its your life

wow, you sound like a gem all confidant and honest with your feelings! Heck we'd prolly click if we met! Keep up your great attitude and forward approach. Sure guys want to hunt, but some of us appreciate an honest girl that doesn't play games. I don't know how old you are but men do grow up! Keep being you and eventually Mr. Right will see you as perfect!

I'm glad you could stay friends with your ex. When I hear certain songs on the radio I too think about my ex. But it gets easier and easier each and every day. YOu think about them first thing in the morning, but eventually in a few weeks to months you won't. Key is you will get over this and eventaully the thought of your kiss will be a good memory that won't have this effect on you.

Hey Buddy. it seems like she is "moving on" in a sense. Not talking for on average 2 weeks even with a busy schedule equals a 40 year old marriage! The spark should still be with you guys at this age. And she is your finacee so that is HUGE! I would make sure you take care of yourself. Go out and meet new people, get some new hobbies and show you can stand on your won two feet and might be too busy to call her for change. Her interest level is low it seems so you need to get her interest back. Even if this doesn't work out, you can be happy that you were true to yourself and didn't play Mr. Puppy

You can't get into a romantic relationship with someone that doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them. Things always go wrong with "why didn't you get me as much for MY birthday" and "lets spend more time with me not your friends". If you just be with someone because you need to be around people then you are selling yourself short. There is someone for everyone out there!

Dude, I'm happy that you are the mack daddy in your area. It seems like you like both ladies and they both seem to offer something special to you. I agree why do you have to choose one girl right now? Give the 2nd girl a chance first since you seem to have this "special attraction" to her. See how it is. If things go well you can see if you still have feelings for the first. Being someone's friend is not a bad thing, so at worst you made two friends!

I could and I would! hehe Give it some more time. There are romantic guys out there that know how to plan exciting evenings

you need to talk to him and let him know things are not what they seem. Sometimes good guys will take no arguments as a sign the relationship is going very well and the lady is happy. How long did it take for you to lose interest in your exs? I agree that you need to spice things up, go for a road trip, do an all-nighter, but find a way to rekindle your initial passion for your partner! Good luck, but make the guy aware of this...

Been there, done that. You have to do what is best for you......Even if it means knowing she'll hurt more without many friends. She did what was best for her in dumping you, so don't feel you owe her any special privledges. I loved my girlfriend too before she broke up with me, but if she really needed you she wouldn't have left in the first place. Give her space and let her be her own person. My girlfriend too wanted to be friends (and best friends) right after we broke up and I told her I can't do that right now. You need to step back and see what's best for you. So distance yourself from her (even if it hurts) and pick up some new hobbies, new friends and put yourself back together. She will see this, respect you for this and maybe down the road something will work out! Things do get better. That one thing I never thought possible, but you will survive and be a good indivdual.

What a story. I wish I was on this site back in August to chime in on these posts. But good turn of events don87gn, it seems like you have really learned from this. From her e-mail it doesn't seem like a relationship with her would be worthwhile right now. She seems very bitter and probably regretting leaving you now that she has tested the waters. Seems like you are having fun with your friends and such. Keep it up and if she truly feels sorry for what she did she will find something unbelievably creative (singing telagram, personal visit) to prove her love. Settle for nothing less.. How did this turn out?

I recently got out of a similiar sitatuion so I can try and help. In this instance you have to look out for yourself. You love this girl, but she isn't sure if your love is true love. Women and men alike all have doubts on whether "the grass can be greener on the other side". You obviously still have STRONG feelings for her. (As I bet she does for you). My advice would be to give her space to deal with things on her own. You have 4 years of relationship together so she isn't going to forget you and things will not be normal without you for quite some time(maybe even a year). I know it hurts not being able to talk, if nothing else you're used to it, but she will respect you for not interferring and you are showing her how much you truly care for her in the long run. So give it sometime, she will probably come to you when has figured things out. Go out and enjoy yourself, make new friends, find new hobbies. If it is meant to be, love will find a way!

20bean, very interesting story. How old are you guys? You bring up a good point(being her first boyfriend) that she may not know herself and what her feelings really mean. Lots of women subscribe to the "what if" reasoning. "What if" someone else could be better for me - be more right for me. Especially for women going into their first relationship where they find out how they want a man to treat them. Yet, there is no doubt that you have a solid foundation here which is a major plus. Your ability to communicate feelings is a strength and I think you need to tap that more here. You cannot stop your growth as a person as your partner waits to figure out your feelings. Wait, but don't blindly wait, for she might say friends is all she wants in the end. I am a believer that if it is meant to be, love will find a way. So if you can continue to be with her in this waiting period, do so and have your usual fun. But be weary of what is best for you.

How old are the people involved in this situation? Mind games are a terrible thing when seriously considering a relationship. Problems arise when one person wants more from a relationship than the other. I agree completely with marcusoteroman, that by talking to the girls will show their true colors. If they know they have you on their leash and can get away with just about anything then you are in for a rough time. If you like a girl, just go up to her and talk to her and have fun.(I know sounds simple, but most guys are too afriad) Don't compromise who you are or seem to "puppy doggish." Be yourself and things should eventually click. You'll know soon if this girl is after your heart and attention or just looking to screw with you... If you notice her acting different around friends than you can probably bet she is not one for you and move on. I watched a 90210 episode this weekend and they had a scene where Brendan's father said to him that "you'll have plenty of women break your heart, but eventually one won't." You gotta hang in there...

From what you've written it seems as if this guy might be willing to make a relationship out of this. How often do you guys "get together?" Most guys won't put that much effort into a booty call relationship so the daily calls either shows he is seriously desperate to get some action and he is reassuring his situation or he is slightly confused(moving into a new town will do that, and looking for a job definitely) to properly handle your situation. I would say call him up and set plans for you guys. Yeah I know, have the girl make initial plans is probably scary, but might just be the shakeup to see this guys cards. Then just talk to him and figure things out...

Dude, Just take a step back and relax. You will get with a girl. Sometimes we as guys try too hard to impress a girl and wonder what it is women like about guys and then emulate that in ourselves(Brad Pitts hair, his body etc..) But what women truly like is a confidant guy that has his own ideas and interests. When they see you happy with your life they will want to join it. Then, my friend, things will work out!

Nice, caring and fun guys exist!!!! (Honestly just getting out of college I thought the opposite, there are no women that want a committement other than hooking up[must be the 90s girl thing])! You'll find the right guy soon. Maybe take a look at where you meet these guys. If you go to frat parties or clubs, traditionally "hooking up" places then you are setting yourself up for hurt. Try going to a sporting event and you will meet some good guys!