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lokagirla

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  1. im 15 and my bf is 21. we have 3 months of relationship and everythin has gone pretty well. there is one thing though with the parents... you always have to be careful with them. thank god mom knows understands the fact that ive always dated older boys and well we have good communication, which is very important to allow the existence of trust. my bf went to meet my parents after 2 weeks of dating. my parents do put certain limitations on me. they dont let me take rides with him without permission and they usually just grant it; we dont ask for it. i have to admit, i dont think im a very good daughter, meaning i really dont obery them much. since my first real relationship ive been taking rides and yeah, you can say risks. ive had some luck in not getting caught doing something crazy... but if i am warned... and you eventually get caught. my worse fear is that he ever gets into legal problems cause of my fault. i mean, i can have sex with minors like me and it's not that much of an issue to the law, but when it comes to the adult... then omg... sexual abuse! so maybe im not a very good daughter, but i try... for his well being and of course the well being of our relationship.
  2. ok, between relationships the most time i've been single is like 2-3 months... i'm in a relationship now.
  3. State your religion: no affiliation/ atheist State your sex: Female State your age: 15 State your relationship situation (are you in a relationship, just out of a relationship, or just plain ol' single?): 2 month bf Why are we here? What is our purpose as humans? I think we're just here and that's it *as shallow as it sounds* As human beings we must live according to rules to be able to work efficiently as a community, religion contains many of these behavioral rules *that's why i respect them so much*...but it does piss me off when people try to impose their religion on you like if they were advertising something...claiming that they have converted you into the "truth..." but let's not get into that. I think we do have a commitment to one another. The word "love" says it all. I've always said, "organize your thoughts and think what you feel, for the most intense and temporary of all feelings is passion; the permanent feeling isn't really a feeling, but a decision: love" if you love and are loved then you won't hurt or get hurt, and if you get hurt unintentionally then love will enable you to forgive and be forgiven. that's our purpose: love. *sounds corny, but true*
  4. it seems to me she is getting doubtful about this. she is giving you a hint. beliefs change. i myself was like this complete freak about chastity mainly because of my religion. i was raised in the roman catholic faith so it was like a total sin to have premature sex or something of the sort. every girl i knew told me that me beliefs regarding virginity at least would totally change once i hit freshman year. i said NO NO NO... it didnt work, i denied the truth because they did change and i am thankful for being more open minded now and being able to identify all the opinions imposed by society ... our culture... something happens and taboo... laws are made to protect a general population... and so is religion. there are always exceptions and those who see where the boundaries lie and how to jump over the fence without being noticed in their escape. if she is starting to show changing perspectives then it is time for her to take a decision. i dont think she should be taken out of her lalaland too roughly ... it'll be too hard on her. it took a year for me to analyze my whole situation and see where i stood exactly. so where does she stand in the map of sex? that is her to think about and not go on and experiment to see if the results give her an answer. again, you should talk to her and not only say what you think but give her time to think what to think... sounds like a riddle ah? k, hope i helped in some way.
  5. well, i hope it would be a misinterpretation to say that you got with her in the first place because she was a virgin. i really dont think virginity determines the moral value of a person period regardless of their gender. i do strongly believe that sexual intercourse should have serious feelings involved and not just pleassure. when you get intimate with someone you really care for it's definitely a million times better... besides, there's like complete trust and somehow commitment *even if you're not married* if your gf is a virgin and is very firm on staying that way until i dont know when then the only thing left to do is respect that. if you think you couldnt hold more until you got to that next level then i dont think you really love her. it's ok if you feel this way, but love is about communication and you certainly should talk to her and have a nice conversation regarding the subject. explain to her how you feel and that you would never harm her in any way *at least i hope so* ... so dont just tell US whats going on, tell her, and soon before you jump to conclusions based on physical disappointment. i guess it all depends on age also. i mean, is it actually legal for you to have sex with her? and what about religion? maybe she has this belief based on religion like many of people have. religion has a great influence on morality that is, but of course, theres a way to separate them so that you can be clear about where human value really is... and it is definitely NOT in virginity. a partner that cant respect you being a virgin wont respect you if you lost it to him either, but one that respects you regardless of your lack of virginity will respect you forever. it's not about not caring about her virginity, you should care about how she takes care of herself and for women, sex does have many emotional repercusions, but it must be made clear that this effect is due to society and the rules impossed throughout human existence. the reason women react to sex and virginity like this is because they have been told when little it is wrong to lose it before marriage and so so. marriage is in the heart, not in a ring or celebration... we do it because society has already sketched this scheme for us. so be comprehensive and communicative at the same time!
