Hero_99

Good God I can hardly believe I use to write this crap!

I was so unaware of my real calling. I was suppose to heal myself, and I have. The real me is loving and I am accepted by all who see me now.

I want to get people's opinions here on whether I am sounding passive aggressive here. Essentiatially the whole set-up is that I am working in a group of 4 people to create a play in German for a German language class at the University I attend. There are two guys and two females in the group [i am one of the guys]. Essententially, what had happened was that the other guy had wrote a short half page script and sent it to everyone through the e-mail, as a result I promised the guy I would add to it and send it to everyone. Well, I did, I added to it and then realized that it would be chaotic to have everyone try to work on it through e-mail and since it was apparent we could not always meet in person I set-up a wiki on my own website for the whole entire group to have open access to all scripts via the internet and placed what he wrote inside of the wiki. I e-mailed everyone and told them that I had did this for them and they all said it was really neat. However, absolutly none of them, including the guy who is claiming that he is quote " in the absense of most of out group-members providing me with ideas for the script, I have been creating ideas on my own time" ... notice he posits the preposition "me" in this instance as opposed to saying something like "no one has really been generating any ideas to the group," which I actually would not say is entirely true in this instance taking that I have seen him think that he can turn down suggestions for lines to put into the script. Even suggestions that I have made to be put in the script. Plus, we have been working a little in class, although that has not really gone anywhere due to having only a limited amount of time to work together and from absolutly no one really collaborating online on the wiki I created. In any case, he says something to the effect that I use " illocutionary force," like I am forcing him to do something he does not want to do. To be honest, I think he might actually have a point here and that I might be at some fault communicationwise. I did ask him before leaving class one time something to the effect that "I am just curious if you would be able to add all that we have to the online thing I put up, it would be great if you did that so we can all be able to see what is being written." Well, he got sort of a pissed look on his face and said something like "I might when I have time" and has not put jack up in the wiki even though purportedly in his latest e-mail he claims that he has added so much to the script that he thinks it is almost done. Now, I agree I can not make him do this. Apparently he thinks I am trying to force him and that is a problem. In any case, we are suppose to meet sunday and apparently problems are occurring, because I thought it would be better to meet at the library, but made a compromise taking that I know this guy acts the way that he does and needs lots of space to walk around, the private library rooms with computers are really really small. In all honesty I was trying to be assertive and fair by agreeing that instead we meet at the amphitheater like one of the girls in the group suggested and take along a computer and type it all out, so that way it would eliminate having to have one person write everything all out and every note that has been taken afterwards. So, he misunderstands why it is that I am requesting this and tries to tell everyone a computer is not needed. I reply back and say that we all need to work as a group and make compromises, so he gets pissed and writes me an e-mail saying this is not highschool and that he was offended. Apparently this was a continued misunderstanding and instead of arguing back with him I just apologize. Please note that I am not trying to accuse or put down anyone with this. I am simply trying to find out if I am doing something wrong and if I need to correct myself. Please read the following and give me your honest input. I honestly want to self-improve and learn not to make little social mistakes like this. Please read and state your advice, thanks. If you scroll down it goes from the most recent to least recent e-mail content. The person -ME is of course "me" and the person "ROGER" is a pseudonym. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do the exact opposite of what is written above and you should be just fine.

