knew it. I hate broken relationships.

Day 6, Cannot wait until day 7 is completely finished. It will feel like I actually accomplished something. I still think about it very often. I guess it doesn't help I work with her. However I think about the things she could have been doing to help the relationship such as spending just even one whole day with me on a weekend. Instead all she wanted to do is hang out during the week/weekend on a night when she had nothing better to do. All she wanted to do was drink and get intimate. Which as a male, had no problems with however it was the constant convo that kept me being strung along. Before, I was thinking about ways to get her back. Now I feel like I never want to talk to her again. Ever. It wasn't easy seeing her yesterday however, even though I just saw her from the back with that bright blond long hair and her perfect clothes. Ugh.

I intiated On friday as I remembered she had surgery scheduled to removed the smallest little bump/mole from her leg. I said good luck and she replied that the surgeon scheduled it for a month from Friday. I didn't reply. So Basically this is Day 4 for me. However, it is not a possibility that I will run in to her. It is definite because I work with her. However I have managed to dodge her so far and its been a month so far, and we have lunch at the same time. Day 4 and counting....does NC mean not replying to their contact either?