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vfunkera

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About vfunkera

  • Birthday 11/27/1985

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  1. The break up opened my eyes up to a lot of things people have already mentioned, but more importantly it taught me about ME. It was a turning point. Since that day, I know what i want from life, my career, my values, my dreams, my happiness, my girl etc. It was bad and painful, but it completely changed the course i was heading for, and is pivotal to who i am today, and what i will become. When i look back now, it really was a magnificant time in my life, and one that i would never change.
  2. I don't think women REALLY know what they want . J, I also advise you not to try to find out either, such is the complextion of the female understanding, you will just lose yourself. After all, Men are from mars, and women from venus. Just leave it at that. What i do know is that women operate much, much more on emotions and feelings then men. This is no criticism, its just the way it is. Men operate more on visuals and logic. Just be a man and you'll be fine.
  3. Rock, Only you know whether it is the job that sucks or the field. If you change your job, but still remain in the field, do you believe or think it will be more of the same? Or do you simply require a change of scenery? Only last night, a boxer made his debut in the ring after turning his back on professional soccer. He was well paid and highly regarded, but had begun to find his days as a player a chore, and switched to numerous clubs to see if it was the club, or the game itself that sucked. He identified parts of the job that he still loved, but ultimately, his passion for the game was gone. So he saved enough for financial security, and changed direction to boxing. Search for Curtis Woodhouse for more info. Your job is one that obviously provides financial security; and I gather you are in a position where in the long term you could either exceed in this field if you wanted to, or crash if you took time out. Find out first if it is the job that sucks or the field. If it's the job then obviously change. If it's the field, then like Woodhouse, you could save up enough to leave and start again in another industry. Also find out whether the medical stuff is your passion, or just an interest. Do some reading, some research. Either way, above all else, you must do what makes you happy; what it takes to fulfils your dreams, your passions. People's careers should usually be their passions. If you come to realise your career, your field is not your passion, and that it will be at the expense of whatever it takes to fulfil your dreams and goals, then so be it. To balance your security with living your dreams, save up enough to live by for a however long it takes to pursue your dreams, and get going. Your long-term future should be your happiness, your wonderful life. Money is wealth, but not real wealth. I believe that people who sacrifice riches for their dreams, ambitions and goals, are much more richer (internally), successful and happier then those who have grown old and have all the money in the world, yet never managed to fulfil their dreams of climbing mountains, running marathons, making friends, playing their favourite sport, or LIVING. Life is short. I would gladly scrape by and barely pay a few bills if it meant being able to do fulfil my dreams. Shelby, I would like to add something to your dilemma. There are a lot of things- dreams and ambitions- that could also be done even when you are older, like travelling and living in different states, especially when you are rich enough. Running marathon, swimming etc are things you should do when you're younger, because your body can do it, which also why I advise people to them as soon as they can. If your goals are things that you can do when you're old as well, perhaps if you expand this business, and earn enough you can do it later in life when you can afford to do it. Alternatively, you have already started a successful business at 21, so if you quit now and start LIVING, why shouldn't you be able to start a successful business again from scratch in the future, since you already have experience and know how. Choices, choices, hard choices. This is what life is. Make sure you sit down and plan your life, and get your priorities and goals straight, and these choices will be easier to make. Very good luck, vfunkera
  4. TheRock, Lets get what we already know clear. No one should ever sacrifice his or her dreams for ANYTHING. Goethe said the 'things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least.' Every beings ultimate goal is to live a wonderful life. You know what you want out of life, what makes your heart sing, your passion, what you love so much you'd pay to do. If your not going to fulfil your dreams, your life's greatest ambitions, then what is the point of living? The purpose of life is a life of purpose. Hell IS the failure of your life's ambitions. What good is money if you have no 'real wealth', i.e. happiness, satisfaction? Your job is one you do not like, and your life as a result is unmotivated and boring. Your job may satisfy you financially, but its restriction is far bigger, preventing you from LIVING. If you continue taking the path you are taking, you will get more of what your getting now tomorrow, next month, next year and the next decade. Although it is wise to consider your financial security, and long-term future, it is even more important to unite your day with your dream. The richest, happiest people in the world are climbing mountains, swimming channels, working in fields and jobs they enjoy doing, regardless of how much or how little it pays. I hope I have given you that push you've been looking for. Good luck, Vfunkera
  5. I do date many different women during the week (or at least try to), but i rarely get a third date out of them, which also means rarely any sex. If i don't see mrs. vfunkera in her after the second date, i move on to the next chick. Some do still keep in touch though.