Well, I have seen a few things recently that have sort of dishearted me and being that I am always able and willing to help out a friend, even at some personal costs, I have something very very important to write here that may provoke some people to judge and hate me, and others to praise and love me. I hope for the latter, but in any case, I feel that such divulgions may be beneficial in that I can sense a deeper feeling of where my loyalties lie and who my friends are, much like the seperation of sheep from goats. By all means, trust your whims. It will benefit both of us in the end. Before I begin I am going to make a confession. The confession is that I am not a perfect person. That I am a person who has made alot of mistakes, has lots of regrets, suffers from grief, and to top that all off, I have had overly abusive and emotionally immature people as parents. Some of these things I could have controled and did not know how, and some things I could not begin to control, such as how I was treated by the people who birthed, raised, and were suppose to guide me. To say there is guilt, yes ... and I even inherited it. Indeed, I am far from perfect. I will continue by making another confession. That is that in my whole entire life, I have always tried to do the right things in this world. I have always striven to be a good person in this world, someone who is kind, giving, yet is not a push-over. Also, someone who can be trusted, loved, and accepted. And most importantly, I have always tried to overcome and cover my blind spots, to make my unconscious elements real and to control them. Sometimes I have succeeded in doing this, other times I have failed miserably and with dire consequences. Indeed, while I do try to do the right things, I have failed to follow through in even the most basic understandings of what it means to be good. I have not always been a good person. Even though I am imperfect, unaware, and fail oft to do the right things. In other words, human. I do know a few things though, and these are some very important things. Things that every man should know and do. The first one is this, and that is that men should have dreams, visions, inspirations, and the drive to make them a reality. The meaning of this is simple. This means that men should be constantly challenging themselves, finding new leverage, and seeking advancement and improvements on themselves and in their lives. The second goes similarly, that is that men, in their own strength, should respect and support the same for others and sincerily encourage them to complete their goals. Both of these things take wisdom, maturity, and a deep inner strength that many men lack. If only in our youth we, as men, were we able to understandstand this importance in all of our undertakings, we would not be suffering such hurt, regret, and grief because we failed in our past relationships. Because we were hurt and did not understand why nor understood that we deserved better or even how to get better. Of course, in my younger days I did not always know this principle, as I was just as pathetically blind as the next chump down the corner. I've been haughty, cocky, egotistical, and a taker just as much as I have been a wussy, clingy, giver. Neither one of these things are good, atleast not in themselves. However, through the school of hard knocks, knowing better eventually became my struggle, my goal, and my destiny. To overcome myself and to triumph over my weaknesses. This is my ultimate goal and I have a feeling I will be very very busy, unless the Good Lord comes or I die first, I may never complete this task short of a miracle from God. And I seek that. As you can see, I am also a man of great faith. To help to understand this principle, I should probably state the intent of what I am about to say before I become Bob Marley's Ghost. I want people such as myself to become conscious of their actions in other that they may receive the same sort of happiness that I seek, because we are all seeking similar things. I would not be happy if I somehow had somehow managed to derive the keys of happiness from all of this and could not share it with anyone. In fact, I would consider that my hell. thereforeeee, I believe I have a responsibility to say some of the things that I am about to say, even though I am revealing things about myself that may seem odd or make for uncomfortable topics. My friends, however, will see this as the source of my strength. You know who you are ... As I have already stated, similarly to many people I suffer from grief, hurt, loneliness, etc. I am not a perfect person, and I am human. I also stated that I had irresponsible people for parents. Let me add one more thing to the list here ... I have been seriously and mortally wounded by the opposite sex and have suffered from immense personal acceptance issues. I have a difficult time thinking that I am worthy of the love and acceptance of other, essentially because I did not have the acceptance and approval of my parents growing up [my father was both absent throughout my life and had unrealistic expectations of me that I could never fulfill] and this was further amplified by the fact that on account of all of this I was not the most popular kid on the block. Actually, that was mostly on account of my father as well, because the communities we lived in all knew my father and were scared of him. In other words, I got crap from the neighbor kids on account of my father because the other parents in the neighborhood could not do much against him even though he did some really insane stuff, like walking outside on the front porch and shooting above peoples heads in a residential neighborhood when he did not like the fact that people did things around the property, like walking, talking, playing music, or setting off firecrackers. Things normal people do when they want to have a good time, except some ogre pops up from under a bridge and tries to do God knows what. I hate trolls. I am getting a little off topic. This is not at all about my father, nor myself, or the neighbors, or Good O'le Mr. Bob Jones. It is about awareness. More specifically, awareness of actions that may lead to greater success with the opposite sex. I will even go so far as to say some rather controversial things, like that men who get dumped and cheated on may actually deserve to be dumped and cheated on. WOAH! what is that now? I sense that someone may be tempted to do a copy/paste on that and tried to write a hugh rebuttal before reading the rest of what has been written here. Woah now pardner ... you are being a little too hasty there with the copy/paste. You have my personal invitation to read on and I sincereily hope you do, because it is going to be of some benefit to you even though you may not initially like what I am saying here. Lets move on then. Like many men, I want to have a nice girlfriend. Yup, I do. Ever since I became aware that men can have girlfriends. Many men are the same exact way, hopefully. Note that I said "girl