  6. looks like you already know the right decision to take. now, stop staring at the screen, stand up, and GO DO IT! you said yourself, he doesnt deserve anything from you... he's hurting you. come on, you have reason to make him cry girl. i once got to hating my ex, but it was my problem because he never did me any harm. he was such an insecure nice guy loser that i just had to get rid of him, i couldnt stand him. but this guy... this guy is really looking for it.
  7. why do women lie? why do men lie? hmm, why do children lie? teenagers? elders??? ... let's make everything simpler here, why do HUMANS LIE?
  8. my boyfriend confessed his love to me when we only had 2 months of serious relationship. i told him i felt the same way no doubt about it and i believe it is important to be true to yourself about feelings always. i know i love him simply because deep inside im willing to modify who i am for the better. everyone has their good and bad stuff, but he makes me want to be a better person and that may sound so cliche or corny, but it is the truth. i told him this and he said he was also willing to sacrifice many things for me, and that, to me is what love is all about. no wedding ring, no gown, no huge celebration, first comes the heart and only that.
  9. Dear enotalone users, I wanted to bring a topic into view: education. 1. What is education to you? 2. How important is it in your life? 3. What will it determine in your life? 4. What may a person without education lack? 5. Do you think people are properly informed of all the opportunities available to them? 6. Does this have anything to do with so many that don't know who they are or want to be regardless of their socioeconomic class? 7. Are most problems in the world caused by lack of education? 8. Do you do anything about this? Help others? Motivate? Inform? Why? You don't have to answer the questions chronologically; just try to answer most of them if not all in a coherent manner so you can express yourself freely and with no strict schemes. J Hope you can share your thoughts about education with all of us! Lokagirla.
  10. well, virginity is a very controversial theme. i personally dont care much either about the concept itself. i am not physically a virgin, i probably broke my hymen a long time before back when i was little... probably with a tampon when there was no lubrication... i dont really know and i could care less. now, to give yourself to someone sexually, thats another thing. i strongly believe you should only have sex with someone you have feelings for and not just for pleassure and a wild time *im gonna say it like it is... for that you can masturbate or just get fingered or something*. when you decide to take the physical step it's because you really care for and trust that person whom youre with. i mean, when youre fingered, are you no longer a virgin? if you look at it in the society imposed religious perspective youll surely say "no, im no longer a virgin"... and so what? i dont think virginity determines who you are and your feelings. it doesnt say if youre an easy one or a proper young lady. it doesnt say if you have respect for your own body. having sex is something completely natural. laws exist of course protecting minors because government doesnt want a society having sex everywhere at all times? why if it's natural? i'll tell you why, no money to handle overpopulation, no time to handle more crime... but im getting off the subject here with my wild ideas. about the condom, just think about it???
  11. the morrigan is right. try to get the less contact possible. a friend of mine had a similar situation. he had an off&on relationship with a girl.. christ... he thought she was THE one. constant contact just made him hurt over the whole situation. she went to study to the US and he sacrificed himself to study there also just to be with her. eventually stuff really started to die so he ended the semester and came back to puerto rico. she would call him even after she had declared a final decision over the breakup. she came to visit to puerto rico already separated and yet they slept together. he tried, but he still had feelings for her although she had none but regret regarding the event afterwards. he went to psychologists and all of his friends including me tried to convince him that she was wrong for him... besides ... she was even using drugs in the end and wasnt really showing signs of wanting to do better in anything. he is such a great guy... he smokes a lot... but hes a very cool boy, funny and spr smart. he didnt have to let go of his life for a girl that didnt deserve it. but you know, like they say, you can take the horse to the river but you cant make it drink the water... it wasnt until he got hurt many times that he on his own discovered she was just not right. she was doin him everythin but good. so there, he bumped his head many times... maaany and it took him almost a year to get out of this. he disconnected his cell phone for a while then connected it like after 2 months. i called him yesterday and he told me she had called him and hanged up. he responded the missed call not knowing who it was and she answered... he didnt recognize her until she finally said "you dont even remember me?" so he just sent her to hell and hanged up. i really think she deserved it for driving someone nuts with her own insecurity problems. she should start workin on her relationship with herself not go around ruining people's lives. so there, she sent him to hell many times before... it was his turn... and you know what? he felt relieved he did so. time will make you heal and see things clearly so that you can realize that what you feel for that person is nothing but regret for the past... it is the present... and there is no future with her... but who cares about what i tell you? you probably need to bump your heads a few times...