  6. There is nothing wrong with getting married early (my mother married when she was 18). But I also agree with annie, that there is absolutely no rush to get married either. It will make a difference in whether you marry him tomorrow or in 5 years. The longer you can hold out, the more wiser and experienced you will be before you commit the rest of your life away. The more you know about him and your real chemistry before marriage, the better the chance of determining how successful a marriage will be! Meeting the parents, and living in the same area/together are all things that should happen long before any talk of marriage and commitment begins to even filter. Don't get me wrong; very, merry congratulations and i wish you all the success and happiness with my heart. However, i interpret your post as a questioning and doubt in trust in your gut feeling (that is, concern about the marriage), and fortunately, or unfortunately, i always side with the gut feeling. Good luck, Vfunkera
  7. Hi mdog, While I really think your best answer will come from someone who has already been through what you've been through, I'll try to be of some help. First of all, whether your gay, bi, hetro, metro or yellow makes no difference, the important thing is that unconsciously you are starting to be true to who you really are, and questioning the point of pretending to be someone your really not. Sounds great yea? Accepting you for you rather then accepting what society, or dare I say religion, wants you to be. Your relationship with your father is one I can relate to and understand, since my father was always out morning, day and night in jobs and I never really got to know him. What is important to hear is that he is making up for lost time, and hopefully if you work on it too, you can build the father/son relationship and have it working in no time. Of course, one of the, if not the hardest parts of 'coming out of the closet' is the possible break down of father-son, and on a wider scale, family relations. On this I cannot relate to and unfortunately have nothing to draw advice from. While I could speak liberally on the thought that they will support you and be cool about it, and even flirt with the thought that a family who doesn't accept you isn't worth holding on to as a backbone, its obviously not that simple, wise, easy and realistic, especially for someone in the 10th grade. Your family should usually be the first to know about you and your problems (i.e. family business), but I think we both agree coming out now will probably backfire on you, even more so having heard how your family, particularly your father, dealt with 'family problems' in the past. Lets briefly understand why we are in the position we are. Unfortunately the society our parents grew up in, and the religious ideas your family (and maybe even yourself) live by strongly, 'outlawed/outlaws' homosexuals or bisexuals as crazy, weird, unnatural, 'gross', 'wrong' and sinful. While we can try and change this conception, it is hard to undo what a particular society has already created in the unconscious, especially traditional and religious people such as your family. What we can do is work on the future and build on today's much more lenient society, so get active i those issues. My advice would be to keep it a secret for now, until you are in a position to tell your family or let them find out and afford to be independent of them, so whatever the consequences or actions they may take, you still have your own home, or flat or friends, or even your sister to got to. In fact, until then you can debate or listen to their conversations on gays and get an idea of how they really will react if and when you come out. You may actually find out they accept gays. A good way to get an idea of their reaction would be to curiously ask how they will react if a certain close family friend revealed he was gay, and what their reaction will be. Who knows? Mdog, for all we know you might even meet a girl in the future who you think is 'hot', and really mean it, and find out you really get along with her so much you consider her your best friend, she gets along and really likes you as a person and attractively, and you end up spending the rest of your life with her! From what you've said, your future shouldn't be restricted to just a guy. Of course, don't take this conception as a reason to repress your desires for men. Just be who you really are, and what ever will be will be. Above all mdog, forget those lost 'friends' for you are better off without them. Don't be depressed either because it is unresourceful. Keep your real friends close to you, and let them know they are special to you. Give your sister a warm hug next time you see her because 'that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost at thing'. Say 'I love you' to your loved ones and mean it. Spend time with your loved ones and cherish the moment for someday that person, those people, will not be there again. Good luck. Vfunkera Oh, and don't obsess and be desperate over this guy! You have a life to live where many people, friends and loved ones, will come and go as you have recently found out.