friend" and not "girl friends," meaning that I am one of those one woman only men and tend to avoid the many shallow opportunities to have multitudes of women. This may or may not be a good thing, but that is not the point. The point is this. When I was 14 years old and had my first girlfriend, I became so attached to her, so clingy, so emotional that after she tried to have sex with me for the first time, she decided to treat me like crap and to break up with me because somehow my mother found out I was out in a vacant lot about ready to stick the wood to the flame, and I am not going to explain that I think you get the point. She broke both of us up and made us come in the house for lunch where there were a bunch of guest and many watchful eyes. This event, even though to some of you reading might think that this is silly or that is rather minor as it may not have been an experience which you have shared, had a serious impact on the rest of my life and caused me to literally waste hugh sections of it on account of associated fears in connection to the horrible emotional trauma I faced and had subconsciously associated with women, simply because I just 'wanted to do what came natural.' In fact, for weeks after that I literally wanted to die and was seriously so sick and so emotionally hurt that I became bed ridden and could do nothing but constantly moan and groan and suffer in agony. To say the least, I was immature, I had no guidance, even worse I was given contradictory information from a parent, and that was that sexing girls is inappropiate. This was also supported by the fact that this girlfriend I had purposefully tried to hurt me later by speaking as though she already had several boyfriends [she was totally lying and it was obvious] and also immediatelly found another boyfriend, who she talked about all the time. That just freaking hurt. I suppose justice was met when a few years later she got knocked up, had like 5 kids, and is 200 and something pounds overweight. Nuff' said ... I am just glad those are not my children *shivers*. As far as girls go, I pretty much avoided girls for atleast ten years after this, until I was about 22 or 23. I had a few girls that liked me and ironically a few that also wanted to have sex with me, but I wouldn't because they were actually not the most attractive girls and were also mostly just sleeping with anyone and I became several times the one who was next in line. Don't ask ... However, an important thing happened in my life here [about 22 or 23]. I had just lost alot of weight about this time and was working out. I decided that I would actually try to motivate myself to do alot of self-improvement. So, I began searching on the internet for things I could use to improve myself. I read alot of psychological material and other stuff. The only problem here was that I was actually starting to become more interested in girls at this time as well, actually, mostly in result of the fact that they were apparently noticing me for some reason I did not know at that time, but I sort of have an idea now looking back. In any case, I still had my fears and I still was not able to get a girlfriend even though I obviously had some sort of options with the ladies. As you would expect, I looked for solutions.The solutions I tried I could not say were the healthiest of solutions. At this time, I believed the partial myth [yes, I am saying myth along with partial, you'll see why] that women like jerks and that nice guys are always getting friend zoned. So, as would logically follow from this, I decided that in order to increase my options and make me much more attractive to the ladies that I already am that I would try to become a jerk and not a nice guy. Well, believe it or not, I did attract women doing this ... women who were slightly different in mentality than the ones who were liking me before. Women, who were not only sexy, spunky, and attractive, they had absolutly no problem flaunting their sexuality about and towards the people. I would literally play games with these girls, tease them, tell them they were naughty and they would respond with more of the same sort of sexual flaire. But, you see, I was also still a bit attractive to the girls who liked me beforehand, maybe a little bit more so, but I also lost face with many of them because they were good girls and I was acting like a complete . As a result, I ended up attracting the really evil ones to me. And guess what ... I GOT HURT AGAIN! I got hurt, because the girls who liked me as an had little loyalty to me, and I trusted some of them. Eventually, after almost getting molested by a girl I was macking inside of a church during a church service [HO HO!!! Bet you did not see that one coming!], I found out that she was doing the same exact thing with about 5 or 6 other guys. Not to mention the fact that I lost some face with some close friends because of the way I was acting and also that I was really being an irresponsible loser. And not only that, I may have hurt a few other people when I was off playing games and doing risky behaviors. So, ummm, yeah ... I guess I was not faring too well as a jerk either. Then, of all things, it began to hit me suddenly that there is a pattern in my life. A pattern, by which I was not only allowing my fears to dictate my actions, but that there was a certain part of my self I was not managing effectivelly. I was not controlling myself properly in regards to women and I struggled to know why. I either would cling to them and become spineless and needy, or play and use them like spindolls. This triggered me to do alot of self-reflection and reconsiderations to the goals of my life and what it was that I really wanted to do, and then one day it hit me: "If you really want to have and keep a woman, if you really want to be happy, set yourself some goals, and continue to give yourself some challenges. And most importantly, do what God requires you to do. If you do this, you will have satisfaction in your life and never fall into the nice guy trap of depending upon a woman too much or the dreaded opposite." Well, I guess like many men I am still waiting for my woman. Probably because I am still struggling to become the man I want to become. It is a long ride, but I think I am getting there. I am not really sure if I have changed much, just a little wiser possibly. I got some nice houseplants and some nice artwork now, and I live in an apartment. Eventually I will hopefully be able to find some nice work abroad after I graduate next year in Germany [and before I return back to get my masters degree]. And hopefully, I will be wise and mature enough to make some sort of relationship work. Ohh yeah, and I am still struggling to overcome the Jungian fears lying deep in my subconscious on account of the trauma I received. I am working on overcoming that as well. Its horrible since most men have the fear of death with women anyways, guess I got a double whammy. Best wishes! Hope someone here can learn from my mistakes!