  12. hey, i had a similar situation once. it is common to have SOMEONE in the group who does not cooperate. i once had to do a lab for chemistry class. it was in partners, they always are. and so, my only partner... she didnt do anything! she didnt even remember and spent the whole weekend doing i dont know what. i didnt want to call her expecting she would go online on msn or call me instead. when the day came to hand in the lab papers i had done all the work and so i gave it to the teacher. the girl was throwing a party that friday for her fifteenth birthday. it was in a hotel cause here in puerto rico the fifteenth birthday is what the sweet sixteen is to americans. i could care less and just when i was to hand it in she came to me with the "im sorry"look on her face. k, so im not that mean, i gave her the opportunity, her name was also in the paper. she showed she was regretful and i knew she would do it anyways. she told me to hand it in and tell the teacher to give individual credit. with this attitude i decided to give it in as it was with both names. u see, it would not have been wrong either if i had handed it in with my name and telling the teacher to evaluate the work individually. it would have been fair. but i guess it's a more personal decision. i took my decision based on the idea that she would learn her lesson, because we forget stuff... and eventually the same thing happened to me... only that my partner reminded me early enough to work on the lab papers... i had not brought my lab notebook with me for the weekend and i had to totally depend on her information! do to others what you would like people to do to you. but you know, if my 2nd partner had not given me the chance i would have accepted it as something fair also. so give it some thought, it is fair for you to take any of the two decisions, but make sure no one is taking advantage of you either. if your friend doesnt know how to hold a professional grudge out of the relationship, then she is NOT being mature, for she is not taking responsability of her actions.
  13. once a dermatologist told me that for the bikini line i should shave using hair conditioner and it worked. later i discovered lotion hair remover like Nair and thats what i preferred. at least for me there are no more irritations after being shaved. you know, temperature is also a factor that causes irritations. some girls i know shave completely, i dont know how they can stand it because pub.ic hair was put there for a reason. it helps protect the area from stuff somehow. a ginecologist would never suggest shaving completely to a patient. i know girls that prefer their partner to shave, and guys who want like the girl shaved completely too. for me, i think that a trim like someone else said is good enough. of course, a super close one if youre picky with the hair thing. but no hair, thats just unhealthy for the genitalia.
  14. you see genesis, all that you have said i've heard before, especially in the school i attend. i've had religion teachers, a new one per year. priests of my religion, how many i've met! and as i grew up i got in contact with other religious communities and realized there is something that unites us all. yes, it is God, thats how we all call it. God=love, then love=God. I totally respect your belief in God and I understand it. I totally agree with the fact that a lack of *God= love, social conscience*, is the reason for the problems of the world. now, i dont agree with the "not knowing enough" part. i totally recommend for people to read the Bible, it is a good book indeed. yes, it is a respected book, sacred for christians, and the torah for jews and the coran, and so on so on. not the same books... ah! but quite the same message. sit down and read all these books. also, reflections made by people nowadays, prayer books, they all convey the same message of love and social conscience. we shall not reject their teachings because everyone knows they hold SOME truth. some stuff we may not agree with, like the holy wars of the muslim. but what about the other virtues that are mentioned? i DO know enough, because all you need to know is your heart. you know, it's not only about going to mass and UNDERSTANDING. so what if you know all the doctrine and understand the reason for certain measures? you're going to die with that knowledge... did you ever share it? thats what i want to bring into view. what do you do for your community? what is a leader to you? how do you use your time up? isn't it better to be where you are most needed? i strongly believe that our most valuable prayer is in our actions. the sacred scriptures guide us, telling us what we know in our hearts is right and wrong! they just make it more clear. some people commit crime out of necessity, lack of education, also! but... can their answer only rely in God? probably, with love, people would help each other more often, and would not even have time to think of hurting somebody else. if God lives in people, then loving people we're loving God. Prayer or service?I say service! Instead of sitting at church praying for hours... how about volunteering in community service of any sort? it helps people be better employees and employers in their daily lives. where is God? everywhere... in the concentration camps???hmm... read Night by Elie Wiesel for that one. Why did the protagonist question God's presense? Because there was no social consience!!! Love, nowhere to be found... and well, Jews saw love as God, thereforeeee God was not present. "Oh yes but he was!" Christians might say.. for crying out loud, do you know what it's like? Those who did not live through the Holocaust, it is fair to say, cannot begin to understand what it was like. And those who did cannot begin to describe it. what i want to get to is that if a person doesn't share your beliefs that doesn't mean he/ she doesn't know enough. some people speak without knowing certain doctrines from head to toe, but they know what they feel as human beings. i for certain have studied plenty of theology all throughout my life... how many years... not that many taking in consideration my short age. but you know what? i find love and union in people when i do things of the church outside of the common stuff. when i do community service without caring if the needy believe in God or not. they see God in me, well let them call love God, that's what He is anyways. God has no gender, i know that one. i mean, of course, God has no face... could they make it any simpler??? God has no gender and no face because people see God in us whenever we do good things for them, every time we are a leader and that's what i've learned with experience. abused children, lonely elderly people, your own family! how many times do you think your children see God in you??? yeah! let's call love God. I don't believe in another life. But what if i did? if i am a good person and i observe all of the commandments i am going to achieve eternal life anyways. so, i try my best as any other person would to get into "heaven," only i don't believe in such place... i will raise my children to be good people not good christians... cause they'll see non christians as non christians see me... atheist... shes missing something... i couldn't be missing anything BUT PERFECTION. we are all humans. hope you got a little of my point now. if you need any explanations on any type of theological stuff regarding roman catholic religion you can ask me... i know. i can apply that stuff and not act like a total fanatic... not saying you are... you just exposed your point of view and i already told you what i think about it. hope others contribute also.