  8. Hi mdog, While I really think your best answer will come from someone who has already been through what you've been through, I'll try to be of some help. First of all, whether your gay, bi, hetro, metro or yellow makes no difference, the important thing is that unconsciously you are starting to be true to who you really are, and questioning the point of pretending to be someone your really not. Sounds great yea? Accepting you for you rather then accepting what society, or dare I say religion, wants you to be. Your relationship with your father is one I can relate to and understand, since my father was always out morning, day and night in jobs and I never really got to know him. What is important to hear is that he is making up for lost time, and hopefully if you work on it too, you can build the father/son relationship and have it working in no time. Of course, one of the, if not the hardest parts of 'coming out of the closet' is the possible break down of father-son, and on a wider scale, family relations. On this I cannot relate to and unfortunately have nothing to draw advice from. While I could speak liberally on the thought that they will support you and be cool about it, and even flirt with the thought that a family who doesn't accept you isn't worth holding on to as a backbone, its obviously not that simple, wise, easy and realistic, especially for someone in the 10th grade. Your family should usually be the first to know about you and your problems (i.e. family business), but I think we both agree coming out now will probably backfire on you, even more so having heard how your family, particularly your father, dealt with 'family problems' in the past. Lets briefly understand why we are in the position we are. Unfortunately the society our parents grew up in, and the religious ideas your family (and maybe even yourself) live by strongly, 'outlawed/outlaws' homosexuals or bisexuals as crazy, weird, unnatural, 'gross', 'wrong' and sinful. While we can try and change this conception, it is hard to undo what a particular society has already created in the unconscious, especially traditional and religious people such as your family. What we can do is work on the future and build on today's much more lenient society, so get active i those issues. My advice would be to keep it a secret for now, until you are in a position to tell your family or let them find out and afford to be independent of them, so whatever the consequences or actions they may take, you still have your own home, or flat or friends, or even your sister to got to. In fact, until then you can debate or listen to their conversations on gays and get an idea of how they really will react if and when you come out. You may actually find out they accept gays. A good way to get an idea of their reaction would be to curiously ask how they will react if a certain close family friend revealed he was gay, and what their reaction will be. Who knows? Mdog, for all we know you might even meet a girl in the future who you think is 'hot', and really mean it, and find out you really get along with her so much you consider her your best friend, she gets along and really likes you as a person and attractively, and you end up spending the rest of your life with her! From what you've said, your future shouldn't be restricted to just a guy. Of course, don't take this conception as a reason to repress your desires for men. Just be who you really are, and what ever will be will be. Above all mdog, forget those lost 'friends' for you are better off without them. Don't be depressed either because it is unresourceful. Keep your real friends close to you, and let them know they are special to you. Give your sister a warm hug next time you see her because 'that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost at thing'. Say 'I love you' to your loved ones and mean it. Spend time with your loved ones and cherish the moment for someday that person, those people, will not be there again. Good luck. Vfunkera Oh, and don't obsess and be desperate over this guy! You have a life to live where many people, friends and loved ones, will come and go as you have recently found out.