Some of you may remember me, some of you may not ... I use to post here often and encourage people. Well, I have discovered that alot of what is wrong with me and many of my personal problems stem from my matter of my perception. Not only have I had such a hard time feeling like I can actually love people, I have wasted so much more time worring about whether other people like me throughout my life that I never really learned how to actually make friends. My worst fear is actually having to express love to people, I feel that if I do I would be punished or hurt somehow. I remember so many times throughout my lifetime that I have just blatently blown people off who were otherwise friendly to me. I do not even do it intentionally. When I was in school, I was fine. But, I have moved back in with my parents and have been attending some classes at a local community college. I have thinking about how I can make some friends there, but there are not too many people I can relate to; there is a girl that I see there often who attends my church and have been trying to motivate myself to approach. I have not done it yet. This is a problem that I have had all throughout my life. I am pretty lonely and I have been having alot of suicidal thoughts lately. I have tried telling my mother that I need help, but she seems oblivious to the seriousness of the way I feel and sometimes criticises me or acts like I bug her. I can not get help from my father, because he has been abusive to me and I have pretty much cut him out of my life. I do not feel as though these are problems that I can solve myself and I need some sort of guidance, but I can not find it anywhere. Here is something I wrote a year or so back, it might give you a good idea of my history: link removed I know I need help somehow somewhere, because if I do not get it these things are just going to continue and get worse, and maybe I will kill myself. I just do not know where to go.