  15. i agree with all self discoverer said. i'm an atheist, but i was raised in the roman catholic religion. i was very devoted when i was a young girl, but throughout the years i managed to not believe in God. i don't like to say im atheist because people might think im like a total rebel or im going through a "stage of doubt and spiritual growth" as they call it. i have no affiliation and i have to say it was not easy to tell my parents i didnt believe in the concept of God. my mom cried and dad, he just said i was "crazy." although we have a good communication, religion is no longer a theme present in our conversations. sometimes i start telling my mom about the things society has imposed on us. for example, once i was like, "mom, you know, it is society that has told us to get married with the white gown and have a nice celebration... i think your husband can be the guy you're with without even having to wait for a proposal... i mean, if he loves you, he has the same purpose of being with you as if he was married to you... why the white gown and not black? why is black like not the pure color? why not beige?" my opinions seem to crack up mom's minds and she just avoid these conversations. she acts as if i was trying to convert her into something, and it gets me puzzled cause she is so open minded in most stuff. i am no longer a roman catholic mainly because of all the contradictions and rules. you can live using only the ten commandments... you can live with only following the law of love. if you love you dont hurt, you dont get hurt. if you get hurt not on purpose, you give the other person the same opportunity you'd give yourself and forgive and go on. if it depends on what happened, then why did it happen in the first place if there was supposed to be love? some maze huh? i study in a private catholic school and i dont go screaming around proclaiming my lack of religion. i get involved in clubs and community service and i sometimes go to mass. my beliefs are quite complicated really. people tell me that my believe in love and forgiveness is God, but then, isnt God just a name for our meaning of life? what are we here for anyways? when you do community service you learn to see that other people are just like you with your same rights and feelings. this is going to sound freaky, but all of us have a genetic code. well, i believe each individual is like a code. we share the same numbers *emotions, abilities*. it is how they are arranged that makes us unique. if we decide to put certain digits in our codes in another order that is our decision. i like psychology... i do think humans are spiritual beings. we're going to die, and what are we going to leave behind? i really like the movie Emperor's Club. religion is never mentioned in the movie, but the meaning of most of my beliefs regarding life are there... well, at least most of them. you can be a big shot, but great ambition and conquest is insignificant without contribution. i believe education is the key to everything also. no, it's not to go all brainy. even religion is attached to education. in the past, it was priests who had all the education, and so they could take advantage of this for their own personal benefits. religion can twist the minds of ignorant people very easily. very smart people question stuff a lot and they seek religions that give them lots of answers. christianity has lots of answers and misticism and stuff. but they are all ideas of social behavior. why get god involved? who is god? a mystery? yes, a mystery says religion. i've read documents, books... there is another really good book: The Chosen by Chaim Potok and its zequel: The Promise. they are about judaism in brooklyn during the 1960's or so. they are great books and they really open up your mind to a harsh reality. to end this reply, and not keep on suggesting stuff, im going to tell you i think religion is one of the factors that divides society the most. i believe in mutual respect when it comes to the beliefs of people. i expect respect. but the reality is that there is an awful lot of discrimination, thats why i dont go around saying "i dont believe in God." some people take it really personal and it's they're bad if they go and follow me to "convert me." im sorry, but in my opinion, that conversion stuff is crap. if you stalk me with your religion you're losing your time. i can talk about god to you, but we're losing time. i think we should use up our moments of life to help others, and so we will be rewarded in endless ways. everything is a chain that connects happiness. my boyfriend believes in god and he admires my beliefs and i respect him for that; i admire his beliefs also. because deep inside, all people believe in the same thing. the ten commandments are a common denominator of most religions. dont let a concept or a name separate you from someone. religion is but a name, god is but a concept... it all depends on how you look at stuff... but i think it's better to keep it all in your head and write it down like chaim potok did, than go around every corner sayind "hasids are fanatics!" you should read those books... you learn a lot about jewish religion and the consequences of religious divisions within them. sorry for making this so long... lokagirla.
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