  9. Hello laral. Its great to hear your making the most of single life, that is getting to know and spend a lot of time on YOU, and not sulking or wasting time looking for someone else. Your realization about this pretend self is a step in the right direction in unleashing that authentic self deep down inside you. This pretend self, an image you project to the world, is based less on how you really are, and more on covering how you are afraid you are- that negative self-image. It's a mask, a fraud and a fake that the majority of people in this world live by. Insecurity. The reason why many people are not living the life of their dreams is because they are wasting so much time and energy hiding their negative-self image from the world. I mentioned one of the benefits of a being alone is getting to spend more time on you. It is one of the ways you get to know your authentic self, by being alone with your thoughts, being that person when-nobodies-watching more often, and getting used to her. Being alone is particularly hard for women, who as far as I have noted, HATE it. But it's a constructive thing, not a devaluing thing; as it enables people to be more comfortable with THEMSELVES, rather then rely on materials and objects to that for them for a short while. Indeed, writing these thoughts down helps concentrate and direct your exploration, so make sure you do it. The more time you spend on yourself, the more you will get to know that true self. Every morning, take a moment a to daydream, to imagine yourself next to that authentic you. The you that is loving, powerful, assertive and true. Not a fake. The one who is your subconscious. The one who always makes a comment or a thought through out your day, the sort of comments and thinking that you usually keep in yourself. The you that usually comes out when you're drunk or high. Imagine the real you standing in front of you now. Watch her actions, her aura, her handling. Look through her eyes, breathe through her nose and think what she thinks, say what she says. Remember this through out the day, for as you think you shall become! The more you align your self-image- the imagination and perception of who you truly think you are, with that authentic self, the more rewarding your life will be. The better you feel inside, the better your life outside. While finding your authentic self won't solve life's problems, it will help you respond to life more resourcefully. Good luck. vfunkera
  10. Hey there canukhead. You sound like you pretty tensed up when your with girls. Infact the whole date sounds pretty tense. I mean, you pick her up in your car, drive to a resteraunt, have dinner and drop her home- in between that its almost like your feeling the pressure to speak and keep a conversation going. I wouldn't be surprised if you paid all the bill as well. What im saying is it sounds all very traditional, all very planned out and old. Tense. I mean, your contemplating whether to save what you have to say for dinner rather then in the car. I think you might need to be a bit more natural. Loosen up! Be more fun, do something more active man. Don't force anything. Theres no pressure in dates, canukhead. Theres only pressure if you create it. The purpose of a date is to try the girl out, see if she will make a good girlfriend for you. How do you do this? Take her on a date to things you do for a hobby or enjoy doing. Lets go bowling! Pool! If she don't like it, then shes not for you, simple as. If she agrees, which she usually does, then your half way there. As for the conversations, you should feel no pressure to talk. She should be doing the talking, and make sure she is. The focus of the conversation is and must always be on her! How? LISTEN to her, and talk about her. Get inside her head, hear what she is saying, feel what she is feeling, and get as deep as she will allow it. Why? Firstly, she will not stop talking about herself, because she is the most important thing to her in the world! Everyone loves to talk about themselves, no one more so then women. All you need to do canukhead, is flame the fans and let her motor her mouth. Secondly, you can get a feel for what shes, what sort of person she is, what she likes and dislikes, and more importantly, whether she will get along with you and make a good girlfriend in your life. Silence are natural normal things. But the key is to make her as comfertable around you as possible. That way you will be more comfertable. That way silences won't feel awkward and pressurised. Silences are inevitable. But they will feel bad, awkward and destructive if everything is scripted and traditional, because like that, the whole date is on the edge, under pressure, and when the silences come, its almost as if the date will collapse under it. Good luck
  11. Hey navi, It is human nature to want what you don't have. When you are single, many people die in despair in wanting a partner, girlfriend or boyfriend. That despair usually prevents them from actually having that want- a girlfriend or partner. The same is true when your with someone. You sometimes get the urge to be single, and or cheat. Interestingly, when your in a relationship or with someone, the more you feel you want break or have some time or day off, the more people will be interested in you. Its a crazy world. I think the length of your relationship plays a major factor to those thoughts while you was with her. 3 years is a long time to be with someone, especially when your only 23, and especially when your a man! You time away from the otherside brings about urges to return once more, if only for a night. Many people can't fight, i certainly couldn't, but its great to hear that you did, and for that you have proven yourself a better, wiser, and extremely composed man, so praise yourself! The urge for the otherside may also have been tempted by the fact that you felt it while with your mates. I suspect most of them were single, and if not, then boys are still boys, mates are still mates, and when we get together the single life blossoms, while the committed end just feels like a drag and nag. I don't think true love was the subtext here, although the only person who can honestly know that is you. Three years can bring people very close together, and no doubt she played her part in a huge chapter in your life. But if it was love, my guarentee is that breaking away from her for a minute would never have crossed your mind. I think you will certainly miss your ex, since she has been in your life for such a long time, but you will also miss the relationship because you have been in one for 3 years, and now that its gone temporarily, you want it back. Relish being single again, enjoy your age and your friends company while you still can before another three years turn up! Good luck