If you guys do a search on my name, you should come acrost articles that I have written that are all psychological in nature. Some of them are better written than others, yet it's my attempt to understand people in general. Even with my disability, there is very little a person can do to get anything over me.

I never said I doubted God, metallicAguy. I said I was angry because he hasn't entirely fixed the stuff he said he would. If you think I have denied God, then you've horribly misunderstood me. And Jesus, he is like my best friend. You can not even begin to imagine the intricate relationship I developed with Christ, and he has never failed me. People have failed me severely, though I really don't have any interest in being put in a position where I am not getting my needs met and I do not in church, so I am forced to look elsewhere to have my end needs met..

I have a hard time making friends with just anyone. The people that do try to reach out to me tend to have similar problems, which doesn't help at all. All the good girls who probably would care tend to already have boyfriends, which really really doesn't help. Except for the promiscuious ones that don't care anyways and I find out later they have been treating other guys like boyfriends.

It's more than just depression, I've felt this way for two or three months now I don't really have anyone to talk to, except for the school councelor who is getting a masters in counciling and he doesn't always act like he wants to talk about me or has any answers.

I am angry at my father. My father had many good traits, but he lost control to alcohol, and had no appreciation for anyone. He never appreciated me when I was younger, and had no respect for anything I valued. Even to this day, he has been emotionally avoidant of me. It is like he just does not know how to get close to anyone. Nothing hurts more than to know that I never had an appropiate male role-model growing up. I am angry at the fact that my parents had divorced. When I was growing up I needed a stable home environment; instead, I had to teach myself how to grow up while I was being neglected by my parents. I am angry at my stepfather. Not only is he a total loser, he is/was an abusive *******, a totally manipulative selfish *******. He did whatever he could to punish me when I tried to stand up to him. He tried to punish me by restricting my mobility when I was younger. He refused to take me places in the car, and even worse he has told lies to me and even intentionally beat me up once, actually more than once. I am angry at women ... I'm angry at the fact that there have been many girls in my past that have intentionally or unintentionally caused me to be hurt in one way or the other. I feel as though many of them have been against me, hated me even and then had the nerve to feed me reactive BS to try to comfort mewhile they were wounding me. They made me into a mean, selfish, egotisticle jerk, who has had no trust for women and has only sought to take from them because of this. I hate the fact that I have never found a girl that wants to make me feel appreciated. I hate the fact that I have had so many bad experiences with them. I hate the fact that I see many other people form good relationships, when I can only sit around and observe them being happy. I hate being so lonely. I am angry that I was born with abnormal tendencies. I was born with Aspbergers, I have trouble understanding people when they make certain faces or gustures, I say inappropiate things, and I always feel like I should be busy and if I am not I prance around like a restless lion in a cage. Maybe I could have been born worse I guess. I have an above average IQ and have developed more than a few noteworthy talents, but it's still a damper when it comes to forming relationships because I don't understand people. I am angry at God for allowing me to be born an empathy blind cripple. In fact, I am pretty much to the point to where I think that God should either fix this ******* mess he started or shut the hell up with his empty promises. I am not at fault for this sin business, so if he wants to allow people to suffer in result of some sort of salvation scheme, he can kiss my fleshy earthly butt until he keeps the promises that he made to man right after the introduction of sin without any run-around that takes 100s ot 1000s of years. And Satan can kiss my butt even more, jealous selfish bastard ... I am angry at the Seventh-day Adventist church. In fact, I feel like I have been cheated by the church. When I was younger I use to be so involved and serious about attending church, and paid my tithe. Well, what has the church given back to me? It's given me nothing but rejection. Rejection because of who I am and because what the church teaches. Not only has it given me rejection, I actually avoided people and situations be cause of my convictions in the church. I spent atleast 10 years avoiding girls who were interested in me because they were not seventh-day adventist only to find that my local church pastor had to leave to live in Alaska because his teenage daughter got knocked up by some local non-adventist hick. This is a cause of furious anger, and I will take no more of this crap from the church when it comes to forming relationships. I am angry at the fact that I have so much baggage that I am carrying around. It would not be fair for me to bring someone or children into my life and still be carrying around sickly emotional baggage. Either I find a way to drop it, or continue to avoid forming relationships. I am angry at my past. I am angry at the fact that it has always seemed like the world has been against me at the start. In fact, I feel like the world wants me to lose. I feel like no one really wants to accept me for the real me, and that I have to avoid the world to handle living in it. I just want to be accepted, I just want to feel like I belong somehow somewhere without games or living behind costumes or false barrier. But, I don't know if this would ever be possible ... I am angry at the fact that I feel like I have to give up on finding true love in this life time. Does true love exist? Maybe ... I just wish that true love would find me and not these horny superficial two-faced females who only want me for one day out of every month. I have had far too many flings with girls like these and everytime I end up feeling like I've had a really really sucky time. One night stands suck... I am angry at the fact that sometimes I have suicidal thought. Sometimes I feel like I have lived enough and just want to die silently and in peace. Other times, I feel like fighting out my anger and lashing out at the world. The only problem is that if I were to truly lash back out at the world, the world would not tolerate me. I would either die violently or go to prison for a very long time, and neither one of those show a sense of control. One thing I can always say about myself is that I have always had a very strong will and can maintain some very good control over myself; I hope I never lose that trait because I think that is what keep me alive, my strong will. There are many other things that make me angry, and for good reasons. I just hope that some day I can advance past my problems, before it's too late.

Society does not convey that message because it is seen by as a bad thing that gets you into trouble ... The only society that can ever value niceness or goodness is one where people are totally safe and will not have to worry about being taken advantage of or hurt ... This is definatelly not this world ...

Well, you can't fight logic with illogic ... Illogic tends to be the most truthful, though ...

The friends first myth ... I am sure that everyone has probably heard some variation of the "friends-first" rule, possibly from parents, or peers, or councilors, or pastors, or educators, etc. You have probably been told that it is best to be friends with the opposite sex and not attempt to pursue any sort of relationship with them, or to have sex, or to do anything that would stain your satin white reputation for the sake of appearances. Some people look at the "Friend's-first" rule and talk wonders about it, while other despise and hate it. Why is this? You would think that being friends with someone would be a good thing, and yes, it is a good thing ... But, with all things there exist problems ... The way that one person views the world may not be the same view as another persons nor do people have the same life experiences, in the same way the "friend's-first" rule has many of these same problems in that it has not worked for everyone nor will it ever, though technically it should. Let's explore some of those reasons ... Probably one of the most severest flaws with the friendship philosophy comes from the fact that there seems to be little way to tell the difference between "friendship rejection" and "friendship acception." In other words, when someone of the opposite sex says "let's be [just] friends" he/she could be saying "I like you, but let's take it slow" or "I think you are a loser and I think this other person is way hotter than you." Both meanings are said in the same exact tone, and the same exact frequency, and the same exact way. In the former a person has been given a chance that can lead to a relationship and sex, but the latter equates to rejection and is simply a total waste of time. While this remains a source of confusion, people who have been "friendship accepted" tend to push the "friends-first" philosophy more than their "friendship rejection" countertypes, and for good and obvious reasons. This is why the "friends-first" Philosophy has also been responsible for bloating the ranks of the numerously abundant population of jerk ... The irony in this respect was that when it comes to many men who act like total jerks in relationships, they were actually once rather nice; however, from being constantly burned by the "friend's first" philosophy, not taking advantage of situations when they arise, and by constantly running into manipulative "**** teasing attention ******," and girls who see them as "big bother types," this causes them to resent many of their otherwise good qualities. Furthermore, women have a tenacious habit to attempt to soften the blow of rejection by bringing up the point that a certain guy is "sweet" or "nice" or by stating some of their otherwise good qualities back to them in the process. What women do not realize is that by doing this they unwittingly cause these men to make a logic connection between being nice, rejection, friendship, and this actually serves nothing more than to spoil them for any future relationships they could enjoy. All in all, the men who have been "victimized" in this way eventually learn to resort to traits reserved for typical "A" type personalities, either from the impending inexperience or the fear of intimacy caused from these rejections, thus causing the typical jerk like traits that have been so popularized and often encouraged by men who have these same problems. Also, the "Friend's first" philosophy also exist as a balance of control for females; when men allow women that are not related to them and are not acquaintances to be non-sexual friends with them they are allowing them to have control in all interactions on the relationship level they exist upon. On the flip side, men who receive unbiased sex from women are the ones that maintain control on the relationship level should that ever happen. One of the worst problems with "friends-first " has to do with that part of being a mature and healthy individual comes from the ability to form friendships friends with people in general regardless of gender ... Unfortunately,[as has been previously stated,] people who have been rejected with friendship tend to not develop the necessary social skills that a mature individual needs to be a good husband/wife and to raise children ... Virtually, they themselves remain children and conceptually have not progressed past the age of 12 from their stunted outlook. Because of this you will find that many of these people find ways to sleep around, not only to fulfill their own basic needs, but as an attempt to compensate for the fact that they have not been given or allowed the opportunity to grow and mature for numerous and varied reasons. When relationships do occur with these people they are often noticeably and exceptionally one-sided, where one person plays the role of a[n overly controlling] parent to another who seeks a parent or rules in general. In stark contrast mature individuals with were able to maintain relationships with people of the opposite sex learn to replace their own parents by changing their own views and outlooks and controlling themselves from an internal standpoint, where people who have been "friendship rejected" look for ways to control others or to be controlled by others from an external standpoint. I suppose being Friends with the opposite sex is not such a bad thing when you aren't constantly having your man or womanhood insulted, or are not afraid of the possibility of that happening, and can handle it when it does happen. In the long-run friendship is always the best alternative especially for those who have been able to maintain relationships. But for those who haven't, well, they'll probably just give you the finger...

Out of all of you I think Derek has the best understanding of what it was I was communicating ... One thing I want to clear up is that I was not saying that chivaery is a bad thing taking that you arn't doing it for the wrong reasons ... In fact, I think most men act that way for entirely the wrong reasons or because they are utterly clueless and are trying to compensate for the fact that they have other unattractive tendencies, and instead of addressing the problem THEY EMPHASIZE chivalry ... Note that I capitalized "EMPHASIZE" and not chivalry; this is essentially putting women up to an artificial level where they don't belong ... One thing that should also be noted is that when women say they like this or that trait in a guy, she is already assuming that that shadow of a guy has already demonstrated a good amount of strength ... Doing things like opening the door and pushing in chairs is something I think a man should be doing naturally, and not emphasizing ... Basically, they are going backwards by subjugating themselves to an end goal externally and not changing themselves internally ... This is even biblical - If you know your bible history the Israelites fell under the same trap and also backslid and had to subjugate themselves more to compensate, which never works ...