  12. hey lonelyguy hows it hanging? People come and go in life, although i don't think it will neccessarily be the end of you and your college mates, im sure they will come and go back your place every now and then. Either way, staying at home watching tv, reading books and even being on this website will not help your cause. Those college mates are going places, meeting new people and gaining some new experiences, and now is the time for you to do so as well. You've said you've tried to meet people and had no luck. No worries, at least your trying, and when you keep trying you will eventually get somewhere or thereabouts. Infact the harder you try, he more success you will get. First suggestion i can make is to get a job somewhere. Anywhere will do. Not only are you going to get paid, your going to meet new mates in the form of your work colleagues, and you will get to meet tons of new people in the form of customers. You will most probably meet loads peole from around your area, young and old, and it would give you a stepping stone in becoming socially active. Secondly find clubs and societies in your area that are dedicated to things you consider your hobbies or a passion. You will meet like people who you will most probably feel like you've known for years, and you will be doing things that you love and enjoy. You've got to build on from there. Get numbers and connections, hang out with them, and meet their mates and get their numbers, and hang out with them, and before you know it, you will be as socially active as you could ever dream of being. All this is easier said then done. After all, talk is cheap. But as soon as you worki towards it and start noticing the rewards, it will be one the most satisfying feelings you will ever have. Good luck!!
  13. Like the first poster said, its his, and commonly our, way of dealing with break ups. I would not be surprised if these girls were all rebounds- usually a short term relationship we get into simply because we miss the ex- but it also sounds like hes trying to keep his mind off her as well, and genuinely trying to move on by getting himself out there rather then sulking at home. Rebounds are not healthy. They hurt you and the people you are involving. Keeping your mind off her, meeting new people, trying to live more without them etc is the best remedy you can get, not only for moving on, but also for getting your ex back. I would say the one night stands are a mixture of both of the above. There must be room to cry and let it all out as well. As long as the rebounds continue, the feelings will still be locked up in him and will eventually come spectacularly exploding out some time in the future in another relationship. What the one night stands tell me is that the relationship between him and his ex was more of a physical one- all about sex, because that is all he seems to be missing, not the commitments and dedication of a relationship. Girls and guys are equal in terms of sex drives, girls perhaps have even higher sex drives then men. However, society teaches girls from a young age to hide it, because women and sex are consistently linked to unfaithfulness, temptations and the devil. The fact that more women are now going for one night stands is a positive change to the thinking that that, its ok for a man to be a pimp, but for the same behaviour, a girl is labelled a hoe.
  14. Hey, Well i don't know any gay body moves and languages to give you in depth stuff, but the first place i know you need to start is to get to know her a bit more. Try and be on her team next time, pass to her, just get close to her, and start chatting, become friends at least. Then you can get a better idea of who she is, and she can get a better idea of who you are. You don't have to come out straight and ask her if shes gay. She can just as equally be a great friend. But she does need to be a friend before you can start to think about anything. Friend or lover though, it all starts from communication, so don't let the next moment go wasted! Good luck vfunkera
  15. Hey Katie, Great to hear your willing to move on so quickly after he dumped you- 3 weeks to be precise! unfortunately from what i've gathered, a lot of us have this dark side to us, i couldn't understand it until i started keeping my distance from my chasing ex- i can't understand it, its just the natural thing we. However, you shouldn't be as angry or worried about him keeping his distance as you should be him cheating on you, especially after you both relocated to florida together. Its a shame but its good that you've found out now rather then months or years after settling down in florida. I think its more good news hes creating so much distance and friction between you two, and you willing to roll on with out much resistance to change is brilliant news. You should start dating as soon as you feel you are attracted to the guy for who he is, not because you see a chance to fill in the lonely gap your ex has left. It won't be fair on you or him. What you might feel for him (EX) has been felt by the majority of members on this website, so don't fret, keep your head and roll on. I also don't think you've heard the last of him. If my bet was on anything, you keep this up and he will be back to you by the end of February. Until then, just try and remember what hes put you through, and make sure you've learnt from it so you can give him, and any other guy who back stabs you an answer straight away! Good luck, vfunkera
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